When I was homeschooling and not working, DH still did a lot of hands-on parenting and he did the dishes every night unless he wasn't home until very late. I pretty much told him that if he wasn't going to have time to do dishes, to let me know because in that case we would just eat a sandwich or microwave a leftover. I do not intend to cook and then do all the dishes. He did some yard work too. I did most everything else. The parenting parent seemed a better use of his time to me in the scheme of things. There is a basic level of respect though. I don't consider moving your plate from the table to the sink or counter to be work. It's just basic respect. Hanging a wet towel isn't housework. It's just respectful 'looking after your own stuff." If I had full time servants, I still would not drop my wet towel on the floor or leave my plate on the table.

Can't she record it? One can buy a cheap recorder these days. I agree that with the theft, this is a matter for the police. It's easy to think, 'oh, girls ... All talk." But girls do sometimes kill each other, and this is a very serious situation, IMHO.

But he went to thanksgiving with his family.

I think humans are designed to respond to challenge from external forces. When I was home with young children, the challenge was to cope, with humor and patience. I did a good job at that, but did feel mommy brain and worried about whether I was losing my mental edge. Even teaching hard subjects (and learning a great deal) was not a panacea. After 12 years out of the work force, I am working in a job that is mentally demanding and dead line oriented. My brain is pretty well kicked in again, and in some ways, I feel young.

Did you husband make his own efforts to call or visit his brother after he was able to do so following surgery? My guess is that she is resentful about that if it didn't happen. Even though you texted, I don't get the feeling she wants your texts, but wanted her husband to have his brothers support - not an ornament (though that was a lovely gesture) but present and relational contact. I don't consider husbands and wives interchangeable. If my sister didn't make an effort but I got a lot of texts from her husband, I would be dismayed. Since you have not been close to her, it doesn't seem so bad to me that you weren't 'there' for her. But when push comes to shove, siblings generally are more deeply connected. I am not surprised she doesn't want to be with her inlaws. She is grieving in a way that is so raw and powerful that I am sure she can't deal with most people. I think she gets a total free pass on thanksgiving, and if her inlaws were hurt, they should have kept that to themselves. I would just stop texting and stop involving myself much. This is for your husband to do. I would continue to try to be on good terms with the whole family, and stop letting side conversations happen. Encourage your DH to reach out. Choose to think about her with grace and kindness. She is in an absolute world of hurt and will be for some time. I would reach out in small ways and speak of and to her kindly, but mostly try to change how I let myself think about it. And I do think we can choose that to a great extent.

I liked this post ... just to be contrary:)

How do you star something? Is this a mobile version problem? I don't see stars ....

He is a grown and marred man, so his mother should not be put in a position of having to explain, agree with your criticism, or make excuses for him. I sympathize, though. It's very sad and hurtful. I think sometimes kids grow up having their parents do a lot of the family communicating, and don't recognize that those relationships are theirs to sustain. He is at an age when he probably doesn't appreciate those extended family member or realize that people get old, things change, and then we have regrets.

I don't think merely wanting something is selfish. The heart wants ... I think sometimes prioritizing one's own wants is selfish, but I don't see that in this situation just based in what you wrote. I do think that since your youngest is six, you have reached a stage in life when you are able, barring some special circumstance, to get in a car and drive ten hours or so to visit your family whether your DH chooses to join you or not. I have driven that distance alone or with a child a number of times. Yes, it is an expense, especially if you have to rent a car to do so. But it seems like a reasonable expense when you don't get to see loved ones because your DH doesn't like travel. Imagine not seeing your child any more than that because his or her spouse doesn't like travel. I also think it could be selfish of him to refuse to travel once in a while when a spouse wants to see family. I don't know the whole story, but I would consider that.

I agree this is intolerable, but you may not love all of my ideas, but here are my suggestions: 1. Fix the fence. Find $250 or call everyone who loves you and beg for money. Or put it on a credit card and have $250 in debt. I fear for the safety of you and your children. It stinks, I know. But $250 is small compared to a bitten child. And the last thing you want is for this to be in court and have the other side claim that you could not have been in real fear if you didn't even fix the fence because you didn't want to spend $250. I not saying that is how I see it, but don't put yourself in that position. 2. Document. Photos, videos, receipts. 3. Send the owners a certified letter informing them of what has happened, being specific and factual. "On this day .... X happened...here is a photo ..," Describe the aggressive behaviors you have seen, the damage to your home, and that you fear the dogs. Inform them that you are notifying them of the threat their dogs present and will keep the letter(s) as evidence that they had notice of the problem. 4. Continue to communicate with the police and animal control and document that. 5. If you shoot a dog, have witnesses and documentation of what was actually happening during that incident. You probably can't shoot five dogs under the radar in a neighborhood and bury them on the sly. So if you do shoot, have evidence if possible, that you were in real danger at that moment. How much would it stink to have to defend yourself on criminal charges for shooting them, and then not be able to really show what justified that? 5. I would see if I could find an attorney to do a free consultation. Most don't. But personal injury attorneys sometimes do, and might give you good advice on how to proceed. Maybe you could file for an injunction or restraining order. I have no idea and laws are not uniform. 6. I think getting a class action lawsuit certified is unlikely to be an option. Plus, I think it would be very expensive to do so. Read up on it. 7. If the neighbors want to handle it as a group, get everyone on board with documenting, calling the police, and calling animal control and informing the neighbors in writing of the problem.

So women should get a free pass because they might be mothers. And men should shoulder the full burden and duty of military service because they aren't parents? Or they are less important parents? I can see deferring pregnant women and post-partum women. But this alone does not seem grounds for a blanket exemption of women. Almost half of women in the US between the ages of 25 and 29 have never had a child.

Not an exemptions from registering for selective service, however, hardship to dependents is a statutory basis for deferral in the event of a draft.

I am so sorry. This is the time of year that I lost my father and my heart is heavy for you. Its a lot of sorrow to bear, and it's a lonely time adjusting to life without a father. Hugs to you - and peace, health, and grace.

There was a study published a year or two ago that looked at Google searches. The researcher wanted to know if what parents report about their attitudes toward their children is reflected in the Google search data. He reported that parents are far more likely to ask if sons are 'gifted' and far more likely to ask if they daughters are "fat." Apparently, parents fear their daughters being overweight. I bring that up merely to say that, while I know health issues are a concern here, I would also try to be honest with myself about whether I am troubled by having an overweight daughter, even if it didn't trouble her much or cause health problems, because that is where some of the danger lies here - if she were to perceive that you are especially concerned about her appearance even if you claim it is about health. I don't think that 145 is a really unhealthy weight for a 5'4" woman. It's more than most girls would like, and it sounds like your daughter is not happy about how clothes fit, but it is not alarming in terms of general health. The junk food is a problem. I tend to let my teens eat junk as long as long as they are also eating healthy things. I do the same myself. I am pretty healthy (and low bmi) eating some junk as part of a healthy diet. I think bread is a reasonable breakfast as long as other meals are more nutrition dense. I skip breakfast all the time. Honestly, I am not sure I would bring it up. Ask a hundred women what their mother has said that still bothers them, and I bet 80 of them will say something about a comment on their weight, appearance, or bodies. And I bet most of the mothers had good intentions. I am not sure I would risk it when there is so much available information your daughter can get from other sources if she wants to change.

Well yeah, SMIL. Practice makes perfect. We practice alllll the time!!!

I agree. There are differences we can see and measure. Men tend to be stronger, for example. Women tend to be more flexible. I just wanted to clarify because you were speaking about 'unique' traits. I couldn't think of many. Strength is not unique to men. i can't think of much that is. But I understand what you are saying and agree that your employer should have worked with you!

Which abilities besides bearing and nursing children are truly unique to women? What abilities are truly unique to men?

Presumably your husband is in the same position and also has no one to leave the children with. So this isn't about women serving versus men serving. This is about parents serving. If you were called up, the kids have him. If he were called up, the kids have you. It's not until you were both called up that your children have no one. I think there would need to be a system in place to address this. There are various solutions (none great as a parent because we all want the very best for our kids). There could be a system where when one parent is drafted, the other is automatically deferred for that period, for example. But I don't think we should never draft women because some women have children. Men also have children. I do think I that being pregnant or recently delivered should be grounds for a deferral. In World War II there was a method of categorizing who could be deferred. Men with dependents engaged in certain occupations had a deferral status higher than those involved in general occupations. Men could be determined fit for 'all duty' vs fit for 'limited' duty. No system is perfect, but I think we could come up with a system that better meets the needs of the military and also recognizes individual situations better than giving all women a pass on serving their country in a time of need.

I hope we won't have a draft. But if we did, I see no reason not to draft women. Some may not be suitable for certain combat roles - nor might some men. It does not help the effort to put people in positions for which they are clearly not suited, and I think some assessment is necessary. But many positions would still be available. Why should women get a free pass?

Because there was no danger or illegal activity involved, I have resented and thought badly of my mother for telling me bad things about family members. I love my mother, who is a really nice person overall. But it seemed petty to me that she needed me to know about the greedy, insensitive, bit@hy, or selfish things she saw others doing. I think I was her way of try to create a bond with me. I am sure if I grew up in a family where drug abuse, mental illness, or outright meanness was a serious issue that created emotional risk, I would feel differently.

In my jurisdiction, you would have to show up on the appointed day. However, if you were in voir dire, you probably would be excused for cause, particularly if the case were going to be more than a day or two. I would not take a child. Juries are often taken out of the courtroom, sometimes for a good piece of time, while attorneys argue motions, argue about admissibility of evidence, etc. There is no guarantee your daughter would not be left on her own for periods of time. Also, even in a civil trial or a nonviolent crime, there is often evidence that is disgusting, frightening, or vulgar. I got called last year and the case turned out to be allegations medical malpractice resulting in death of a post partum mother. I didn't want to hear that, and no child would either.

Arctic mom, I also want to say that humans have always told and retold (and embellished, lol) important stories. Those stories are often an attempt to pas down an identity. What it means to be in our family. What your grandparents sacrificed for. How our country was founded. How people fought for the principals we hold dear, etc. In the Old Testament God reminds his people of who he is and what he has done. I am the God of Issacac and Jacob. I brought you out of slavery... God instituted feast days partly to remember and retell. I made promises. I kept them. I have a plan. To me, the liturgical calendar is part of that process. It is a cycle of remembering the story that Christians believe is still unfolding, of retelling, of creating time and space to repent, to prepare, to reconnect to the story. Even in a single worship service, Anglicans will retell the stories that are fundamental to our faith - every single time. That isn't all that a liturgical year is, but I thought it might describe part of it.

How does your husband feel about these incidents and behaviors?

We are not the least vigilant about locking. Our doors are unlocked most of the time we are home, though we try to remember to lock them at night. I don't think it's anywhere close to 'shocking' that a person would be home with an unlocked door.

I think your DH needs to brainstorm this. A lot of what works will be based in his preferences, and it sounds like there is no perfect solution. Now you feel responsible for making his desires come to be, but I think he needs to come up with the ideas, then you can do the practical part.