Mine took shower shoes, a few pairs of flip flops, several sandals (she's at the beach), couple pair of sneakers, combat boots (which she lives in year round), dressier boots, short hiking boots (they're waterproof--we pushed those since she wouldn't take her rain boots), several pair of flats, a pair of black sneakers for backstage work, and a pair of comfortable black steel-toed work shoes she had since she's taking a tech theatre class with lab hours in the shop. I tried really hard to get her to let me buy a pair of duck boots for her but she was having none of it. ? It's supposed to rain a good bit this coming week, so we'll see if she is prepared shoe-wise. She does have an umbrella, poncho, and raincover for her backpack, so the rest should be okay. Note: this is just for now and doesn't include her *winter* shoes---she'll be swapping out the sandals and flip flops for some of her several pairs of boots later in the semester. I didn't actually fully realize I'd given birth to Imelda Marcos! I did push buying some flats after she tore her feet up trying to do a college tour in heels a couple of years ago. All of the shoes she had earlier were primarily variations on boots (almost all combat-style) or high heels. I insisted she have something she could actually walk in that would be appropriate for a dressier/more professional occasion.

We moved my daughter in for freshman year today and I'm curious if she's an outlier. She ended up taking about 16 pairs of shoes! At her age I don't think I even *owned* that many different shoes!

We just did our first drop-off for our only. Campus is four hours away, the move-in volunteers for freshmen were only going to be available in the morning, and she wanted to get there early to get the side of the room she wanted, so we went down the evening before and stayed over. This morning she was 2nd in line for her dorm, volunteers did the unpacking and toting, then we went in and helped her get set up. Once her stuff was put away, we took the extra packing material back to the car and all went to a couple of stores and lunch, then, at her request, dropped her off with a hug in the parking lot. Roommate hadn't arrived before we left for lunch, so we haven't met her yet.

Well, we got her moved in and had a very nice surprise. She is actually in one of the corner rooms, which are about 30 or so sf larger than the other rooms, so there shouldn't be an issue of space over the dual appliances. She just texted that things are going well.

What a mess! Tomorrow is move-in day for my daughter, so we'll keep fingers crossed things go well. We're packing up and heading out as soon as my husband gets back from getting the oil changed. We're staying overnight since it's a pretty long drive and the move-in volunteers are only available in the morning tomorrow. Roommate is planning to get there around noon, so we should have time to get my daughter set up and be out of the way for her family to come in, since those rooms are small for a lot of folks moving around.

Lol, no, they'll both be used for their individual food, since the roommate doesn't want to share space at all. It's possibly her parents that don't want her to share, since she had expressed an interest in sharing partial rental of the microfridge to use the freezer and microwave when the girls had lunch last week, but then yesterday said they bought her a microwave. I just don't get it, particularly in an 11x14 room, but whatever. Since my daughter's is a rental, it's already in the room, so she'll have what she needs.

Now the roommate says her parents bought her a microwave, so guess there'll be two fridges and two microwaves. <sigh>

My dorm room for two years at a private school was a double, 11x15, not sure if that includes the two closets (3.5' x 2.25') and built in dressers, cinderblock. Built in 1961, renovated 2012. Furniture was a bed, desk, and chair each. No lofting of beds, had a sink in the room, traditional hall style double with a communal bathroom down the hall (several toilets and showers, one tub for about 20 girls). We didn't have a fridge in the room freshman year at least, and there was one microwave in the entire dorm in the dorm kitchen (which shows how old I am ? ). Laundry room for the dorm, and we hoarded quarters to do the laundry ? . The other two years I was in a triple (very large, a converted lounge). The room now costs $9,282 per year (does include a MicroFridge and laundry is included now). My daughter's shared room (freshman this year at a different school, same state but a public school) is 11x14' 10", also cinderblock and opened in 1998, not sure if its been renovated since. Beds can be lofted either 3' or 6', no closets (two wardrobes in the room, 2'x 3' each, two dressers, also 2'x 3', dressers usually under the bed), no sinks in room. Other furniture -- beds, desks, and chairs. Communal bathroom down the hall, again for about 20 girls. Laundry room for the dorm, laundry is included in room rate. Students bring their own fridges and microwaves. It's $6,238 per year.

