I like to type it all up in word, then tell myself I will post it later. Usually just typing it and saving it is satisfying enough to let me drop it be morning.

If students who partially complete B&M high school are the primary users/target of these equivalency exams -- won't it be far more fair on them if the test's expectations are somewhat in line with whatever they were taught when they were taking classes? What would be the point of a HS equivalency exam that made a point of *not* being similar to the actual content of HS? As for literature, I doubt any HS equivalency exam includes references to specific lit that "must be read" outside of the test, in order to pass the test. So, the CC lit lists really wouldn't impact the exam in any particular way, do you think?

My goodness you are an articulate intelligent young woman! That was a great post! I'm glad this has been helpful to you -- I like your phrasing about actively working to change your role, and I'm glad that you still feel willing to be helpful (within reason, and without nit-picking). To go further with the idea of defining your role and returning other people's responsibilities back to them (when you need to) I'm going to suggest you study the book Boundaries -- by Cloud and Townsend. Consider it this year's "character and virtues" education budget for yourself. It's an investment in your long term emotional and relational health.

Perhaps you could say you've been "having some appointments about my eyes/ vision" -- a heads up, non-alarmist 'redaction' of the whole story, suitable for those that should probably know something, but don't need the stress of knowing/not knowing the whole (unknown) story.

In your situation, I think you would want to start by recognizing how much personal authority you have in your situation. Your family relies on you heavily, and "with great responsibility comes great power" -- You are one who is critical to making the family system work. It works because you are willing to do it. By all means, continue to be willing to do it, but draw this truth deep inside you: it ONLY works because you are willing. In such a position, no one should dream of "picking at you" for anything smaller than a big-big deal. They just do it because they are in the habit -- and possibly because they have "ideas" about young women, that they are trying to help you comform to (you didn't let me know about that, so I can't really know). What you need are scripts. Scripts are multi-purpose statements that you train yourself to say easily, so that, in the right situation they kind of "pop up" and fill that moment where something bothers you, and you don't quite know what to say. Scripts are very personalized, because you have to sound like you. Once you decide on some, you have to practice, to train yourself that they are things that you can say out loud. Suggestions: Something like, "I know this feels like just chatting to you, but I am one of the people you are talking about, and it's actually quite hurtful." Something like, "It's fine that you didn't mean it that way, that's why I thought I'd tell you about the actual consiquences of your words on the people who are actually here listening to them" Something like, "I'd be happy to sit for your kids at Church / family events, but you'd need to call me ahead if time to arrange it." (Go about some other business.) Something like, "It's fine with if you'd like to care for them yourself instead of leaving them to me, but it's not fine when I'm doing you favours and you are finding fault." Something like, "Whoops, my mistake. Perhaps you would like to tend to your own (laundry) next time, so that you don't have to deal with my imperfections impacting your (clothes)." Said with confidence, but a pleasant "customer service" demeanour these are clear messages that others need to re-think your role -- and that it is quite reasonable for them to do so, and (even) that they might have been wiser to do it sooner. Another script that is important is telling your mom about these issues in an emotionally mature way, to get her on-side with things. She is going to tell you you are being too sensitive -- that's because she doesn't want you to be hurt, and insensitivity helps with that. Possibly during your PT with her, try something like, "Mom, when people in our family/group chat about the shortcomings of young adults, sometimes it's really clear that I'm one of the people they include -- and they also talk about my friends and/or their own older children that way. It hurts so much to know that people so close to me think so poorly of me. I suppose they can think it, but I've done nothing but work hard to show them all the kindness I've got. Why do they have chats like that in front of me? Can't they put themselves in my shoes?" A follow up might be, "I'm trying to be less sensitive to it, but I still think its just an un nessisarily hurtful topic when people my age are around. I think they might be a little more thoughtful about that sort of thing." With your mom: If you rant, question their parenting styles, or sound like you are mad, or reprimanding them, of chatting about their flaws -- this will go badly. Try to sound surprised at their apparent lapse of common courtesy. Assume it was unintentional. Sound like you don't know what to do. With others: don't do this vulnerable style. Be calm, brief, and otherwise occupied.

That was great.

I think your friend should be able to give you a bill of sale, or a property transfer document of some kind. It's possible even that the kittens were cute enough to have their photos taken while they were with her.

