Okay see, I was induced both times. Foley bulb, pitocin, you name it. I got the epidural both times not because I needed it, but from pressure and nagging from the nurses. My midwife will let me go to 41 weeks. So Im really hoping I'll go into labor on my own. Which I highly doubt lol. I feel like I'd be one of those 42 weekers. But then again... two "failed labors" really does make you doubt on your body's abilities. Positive thinking, positive thinking.

Thank you barnwife and Melissa B! Adding to my reading list. I'll no doubt be rereading these replies in the months to come! Ha!

Thank you so much Lady Marmalade and Artic Mama! Very helpful and encouraging.

Thank you for the replies. I know I can do it. I know if I had no access to an epidural I would have no other choice. But this will be a choice for me since I'm delivering in a hospital. I just know that when things really get intense I don't want to cave. I'm afraid I will panic. I'm just looking for encouragement I guess.

Thank you Sadie! So many of the things you touched on are big reasons for me wanting to go natural.

Those suggestions are all on my list! So glad to see them recommended. Thank you. Yes avoiding another unnecessary c section is top of the list for me, but I too desire to be my normal self in delivery and after. I definitely have a ton of reasons for not wanting that epidural ever again... I'm just afraid of failure and Of having pain so bad it's unmanageable. Okay im done rambling. Just really in unfamiliar territory right now.

I'm trying for a vba2c so I'm trying to prepare myself for a natural birth. I will have access to an epidural, but I don't want to get one due to fears it will cause a 3rd c section. I'm still in the first trimester but I'm losing sleep and obsessing over the pain of labor specifically transition and pushing. My most recent labor I made it unmedicated to 5cm and I was completely fine but still scared and when the nurse was strongly pushing for me to get the epidural I caved. That vbac ended in a c section very quickly after that. I'm at a new hospital with a midwife for this baby. I'm having trouble committing to natural because I'm afraid of not being able to do it. If I really commit to it I will be meeting with doulas, taking classes, reading and researching, physically preparing, the works.. but right now I can't get over the mental preparing. I tend to get anxiety and I do lots of overthinking. Also, due to needed monitoring I'm pretty sure tub/shower would be out of the question (although I still need to discuss this with midwife-we've only had one appointment so far. ) Okay so, all that rambling to ask. . If you've had a natural birth was the pain better or worse than you had imagined? Was the pain manageable or did you feel completely oUT of control? What advice would you give to someone that wants a natural birth but is scared she won't be able to handle it? One day I'll be thinking "I've got this. I can so do it. " Then (like this morning) I'll wake up at 3am unable to go back to sleep because I'm obsessing over the unknown. I really want to commit, go into this being educated, calm, and confident. I'm not thinking of anything else right now. Help! :) TIA! Sorry for any typos, on my phone.

Just an update... Dr did diagnose ADHD also said it sounded like depression. He gave me medication to try and I go back in 6 weeks. Thanks all.

As for parent history I don't really know... I'm extremely unobservant and really can't say. It's odd. I don't recognize traits I get from them and can't really even accurately sum up their tendencies /behavior. I don't even know how old they are! I'm 27 and just now started remembering my dad's birthday. If someone asks what color my husbands eyes are I have to stop and think and still am unsure. He can shave a long beard off and I don't notice. I remember/notice things with my kids but that's about it.

Thank you for your replies. I've compiled a list (1 1/2 pages) of my symptoms/triggers and hopefully my family doctor will help me get to the bottom of this with a referral or diagnosis. I'm so relieved to know this doesn't have to be normal life for me anymore. I was against all medication originally but am desperate for something now. Hopefully once I get a diagnosis I can explore all natural alternatives.

Thank you for the replies. It feels great getting confirmation that this is not a normal way to feel. Very validating.

Even if it is just me, home alone, peace and quiet to work on a project I still cannot THINK. I don't have the chaos/stress but I just cannot focus. It's like my brain is always on and running at full speed. Like there is noise, even when there isnt.

I'm actually sleeping better than I have in years. My 4yo ds has never slept through the night, but within the last month or so is only waking up 1x a night (to potty). But these symom's go back further than that I'm afraid. They arent recent.. I'm just finally at the point of acknowledging them as abnormal and wanting help.

Also, I am 27 if that means anything :p

The ADHD symptoms I'm realizing I've had my whole life. I never knew about the inattentive type and always assumed ADHD meant hyper, which I am not. But when I discovered another type I was astounded that I was reading about something that described me perfectly. The frustration and other symptoms I've listed have gotten worse over the years but I feel it's because of the added responsibility of kids, marriage, homemaking, homeschooling, church work, etc. I do not know much about the other condition's posted and I will be looking into those. Thank you. I've made a list of symptoms for my doctor so before we mention ADHD he can look at everything together and make a diagnosis. I hope he is experienced enough to make an accurate diagnosis or if he isnt, that he will refer me to a specialist. My mother never had me tested for anything and never suspected which isnt saying much, odd childhood/relationship there. I was just always labeled ditzy, space cadet, airheaded . Etc. I actually have cried a few times since discovering this type of ADHD. It feels so good to know I am not any of those names. I can hopefully quit beating myself up so much. Now I'm just hoping treatment for this will help my other symptoms as well... if they are not totally unrelated, that is.

