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Danestress

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Everything posted by Danestress

  1. The Raptr center is one of my favorites. It's one of a pleasant place to be even apart from the raptors. It's near Latta Plamtation so you could do both.
  2. Sure. Why not? It's not a wedding and your clothes don't make a statement about whether you approve. Being there says you approve.,
  3. To me, it's rude. But it is not my job or desire to correct others who are beng rude. I can remember and not invite that person again, but I probably would not confront him if he were over the age of 14. The world is full of people who don't agree with me. I learned a rules from some wise woman on this board that you never correct someone unless someone else's honor is at stake. That he been a good rule for me. Let it go. He probably isn't going to have a place in your 'mandatory invite' list, and that is ok,
  4. Not one 'best,' but he has several really close friends.
  5. We definitely don't Want to drive or park in Manhattan! I guess I was thinking we would drop the car off at the airport and then use public transportation to stay at a hotel and visit the city. But if we can drop the car off somewhere more convenient that would be great.
  6. Four of us are flying to New York. We will rent a car and drive to West Point for two night, leaving one son there. Then three of us will drive back and spend two nights in the NYC area to see some NYC stuff before flying home. So of the airports near NYC is one easier to get out of on our way to West Point? Not sure what all I should be considering, and just looking at a map, it's not clear which we should prefer. We can get direct flights to all of them for a reasonable price.
  7. I know that I bring my personality, habits, preferences etc. to being a mom. But I don't see my forgetfulness, hatred of shopping, preference for IPAs over Porters, affection for dogs, reading choices, tolerance for messiness etc. to be about who I am "as a Mom." They do affect who I am as a mom (and as a wife, employee, daughter, friend) but everything in my life isn't primarily about myself as a mom. In my mind, these are things are about me as a "person." And my reference group, if I am comparing personally, interests, habits etc, isn't 'other moms'. It's other people or perhaps other women. If you substitute out 'woman' for 'mom', this discussion can quickly reveal a lot of gender oriented assumptions. Does the 'typical woman' care deeply about hairdos and lipsticks? Does the typical woman love shopping? Does she bake? Is she fake or sincere? Goal oriented or passive? house proud or casual? Because most women I know (certainly not all) are mothers. If I talk about "typical moms" I am to a large extent talking about women generally. And I can't say a lot about how typical women are.
  8. Also, I do understand why it bothers you because your son likes her and she makes you nervous. But from what I can tell, you are really close to your son and engaged in his life. I doubt your son is likely to be a candidate for being 'taken over' by her. I still get why it makes you anxious. I do. But don't let it make you crazy. My guess is that he is so much more invested in you and that your voice is still the big voice in his life.
  9. Well, on the bright side, the girl sounds like she's ok. She petitioned to move out of her mother's when that wasn't working. Then living with her brother, she realized she needs community - friends, church, etc. So she managed to make another change. Her next step may not seem right to you, but she chose it and it sounds like she probably could have gone back with her brother if she really wanted. She never got wrapped up in the "Mom" thing with this lady, and apparently moved out when she wanted. Really, she sounds like a kid who is strong enough to make choices. So maybe even though the "Mom" is over the top, it sounds like the young woman has managed to navigate things pretty well. It may not be what you think is right. But it's not really your story.
  10. I would give her something unique. If you live in a place where there are local galleries, I might look for a nice piece of blown glass or local pottery. There is something about being sisters (even not close sisters) that calls for something a bit special - I can't see sending a sister a box of food goodies for her wedding. But I usually have luck when I hit the local craft scene. I did that for a cousin who I don't feel super close to and who has the best of everything already.
  11. I recently looked through a Tupperware catalog. I wanted to buy something for a friend who sells it. There honestly was not one thing I wanted. Buy something off her registry or give money. Or buy something personal and perfect you know she will love. But not plastic ce@p. Spend within your limits but according to her desires. This is not the time to make a statement about what you think she should want.
  12. Am I wrong that ultimately, Karenina would not agree to a divorce? And she would not agree to live a pretend marriage.
  13. It does seem ... sort of creepy. But I can also think of it this way. Young women who under-cared for in their families (mom's partner is an addict, mom may be too, I assume that may be the case here) are vulnerable. In my experience, they often get wrapped up in relationships with men that aren't healthy for them. Maybe this women is over the top. But maybe she also made space in her family for this girl and provided a safe and loving alternative to hooking up with a guy who makes her feel 'safe' but is a bad idea or finding some other way to feel she belongs somewhere. It may not be perfect, but it seems better than so many other options. I want to ask one thing. You say there are the parents, grandparents, two buys and a nephew in that home. You said that including her, it's people from four families. Are the boys also people she took in? Are the grandparents actually her or DH's parents or grandparents? Because this looks like one family plus her if so. And if the grandparents aren't related, I am less inclined to think she has a need to steal other people's kids and more inclined to think she just has a need to feel important or to be a 'saver.'