OK, they had lunch and all is well.? Much stress relief for all! The roommate had also been switched at least once that she knew of. Since the school is not great about letting students know if their roommate assignment has been changed, it's possible interim switches were made that went unnoticed if she wasn't checking her portal regularly. They got along fine, have several similarities, including general politics, not being very interested in the party scene, and a similar approach to sleep and room neatness. As we had theorized, she said she's not a great texter, so being able to meet face to face was tremendously helpful. Roommate is math/science while my daughter is liberal arts, so hopefully they can complement each other academically if need be. The fridge issue has been broached and resolved! Roommate has a little cube fridge (of a size to fit under the somewhat lofted beds), but is interested in access to the freezer and microwave in the MicroFridge, so we will rent the MicroFridge and she will bring her little fridge. If there's room for both, great, roommate will split a prorated portion of the rental toward freezer and microwave. If they decide there's not room for both, she will send hers back with her parents and split the full cost of the MicroFridge. Roommate has no experience in living in a dorm-sized room whereas my daughter has lived in that exact dorm with a roommate for a week last summer during camp and has a really good feel for the size limitations.

They do. We're looking at several possibilities: 1) roommate continues not to want to share fridge or microwave, so we rent the MicroFridge for daughter only; 2) roommate doesn't want to share fridge but doesn't have a microwave and is interested in sharing the microwave portion of the MicroFridge, so we rent MicroFridge and daughter would ask roommate to pay for a portion of the rental price; 3) roommate decides she's willing to share fridge, in which case we don't need the MicroFridge, so we'd offer to bring a microwave to share. In options 1 and 2, she'd just use the microwave part of the MicroFridge, since there's not an option to just rent a fridge by itself. For option 3, we already have a microwave that is a hand-me-down, but it's really too big for the space, so we'd end up buying a smaller microwave for her to bring to share. Clear as mud? ?

I agree directness is preferable to mind games. My daughter also tends toward the direct, so hopefully that sort of drama can be avoided. Yes, they can have two refrigerators. At this point, unless something changes over their lunch this week, the plan is for us to go ahead and rent the MicroFridge for my daughter. It's a more reasonable option for our situation than buying a fridge and trying to transport it. She does have a handed down microwave, but it's a bit large for a dorm room, so we would likely have been getting a different one anyway to take. If the roommate doesn't have a microwave, my daughter plans to offer to let her share that if she goes in on the price of rental for that portion of it (so, roughly a quarter of the rental cost). Simply by the nature of the rental, it will already be in place before they get there, as all of them are delivered on the same day prior to move-in. If the roommate changes her mind and decides to share the fridge, we will offer to provide the microwave.

Lol, fair enough! I meant any more than the usual.

I'm sorry it's such a mess.

It wouldn't be bbq around here because it was not pork shoulder smoked for hours over wood, with a thin vinegar-based sauce, then chopped and served with hushpuppies and red bbq slaw (a marinated slaw, not mayo-based). It could be served as a sandwich on a bun, or even as topping for a green salad (my favorite) with the hushpuppies on the side (skip the slaw). Now if he had some chicken (cooked on the grill-- wood/charcoal/propane-- or even baked in the oven or cooked in the crockpot) with a sweet/spicy tomato-based sauce on it and rightly called it bbq chicken (note the use as of bbq as an adjective rather than a noun), he'd have been fine as well, but it isn't bbq. He was grilling out hot dogs, or having a cookout. A cookout could include grilling hamburgers, veggie burgers, hot dogs, corn on the cob, maybe even fish, steak, chicken, pork chops, seafood, or a variety of veggies or possibly fruit, if it was a bit fancier. We've actually grilled half peaches before and put a little brown sugar and blueberries in the hollow. A gas grill is perfectly fine for the vast majority of folks I know. I've heard tell of some people putting mustard-based sauces on their bbq in SC, and even some sort of white sauce in Alabama (?), which is a bit strange ? . I will admit we've had an influx of transplants in the last few decades from various places who've started restaurants that claim beef can be bbq, or put a thick sweet/spicy tomato-based sauce on pork, bless their hearts. ?

See, that makes so much sense!

She was accepted to the school less than half an hour from our house, but without the scholarship or ability to live on-campus, which she really wanted to do. Don't think that your thought hasn't occurred to me as well.

We don't have any reason at this point to think she'd have to worry about cleanliness standards in sharing, but that's the kind of thing roommates have to work out as things arise anyway. Freshmen only have two meal plan options (and it's required if you live on campus) and we've already chosen the cheaper of the two, so that won't change.

OK, so the school says two is okay, so she goes from there.

I'm glad the girl was able to get help. I am not saying that real potential issues in sharing anything can't and don't arise, even among friends, much less randomly assigned strangers. Hopefully the vast majority are much less severe and difficult to deal with than your daughter encountered. Having a known issue like this might well be an argument for a separate fridge with a lock for the other two girls, both to help the girl in managing her condition and in providing peace of mind and peace of purse for the other roommates. I'm hoping my daughter and the new roommate can come to some agreement, even if it needs to go to the level of a written contract outlining expectations for the use of shared items.

