jeninok
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Posts posted by jeninok
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My son smells like a wet puppy. He smells fantastic while he is still wet from showering, but once he dries the wet puppy smell comes back. He wears deodorant, axe, I wash his clothes daily, and it isn't BO. It is just a wet puppy smell that never really goes away.
His feet are deadly. His shoes live in a corner of the living room away from everyone else!
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DS will be 12 in June, he still calls me Mamma, occasionally Mommy.....but usually only when he wants something. He calls DH by his first name, or a variation thereof that sounds like Daddy, sadly it drives DH bonkers so it is normally his first name. :001_rolleyes:
I still call my mom mamma, so it might be a regional thing.
He will still hold my hand, and hug me in public, he can't sit on my lap since he is bigger than me, but will put his head in it so I can rub his hair like a kitty. He would also happily sleep in the same bed as me, or smack in between DH and I. He doesn't need it or make a fuss though, and is content to sleep with our dog and his cat.
I enjoy it all, I know it won't last much longer.
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BAwhahahahhahaha
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I do think the combination of sexual activities combined with power, thrill, taboo can be an especially dangerous one. It's not JUST about sex but sex is definitely a part of what makes things like this so common. If it was just about humiliating someone I don't think nearly as many boys & men would be involved in rapes and sexual crimes. They clearly get something out of it also.
Power, thrill and taboo are all highly exciting, they can all also be safely explored within consensual adult relations without hurting anybody. Maybe if we were more honest with our young adults about the full scope of possibility and what is truly normal there wouldn't be so much damaging behavior.
Not that I expect teenagers to be able to really explore those boundaries with their relationships, but given time and maturity, and teaching them to be honest as well as teaching the ability to discuss embarassing things, maybe more people would have safe healthy fulfilled relationships of all kinds.
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These things happen to boys too (at the hands of both males and females), but boys are all the more ashamed to complain about it, so they mostly don't.
You are right, boys are all too often the victim of sexual abuse and being taken advantage of. It is also too often brushed aside when it happens by adult females to younger men because all too often people assume that sex doesn't have the same emotional consequences for males as it does for females. Which is yet another twisted facet of society's screwed up views of it all.
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I assume it was pre-verdict, when he still very much thought this was all going to go away.
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I was doing those things in high school, but I had a great group of girls, and really great guy friends as well. It just would not have happened. There was not much dating within the circle of friends, and we all watched out for each other in all situations. That doesn't mean we weren't lucky, and didn't put ourselves at risk...we did. And I look back in retrospect and shudder.
I just think it is really important we don't reduce rape to an insensible choice, or bad judgement. It really isn't that wishy washy, and we do our boys a discredit if we think they can't understand the nuance.
Rape also isn't really about se**ual pleasure, I am sure being football big shots, those boys would not have had a problem finding a willing partner that night. They chose instead to do unspeakably vile things.
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Trigger and harsh adult content warning, this is a very well cited post, but it doesn't white wash any of it, and ya, could be super triggery.
http://rantagainsttherandom.wordpress.com/2013/03/19/so-youre-tired-of-hearing-about-rape-culture/
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The biggest issue is that a girl may give that impression, and then she may change her mind up to any point in the situation, and a woman or girl who is highly intoxicated can not give consent, no matter if she is 14 or 64. Her friends should have rallied around her, the other boys should have stood up for her, someone should have told someone in authority immediately.
It is not just the actions of the boys who did the acts that is so appalling, but that we live in a culture where taking advantage of vulnerable people is so status quo, and women and girls are seen as lesser, as property, and as something to be controlled in order to be enjoyed that is the real problem.
The fact that our news coverage focuses on the loss of the promise in these young mens lives rather than the victim who was not only sexually violated, but then humiliated, threatened, and outed by the national news is what makes me so very sick.
Our culture much too often says things like if it is really rape a woman will not get pregnant, or that she was asking for it because she dressed a certain way, or it is essentially her fault because boys will be boys, so we should all just move along. We teach classes for women about how not to get raped, and the backlash against someone saying this is not a female problem, but rather a male one, also results in death threats and rape threats and all manner of vile behavior.
