So pleased to hear everything is okay!!!! :hurray: :hurray: :hurray:

May I ask what the purpose of starting this thread was? From the very first sentence, it was laced with disappointment, then shock, then indignation. People have given you suggestions. People have suggested counseling. You get annoyed, you deflect, you even change circumstances - or at least you re-write your truth. Just a bit ago, you replied to me that: "HE TOLD ME HE DID NOT WANT TO EAT." ( CAPS all yours) Yet, that's not what you said in post 18: ....but he needs NOTHING if he just ate at school. ( again, CAPS are yours.) I can easily go back and pull out comments that serve only top paint the boy in a bad light: I just feel more and more annoyed and frustrated and irritated. I don't know how he is eating the granola. I just know it disappears. .I don't have the time to babysit him and make sure he only eats the foods he is suppose to eat Except for the part where my own son has to hide his food if he wants any. He eats it all. I cant' take all the food out of the house. I provide PLENTY of those kinds of foods. He eats them all and then eats everything else in the house. I think I should have told him no at Taco Bell. I mean, I WANTED to. He eats a lot more than my ds.....Dss never forgets to eat. Well, what I have decided is to leave it to dh for the most part. Except for the part where I buy food for my son....that part I am now dealing with by putting it in ds's room....which if you knew me and what a freak I am about no food in bedrooms...yeah, desperate times here. I have no idea why you think my attitudes about food aren't healthy. I mean seriously. I am not the one with a weight problem. And this was only a few pages of the seven pages of posts so far. So, I'm truly interested in what you hope to gain by bringing this up again as a new thread. What is it you want people to tell you?

Your posts make me want to cry for this poor child. Back from the very beginning of the time you DSS came to stay with you it has been one post after another about how this poor boy doesn't measure up to your DS. Pool parties, friends, food...it's always something about how this poor boy just doesn't fit in in one way or another. If someone was constantly watching everything I do with an eye to judgement, I wouldn't be inclined to even try. This child isn't going to win. If he does eat a salad today and he eats too many nuts tomorrow, what will you notice? What will you remember? I can't imagine being a teen and moved to a new home and trying to navigate a new family culture with a woman who sees everything I do as inferior. Being overweight is hard. Having hypertension is hard. Controlling both of them is HARD! And, having someone watch and judge your every move is HARD! Regarding the Taco Bell visit, you said he 'shouldn't have needed a snack because he ate at school.' Seriously, how much time had elapsed? He ate at school, he came home, he drove in the car with you to Taco Bell - a half-hour, 45 minutes, an hour, more? How nutritious was his lunch? If it's like most school lunches, it's crap. He might have actually been hungry; or, maybe he wanted to share the social action of eating because you were. Maybe it just sounded good at the time. But, it sounds to me like you had already decided before you even placed an order that he didn't deserve to eat. Honestly, he sounds to me like a kid who is eating his pain. And watching every painful move he makes isn't going to help. And, judging him for it is only going to make it worse. What you are doing isn't helping. You can see that. People here are suggesting counseling. That might be a good starting point. Others are saying you aren't his mother so let it go. That is also a very valid point. This just isn't your battle to fight. Before you decided that I'm a horrible person and I'm hating on you, let me share one thing so perhaps you can understand. I am overweight and I have high blood pressure. I know that a huge part of my weight issue is emotional eating. I also know that I have a lot of sensory issue. I seek textures and flavors when I am stressed. But, I am working on all of these issues. My blood pressure is out of control. I have worked with a doctor, switching medications, changing dosages, etc. We can't find the magic combination to bring the numbers down. My blood sugars are high too. I am working on it. In the last 3 months I have lost some weight - not a huge amount but about 20 lbs. But, my numbers are still high. My husband is stationed overseas. We were skyping last week and he asked about the 'numbers.' I told him about the recent visit. The very first words out of his mouth were, " Maybe it would help if you lost some weight." I've been married to this man for 35 years and at that moment in time, I HATED him. How dare he decide that he had all of the answers for me without asking any questions first. He didn't see me- he saw a fat, unhealthy problem that needed to be fixed. I wonder how you stepson views himself when he sees you looking at him with your eyes. My intention isn't to nit-pick at you. I just hurt all over for this poor child who will never be good enough for you.

i'm glad someone bumped. I hadn't seen an update but was wondering if I missed one. I'm getting really concerned for her family.

So pretty. Welcome, Little One.

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That ^^^^^^ is a terrific idea. I was trying to figure out what veggie I wanted to do for Christmas. The only thing my tribe has agreed upon this year is spatzel. The two boys asked for London broil but I vetoed that in deference to a rib roast. It's Christmas, sheesh. But, dang, with the addition of the roast veggies, I will barely have to do any work and I'll have an impressive meal sure to please someone.

If I stopped cooking things my kids don't like, I would never taste a sweet potato again. With six kids in our household, they were lucky if a meal contained ONE thing they liked. (okay, I'm exaggerating a bit) But, seriously, why shouldn't you get to eat things you like? Your cooking the meal. When we have nice dinners that include fancy things my kids don't like I always heat a bowl of frozen corn or broccoli. If they don't like the fancy veggies, they can eat the plain ones. They're happy, I'm happy, and it only took an extra 2-3 minutes in the microwave.

All I know is that we spent days on the phone with doctors, police, and animal control and never got an answer or action from anyone. We never even saw a shot record. In the end, the doctors said that her risk for rabies was low, so she didn't get the shot series. But, I worried for quite a long time. The biggest thing that concerns me is that I hear people say, "Contact animal control and they will take care of it." From my perspective, don't count on it. That's why I think it is imperative to have a paper trail in case something serious does come of it. It might be the only thing that paves the way for a lawsuit should it come to it. In my experience, you can't always count on the 'authorities' to do anything about the situation.