Thanks! I'm not actually worried about her being isolated overall. She'll be in the honors learning community, where the freshmen all live in the same two dorms (about 100 beds each), are required to do a freshman seminar together (in groups of 20 or so), work on service projects together, and will be taking a trip to DC over fall break. Her roommate is also in the honors college. Unfortunately, those two dorms are all the shared doubles in a traditional hall style format. Next year as a sophomore she'll have the option to move into the honors wing of the apartments next door, which is set up with small individual bedrooms and shared bathrooms, with 4, 6, or 8 bedrooms sharing a common room and kitchen. I agree that set up would be highly preferable to a roommate for my daughter so that she could just have her little space and be able to shut the door once in a while. It's the fact that all the roommate switching and needless drama have been within this small honors community that has been the most irritating thing to me precisely because they will be interacting so heavily all year with the same group of a couple hundred students rather than mixed in with the close to 14,000 other students. There are other LLCs but this one is what her scholarship is tied to, so I'm not sure she could move into a different one, particularly at this point. In addition to that, she's already made connections with the aikido club (she's been training since she was 6) and was able to train with them when we went down for accepted student's day. She's also taking a tech theatre class so will be involved in the theatre community, which she enjoys. The faculty advisor for the aikido club teaches in the theatre department, which is very handy. She doesn't expect her roommate to be her bestie or be her primary social interaction. It's just that it's been one thing after another after another, and the fridge issue was the last straw the other night. While she's still excited about classes and school overall, this mess has basically drained all the enthusiasm for moving in that was present at the beginning of the summer when this all started. She's now gritting her teeth and looking on the dorm as an unpleasant chore to get through, which saddens me a bit, as she tries very hard to be optimistic about most things. The situation may look a bit better next week after they have a chance to have lunch together. It's entirely possible this other girl has been jerked around in a similar fashion and is similarly wary and weary. I've told her that I had nothing in common with my first year roommate and spent all my time hanging out with two other friends on my hall but was fine, so it's doable. We literally did nothing but coexist in the room. She's actually stayed in touch with roommate candidate #3, who did indeed get to stay in the room my daughter was originally assigned through the initial three roommate changes, just down the hall. It'll be ironic if they end up friends and wanting to room together next year. I have no clue what the school is up to, but they have handled it in an extremely ham-handed fashion.

Yeah, that's a definite downside. I'm as cheap as the day is long, but we don't have the ability to transport a fridge in our vehicle and my daughter has no car, so in order to get one any other way would require finding a way to have it delivered to the dorm, finding a storage option for the summer, finding a way to get it to and from the storage unit, etc, etc, all of which add expenses to the initial purchase price, so that lowers the effective cost. We actually already have a microwave she can bring to share if the other girl is interested in sharing (which will be enough of a challenge to transport!). She'll be eligible for the honors apartments next year (if she doesn't get an RA position, then all bets are off), which have separate bedrooms and a common area with kitchen for 4-6 girls, so I'd just as soon not go through all the hassle of buying a fridge right now. It's a calculated risk that the cost will be worth it. The rental needs to be set up by Aug. 10 in order for them to do the delivery (Aug. 11), so it will by default be in there before we arrive if we have to go that route. Ideally, the school would negotiate a price with the rental company to just put one of these units in all the dorm rooms (as opposed to the apartments), and then just tack a smaller fee to the already slew of fees they're charging. It would save on utilities, enhance safety, make move-in and move-out much easier, and remove this as an issue between roommates and in changing roommates if needed (as a previous poster mentioned). Even if they didn't get a better fee than the one the students are currently charged (which I cannot imagine would happen if done on that scale, this isn't a small university), you're talking roughly $100 per student per year for a shared unit in a double room.