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my mom's 2nd husband was proud of the fact that his sons would pull back a chair for a woman at a restaurant, but he was abusive towards my mom . . . they dont seem to see the difference between formal manners and good behavior. i think that sort of manners supports stereotyped roles, thereby giving men permission to 'punish' women if they dont stay in their stereotypical roles . . . as opposed to true morality, actually being respectful and kind, not just following scripts of behavior. does that make any sense?
This is exactly what I was talking about, I didn't necessarily mean the chair thing as an important issue in and of it itself, rather that we so often teach those rather old fashioned values and manners without really adressing the modern issues of equality and changing gender roles.
I have no problem with Chivalry, but only if one does it out of respect and kindness, not because women are the weaker or fairer sex.
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We don't explicitly teach it, only that if someone older or much younger or whatever is standing, and you are not, then you should give up your seat. But the rest of my very Waspy family does in fact teach it.
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I have been thinking a lot about this lately as my DS comes into his teenage years. He is at his core, empathetic to a fault, kind, and gentle. But he is also a middle class white male, being raised in a very confused society which passes on a very mixed bag of ideals, images, and in which a culture war is raging on several fronts.
On one hand I have always tried to convey that women are equal, we are not weak delicate flowers that need protection and supervision from men, but on the other hand we teach that girls are not to be hit, they should give up their seats to them, protect them, cherish them, carry heavy things and do the manual labor. Dh and I have fairly classic gender roles in our household, simply because it is what works, and I firmly hold to the fact that I do not know how to work a lawnmower. :leaving:
But we are equals on every front. I can hope that the way behavior is modeled to him will be the basis of his interactions with women, but I also know it isn't enough. There must be frank talks, difficult talks, role playing, and the firm stance that he can always count on us to remove not only him, but his friends from situations where he knows bad things are likely to happen.
I just find it hard to personally balance my own feminist, bra burning, somewhat angry reactions to current events, with the need to not overdo it and end up with eyerolling and rebelling from a young male trying to find his own sense of power and place in the world.
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We got some walkie talkies at Wallyworld last night.
Now I need a fun handle!
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Thanks for all the input!
I usually can't just use my voice, we are on an acre, with the closest house another 1/4 to 1/2 acre away on each side, although the ones across the street are easily visible :) There are also fairly thick strands of cedar and oak trees running between most of the properties. There are only 3 really 3 streets with an outer ring connecting it all together, two of the middle streets are only half developed.
There is also only one entrance into the neighborhood, and gravel roads. This all adds up to very little traffic, slow drivers, and lots of place for kids to be kids, 4 houses down, or around the corner is a whole lot further than it was in our old city neighborhood on 1/8 acre lots!
We seriously have a Real Roadrunner living in our yard, an entire flock of Goldfinches at the feeder every morning, and crows the size of small dogs! (maybe ravens)
We will probably get him a non smartphone this summer, I need to look into the parental controls available on our plan. He is turning 12, so I think it is a good age.
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I have been also been telling DS that we ARE doing minimum school during the summer, he is going to give me an hour and half or so each day to do writing and math, and we also won't be done with science until about mid June. I asked the two he plays with most their opinion and they think that an open or closed sign on the door is a fantastic idea.
I had originally thought morning, but once it gets brutally hot, mornings and evenings are the only time to really play, so I am thinking of 12-3 he needs to come in and eat cool off, apply sunscreen and do a little bit of studying with me.
I might also end up getting one of those cooler jug things to put outside so the kids drink enough water.
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Don't live in a neighborhood now, but did when boys were younger. Because of our desire to preserve family time, showing up for dinner was a priority. In our case, my boys were younger than yours, but I personally think a group of kids can get into trouble if left all day/evening on their own. Coming in for dinner provides a break in the action, so to speak, and can recalibrate judgement, iykwim !
