Julie in CA
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Posts posted by Julie in CA
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Laxmom, slips are difficult to find anymore.
Walmart. Not fancy or luxurious, but they do the job. My dds say that slips are out of style. I remind them that classy dressing never goes out of style. :rolleyes:
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Come on, people, we're talking about PIZZA here... not just some ordinary mortal food.
Pizza is a Super-Food, and as such, deserves special rules and consideration. :D
Truly, in order to adequately respond to this, I'd need to know if the pizza was even tantrum-worthy. :D :cheers2:
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I can't imagine having such perfect kids and such perfect parenting skills.
Perfect, well...lol about that one! :lol:
Not even close! But still, NO ONE would get between me & my chocolate, or between my dh and whatever food he decided to put in his mouth. It's not perfect parenting, it's not perfect kids, it's common courtesy, and yes, it needs to be taught. Most kids don't come by it naturally, but tantrums over such a thing would indeed push me over the edge. ;)
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Cannot imagine any of my kids doing or saying such a thing to any adult at any age beyond about 3yo.
Pretty much all the wonderful things my kids have in life were given from my hand, or that of dh. If they didn't appreciate the good things I gave them, but instead complained about what an adult had that they didn't have, I'd feel it was a character flaw that I needed to help them overcome. Quickly.
They are no more entitled to have everything I do than they are responsible for providing for the family.
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Fast Times stands out as the most embarrassing movie I've ever watched. I still :blushing: just thinking about that scene, lol!
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We banked with Tri-Counties years ago. We switched because we have a distinctive last name, and a large extended family. Lots of mistakes with sending statements to the wrong family, depositing checks to the wrong account, etc. This was many, many YEARS ago though.
ETA: Does this mean you live near me and Dangermom?
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I had a salted caramel chocolate cupcake about 4 hours ago. :drool5:
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I like the purple one best of all those choices.
Wait...which one? The lace one, or the other wrap-style one?
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Sadly enough, the no pets in rentals issue is something I had to consider when deciding whether to stay in my marriage. Even if I had wanted to leave, when I looked at rental ads, I could not find one rental that would allow me to keep my dog. She has been my companion through thick and thin, and it would be a loss I don't think I could sustain, to leave her behind. Just as you described, my dog sleeps. Wakes up to follow me wherever I am, and then sleeps some more. I'd be glad to pay a substantial deposit, but still, no pets allowed. :-(
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So, the filling, specifically. More pudding-ish? Or a little lighter but still super-rich, like mouse?
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I'm trying to pick a MOG dress right now too, and time is running out for me. Not trying to threadjack, but I could use some help too.
I think that this is the dress the MOB picked out, in eggplant color:
http://shop.nordstro...&resultback=200
I tried this one, but when it came it wasn't blue *at all*. It is definitely purple. Looks nice, but the color is maybe a little bright for me (blue would've been perfect on me) and the lace is kinda...shiny.:
http://www.onestoppl...2304-19241-1132
I also tried this one, which fits like a dream, but I just can't do sequins (the wedding is during the afternoon):
http://www.dressbarn...s/101302875/206
Now I'm thinking of trying one of these two. The color on the darker blue one (capri blue) would probably look better on me, but the wedding colors are fuschia pink and green, I think. A brighter color, like the purple one, would probably be better:
http://shop.nordstro...-Rich Relevence
http://shop.nordstro...-Rich Relevence
I *love* this one, but the $ is a little high, and I'm sure I'd look better with sleeves (pudgy shoulder/upper arms). It's maybe a little too much for the afternoon, but I think it wouldn't be too out of place:
http://shop.nordstro...40#BVRRWidgetID
ETA: Just noticed that this one is sold out in my size (16w)
Would someone please just help me get this over with? :001_unsure:
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I realize there may be a variety of opinions about "perfect", so I'm just looking for what *you* think makes chocolate cream pie perfection.