I think cream cheese *might* compliment the flavour, but I think it is more likely to blend itself into the bites and downplay the strawberry-ness of the experience. Since strawberry-ness is the feature of the cake, I'd choose icing that was as subtle as possible.

Sorry, hon. Babies are going to make you a bit irrational and/or hyper-focused. I'm pretty sure it's biological. There's a difference between a bit irrational and/or hyper-focused -- and the way people are treating you, as if *their* priorities dictate *your* life. I don't think you would feel as strongly about the fact that they have preferences if they weren't foisting those preferences onto your shoulders at every opportunity, and criticizing you when you don't automatically think exactly as they do. But you are going to step on a few toes with whatever things seem very important to you if/when you parent somebody. We've all done it. It's OK not to do the right thing every time. Those are called mistakes.

Not familiar with the word. Probably wasn't a "one kid" issue, but something he feels about many children, who planned to do a weekend project instead of getting ahead during the week. He probably likes the word, and thinks about it many times a year, whenever things like this come up -- that 4th graders prefer to do homework on weekends, or that they do tend to procrastinate. Maybe he thinks he is drawing their attention to an area of their character that could use improvement. But, actually, he is being a bully. He doesn't like the kids he teaches. They are too immature to be up to his standards, and each year he gets a new crop. It must be frustrating to him -- and yes, it's passive aggressive. (Which is really confusing and upsetting to kids who are just barely old enough to catch it and find it both threatening and baffling -- and all the more threatening because it is so baffling.) All of that is an overall unhealthy attitude towards his students and his job -- but I don't think he's out to humiliate your daughter in particular. I don't know what I'd do about it, really. It's a tough call -- how not to make it worse, since there is so little chance of it getting better; and how to get through a year of this sort of thing, or maybe to try and get out of his class. Tough call.

Just for my information, mom2bee, can I ask you if you are in a context (family, church etc) that has strong religious views about men's and women's roles -- generally speaking? Are there messages around you that have been pressing into you the idea that your life needs to look a certain way because of your gender? Or maybe that you are personally supposed to have various traits that are (supposedly) part of your gender -- things that aren't very sciencey, computery, logical, intellectual or college-oriented? Things that are more hospitality, crafty, accomodating, warm and family oriented? I don't want to criticize. People are free to believe what they want. I'm just getting a sense of extra significance around those issues, and I want to know if your struggle might involve a context like that. Sometimes context can make things harder than they need to be. Do you think it might be a factor?

Honestly, it does sound like you prefer kids in structured environments -- that's why you are great with them when you tutor or school them, and they love it -- but you get bugged by the details of managing (or micro-managing) free play and daily emotionality. It sounds like you are still finding your feet on those particular issues -- you don't get parents' idiosyncrasies, and childish over reactions annoy you. I'm glad you are offering what you are good at. I wonder if you might want to just accept being studious with kids, and let their parents do the less regulated stuff. I don't think that mom's unkind way of saying something that could have been kind (ie "Play to your strengths! What a great plan for a fee-based summer program next year! I think we should try not to put you in charge of playgrounds and hotdogs though -- large group chaos and a variety of expectation are not quite your thing, eh?") will effect the mom who thinks you are doing a great job. You are doing a great job. Nobody has all the skills in the world. I think your business venture will be fine. Your successes speak for themselves, and it *will* be a structured environment. If you were built to be a perpetual smiling preschool teacher -- you'd be 'that sort of girl' (not the kind of girl you are). The kind of girl you are likes structure, is strict, is loved anyways, and can successfully raise kids' grades. WOW! You like computers, and are very articulate and clearly kind hearted and hard working. You're just not a natural about the way they over-react about popsicles, and you aren't a hover-copter on super-safety issues. People shouldn't criticize you, but neither should you criticize yourself. You have a unique blend of gifts and talents, a distinct temperament that is valuable in the world. You don't have every temperament, or every talent. It's OK if people notice that. It's mean of them to say it so tactlessly... but, hey, some people never quite grow out of the mean girl stage. You can be better than that.