They do come and go throughout the day, and often show up at my house thirsty or wanting a snack or a bandaid, or to play xbox, which I never allow if it is nice out. They have also taken to sitting on our front porch and sunning, which is so funny and kind of adorable. I absolutely don't mind being the house they want to hang out at, especially when DS gets older. I have been making sure to keep popcorn and apples and Pb&J on hand, but also not to feed them too close to dinner time. It is also a large reason why we bought this house, DS room is kind of its own floor but not at all separate from the house, it gives the illusion of privacy and is big enough for a bed, loveseat and papasan chair.
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Walkie Talkies are a great idea. He doesn't have a cell phone yet, and I really am putting that off as long as possible. I do know 2 of the moms, and need to meet the others. He will come home when I tell him to, I just haven't decided what to tell him yet :)
I am still learning to navigate these waters too and find the balance between the teen/tween need for friends, and them still being quite young and needing a lot of guidance. I had to sit down with DS and two other boys last week for a "chat" much to the moritification of DS. But I was tired of tears and DRAMA, and they are 11, not 18!!
The kid he spends the most time with is right next door, so I have spoken to his mom quite a bit. But a lot of times they are in the woods playing army, or running around the undeveloped part of the neighborhood so they aren't at anyone's house for me to call mom.
I also made 2 of the little brothers cry yesterday. The big kids were off playing and I was putting my feet up, when the dogs started going nuts. I went down and told the littles that the big kids weren't here and they were sad when I didn't know. Then about 10 minutes later the dogs were going nuts and I had to go out again and explain that they couldn't play in my yard without Tyler and their older brothers so they needed to go home or find the olders!
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I'm 32 and I still get one from my mom! :lol:
Me too, and she makes one for my Dh and DS too.
We do a small inexpensive basket for DS, this year it will have Nerf Bullets, some Bandanas, and an egg with a little bit of money in it. My mom will give him candy so we don't!
My mom is thoughtful and awesome and loves to give presents, so we get small things for Valentines day, Easter, 4th of July, Halloween, and Thanksgiving. (She also still buys me clothes, I don't ask for it, but boy is it nice since I am too cheap to spend on myself very often!!)
My mom usually gives Dh his favorite Reese's candy in whatever holiday shape is current, and then tosses in a small gift card to somewhere like Home Depot, She knows not to give me candy, so I get holiday dish towels and/or a little something for the kitchen. Sometimes she will do a gift card for us to go to dinner and movie, or cold hard cash for DH and I to use as we see fit.
She gives DS a small amount of candy so I don't gripe at her for too much sugar, some money in an egg, and then a little lego packet, or something. This year they are giving him a nightvision nerf ball of some sort, Dh is getting the other set of glasses LOL.
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Since we moved DS has made friends, lots of them. In good weather they play outside from about 3 until almost dark. Yesterday there kids at my house at 1030 and they all came and went all day. DS came home alone around 1230 for a while and had lunch, and then was gone again off and on for hours and hours.
Personally I am fine with this, he has had a rough go of it socially, so having kids knock at our door to play, inviting him over for sleepovers, and wanting me to feed them (which I only do once a week or so) is a really really good thing for my extrovert. It also means I am not dealing with a bored lonely kid who hasn't played hard enough.
I am having a tough time figuring out Dinner issues though. It was fine when it got dark at 630, but now it is nearly 8, and soon will be inching towards 930 or so! They boys are 11-13 so I don't have a problem with them outside that late, except that it means he comes in starving, surly, and tired. I also am enjoying DH's much more normal schedule, and like eating dinner at 6-7 like normal people! Once spring break is over the school kids will have to be home around 715 again, so that is fine for him to come in and eat, but come summer?????
So, do you have your kids come in for a while for dinner then let them go back out? Tell them to come back inside at a set time and that is it? We don't have any evening activities right now, and frankly I am counting his new friendships as an important activity since he is learning to really navigate the waters with a group of kids that are all friends by choice.
