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Everything posted by Danestress

  1. This sounds like a terrible idea. Is your mediator an attorney? Go to an attorney. It is generally not that expensive to negotiate and draft a separation agreement. If you and your stbx are talking through this without too much animosity, there is a good chance you can handle this with a separation agreement. You need a very clear agreement. How will you choose a realtor? Who was responsible for maintenance and repairs to the home in the meantime? How will income and property taxes be handled? Who will carry insurance on the home while it is on the market? What happens if you can't sell the home? How would you decide on a fair asking price, and if the home is slow to sell, who has the power to lower the asking price? How exactly will the proceeds from the sale be distributed to pay debts? What happens to any money left after paying those debts? If the proceeds don't pay off all debt, who pays the balance? Who makes payments on those debts in the meantime, and does that person get credit for those payments? These are just a few of the things you will need clarity on. And the alimony provisions may create another set of problems. You say a number of factors will determine alimony, but that creates the potential for a lot of fighting about various factors in the future. This is not something you want to have drafted by someone who is not very knowledgeable and experienced. Edited to add that if you're going to be dividing a 401K, you will need a qualified domestic relations order. You will likely need an attorney for that anyway If you consult with an attorney, ask about his/her experience with QDROs.
  2. I dislike oak as well. In general there is nothing that special about it and I prefer painted cabinets. I don't think I would use chalk paint, however.
  3. I keep thinking about Jonathon Franzen's novel, Freedom. There is an entire plot line about the main character's son moving in with his girlfriend's family next-door. It's hilarious and painful and probably every mother's nightmare.
  4. Working at a loud venue - like a night club with throbbing music. I don't think I could handle it.
  5. Honestly I have no experience with dance ( in real life or through television ). When I read your post I thought that you didn't really understand what twerking is, because it seems so unlikely a dance studio would actually do that. Wow. 10 minutes on the Internet really educated me on the subject. I am sort of stunned.
  6. That is actually incorrect. You do receive 50% of your chromosomes from each parent. But each parent does not pass on exactly 50% of each of his or her parents' DNA. I might pass a much greater amount of one of my parents DNA to a child than another's. Genetically each of my child is equally related to DH and I, but not equally related to each grandparent.
  7. I would go for a hotel room in a lovely setting. I would eats out, walk, hike of that were available, maybe enjoy a local site, read books, and sleep.
  8. Or could it mean that people around you work shifts that require them to sleep during the day so that barking during day time hours is a problem?
  9. These are good tips! I am naturally slender, but my issues are still the chin, the neck, the arms that look pressed and fat! Thanks so much.
  10. Any tips for appearing better in photographs? I realize this is entirely off topic and also vain, but so many casual photos of me are bad. I don't mind looking my age, but I just wish I looked a little better in family photos. I am, in particular, not happy with my neck!
  11. The police began investigating Sunday when the story broke. Why would police at that point ask for a court order preventing a mugging victim from leaving the country? Once it began to appear that the 'victims' were lying and had in fact committed a crime, the court issued that order.
  12. No one can give you a complete answer without knowing what state you are in. A parole officer can generally search a home that they reasonably suspect a parolee live in. How much of the home can be searched depends on state law.
  13. I think 'close' can mean different things to different people, I often hear women say that their husbands are not close to family members or don't have close friends, and it seems like this means they don't talk a lot or share all their struggles with those people. I feel close to my sisters. That does not mean we talk a lot. We don't. But when I am with them, I am with someone who knows me, knows my story, loves my children. I don't have to explain things, give a back- story, etc. I am connected to them in a way that is different from any other connection in the world.