Crying for a thinker... 7 reasons that it's kind of like throwing up. 1. Nobody likes it. 2. You can tell inside just how close to the brink you are. 3. It's better to do it in private than in public, and (for some) alone is best of all. 4. Generally, once you know it's coming, there's a "better out than in" effect. 5. Mostly, it actually doesn't take that long. 6. Mostly, people feel a little better afterwards, than they felt when they were holding it down. 7. It's a built in system to release 'bad stuff' from an inside place where it does harm, and then carry on without it -- like a pressure relief valve. The system is there for a reason, and it shouldn't be suppressed. Things like this are the reason. (8. If you manage to keep it down long enough, it will dwell inside you, move on to a different system, and come out as... )

I was originally thinking I was talking to a parent or post-parent person, a homeowner who initiated these "events" and had a lot of say over things like that. The OP is a college student, participating in things that happen in and around her home and her extended family -- mostly things that are initiated by her parents, mostly to do with adults who think "big kids" have a role to look after "little kids". That's why kids "just show up" and there she is, present, accounted for, and "expected" to do stuff for them (whatever way their parents like it). It's a tough role to break out of, especially if she wants all of these people to keep on thinking of her as a nice girl, growing up well. If she has boundaries, she's going to have to deal with people thinking of her as a sulky standoffish unhelpful girl who is growing up selfishly. That's totally a rock-and-a-hard-place situation!

According to my data-collection, 12 is kind of a sulky age. I think her reaction to your "no" was childishly normal -- and that your re-iteration (as long as it was warm-in-tone) was probably just fine too. A perfectly normal event. On the other hand, screaming and crying over popsicles is unusual in a 9 year old, and probably inappropriate (unless circumstances were already hard on her, and it was a 'last straw' of some kind). Also, snapping at people who are guests in your home is also inappropriate (even if they are misbehaving) and it's not usually an effective way to express one's self even as a parent. It's normal to get snappish, but it's still a "probably shouldn't have let myself do that" moment. That's fairly boxed in thinking. Alternatives would be, "No, not the computer today -- would you like to play Uno with me?" and "Sorry, we're out of popsicles. How about some (juice, water, lemonade, applesauce or pudding)?" I think she means that a 'flat no' can be unnessisarily upsetting, when a 'no, but how about something else' can really soften the blow. (I could be wrong. Maybe she did mean 'do whatever they want' -- but I'm giving her some benefit-of-doubt, since her words didn't *necessarily* mean that.) --- This... Is REALLY good advice!

It's the "Goldilocks Effect" -- people think long and hard about their parenting, before they settle on their version of "just right" (their idea of fair and reasonable treatment, the right amount if buffering for them) -- thereafter, every other strategy is automatically "too hot" or "too cold". When they see things that aren't "just right" they notice the difference and sometimes express themselves about it. This sounds more like it. And quite a reasonable reaction in your shoes I think. I think you might want to just start being less helpful and less child-oriented at these kinds of events. It takes a "type" of person to be drawn into the doings of kids (and their parents) at large group events. Lots of people just don't pay any attention to kiddy stuff. You can start re-shaping their expectations of you, starting next event. Maybe some scripts for yourself would help? We could brainstorm.

In general, "That's nice. She sure is a great kid, eh?" (Caution: this response is, indeed, Canadian in nature.) The lady should be more sensible than that, but, I guess she's not so you have to teach her the obvious, "Sorry, (respectful title appropriate to your location), I can really only let DGD go away from people with others that I know well. It's not OK even though she knows you, because, obviously, I just met you." "I'm not comfortable with the way you are trying to get me to change my mind. I'm planning on supervising DGD myself for this entire event. If you'd like to keep on chatting with us for the event, that's fine, but you need to drop the idea of taking her, OK?" "How lovely. I'm (name), DGD's maternal grandmother. Where do you two know each other from?" There is no upper hand. These people are just new acquaintances that you are meeting because you have a friend in common. The "friend in common" happens to be a 2 year old, but the same social protocols apply. Act the same way as if you were out with an adult niece and ran into a friend of hers from her workplace. She would facilitate it, but the basics are, "Friend, this is (name), my aunt on my mother's side." -- "Auntie, this is (name), a co-worker of mine." -- "Now let's all chat about the weather and sports until/unless we find that we have something else in common." I think you are off guard because you are unused to the idea of children having dual families, and you (probably) still feel the sense of the conflict that resulted in her parents not parenting her together. Therefore, the 'other half' of her social life has those overtones for you: as if the people she meets when she is with the father's family are somehow on "the other side" of a conflict that involves all of you. If DGD is being well raised by everyone, she should be experiencing this not as conflict but as, "All sorts of people who love me (family members) and like me (friends/acquaintances) all over the place, all the time." If you respond as if you are adverse to the people even vaguely associated with the father, you slightly shake that illusion (which you should instead be working to build up). I understand if you still blame the father for something significant (if there were significant things) -- and perhaps his parents, if they had a significant role. But you can't go through your social interactions as if there are two "teams" in competition over DGD's affections. She has enough affections to go around. Don't let it "be like that'... not even if other people want to act like that towards you (perhaps considering something blame-worthy on your DD's side). You, be the one who is determined to let her be a child with lots of love and support from all sides.