I'm basically looking at medication vs. Other methods/supplements/all natural alternatives. What helps you the most?

I'm being seen Wednesday for ADHD. I am about 99% sure I have the inattentive presentation. .. that being said I have these other symptoms and I'm not sure if they are brought about from frustration of the ADHD or something altogether different. Im also an introvert. Hoping for some advice. I get so very overwhelmed if more than one thing requires my attention. On bad days I feel as though everything is so chaotic. Today was a bad day. Simply folding laundry while my sweet ds was talking to me felt like pure chaos and was physically painful to my brain. I get overwhelmed/overloaded by sounds easily. I get irritable and impatient. I feel panic/rushed a lot of the time. Very unorganized which again contributes to the feeling of chaos and stress. If I need to repeat myself or talk at all when I'm feeling this way it ca used me physocal pain. Is this related to ADHD? Is it because I cannot multitask and my brain is always cluttered/rapid fire thoughts that I so easily get stressed over simple things requiring my attention? Or is it completely unrelated? I am determined to get my mental health in check for my family's sake and to make homeschooling more peaceful for all. I'm tired of being the cranky, irritable, overwhelmed mom. Any advice is appreciated. Sorry for any typos.. I'm on my phone.

I told Dd I was going to skip certain scenes. She's begging me not to.. I'm still thinking it over. I watched the movie obsessively from the ages of 3yo-8ish and it remains to this day my all time favorite movie. She has been a little more sheltered with her TV/movie viewing, though. So I'm still undecided. :)

I don't mean to keep bumping this thread... but man today was so nice. We got math done right off the bat. We read a library book on the French & Indian war, watched a youtube video, and then I read a few chapters of the Classic Starts version of Last of the Mohicans. Then we packed a lunch and went to the park (we finally have nice weather!!). We walked some nature trails with a magnifying glass and binoculars. The park had a handout/tree identification sheet and we followed that. We stopped for ice cream on the way home and now they are getting ready to help me cook dinner. We've planned a big dinner with dessert for dh. THEN when dh goes to work we are going to watch Last of the Mohicans and... relax! :) (We didn't end up watching it yesterday.) So, technically only 2-3 subjects were covered today.. but I am on cloud nine. If I had any doubts before about drastically changing our homeschool.. I don't anymore. Today we ENJOYED each other and made memories together. Thanks again to everyone for giving me the encouragement & go ahead to try something new.

If anything I have been doing less. Way less. Like yesterday we *forgot* to do Math. Oops. But as far as mental health goes.. we are doing better. I'm not freaking out about being behind or feeling guilty that we haven't opened our English book in about two weeks. I'm focusing on what we ARE doing and we are having more conversations and real life lessons outside of curriculum. We are planning lots of fun field trips once it warms up. We actually did SOTW yesterday (only because my library didn't have much on our topic) and we are learning about the French & Indian War. Dd is really excited to finally start learning about Native Americans. Today we are going to watch Last of the Mohicans and read a library book about the war. Basically I am winging it.. but I'm calling it a success because I have more peace. I'm still trying to figure out what I want to do for next year. I know I need some more structure and accountability.. but we are giving ourselves some grace while we figure it out these next couple of months.

I got 30. I'm 27. Not too bad. :)

Big changes today. The first day of trying things completely different. Thanks again ladies!

If it makes you feel any better... I haven't slept through the night in 3 1/2 years. Ds wakes up multiple times a night.. every night. He hasn't napped since he was 2. We tried cutting naps but it didn't change anything except make it so that he can NOT take a nap now. We've tried everything and nothing has helped so no advice.. but I just wanted to let you know you aren't alone! Sometimes it helps to think this is just a season of life. One day all too soon he will be all grown up and I'm sure I will miss this. Sometimes that helps. ​Sometimes.

Goodness. Thank you. Seriously the advice and wisdom on this thread is helping me so much. I think recently I've just felt like I need to follow my intuition more than anything else. These responses have really reinforced that. Instead of trying to force myself and dd to fit a curriculum I finally am just throwing it all out and creating something that fits US. Which is the best thing about homeschooling and I have known that all along I've just lacked the confidence to DO it. I see 10 sides to everything and second guess myself too often. The plan is to try new things.. tweak as needed and assess as we go. Follow interests, get her engaged and excited and just ENJOY learning together. When I think of making these changes, throwing off this pressure and forgetting the "by the book" approach... all I feel is FREEDOM.

Thank you for all the responses. I did the site search right after I posted and learned a lot! Lots of reading. Haha I'll admit to being doubtful for a minute or so yesterday when I read all of this years planning threads :( It seemed like everyone was planning so much curricula and I just wondered how that works for just about everyone else but not me. In reality I know there are lots of other homeschoolers that take a less is more approach, but when it comes to the boards & the yearly planning threads I don't see them and I start to doubt myself. Maybe I'm just lazy or bored too quickly. Maybe I need to give our stuff another shot. But I just have to remind myself why we're doing this. I do feel like it's the right thing for us, at least right now. It's just new and a very big change. Sorry-Just some ramblings pre-coffee.