I suspect it's possible that both pets are picking up on your level of tension. I just can't imagine a little dog doing much damage to a cat. The dog will charge, the cat will hide. Eventually, they will both get over it. It just may take a few months. When we first got out oldest cat, she hid from the dog for months. Now, they sleep together. When we brought the second cat home as a little kitten, she taught both the older cat and the dog that she was boss and not to be messed with. Kitten number 3 was a whole new ball of wax. It just takes time for them to figure out their place. I think it would help a lot if you could try to relax a bit and not worry too much about the dog. The cat will teach him to behave. As long as he has places to hide or climb up to when the dog is up to his antics, the cat will be fine.

Considering everything you said he's done to his dogs and about his dog's behavior, I think the time has come to continually make reports when he violates the law. If you know his dogs are aggressive and un-vaccinated, I can't imagine you could ignore the behavior with a clear conscience. It time he and the local police officers meet one another. That said, my daughter was bitten a few months ago. We called the police. They said it wasn't their problem, it was animal control. Animal control said it was a civil matter. My daughter had a hole in her leg and no one with any power to do anything even contacted the dog owners. So, even calling and reporting may not do any good. But, at least you would have begun a paper trail.

I see what you did there. :001_cool:

My first thought, reading what you wrote, is that it doesn't sound like any alarm bells are ringing for me. But, I trust that you are seeing something that concerns YOU. So, that is the approach that I would take.... " I understand that you don't feel like anything is wrong, but I am telling you that as a mother, what I am seeing concerns me and I am afraid for you and the church that I may not be the only one seeing this. These are the things I am seeing.....and this is why I think it is concerning......" Best of luck with whatever path you choose.

Yes, inexpensive and results come quickly.

MIT is my son's dream school!! (He was born in Australia, so almost next door neighbors. ;) )

And, it had Dale Midkiff and that is Never a bad thing. ;)

You asked some really good questions and make some excellent points. I think I understand my position more clearly now, after reading a variety of responses. but since you were so thoughtful in your questions, I'll take a shot at answering. (I'll delete my initial comments and just reply to yours or this post will be a mile long) So, after all of that, here's a brief run-down of how this all started. My state is unique in that it is vastly large with not a whole lot of people. Yet, schools still need a source of funds for their budgets. Many districts around the state school in small villages with a small number of students and aren't able to afford programs that would make their students employable should they ever decide to seek employment on the outside. About 30ish or so years ago ( it varies by district and program) someone got the idea that they could offer an 'extension program' of sort, enroll the students as a distant education student, get state money for having the student on the books, allow the parents to have access to a small portion of the funds to use for their child and keeo the bulk of it to enrich their own b&m curriculum. The only consistent restriction is that the materials purchased with the funds must be secular. Each program has their own little quirks and limits, but that's the gist. This system works so well, that there are numerous programs all around the state that provide similar options. (The first program we used was so 'hands-off' that I never even saw or spoke with my 'contact teacher' for the first two years we were enrolled. The current one we use has more 'hoops' to jump through but offers way more allotment funds. However, I still teach whatever material I choose. My choices are not at odds with the program. If they were and I felt restricted, I could certainly avail myself of one of the many other offering available.) The post came about because I was speaking with someone about the frustration with rules and policies being changed mid-year with a decision not to award weighted credit to college classes after the semester already started. The person I was speaking with casually mentioned just 'chucking the whole thing' and just applying as a 'regular home-schooler'. That got me thinking. And there, in a very large nutshell, is what started this thread. Seriously, why it didn't occur to me that it would be as simple as calling the colleges to get their answer is beyond me. All I can say is I'm old and the mind is slipping. :blush:

I've been very conscious of trying to say, "Excuse me" more often, because, generally, that IS what I mean.

(((HUGS))))) and lots of good wishes

He's 16. He works two jobs, he carries 8 credits at the local University, completes the remainder of his school work at home and with his father stationed overseas, he does just about everything around the house that I can't do myself. Last week he took the car down to Quik-lube and had the oil changed- on his dime, and when it was time to put on the snow tires he asked his brother to lend a hand and they did it in the driveway. A few days ago, he stopped at McDonalds and picked up an unsweetened ice tea without being asked just because he knew I would like it. On Saturday he volunteered for 16 hours at the ice rink for a skating competition and when he got home at 12:30am, he climbed on top of the frig to drill some holes in the cabinetry so I could run a cord for Christmas lights. As far as I'm concerned, he can live here rent free for the rest of his life. I could never afford to hire someone who does all he does! ( Yes, I suspected you were teasing. But, I really couldn't have asked for a better kid!)

Thanks. I like that distinction.

My 16 year old said, "I'm pretty content. And, I'm working so if there is anything I want I can just by it myself.... Oh wait, I'm almost out of gum. You could get me some more." Yep. I bought some gum. After that, I got nuthin'.

Edit: Ack, tried to quote but somehow I screwed it up. :cursing:

So, see if I am understanding you correctly - You feel that a child who has never gone to school, has only been taught by Mom, has only had curriculum chosen by mom, and has never had any one other than mom present material, the child is not home-schooled. Your definition has to do solely with the issuance of the diploma and not at all with how the child was educated. (Not trying to nit-pick. Just making sure I understand)

Hmmmm, if the parent makes all the curriculum choices and does all of the teaching, that is vastly different than replicating a 'public school' curriculum/situation. Can you further explain how you see it? edit- spelling