I need a description of the crust, the filling, topping, garnishes, etc.
Thanks!
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Funny, but I can't remember either.
The only one I know for sure about is my youngest. She's 14 now, and she still calls me "Mama" as she always has. <3
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Whew! I think I'd better correct some misconceptions. Some of them I probably created by my phrasing, or lack of clarity, or...honestly, a little mental fog on my part, once in a while.
My husband absolutely is *not* threatening suicide, and he never has. At the same time, he is (or was for nearly 50 years) a man who has always been deeply committed to right and wrong. This is not a man who has had trouble staying faithful and honest over the years. It's new, and completely out of character. There is absolutely no way that he could do what he did and not be racked with guilt, even if his addled brain is doing it's best to compensate with huge doses of denial. The therapist is probably right that he will not be able to hold on like this for very long, and to be perfectly honest, I don't have the impression that the therapist is worried so much for my husband, as he is concerned for my wellbeing if that should happen.
My decision to stay for now is absolutely *not* based upon an idea that I might be able to save my husband, or help him heal, though that would be a happy side benefit if the Lord chose to bless me with the ability to help. The decision is *absolutely* based upon what I see as the best for my kids at this point. If I can do this, it will indeed be the most self-sacrificing thing I'll ever have done, though even I freely admit that tomorrow or next week or next month, I may decide I just can't see it through. I'm not foolish enough to believe that this is the best thing for me, but it may well be the best for the other people I love. I will either find a way to be more at peace with my situation, or the situation will have to change. I just need to hold out with the pain & despondency at this particularly difficult level until I can figure out a way to be okay with this plan, or until I give up and get out.
I have reasoned out my thought processes with the therapist, and explained what I see as my choices, and the pros & cons of each. The therapist has commented that my logic does seem sound, and that my personality & values are such that it might indeed be a valid choice for me. Not an easy choice, by any means, but still a valid (and not *completely* unhealthy) one.
As for the possibility that I'm still being lied to, I COMPLETELY know that it's not only possible, but LIKELY to be the case.
I have considered that. If he takes up with the {insert all of the most denigrating terms you can come up with} again, then so be it. I will not give up more of me or my children for him, and I will consider my charity towards him to be fulfilled. At that point, it would clearly be better for my children and I to make a happy home together somewhere else, and I would not hesitate to do so in that case. There are some things in place to help me know if he's seeing her. It's not 100% foolproof, but there's an extremely high likelihood that I would know if he returns to the affair, and my knowledge would not be based on his word. If he goes back to it, I WILL find out. You'll have to trust me on that one. Technology, in this case, is my friend.
I'M ABSOLUTELY NOT STAYING BECAUSE I'M TOO WEAK OR AFRAID TO BE ON MY OWN. I'm not yelling, but I want you all to hear that loud and clear.
Leaving would definitely be the easier course, and I'm not staying because of a self-esteem issue that makes me believe I don't deserve something better than this.
I deserve better. I know that to be completely true. I've been on the board here for a long time, and some of you probably know my personality/character fairly accurately. I like to take the high road. I like to reach down and find whatever noble part of me exists, and present that to the world as a gift of sorts. One of the things about this choice that I really, really like, is that it's completely in line with the best part of my character. I like doing hard things, and being better than I think I can. This is *that* in action, and I'm secretly (obviously not secret any more though) delighted that though they've taken a lot from me, I'm still me. The me who would take the high road, whatever I perceive that to be. I know many will not understand why I would possibly do what I'm trying to do, but I know most of you will probably be able to rejoice with me, that I am still, in most ways that matter, the brightest, shiniest, strongest version of myself, even if I falter in my resolve sometimes and slip into despondency. Hopefully the depression & lowness pass, and the road smoothes out before me.
I have been up front with the therapist about everything except the *depth* of the despondency.