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My husband has his own bookshelf, and a desk, as well as a laundry basket for things with no home. I routinely stack his papers and "stuff" in those areas. Moving is what actually helped the most, I got rid of TONS and TONS of crap, he only freaked out about a few of them, and only two things were rescued from the donate pile. Dh isn't a hoarder, but he grew up poor, on a farm, and has full blown hoarders in his family. I honestly think if his tendencies were much worse, I would need someone to help with counseling or a professional organizer to help him understand. This can come from a deep seated anxiety about not having enough, or it can be related to ADD, or can be a form of OCD gone wonky. Pretty sure he has some of all of those, but isn't a severe case.
He is slowly learning that we don't need so much stuff, and that he will replace that ratty shirt with a new one, and for not much money, because he works in the back end of retail store and gets a discount.
I do have ADD, and need to not have an overwhelming amount of objects to deal with, or I just can't keep up and keep things decent.
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Ok, I kind of want to get this for our house, I wonder if I could get DS to do it with me, the giggling might make it hard though :hurray: :lol:
:lol:
:lol:
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Play may not have been the right word there, you are right I do have a healthy respect for what those cards represent. But I don't do formal speads, or try to "read them". They show me plenty to think on and kick around without trying to make likely wrong connections between cards that are so intensely complicated visually and archetypically. (not sure that is a word, but it fits LOL)
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Brian Froud has always been one of my favorite artists for things mystical. :)
If you love Brian Froud, there is a book by Terri Windling called "The Wood Wife" that was based on a few of his paintings but is set in the Southwest. It is a quick read, but one I have gone back to over and over.
http://books.google.com/books/about/The_Wood_Wife.html?id=N1Zw2OxsgWgC
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I am trying to get us further along the clean healthy scale, and I would say we are about 75%. I did take DS to sonic for lunch today, because I have been 90% lactose free but needed some cheddar bites and a large Diet coke with extra ice! Not want, needed! We also went to an OKC Thunder game last night, with fancy pants box seats, a buffet and a waitress. I am not going to say what all I consumed for dinner, but I finished it off with 2 large beers and some funnel cake fries from the concession stand. The kids didn't want the good food and I bought them Burgers as well.
Breakfast yesterday and today and most days is steel cut oats made with nut butter, homey, and fruit stirred in. Snacks are fruits and veggies or lean meats and crackers.
Dinner tonight was grilled chicken, grilled mini bell peppers and broccolli, a small yukon gold potato each and canteloupe. I did drizzle the veggies with olive oil and we had KerryGold butter on our potatoes.
Monday night was taco salad made with lean beef, lots of baby lettuce, spinach and kale, tomatoes onions bell peppers, black beans and salsa for the dressing.
I don't want to gain weight, and DS weight is of some concern to me, more from a social than health aspect, so I try to get good food in as much as possible. Our new living arrangements and the longer daylight hours mean he is getting 2.5-3 hours a day of active outdoor play with other kids and they come back sweaty and gross!
Dd1is at the ER
in The Chat Board
Posted
This happened to my husband a few years ago at work, It is forever lumpy, I guess the shoulder is designed to do this, and he is all healed. It totally freaked me out for months!
Back on topic, a few weeks ago DS fell down the neighbors porch stairs, it was only 3 stairs, and he just slid down on his bottom. He did smack his tailbone though and had a red line on his cheek. I had just done the same thing in December, but I am old and it was a flight of stairs!
I knew he was okay, but sore because tailbone stuff hurts, and that even had he cracked his tailbone a little, they wouldn't do anything but make him rest. I gave him some Advil, a heated rice bag and just told him to give a day or two. I could also tell by the way he was moving that he was just sore, it wasn't true acute injury pain.
Then our very active crazy dog whimpered while walking across the room, which made us all stop and watch her. A few minutes later she stood up and let out a screamy yelp and laid right back down.
We loaded her up immediately and took her to the E-vet. About halfway there my panic subsided and I totally felt like mother of the year. :leaving: :svengo: