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Everything posted by Danestress

  1. This sounds like a terrible idea. Is your mediator an attorney? Go to an attorney. It is generally not that expensive to negotiate and draft a separation agreement. If you and your stbx are talking through this without too much animosity, there is a good chance you can handle this with a separation agreement. You need a very clear agreement. How will you choose a realtor? Who was responsible for maintenance and repairs to the home in the meantime? How will income and property taxes be handled? Who will carry insurance on the home while it is on the market? What happens if you can't sell the home? How would you decide on a fair asking price, and if the home is slow to sell, who has the power to lower the asking price? How exactly will the proceeds from the sale be distributed to pay debts? What happens to any money left after paying those debts? If the proceeds don't pay off all debt, who pays the balance? Who makes payments on those debts in the meantime, and does that person get credit for those payments? These are just a few of the things you will need clarity on. And the alimony provisions may create another set of problems. You say a number of factors will determine alimony, but that creates the potential for a lot of fighting about various factors in the future. This is not something you want to have drafted by someone who is not very knowledgeable and experienced. Edited to add that if you're going to be dividing a 401K, you will need a qualified domestic relations order. You will likely need an attorney for that anyway If you consult with an attorney, ask about his/her experience with QDROs.
  2. I dislike oak as well. In general there is nothing that special about it and I prefer painted cabinets. I don't think I would use chalk paint, however.
  3. I keep thinking about Jonathon Franzen's novel, Freedom. There is an entire plot line about the main character's son moving in with his girlfriend's family next-door. It's hilarious and painful and probably every mother's nightmare.
  4. Working at a loud venue - like a night club with throbbing music. I don't think I could handle it.
  5. Honestly I have no experience with dance ( in real life or through television ). When I read your post I thought that you didn't really understand what twerking is, because it seems so unlikely a dance studio would actually do that. Wow. 10 minutes on the Internet really educated me on the subject. I am sort of stunned.
  6. That is actually incorrect. You do receive 50% of your chromosomes from each parent. But each parent does not pass on exactly 50% of each of his or her parents' DNA. I might pass a much greater amount of one of my parents DNA to a child than another's. Genetically each of my child is equally related to DH and I, but not equally related to each grandparent.
  7. I would go for a hotel room in a lovely setting. I would eats out, walk, hike of that were available, maybe enjoy a local site, read books, and sleep.
  8. Or could it mean that people around you work shifts that require them to sleep during the day so that barking during day time hours is a problem?
  9. These are good tips! I am naturally slender, but my issues are still the chin, the neck, the arms that look pressed and fat! Thanks so much.
  10. Any tips for appearing better in photographs? I realize this is entirely off topic and also vain, but so many casual photos of me are bad. I don't mind looking my age, but I just wish I looked a little better in family photos. I am, in particular, not happy with my neck!
  11. The police began investigating Sunday when the story broke. Why would police at that point ask for a court order preventing a mugging victim from leaving the country? Once it began to appear that the 'victims' were lying and had in fact committed a crime, the court issued that order.
  12. No one can give you a complete answer without knowing what state you are in. A parole officer can generally search a home that they reasonably suspect a parolee live in. How much of the home can be searched depends on state law.
  13. I think 'close' can mean different things to different people, I often hear women say that their husbands are not close to family members or don't have close friends, and it seems like this means they don't talk a lot or share all their struggles with those people. I feel close to my sisters. That does not mean we talk a lot. We don't. But when I am with them, I am with someone who knows me, knows my story, loves my children. I don't have to explain things, give a back- story, etc. I am connected to them in a way that is different from any other connection in the world.
  14. I am so so sorry - for you and your daughters. Are your daughters young adults? I seem to recall you posting in the past about your situation, but I can't remember if you have any little ones. Do you have an attorney? Does he? Are and he close to working out a financial settlement? If you have younger children and need to communicate with him regarding visitation arrangements or other matters regarding the children, you might want to move to text only so that you have a record. Some people can't even do that without excessive conflict. If you daughters are older, there should be very little you need to communicate with an ex in most circumstances. I can't even imagine being told to get used to not talking to my husband. I have talked to him daily for so many years. But that is probably something you need to live with, painful as it is. He is starting a new life and has a new relationship. As much as it hurts, he may well be following the advice of an attorney or counselor in limiting communication with you - especially if your girls are of an age to commhnicate with him directly. Is your work place of the type that you can prevent her access? Or are there security cameras? You do not want drama jeopardizing you job. I would consider whether security can help keep her out or whether you could make an arrangement to have a third party at work act as a witness if she does show up again. Did she threaten you in any way? Just as an aside, if you are using your work computer to post, be very careful! I am sorry for your awful day and hope that your love for your daughters and theirs for you will be a sustaining joy and comfort and that week by week this will get easier.
