Something to consider—a U-Haul truck sends a big fat signal that says “All of our most valuable stuff is right in here.” So that’s not a great thing to leave in, say, the parking lot of a cheap motel. They might want to consider ordering a pod and packing their most important stuff plus anything else that would fit in it. Those are much more secure, similar to shipping containers, and are delivered intact to the other address to be unpacked at their leisure.

It is VERY difficult to get people to donate money compared with donating ‘stuff’.

People are funny. Be the duck. I donated an old suitcase to someone for this purpose. It had been in the garage for years, and I couldn’t fully clean the inside of mildew stains. I told her that upfront and asked whether she still wanted it and she did. I assume that she wrapped the contents in plastic or something to protect them. But the key was that she got a big old suitcase that she could just leave there—that was the requirement, and it served that purpose just fine. I would not have been offended if she had said that she could not use it, and I would have tossed it in a dumpster at that point.

Baseball caps, too. Not an untypical swag item.

Shrug. You were the bigger person. This is further proof.

Our neighborhood schools were unacceptable to me, so it was homeschool or parochial or private. That changes the equation. There was a big opportunity cost for us in me not working but a big emotional and life benefit as well. It’s important to weigh and value the intangibles as well as the tangibles.

Plastic wicker looks just like the real thing but is far more durable and MUCH easier to clean than teak. I try to find plastic wicker furniture that feels nice to sit on even without cushions, which a good design will because it flexes just a bit, and then also buy thick cushions for it that I bring in at night to avoid dew wetness. IME covers lead to mold or mildew. Once a year we move all the furniture to the basement, much easier than with teak because it is more lightweight, and then out again in late spring. We have stacking wicker chairs from Costco that have served us very well and were reasonably priced, and Portofino chaises with a little side table that I bought as a set from Costco online. And a dining table from Ikea that has not held up at all. It is acacia. Big mistake. Portofino was so comfortable IRL that I felt confident buying it online. Their cushions are quite nice and thick.

A case of canned coffee.

I’ve known people who complain constantly and reflexively. And I’ve known really bitter old people. I find that they help me not to be that way. Because to a large extent it is a choice. Not entirely, but a lot. Especially when it’s that chronic.

I think that classics largely have the functionality that is touted for humanities upthread, but that classics are a subset of humanities that are particularly appropriate to this. There are other parts of the humanities that similarly are useful in that way, but not all of them, and hence it’s easy to talk past each other about this. I studied STEM in college largely because I knew that I would never learn it any other way. The humanities classes that I took were my oasis, and I absolutely loved them; I am positive that I would not have self taught nearly as quickly or completely without them; but it is also true that I’m a life long reader and am far more self-taught in humanities than STEM. FWIW.

Bone or nude would be my go to colors. A very pale pink or yellow could also work, depending on the shade.

You guys have not mentioned the really big factor in democratizing college admission, which is the GI Bill. I know a LOT of guys who came out of WWII and went to college that never would have done so any other way because it was suddenly free. And because they had already served in the military they were older/more mature than typical recent high school grads, which helped to compensate for deficiencies in their preparation. Of course, this disadvantaged women, which is not good, but it did get a lot of ‘poor’ guys college educations and a ticket into the middle class.

That’s probably where I got it from, then. I’ve read so many different approaches I tend to forget which is which.

I read something helpful about things without an obvious home. The advice was: 1. If I needed or wanted this, in what room would I look for it? (Then carry it to that room. Don’t find it a home. Just put it in that room, which you will organize later.) 2. If I needed or wanted this, would it occur to me to realize that I already have one? If not, donate or pitch it. Because you’re not going to use it anyway.

Also, just in general, it’s far less overwhelming to commit to, say, 15 minutes, knowing that at the end of that time you are planning to stop, than it is to start working on a big task with no end in sight. It’s a mind game, but more effective, to focus on the timer and getting a bunch done in a brief amount of time than to focus on the size of the remaining task. That’s the basis of the pomodoro technique and it works astoundingly well for me.

I would start with trash. I would just walk around with a shopping bag for recyclables and a shopping bag for garbage and collect stuff until they are full, then put them out, and call it good. Lather, rinse, repeat. I would probably also gather the clan and say, Look, I am too tired to do this myself, but I can give direction. Let’s all meet in the dining room and I’ll walk you through the errands needed to put things away that are in there. Or possibly I would give each kid a bag and say, Fill this with your stuff that is out, and take it to your room and put it where it goes in there.

Then how do we get to that?

My sister always wanted to be a teacher, and the requirements were to get a BA or BS in anything and then go on to teacher’s college for the certificate. So she majored in music, which involved a lot of organ study and choral work, and which she enjoyed tremendously. (I was so jealous!). And then she went on from there. But if she had just headed to get that original degree without the plan for how to go on further from there to be marketable, I don’t think my parents would have supported it. With our DD, wow, we have so many great public colleges and universities here in CA, but she got her heart set on a college in Chicago that had a major in the creative writing of poetry. (Who knew there were degrees less lucrative than English???). I really struggled with this. It was much more expensive (private LAC) than what we had saved for, and so much less well rounded in its offerings as well. But, I decided to support her on it, with the caveat that she had to get whatever those smallest loans are (PLUS, I think?) and we would cover the rest. HOWEVER, and this is key, we also had a sit down where I said, look, you may or may not be able to find a decent job in your field when you graduate, and you may not find one that you actually want to do. So we need you to be realistic about that in advance. AND, we also helped her learn to look for and keep a job, which she became very good at, so that we could know that she had the skills to support herself. The jobs she had in college were mostly unrelated to her major, but they paid the bills, and once you know how to do that you’re set whether your college degree helps you specifically or not. This turned out to be an excellent approach. I recommend it. PS We also paid for medical coverage on our insurance as long as the law allowed it, so that at least that part of adulting was in place regardless of what kind of employment she would have. It was expensive but peace of mind for me as well as for her was worth it. And we kept her on our cell phone plan and paid for it for quite a while as well.

Me too?

What if you offered to buy the house from them with them having a life interest in staying there?

Kathy, an original WTM mom with one son, attended the 10 year anniversary conference in Williamsburg and then found out she had breast cancer and passed away.

I’d pick up some artisan soap or an unscented but pretty candle the next time I was out shopping and wrap it up with a note.

He might be far better off in rehab for a while. The hospital will only discharge him home if they are told that there is someone there to take care of him, around the clock, and your mother is not up to that job. But they won’t check on that, they just check off that there is someone home with him all the time. So consider saying, My mother can’t possibly take care of him 24/7, and there is no one available to move in with them. Then they should discharge to rehab, at least if he has been admitted and had at least a 3 night stay. Rehab is temporary, but very helpful during early recovery, if you find a good placement. Usually the hospital can give you a list of rehab places, and you can visit and then select the one you like the best. Pay attention to noise levels there, and to how rushed people seem. If he does go to rehab, encourage him to accept every single offer of PT and OT, because he has to show progress and cooperation for this to continue. Also, visit often and unpredictably, and then he will better care plus you can help with stupid stuff like they deliver a meal but he can’t cut up the meat or they set the water cup down out of reach or whatever. Also, STAY WITH HIM ALL DAY THE DAY OF DISCHARGE AND WRITE DOWN WHO SAYS WHAT TO YOU ABOUT HIS RESTRICTIONS. I can’t possibly stress that enough. Sometimes the different experts give conflicting instructions, and it is important to have an advocate available to make them be resolved before exiting. I have seen this happen several times in my extended family. Also, that gives you the chance to ask sensible questions like, the house is up a flight of stairs but you said no going on stairs. What should we do about this? Or, you said no raising arms above shoulder level, but then how can he put on a tshirt? Or, Does no arms over shoulder level also mean no hands over shoulder level? If so, is he allowed to brush his teeth? Are there dietary restrictions, and if so, for how long? Those kinds of answers often drive a much better set of helps after discharge, like more PT/OT, etc. whether he goes into rehab for them or has them at home.

I was here before Y2K. Not sure exactly when I started!

I have less on my head and more everywhere else. Long eyebrows, more whiskers, more cleavage and belly button area hair. Very annoying.