You're doing an incredible job working with a special needs child. Have you connected with other parents with similar children and similar issues? It might be one of those times to distinguish between what you think can be changed and what cannot be changed and what is really important. When it comes down to it, the most important thing (I think) is raising our children to be good people. The most important thing they need to experience is love of all kinds (love through touch, love through boundaries being set, love through loving looks, love through patience, etc) and it sounds like you are already doing the most important things. Perhaps leave off the things that are so frustrating for you and find things that he is good at and can improve on, even if they are not essential. Give it a month or two and try again and then reassess. You will be in my prayers.