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Danestress

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Everything posted by Danestress

  1. I liked being a SAHM. Now I am working (kids are seniors in high school) and I like that too. It's a mentally demanding, engaging job and I feel like I am reconnecting with a part of myself. But either job has good days and bad and either way, I try not to define myself by what I do. I felt pretty competent as a mother. In my job, I feel challenged and overwhelmed regularly. The advantage of that is that I am learning and growing in a way that I don't think I would have if I were a SAH empty nester. On the other hand, it is sometimes very stressful. I took the day off today (I worked all weekend) and am thrilled that I will be cleaning my house all day. Thrilled. Definitely didn't find cleaning my house all that exciting in the past!
  2. I tell my boys all the reasons I think waiting is better. But I also tell them that when they think they are ready, not to do it on a whim. Take the woman to lunch or on a walk (I am assuming this is in the context of a relationship). Tell her where you would like things to be heading. Ask her to think about it.reassure her that you like her and respect her if she wants to wait. I figure if you are adult enough for sex, you are adult enough to be honest, respectful, and cautious.
  3. Stay out. She can decide if she wants to tell the dad. She has a parent who supports her doing so. That same parents can tell herself if she is concerned. You have no need to get involved.
  4. I grew up with all sisters and few boys even in my extended family. I honestly had no idea how much some boys care about height until I had sons, or how much value society seems to place on being tall. It all seems ridiculous to me - especially when I learned how it affects job offers and advancement. It's just so stupid, and I agree with you that it doesn't seem like there is inherent value in being tall. I can't cite a study, but I do think I have read that tallness is associated with diminished longevity and I haven't read that tall people are more competent, reliable, or intelligent such that it ought to be relevant in who is hired or promoted. So I don't disagree with your overall point here. I just disagree that I have projected negative feelings about height on my boys. I would have worded my post more carefully if it had occurred to me that someone would interpret my 'worry' about my son's pain over these comparisons to his brother as me having or projecting negative ideas about shortness/tallness on him. And for the record, it was hard for him for a while but not a huge thing - he was, as I said, very gracious about it. Privately he expressed frustration and hurt, but nothing extreme. My worry wasn't extreme either. I think a lot of parents feel their kids pain, even when they know that the pain is temporary or that they will learn from it.
  5. So are you talking about me or your mother? Because I have three actual sons who have feelings and cares I likely have more actual knowledge of and insight into than even the most well-meaning online poster. I worried about the one son because I saw what he was going through. But we may just have different ideas about what 'worry' looks like. Worry means I felt something. It doesn't mean I took actions - talked about his height or other kids' heights, took him to the doctor, etc. I knew my boys were all likely to be average height in the end based on family history. But I worried for him because at the time, it was hard for him.
  6. Why? i wish could change how people think, but the reality, like it or not, is that boys don't want to be short and find it challenging. Why wouldn't I worry about how my boy felt being 3 inches shorter than his twin brother and constantly dealing with comments? I also wish I could change the world so that girls and women were not so valued and judged based on perceptions of physical beauty. But if I had twin daughters and one were considered far less attractive than the other to the extent that people commented and said, "why is your sister so much prettier?" I would worry. Surely no one wants that for a daughter.
  7. My boys are fraternal twins. One grew earlier that the other. There was a long stretch between maybe 11-14 when one twin was between 1-3 inches taller than the other. And people would mention it. One guy selling us a Christmas tree heard they were twins and asked the slower grower, "why are you so short?" True story. Exact words. At 18 they are the same height. The slow grower was always so stoic about it, and I really admired that. I think he deserves to be an inch taller as a reward for his graciousness. They are both 5'11, so not super tall but not short. I was worried for a while, though.
  8. What happens is that the breeder, ideally, will take the dog, keep her for a while to work with her and evaluate her. He will be keeping data on his breeding line, and your information may help him. Then he will try to place her with someone he knows will be right for her and has a better situation for her needs. You, meanwhile, are experiencing all kinds of bad feelings and stress. But what you are feeling can't compare to things you would experience if this dog hurt a child, killed a neighbor's dog, or any of a dozen other scenarios. So you are doing the right thing. Hugs to you and your children, the terrier, and also to this dog. I hope all parties will be better off with a change. There are plenty of people out there who will love a chance to work with your GSD girl.
  9. i honestly can't imagine involving myself in this. I don't know if my husband is oblivious to this kind of thing or not. But I think at the point he knows there is a problem, even long after I might see it, he can handle the problem without his wife calling the office manager or confronting the flirter. He is fully an adult, and if I were worried about other women, I am pretty sure that I would gain no advantage over a flirty receptionist by acting like his mamma bear. Likewise, if someone flirted with me, I think him taking control when I didn't feel I needed or wanted it, would seem like a red flag for a controlling husband. My response might change in a really serious situation, but nothing I have read seems serious enough that I would think DH needs me to protect and defend him.
  10. One ds accepted to University of Noth Carolina, Chapel Hill. Other ds Accepted to United Srates Military academy.
  11. Can you have a loft built or buy one for the queen mattress? You could then use it in the living room but keep the floor space. You could even put a sofa under it. I have always loved and gotten along well with my mother. But sharing a room with her would have been misery. I know generations lived this way, and no one died of it, but doing that to a teen daughter would be an absolute last resort. I would rather have space and privacy than anything I can name besides food, air and water.
  12. Other news sources report that three embryos were implanted. No ethical doctor will perform an abortion without consent of the patient, and the implied consent of having signed the contract would not be good enough. Unlikely a court would ever order a healthy, complement woman to have an abortion. So the father's only real option was to threaten financial ruin. He may have later chosen to sue for damages, including the costs of medical care for the babies.
  13. Be bigger. Don't let anyone else's shortcoming make you be less than you are.
  14. You will do fine. It sounds like she has a lot of stress in her life, so some of that may just get projected onto this one stresser.
  15. Let them dry, photocopy any affected pages, exacto knife those pages out of the book and throw them away, keep the copies of the pages.
  16. I just scanned the article and don't have a dog in the fight. However, if the allegations are true and if Peyton has lied, denied and impugned the character of this woman, the argument can be made that he didn't do a bad/dumb thing once 20 years ago. He continues to do wrong. I have no idea what really happened, but IF it's true, I am not comfortable declaring it is 'over' for the victim who suffered not just the incident, but the pain of being slandered and considered a liar. And I am not comfortable saying, 'it's in the past," for Peyton just because he has managed to lie and cover up the incident for 20 years. Whatever the truth, nothing hurts like being lied about and falsely accused.
  17. Right. Some of the very best law firm scenes in ally McBeal happened where? In the unisex!
  18. I always assumed it was partly about who takes care of parents and remains more bonded to them. In cultures where an eldest son remains in the home, his wife moves in, and they are expected to continue to live with the parents and then inherit the homestead, a son may be more valued and expected to have the closer bond with parents. Some cultures expect men to support their parents and women to become members of the husband's family and devote herself to his parents. Combine that with the expectation that her parents provide a dowry, and daughters can be less advantageous. In the US we have different expectations. "A son is a son till he takes a wife...." Many people assume men who have sisters can get a bit of a pass in caring for elderly parents. We expect daughters to be more bonded with their family of origin. I have heard people say that a daughters children are more special than a son's children. And honestly, I am not sure many people care that much about the 'family name.' We also have some basic safety nets for the elderly. Not enough perhaps, but some. Medicare, social security etc. While these are not a guarantee against poverty, Cultures without this may really need support from adult children more.
  19. Can just one of you go? His sister he goes. Your niece, you go?
  20. Yeah, journalists have standards which, when violated, can result in losing jobs. Fair enough. I guess the way you phrased it - that politicians and government officials 'should be banned' from using Twitter to gossip seemed more extreme then that. How would politics be banned? Banned from normal gossip that would be legal permissible for the rest of us? How would that be legislated and enforced?
  21. Definitely. I am so sick of the free speech trend - especially for journalist and politicians.
  22. My current trend beef is the casual cut of tops and sweaters. I like a sleeve that meets the shoulder and underarm in a tidy, tailored fashion. Dolman sleeves and offset shoulders bug me. I don't care what other women wear - and the style looks great on some women. But the current style is so pervasive that I can't find what I like:) I am thin and narrow shouldered, and prefer a fitted, tailored look. Also, it seems like a lot of apparel adds and websites feature slouching models with bad posture. If models don't have good posture the world is clearly going to hell in a handbasket.
  23. This is something about which I know very little. Are you saying that lay advocates have defended alleged perpetrators of domestic violence? I can certainly see where this would become an issue when an indigent defendant is convicted of a crime but was not provided 'effective' legal defense, which traditionally has meant, at the very least, provision of defense by a licensed attorney. The state has no obligation to provide people with free legal services in family law matters. So allowing people to choose to save money by using the services of a qualified professional with a limited license just provides a choice for them. But when someone is charged with a crime, the state is required to provide legal defense to the indigent, and it's very troubling that lay advocates would be the only option provided. Am I misunderstanding this?
  24. Of course it will. The ABA called upon states to create such programs and supports them. But there will inevitably some push and pull over the boundaries of services, as has been the case with nurse practitioners and physicians assistants.
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