I thought for sure the author would concede that the NC flag is actually awesome. I like South Carolina's too. Some states really do need to get a new design concept.

He is so precious - what a sweet face. Happy third birthday!

Sure, lots of people divorce amicably, depending on how you define "amicable." There will almost always be pain, fear, regret, anger, and anxiety. But many people work out agreements they can live with and refrain from the greed and anger that is so destructive to themselves and their families. In my experience, how amicable a divorce is has little to do with the details. It's more about personalities. People with more money that they could ever spend, even after funding all their grandchildren's college degrees and buying awesome vacation homes with cash, will still fight about the money. People who have nothing but "cups and saucers" will want to pay lawyers to divide the cups. But other people manage to patch together parenting arrangements and divisions of assets with a good deal of compromise and patience. My advice is to see an attorney as soon as possible. You do not have to desire a divorce to see an attorney. You do not have to be close to moving out to do so. You don't have to wait for your husband to indicate that you are at 'the end' before you take steps to inform and protect yourself. A lot of people talk to family and friends and end up with tons of misinformation. Ask one of the attorneys at your firm whom you really trust to give you a referral. You don't need to "big gun" divorce attorney. You need someone who is experienced in family law - an attorney whose practice is mostly in that area. Plan on paying a consultation fee, but go prepared to get your money's worth. The fact that you walk into an attorney's office is privileged and confidential, as I am sure you know, so for that fee, you can come out with some knowledge that might put your mind at lease, and might help you make good decisions in case your marriage does end, and no one will ever need to know you went. See an attorney who lives in YOUR jurisdiction who knows the law where you live, who can give you advice on what to do now to prepare yourself for the possible worst. Ask all you questions. Does it matter whose name the money is in (probably not). Can you expect alimony? What is the likely range of time? What factors would come into play in determining the amount of Alimony? How can you find out what assets and debt you really have? How might they be divided? How can you make sure you will have enough to live on if he tries to cut you off? If you have access to finances yourself, try to get a picture of what you have. How is the house titled? Does it matter? Who is on the mortgage? Did you have a premarital agreement? What kinds of debt do you have? Who will be responsible for paying those? If you go in with a lot of information, you can hopefully get a better picture of what might happen. You might feel reluctant to do so, because it might feel like you are giving up on our marriage, but you can get the knowledge you need, and simultaneously work on your marriage.

The flag had been flying from the state capital building, so the law I think you were referring to was actually a 'win' in terms of getting the flag removed from the capital building and relegated to a confederate memorial on the capital grounds. However the compromise to get that done required the flag to be on a tall pole so it is prominent. It can't be lowered - someone has to go up the pole and take it down - no pulley. The legislature apparently has to vote to do this. Even the governor did not have the authority today to take the flag down today. And changing the law apparently requires a two thirds vote in both houses. You have to really protect your symbols of oppression:(

Another thing to discuss with our children is the reality of the Internet. In my state, 17 year olds arrested for possession of alcohol get mugshots just like anyone else. Those are posted online, and copied by websites that display them. Even a kid who was innocent of or had charges dropped will find that when potential employers, school admissions etc Google his or her name, they will see that mugshot. These companies will take the photo down if you pay them, but there are a lot of them, so it can be a never ending extortion. Another thing that happens is that kids take photos for Twitter or Instagram etc. This can be a mess if .... For example .....one of the kids has an accident going home or a parent makes a huge stink. It's just another thing to think about and discuss with kids. If some 17 year olds drink a bit, don't drive, nothing gets out of hand, and no harm is done, then they were lucky. But knowing these kids will drink, parents need to discuss all the dangers of drinking in other scenarios - bigger, louder parties where the police could be called, times when not all the kids are going to stay there rather then get in cars, times when drinking makes one vulnerable to others or makes us use poor judgment. I would consider this an opportunity.

Not that adults can't also enjoy some of the selections loved by students, but tell me what you have loved listening to for you!

How old are the kids?

sorry - good thing I don' get paid to post on WTM because I seem to be terrible the the Double/post thing.