  15. I think I never wore a two piece suit until I was in my 30s. Possibly 40s. Once I did, I realized the advantages. They tend to have better shelf support. One can buy a top piece that gives true support for running and jumping. They are easier to use the bathroom in. They tend to trap less sand in the ocean and are easier to flush out. I prefer a skirted bottom. I don't like the tankini tops so much as far as cmfort, though I appreciate the modestly.
  16. Many men wear suits daily. I can't imagine how it could be too dressy to wear a basic conservative men's suit to a church wedding. Men can be seen wearing suits all over in a regular work week. Why wouldn't they wear one to a church wedding? I am not saying they absolutely have to, but if unsure, it doesn't seem like if could possibly be a mistake.
  17. It's actually standard use and has been used this way for over 100 years. It was confusing to me as a child, though. It does make reporting easier. "Servicemembers" would do the same job but is bulky in a headline. It is a mess to refer by service branch because just as soon as you say, "100 soldiers" someone is going to point out that it was actually 98 shoulders and 2 marines.
  18. I heard a report on NPR about dogs in Sarajevo during the war. So many people were displaced, thousands were killed, there was inadequate food, bombing was frequent, and yet there were people caring for dogs and feeding dogs with what food they had. One woman interviewed said that for her this made her feel human. Taking care of vulnerable dog and sharing her food with it was a way for her to feel faith in her own humanity. That really touched my heart. I'm not someone who would pay thousands of dollars for chemo on an old dog, but I do believe that humans domesticated dogs, that we depend on dogs, and then when you take a dog into your home the dog is your responsibility. Sometimes that responsibility includes choosing to let a sick dog go. Sometimes it means rehoming the dog when necessary. But choosing to not provide basic medical care for a dog when you are able to eat well, travel, have cable and eat out does not sit right with me. Not taking the time to learn how to train a dog and then training it (the basics to be able to be safe and to know how to deal with others), not providing adequate exercise and company ... I just don't understand that. I think dogs were one of Gods very best ideas and i value that.
  19. Weddings are so hard. Just remember that it's his wedding too, and if what he wants is partly to make his parents happy, that is a legitimate want. My DH was insistent in a church wedding. He wanted that more for his family than for himself. He didn't have disfunctional need to please them and was independent, so recognizing that their feelings were important to him, I agreed. Did me no harm. I know you could plan it to suit 'her.' His mother could probably plan it to suit him. They have to figure out how to suit themselves primarily and perhaps also honor each other's desires to have a wedding that their parents will like. It's sounds like you really like him and are handling this well. Do you think maybe she is the kind of young lady who asks for advice or input more than she should? Maybe when the future in laws ask about things that she doesn't need group consensus on, she should tell them, "I want that to be a surprise!" Fewer cooks in the kitchen makes life easier.
  20. Margaret, I still remember you encouraging and calming me early in this process. Thank you! It was very hard to have those 60 seconds (60!) but also a relief to see him March off and know we had checked all the boxes and it was accomplished!
  21. No don't be! He is thrilled to be there and I am proud of him and grateful he has this opportunity. It's just part of the deal.
  22. At the US Military Academy. It could not have been a more beautiful day at Westpoint - - warm, breezy, golden-lighted loveliness. It was also a bittersweet day - a mix of pride/fear/sorrow/joy. I held it together. I did go to the rest room after our 60 second goodbye, and I went for the usual reasons but was not surprised to walk in to find about 20 weeping mothers.
  23. But they aren't. They aren't on the same page. It happens. Sometimes one parent goes along with the other without making his or her feelings known to the child because the issue isn't of such importance to that parent. In fact, that happens a lot and is healthy. But sometimes both parents feel strongly and are not getting on one page. Neither is willing to falsely pretend to think differently to the child. I think a 16 year old can handle knowing that Dad doesn't like or approve of a certain way of dressing or makeup, and Mom disagrees with him. It's okay. Really. I would, at that age, have learned more from and appreciated the honesty of parents who presented differing opinions. And if my husband said my daughter looked 'trashy,' at that age I would have no problem saying to both of them what I think about that characterization. It might make him mad, but sometimes you just have to let someone be mad. If I were so afraid of making him mad, I would wonder whether his anger is being used coercively. Why would I pretend to agree with something I found so belittling? And why would I set an example for her of protecting his pride over her sense of worth?
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