  14. I am so so sorry - for you and your daughters. Are your daughters young adults? I seem to recall you posting in the past about your situation, but I can't remember if you have any little ones. Do you have an attorney? Does he? Are and he close to working out a financial settlement? If you have younger children and need to communicate with him regarding visitation arrangements or other matters regarding the children, you might want to move to text only so that you have a record. Some people can't even do that without excessive conflict. If you daughters are older, there should be very little you need to communicate with an ex in most circumstances. I can't even imagine being told to get used to not talking to my husband. I have talked to him daily for so many years. But that is probably something you need to live with, painful as it is. He is starting a new life and has a new relationship. As much as it hurts, he may well be following the advice of an attorney or counselor in limiting communication with you - especially if your girls are of an age to commhnicate with him directly. Is your work place of the type that you can prevent her access? Or are there security cameras? You do not want drama jeopardizing you job. I would consider whether security can help keep her out or whether you could make an arrangement to have a third party at work act as a witness if she does show up again. Did she threaten you in any way? Just as an aside, if you are using your work computer to post, be very careful! I am sorry for your awful day and hope that your love for your daughters and theirs for you will be a sustaining joy and comfort and that week by week this will get easier.
  15. I think I never wore a two piece suit until I was in my 30s. Possibly 40s. Once I did, I realized the advantages. They tend to have better shelf support. One can buy a top piece that gives true support for running and jumping. They are easier to use the bathroom in. They tend to trap less sand in the ocean and are easier to flush out. I prefer a skirted bottom. I don't like the tankini tops so much as far as cmfort, though I appreciate the modestly.
  16. Many men wear suits daily. I can't imagine how it could be too dressy to wear a basic conservative men's suit to a church wedding. Men can be seen wearing suits all over in a regular work week. Why wouldn't they wear one to a church wedding? I am not saying they absolutely have to, but if unsure, it doesn't seem like if could possibly be a mistake.
  17. It's actually standard use and has been used this way for over 100 years. It was confusing to me as a child, though. It does make reporting easier. "Servicemembers" would do the same job but is bulky in a headline. It is a mess to refer by service branch because just as soon as you say, "100 soldiers" someone is going to point out that it was actually 98 shoulders and 2 marines.
  18. I heard a report on NPR about dogs in Sarajevo during the war. So many people were displaced, thousands were killed, there was inadequate food, bombing was frequent, and yet there were people caring for dogs and feeding dogs with what food they had. One woman interviewed said that for her this made her feel human. Taking care of vulnerable dog and sharing her food with it was a way for her to feel faith in her own humanity. That really touched my heart. I'm not someone who would pay thousands of dollars for chemo on an old dog, but I do believe that humans domesticated dogs, that we depend on dogs, and then when you take a dog into your home the dog is your responsibility. Sometimes that responsibility includes choosing to let a sick dog go. Sometimes it means rehoming the dog when necessary. But choosing to not provide basic medical care for a dog when you are able to eat well, travel, have cable and eat out does not sit right with me. Not taking the time to learn how to train a dog and then training it (the basics to be able to be safe and to know how to deal with others), not providing adequate exercise and company ... I just don't understand that. I think dogs were one of Gods very best ideas and i value that.
  19. I don't know. Sometimes it is good to hear from the child depending on age, maturity, family dynamic. Often it's horrid. It puts the child in a wretched position that can cause guilt for some time and cause strain on their relationship with a parent. It can also result in parents being nervous about parenting because they always have their approval rating in the back of their minds.
  20. That was actually my very first thought - the mandala.
  21. How much time is your sister gong to have for visitation now? Will the children have to change schools?
  22. Also, I do understand why it bothers you because your son likes her and she makes you nervous. But from what I can tell, you are really close to your son and engaged in his life. I doubt your son is likely to be a candidate for being 'taken over' by her. I still get why it makes you anxious. I do. But don't let it make you crazy. My guess is that he is so much more invested in you and that your voice is still the big voice in his life.
  23. Well, on the bright side, the girl sounds like she's ok. She petitioned to move out of her mother's when that wasn't working. Then living with her brother, she realized she needs community - friends, church, etc. So she managed to make another change. Her next step may not seem right to you, but she chose it and it sounds like she probably could have gone back with her brother if she really wanted. She never got wrapped up in the "Mom" thing with this lady, and apparently moved out when she wanted. Really, she sounds like a kid who is strong enough to make choices. So maybe even though the "Mom" is over the top, it sounds like the young woman has managed to navigate things pretty well. It may not be what you think is right. But it's not really your story.
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