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I guess. Around 8 or 9, my boys became very frustrated that a lot of their friends seemed primarily interested in video games, movies, tv etc. My boys were outside boys. Two of the spent a great deal of time on sports. One reduced that after 8th grade and then spent a great deal of time on music. I don't think they missed much. They love to fish, they love to play frisbee golf, they have friends, they read for pleasure. They don't play video games almost ever. They don't watch much tv. We own a tv and an Xbox, but they just have never developed the habit, because they were focused on their sports and music. No, my kids are not going to be professionals in sports or music. Though one of them could have made a respectable attempt. They aren't going to be Classics schoolars either, but they spent a lot of time on Latin and ancient history. They probably will never write another carefully composed essay after they finish schooling, but I still made them do it. I definitely didn't make either of them do sports. I made them learn violin as part of homeschool, but that was a pretty relaxed thing. I never expected on to "take to it" like he did. I don't care much about sports - it's just not my thing. But one of them just loved it with his whole heart, is very competitive, and just wanted to go for it. I am not sure he missed much that we could otherwise have provided him. I don't count the lost electronics hours to be much of a "cost." He is an excellent student. He probably missed some "hang out time" with friends, but he also made other friends through sports. We had a great time together traveling to tournaments. Maybe it's an individual sport thing, but I loved loved loved traveling with him, checking into a hotel, taking him out for dinner, being his "support team." It was great - worth every penny. I think having a kid who is passionate about sports is somewhat like having a picky eater. People assume that a kid is picky because his parents were indulgent. They assume kids devoted to sports have delusional parents who think their kid is going to be a professional and who push them relentlessly. I can honestly say that my son was the captain of that ship. We could afford what we could afford, which is more than some, less than others. No regrets. I know we let our sons do something they really wanted to do and worked very hard at, and I think they had pretty darn good childhoods.

I am so sorry - sports can be very disappointing. The thing that has helped me through about a 1000 excruciating two hour tennis matches over the years is silently chanting, 'failure is good' .... 'losing is a gift.' I am not a sporty person, and it had been painful for me to have a competitive tennis player. But at 17, I can see what tennis has given him. Lots of experience winning, lots of experience losing, and countless opportunities to test himself. Many people never have a painful failure until they are adults, and they don't know how to recover. My son had lost more than almost any one I know - and won more too. It's absolutely not an even playing field. It can't be. There are always kids with more natural ability, more money to invest, etc. All of life is that way, so again, the hard things are opportunities for our children to grow as people.

I am an inherently impatient person. Even my elementary school report card comments remark upon this. I was the kid who, once I understood the concept, wanted to move on to the next next thing and practically jumped out of my skin if made to sit through another explanation of the material. It's probably not the best quality, but most of what you are all remarking upon here is not impatience per se. It's arrogance, selfishness, lack of grace. I feel impatient all the time. I want to finish people's sentences, and I feel that they just need to speak faster to prevent that:). But I was taught to suppress the expression of that kind of feeling. Its just part of being nice that you don't subject others to you impatience, irritation, frustration etc. I think the girl struggling to master the register needs grace and kindness, so I fake patience. I think the guy acting like an ass because he wanted me to pull out across traffic before I thought it was safe to do so might be suffering with pain, depression, stress. I try to cut people slack. But truly, I am not patient. I just fake it.

I understand that. But I doubt he did, which was my point. 'Trust your gut' can be good advice. But I wonder how much our gut instinct is colored by anxiety, stress, gender or racial bias, mental health problems, trauma, dementia, substance abuse, etc. I suspect few people are particularly good analyzing that on the fly. It doesn't much matter in many situations. I don't owe strangers the time of day. If someone makes me uncomfortable, I don't need an explanation to leave, ignore them, etc. But if my 'gut' has the power to hurt, I need to be careful. If my fear keeps me from enjoying life, that can hurt me or my kids. If am overly confident about my gut protecting me, that can actually make me vulnerable. I don't want to rely on my gut so much that I stop thinking rationally when I have the time to do so.

I think listening to your 'gut' is a good instinct. But people have deceptive 'guts.' I have a friend who was terrorized in the highway by a guy who felt - in his gut - and absolutely believed that my friend was abducting the girl with him. In truth, the girl was his daughter who he was driving home from from a normal activity. The guy rammed my friend's car 11 times, and by the time it ended, half the cops in the city were called in and his daughter is still deeply traumatized. The guy was just delusional. So I guess some people should not listen to their guts. But in your case, if your gut was deceptive, no one was harmed -so better safe than sorry. The guy probably never knew you felt suspicious, you got out safely, no harm, no foul. De Gavin heled me recognize that our fear of being impolite puts us at risk. Telling a man who tries to edge in on you and your children, "Please leave us alone. You are making me uncomfortable," might seem rude and hurt feelings, but that isn't the worst thing. It's okay to choose to be assertive even if it seems unkind. And I find it liberating to remember that. I was raised to think that being nice is the absolute most essential thing for a girl - and that is just not right. But even so, I don't believe our guts are right and our instincts reliable. Sometimes we have to rise above our guts. We have phobias of innocent spiders, and not of guns. Ted Bundy apparently seemed very safe to women, but young black men get reported as suspicious (or worse) just for walking down the steet. Graveyards give some people the creeps, but we love the sun, which can kills us over time. So I guess I feel compelled to argue that our 'guts' aren't always reliable, but I also see no reason to stay somewhere you feel nervous.

I am cutting and pasting this post into an email for my friend. She's more in charge of the daily itinerary, and this is very helpful! I do have to say this will be hog heave for her!

We will definitely be in Gunnison, but that will be on the way from CO to Durango, and I will have my friends with me at that point. Also, I should have said that this is in July, so no snow, I hope. I thought Colorado had been in the midst of a serious drought, so I guess I need to get up to speed. This has come up sort of suddenly, I have long agreed I would spend my friend's 50th with her, but I assumed it might be in the NC mountains or at the beach. Colorado is a very exciting surprise! And if I had know, I would seriously have asked about adding a day before I get my friends so that I could maybe meet you and see the ranch I have heard so much about. Who doesn't want to meet Margaret in CO? Thanks for the tips!

I do get scared on narrow roads with steep drop offs, particularly when I am sharing that road with big trucks and, as is the case on part of that Asheville to Knoxville route, there is no division from oncoming traffic. It's not that I can't or won't do it - I can and will. I actually did it in March and it was so much easier than I remember - I think because it was day time and there wasn't any fog or rain (or God forbid, snow!). But at this point, I am committed. I am glad to be advised of the Southern Route to Colorado Springs. I will take that path to pick up my friends. Then we have an entire week to make the trip to Durango, and we are definitely going through Gunnison/Ouray way, but I will have my friend and her husband, and I am going to try to get him on the car rental - I will call Avis to ask them what they need to do that (if it's even possible, since he won't be there to pick the car up). I will just have to pray for traveling mercies. Really, I am much more worried about being a 5th wheel in a minivan/hotels for a week,, but I am also committed to that - and very excited about being in Colorado for the week - I am sure it will be worth the driving nerves:) My DH and I actually did a month of backpacking in the Durango/Silverado area 20 years ago, and it is one of the life experiences I am most grateful for. We drove from Phoenix, though, and were two people in a small car, when we were in a car, which wasn't that much.

Thank you much for the Intel on contacts/eyes. My eyes are dry and needy even in low altitude humidity. I will carry extra lenses with me, have moisture drops, and carry glasses as well!

Thank you! I was thinking that I would drive there and back the same route, but I looked at map and prefer your suggestion!!" The one time, 30 years ago, I was in colorado, we did a pretty high altitude pack packing trip. I was as sick as a dog. I wasn't really thinking about that for more 'on the beaten path" travel.

I am joining my best friend's family for the last week of their 3 week vacation in Colorado. So they are doing whatever they are doing, and then will be in Colorado Springs. I am flying cross country in and out of Durango. I am going to rent (have reserved a Mini-van), so I will fly into Durango, get the rental, and drive the Colorado Spring and pick up the parents and two teen sons. We will then take a week to drive back to Durango, hiking, sightseeing - etc. We all return home from Durango. I am doing it this way because renting in Durango was much cheaper, and this way I can pick up and drop off a rental at the same airport. Questions: Can a mini-van function in pretty much any drrivig/day hiking that might occur? I am just not really sure what to expect. Are there scary mountain passes along the route from Durango to Colorado Springs? Driving from Asheville NC to Knoxville TN is a "white knuckle" event for me. i guess I just want to know what to expect. We will not be camping at all mostly staying in "family suites" at hotels So can I assume day hiking trailheads in these areas will be assessible without a four-wheel drive? I have actually never driven a mini-van. I want to pack very minimalist. We are all just bringing carry-ons, knowing that a minivan only hold so much "stuff." Would I likely need more than a sweatshirt and jeans? I am assuming layering is the key, but what is the liklihood we would be needeing more warmth? We will be in Gunisson, Ouray, Durango, and hopefully will get to Mesa Verde for a day trip from Durango. If you are familiar with those areas, what would you prioritize in your single carryon? i was thinking I would travel with almost no toiletries or cosmetics, and just buy what i need at a drugs store in Durango. It is my girlfriend's birthday, and this whole trip is about her, so she is driving the itinerary, but is there anythings we really should not miss? What is the best way of making sure the rental mini van is actually there and that we are not suck with something smaller? Thanks to anyone with input. I am feeling a bit unsure of logistics!

Repeat

So sorry. Accidental multi repeat

I have no idea why my one post repeated 4times!

I wouldn't because she is so young and it can take some time to get adjusted to the BCP. I would tell her that for the next 30 years, she will have to deal with this. She can use tampons and that will make a trip like this much easier. But if she doesn't want to, she doesn't have to. Her choice, but no griping about the difficult results of that choice. Does she have a lot of discomfort and pain? If so, I would definitely think ahead about how to manage that. I found that starting Advil a few days prior to my expected date and continuing until a few days into it really helped. It seemed to me I had to stay well ahead of the pain. But I know some people deal with much more severe pain, and I would hate her to suffer that on a vacation.

This is the kind of thing that would totally annoy me, and that I can see my DH or DS's doing without even thinking about whether black paint over pink paint on a street might still look bad to a neighbor with a particular view. You said your piece. He tried to fix it. I think you both did the right thing in the end. Even though it doesn't look 'right,' I would thank him and say no more.