I thought I had indicated in my second post that we all realized we were at a low point in terms of frustration and tiredness, so there was an increased risk of misinterpreting texts, but I may not have been clear (it's been a long week). We also discussed that this girl may have gone through as many changes as my daughter and be equally wary, tired, and frustrated. She's also aware that, as a person of color, the girl may have additional reservations about being placed with a white girl, ones that may not be apparent to us. My daughter reached out to the girl (who is local) and suggested they meet for coffee, which they are planning to do soon. We are all hopeful that things will go well. We are far from the point of talking about shared rides, that was just a "maybe this could be an option to help both families if it worked out" thought among ourselves, as we are 4 hours from the school. By MicroFridge, I mean the combo microwave/fridge/freezer unit that the school rents, not one of the little cube things. http://standardsforliving.com/about-us. Fridge use can be negotiated in the same way roommates have to negotiate music, lights on/off, etc. I shared one of that size with two roommates at once (triple in a traditional hall-style dorm) for two years with no issues. I have to say I never encountered any students who had more than one fridge in their room. The expectation was that you worked it out and shared, along with sharing some other basic large things to save room. I have to admit your post made me laugh to remember the time my little sister decided to mark out "her half" of our shared room that I couldn't come into. Worked great until she realized the closet, the door out, and the light switch were all on my side. ? These rooms are smaller than we saw at some schools. The room itself is basically 11x14.5, with one door that opens inward (requiring floor space for clearance) and one window, which is offset in one corner. In that space, there are two beds, two desks, two chairs, two dressers, and two wardrobes (no closets). The areas covered by your portion of those items are your "personal" space. The rest of the floor space is common usage for both roommates, so it's common courtesy to negotiate anything that will take up much at all of that space (fridge, extra chair, bean bag, etc) because it decreases your roommate's ability to move around, get in and out of the room, move their desk chair, etc. It's not a case of "your half and my half and never the twain shall meet, do as you will with yours." Unlike any of the other items you mentioned, a fridge takes up some of that limited floor space all the time for the entire year, and two (assuming the school allows two, it may not, she's emailed asking) take up at least twice as much floor space, as well as impacting the ways in which the room can be arranged. My daughter lived in this particular dorm for a summer camp last year. There is basically one corner that would have space for one fridge, even with both beds lofted 3' and dressers put underneath. It's possible the other girl may want to loft her bed 6' and put her desk and/or her fridge underneath, I suppose, to make more room, but 3' is as high as my daughter intends to go. If they happen to be in a corner room, there would be a bit more space and my daughter plans to call to try to find out if they are and, if so, the dimensions of the room. If the school doesn't allow more than one fridge per room and the roommates can't come to an agreement on sharing in some way, then it turns into "who gets their fridge in and who has no real access to any refrigeration at all for the rest of the year." Not a great way to start a relationship. You mention how much you valued access to fresh food in the room for yourself and for your children. It's no different for my daughter. She does have a meal plan, but no access to any refrigeration would mean a year with no access to the things your children want fridges for. Nowhere to put leftovers, no way to store any perishable food at all, and no way to have anything but shelf-stable (usually pretty processed) or expensive vending machine food if the dining options are closed, you are sick, running late, the weather's rotten, you're tired of everything in the cafeteria, or any other reason you may not want to trek across campus to the dining options, while your roommate has all of those options three feet away from you on full display, every single day. I suppose it would be possible for the roommate without a fridge to bring a small cooler and constantly resupply it with ice to keep a few things. There is one kitchen for the entire dorm of about 100 students, on the floor above my daughter, and that contains one regular household fridge. Not a realistic option for keeping any personal food, especially not for more than a very brief period. To me, that's a little different than "coordinated dorm decor, a tv, or a game system." Again, not a great way to foster a decent rooming situation. If the roommate continues to desire not to share and the school allows more than one fridge, I guess we'll rent the combo unit for my daughter's personal use, as we don't have the ability to transport a fridge in our Prius V. The school puts it in prior to the student's arrival. I don't know if the other girl also has her own microwave. Unfortunately, this decision has to be made before they get there and once the MicroFridge is delivered, we only have two weeks to be able to return it with only a $40 loss, so there's not as much time to let things work out as there is with something like a tv which we could bring later. I can ask my daughter to check to see if the company will deliver to the school after move-in or only in the one mass drop-off before the beginning of the semester.

Can't totally disagree.

Good point. I'll have my daughter check. Since the girl is local, my daughter has asked if they can get together for lunch or coffee to discuss the rooming face to face. Hopefully that will make things a little clearer than trying to do it over text when my daughter is not in a particularly optimistic frame of mind after all the jerking around the school has done and it's possible the other girl has had to deal with the same. Frankly, we're all discouraged and tired of the whole situation at this point. Makes it easy to misread or put an incorrect tone to texts.

Oh, well, so much for hopes for making a reasonable connection with #4. My daughter just contacted #4 asking if she would like to split the rent of a microfridge and got the reply that the other girl has a fridge already, but doesn't plan to share because "it might cause problems" so my daughter should get her own.<Sigh> Going to be interesting to have two fridges in that little room. Doesn't augur well for a particularly pleasant start to a relationship and I doubt there'll be much ride sharing. Is it bad to wish now they would do one more switch? I've reminded my daughter that there is still the room change option at two weeks if things are really wretched.