  14. I adore Anna Karenina as a character. I think Tolstoy loved her too. If I could meet up with Tolstoy, I would have a number of questions for him, starting with, "how could you do that her?"
  15. Why? If cops want to search and are able to make an adequate case for it, they get a warrant. Why is it morally wrong to refuse consent until they do so?
  16. That would be a fun law school exam question. Driver consents to blood test. Blood drawn. Driver claims to lack capacity to consent because he was soooooo drunk, and argues that blood alcohol evidence is inadmissible.
  17. 1. Unless Florida recently changed the law, it is a misdemeanor the second time you refuse to take a breathalyzer. 2. Not sure if you are responding this or not, but the Supreme Court has ruled that drawing blood without a warrant and without consent in a dui stop is a violation of the 4th amendment and the evidence is inadmissible. Are you somehow saying that isn't applicable to Florida?
  18. Disagree. Sometimes consent is ok. But it's not wrong to refuse consent. Law enforcement can get the warrant they need if they make a proper showing. I tell my kids to refuse to consent to, for example, a routine search of their vehicle. My son is a cop and he doesn't really disagree. Why would I let anyone search my home or vehicle without good enough cause that they could obtain a warrant?
  19. There is a difference between suspending a license because of refusal to consent and using the results of a non consensual, warrant less blood test in a criminal trial. In Villarreal, The Supreme Court rejected the state's argument that under Texas law, the defendant gave implied consent to having his blood drawn when he drove an automobile.
  20. The Supreme Court is pretty clear about the requirement of getting a warrant to draw blood without consent. It's the job of this attorney to protect his client's 4th amendment rights. So he did. I don't consider protection of my constitutional rights a 'technicality.' The sad thing is that the cop could have gotten a warrant, even in the middle of the night, and the result may well have been different. And I can't see how posting that a friend prevailed in that case is in any way unethical. Criminal arrests are public records and cases are generally heard in public forums. I have certainly never seen anyone complain when Prosecutors announce convictions.
  21. In the great state of North Carolina, when many of us were growing up, hundreds of thousands of people lived without indoor plumbing. High school graduation rates were abysmal. Many people live with daily anxiety about food. Educational and employment opportunity were limited for African Americans especially. I don't think there was a general 'living wage' for most people, certainly if a lving wage included not just adequate food, but adequate housing with plumbing and electricity, medical care, and security after retirement. I am not saying that isn't something we should strive for and make a goal. But I do not think we can look, broadly, to the past for a picture of living standard we want to emulate - certainly not if that picture includes a full range of communities dealing with rural poverty, racism, illiteracy, lack of medical care, lack of access to transportation, etc. I also think that we've experienced a major change in our economy. Even when my parents were growing up, children regularly contributed to their families' economic survival. Having a child could mean having help - many children assisted their parents many hours a week on their farms, in their stores, or by quitting school and going to work in a mill. Most of us today do not expect our children to contribute to us economically, except maybe in our old age. Chores, sure. But we don't see them as money makers. Instead, we try our hardest to be able to help them with college and with all the costs associated with the late entry into the workforce while they graduate from high school and go to college.
  22. I don't know what would happen. Seems like it wouldn't make sense to have a social security fund that we try to reduce people paying into and increase payments out of. How would that work? And no, women won't all stop working. Neither would men. Men and wo modern conclude that building a career is much better for financial stability that counting on social security. And many men and women find both parenting and work satisfying and fulfilling, and they want a healthy balance of the two.
  23. That one way to look at that. That's not how I see it for myself and my marriage. Premarital counseling was helpful, but I never saw it as a binding contract. Heck, I told him I would never be a SAHM. I held a baby in my arms, and became a different person. He accommodated that different person out of love, kindness, and desire for what now seemed 'best.' He's different too. I absolutely care about his burdens and desires and his happiness, and can't imagine demanding strict compliance with a 'deal' we might have made many years ago when we couldn't anticipate how out lives would unfold. Why would I insist on enforcing decades old agreements that make my husband unhappy?
  24. You are of incalculable worth. You know that and your family knows that. However, I tell my children that they need to be able to make a living, and the way you do that is by figuring out what you can do, and are able and willing to do, that people are willing to pay for. It has nothing really to do with an individual person's worth. It's just about earning potential. I made choices in my life that have seriously impacted my ability to do things that people are willing to pay for. I don't regret those choices. I feel very privileged to have had those choices. I didn't homeschool so that I could make money. I guess I couldn't have homeschooled without my husband making enough money for us to live on, but within the range of choices available to me, I made my choices and I have to live with those choices now. I am back working, and learning, and enjoying it. But I understand that I made choices that impact not only my earning potential, but the experience and knowledge I can bring to the job. So of course I make less. My guess is that you don't value someone more if they make $120 an hour than if they make $7. So why are you doing that to yourself?
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