I love to be strong. I'm unhappy that it's not clear whether my strength and faith can carry me through this. I have never before found something that I thought I might not be able to muscle through, and it's a foreign experience to me to need help in the way I need it now. I like to analyze problems and find solutions, then cross it off my list. That's just not working for me now, and I'll have to cultivate a different skill set in order to learn to rely on other people a little. I agree that I will have to be more honest with the therapist, so that someone neutral can be the one to gauge whether I'm still okay and able to continue on this road (or not). It really is stupid to pay for the help & expertise, and then not use it. I'm going to try and do better with that.
I still appreciate your prayers, even though I know some of you are weary of hearing my story and not seeing me take the actions that seem the most logical.
I get that, and you may be right. Time will certainly tell.
For now though, thanks for being my friends. Because you have the choice to read it, or not, and the choice to respond, or not, I feel completely at peace with accepting your kindness. Thank you all so much.
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Julie, you sound clinically depressed. :grouphug: This is understandable given your situation. It would be very wise for you to be evaluated for antidepressants by your physician. :grouphug:
Wellbutrin is already on board. I shudder to think what this would be like without. I should probably check to see if the dosage can be increased though.
Thanks for the reminder.
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It may be that people would be willing to hang out with you, to listen, etc. but sometimes we're afraid to impose by asking. But you sound like the kind of person who would come alongside someone if the situation were reversed. Do you know anyone like you?
Well, actually, that's probably part of my problem. I know no one who has time to hang out with me. I know some who would if I asked, but I'd never feel comfortable inserting myself into the schedule of someone whom I know really has no time to spare.
I long for something just a little fun. An hour or two of respite where I can try to remind myself that there might be life after this, after him.
The times when I feel the best are the times when I'm not in this house, where every single item right down to selecting each 2x4 of the framing was something we did together over the past 25 years.
I just need to figure out how to live a life *where I am* that feeds me a little, while still keeping the family intact enough to provide what they need as much as I can. If it falls apart tomorrow (and I concede that it's almost a certainty that it will), I won't feel I've made a mistake in trying.
-But you're right, I need to build some support into my situation. Paying a therapist $100 per 50 minutes so that I can feel like someone cares without my having to impose upon them isn't the best choice. I do see that.
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Gently...
Please don't take this as me thinking you haven't thought it through - I'm sure you have. The reality of 2-4 years is much longer than the thought of that amount of time.
I know. :sad:
I've decided what I think would ultimately be the *best* choice, but I concede that it is anywhere from hard to nearly impossible.
I'm trying it anyway.
Still, I've been very clear with myself that I'm gonna let myself off the hook without guilt if I just can't get through it, or if the thoughts that life just isn't worth it become more pervasive. Judging when I've reached a level that is dangerous is the hard part, and my answer to that seems to be different at any one moment in time. Right at this moment, I'm ok. Yesterday at about three in the afternoon, sooo *not* ok that I was a teeny-tiny bit scared.
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Is there any way you can convince him to go for a neurological evaluation?
Not in a million and one years. :sad:
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does the person he sees understand the state of your relationship?
He doesn't see anyone. This is an MFT that we saw briefly together at the beginning of all of this. I still go. The therapist does understand the situation. He seems worried that dh's shell might crack one day, and has told me to be watchful.
I have not told the therapist how despondent I frequently am at this point, and I don't want to if it means he might feel like I need intervention in a more assertive way. Still, I'm a bit worried and a bit embarrassed about how often it pops into my mind that it would be lovely to leave this world behind.
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If I make it with a reservoir of melted butter in the middle, my kids love it.
Just the term"reservoir of melted butter" has me lovin' this dish already!
Surely butter is the answer to all of life's problems. Right? :thumbup:
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I'm ok. Mostly.
The therapist has let me know that he considers my...husband (?) guy who lives in the house (?) (yes, he's still here)...to be a candidate for suicide, and that I should be watchful. The man I've been married to for 25 years is well and truly broken inside. He holds it together in public (mostly), though it's clear to everyone that it's a false appearance of everything being ok.