I think probiotic suppositories are more likely to be the "new solution!" On this front... Because poop transplant just isn't going to fly right now (outside of contortions requiring hospitalization). But I don't find this particular evidence 100% compelling. Interesting, but not enough to quite convince me. Plus, my probiotic tablets do effect my poop and my gut feelings, so something about them is getting past my stomach and all the way through.

Another mental image that could help: you don't nessisarily "control" emotions. It's more like you "herd" them to make them less inconvenient.

Your emotions are neither silly nor unnessisary -- they are how normal and proportional to the uncertainty. If if this gets sorted out later, that won't "go back in time" to make the uncertain time not-have-happened. It's not a matter of who is dealing with "worse" you are you, and dealing with this "something" is what you are going to be doing. Your decisions just rest in the "how" of the dealing with it. You are dealing with it. You are having emotions as part of how you are dealing with it. That's part of the "dealing with it" deal.

That was fascinating. I noted that he was unimpressed with the contrived nudity of the "frat party" -like event that was supposed to be spiritual -- he's not in it to leer at girls. He's learning that his sociology and his self are distinct, and that his sexual responses are something that "just are"... Not that he is learning entirely in a good way, but he has plenty of food for thought to offer us.

As a thinker, you might do well with the strategy of thinking in distinct (and detailed) scenarios or forecasts -- rather than the unknown. It's kind of like living life on a flow chart. You don't know which thing will happen, but you do know what things could happen. Then you have places to put your plans. Also, remember that having emotions is a lot like needing to go pee. They are there, part of your life, but they aren't "you" as in they don't take on your identity of "self". They are something that the real "you" manages with wisdom and gentleness... just like you manage your need to pee. If an emotion is there, it isn't going to evaporate: it's going to need to be processed (internally, by thinking it through, or externally by conversation or expressiveness). You get to choose when, where and how to deal with it, but you don't get to choose not to deal with it -- or you very much will end up in a messy outburst at the very worst time. Feelings, like pee, will wait a while before be owning insistent. And, like pee, they will be insistent for a while before they really get messy... But they won't be ignored for long stretches of time. They will take matters into their own hands. To internally process an emotion, name what it is, and almost say "hello" to it. Try to assess how intense it is. Decide that it is a perfectly appropriate feeling in there, doing exactly what it should be doing, responding to something real, something that legitimately provokes that particular feeling. Look into it for more information, like, "What sorts of specific things am I afraid about?" (Beyond, "I see that I am feeling fear. Fear is appropriate here.") Then you kind of "pat the feeling on the head" and tell it that it is more than welcome to stay as long as it likes, but you are carrying on with your day now. Oh, and do little tests of what kinds of expression your feelings might need -- journaling, chatting, shouting, crying, drawing -- all sorts if things can help. Bottling it up because of what others need from you is a recipe for disaster. "Lady who crying because of something personal, thanks for your concern, be out in a minute" is much more understandable than "Lady who screamed in frustration and threw her chalk into the corner for no reason" -- in a workplace (and a healthy family) you are expected to process strong emotions without outbursts of irrationality... But you aren't expected to keep this all to yourself and express nothing. Good emotional management means making time and choosing good spaces to process through them so that you can be level headed much of the time.

Research funny Newfie words and pick one you like!

I suppose it was a statement of the obvious -- possibly an unnessisary touch of colour, but I still don't get how it got misunderstood to mean that I think of it *as* a hobby, when my whole post was about how it would be really hard for a normal person to undertake, so very hard that I wouldn't want it done on my behalf. I think I'm going to follow my parents' plan: keep taking high risk vacations and stay involved with gruelling sports: it's fun and fit while it lasts, and it provides ample opportunities to go quickly and avoid a prolonged end of life.

The semantic range of hot (and sexy) has actually linguistically shifted in the past 20 years. Using "hot" to mean any kind of good looks is within current language use, not just a "little kids that do t know what it actually implies" use of the term.