I have been very careful not to mention just how often I think about how much nicer it would be to permanently end the pain, because, as another poster mentioned, I have such strong obligations to other people that I could never take that way out. I'm...distressed about how often I consider (and reject, btw) options though. I don't want to mention it to the therapist, because I really don't want to end up in the position of having him feel he needs to take action. Wanting to be dead, thinking about how it could happen, and deciding to do something about it are very different things, I think. Probably.
I have chosen a nearly impossible course, one in which I protect everyone but myself. I'd like to think I am strong enough to carry out my plan, but very often I think that I Just. Can't. Do. It.
I have great reasons. Stay put for 2-4 years, expecting to get out when youngest dd isn't so reliant upon us. During that time, I'll be able to take care of her (and older dd), take care of my completely broken (but also hard-hearted, sadly) husband, get him and the family through the bankruptcy and loss of the farm that is still looming, and have that time to better prepare myself to be self-supporting physically, financially, and hopefully mentally. After all, even if we separated now, my dc would still need to spend time with this person who looks like their dad, but just...isn't. Without me here, they would be on their own with him. At least if I'm here, I can help the kids through that.
If, during the time I stay, I'm able to help my broken husband heal, all the better. I'm not holding my breath though, because I truly do not see that happening. He's clearly emotionally ill at this point, and is having some...not sure what the technical term would be--cognitive impairment? He's having difficulty with regular things like decoding words, memory issues, etc. He truly doesn't remember his inappropriate actions with that young woman, and it's not just him trying to pull one over on me. He's clearly drawing a blank if anyone mentions it at all.
I would like to help him inasmuch as I can (especially if it will benefit my dc). I hold it together when I'm in public, and I hold it together (mostly) when I see the therapist, because when I'm there I can feel like someone cares if I'm sad.
The man I married could never *ever* have watched me in this much pain and behaved coldly. He's not just making poor choices, he's just truly *not able* to do any better at this point. That phrase, "The lights are on but no one's home"? Yeah. That's him. It's so sad. He's absolutely one of the best people I've ever met. Heart of gold. At least, that's how he *was*. Now he's just a shell, albeit one that still has my heart and is able to hurt me so deeply that I'm not sure I can make it through this.
I have some REALLY great reasons to try to stick this out for a while. They're all noble reasons. They're all "take the high road" reasons. I don't think I will ever be sorry for having tried to do the best thing for my kids, and for the man who 25 years ago I promised to love in sickness and in health. I don't have to stay forever, I just have to make it until I've taken care of those really important things. I realize it looks like I am making some colossal mistakes, and that I'm making a choice which may or may not turn out to be foolish in the end. Y'all will just have to trust that I've weighed the options and I don't think I'll be sorry for trying this, but I know myself, and I *will* be sorry if I don't try to make the best of what is right now.
So, am I ok? Maybe. I don't know. Today is over and I'm still breathing in and out. That's a win, at least on my scoreboard.
Tomorrow, who knows?
If you're a pray-er, thank you for doing so. I'm not feeling as close to my faith as I need to be, so I appreciate those who are doing the praying *for me*, since I'm failing a little bit in that regard.
Thanks also for the hugs. There are very, very few of those in real life these days, and sometimes I crave it like I crave my next breath.
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(Just wondering...)
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http://www.tasteofhome.com/Recipes/Easy-Colcannon?keycode=ZFB0313
This looks yummy. I've never tried Colcannon, but it sounds like something I'd like!
On another note, I made this today:
http://www.tasteofhome.com/recipes/chocolate-guinness-cake
It was really good. :drool5:
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The title says it all.
Help QUICK! My skirt is clinging to the back of my legs. I've never had this problem before - must be the kind of fabric.
in The Chat Board
Posted
Well, that's not good! Our local Kohl's also has them, and it appears that they also have them at Kohls. Com.