Tree Frog
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Posts posted by Tree Frog
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1 hour ago, gardenmom5 said:
am I understanding correctly that you allowed them to stay in your home even after the husband had a positive covid test?
Was there a reason you didn't take them up on their offer to stay in a hotel?
Yes, we let them stay. We expected something like when ds had Covid. We felt like family needed to help, so we told them they didn't need to go to a hotel. I think that had they gone to a hotel, they would have been out and about more than they were and theoretically spread it further.
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18 minutes ago, Farrar said:
I have to say, practically speaking, this incident is the sort of thing that I'd need to whine and expel about for a little while to friends. And then at some point in the future, in a few months or a year, I'd put it in a metaphorical box, lock it, and just let it go. Because what else can you do? I mean, you could cut them off? But absent other actions, I wouldn't. Or you could seethe about it all the time, but that's not healthy.
Thank you. I am starting to let it go. This post has helped me get over my anger. It'll become another eye roll. There are other instances when at the time I was angry, but the anger served no purpose, so they became eye rolls.
I'm getting ready to go tell them goodbye.
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19 minutes ago, Farrar said:
Honestly, while I don't want to downplay the fact that germs do spread by contact (and obviously bacteria loves to spread by contact), I feel like we all got a giant lesson in the ways that viruses love to encircle us when we breathe them in and out. And it's a bit wild how people are determined to forget this basic lesson of the pandemic. What we do with it doesn't have to mean locking everything down all the time or masking everywhere necessarily. But just... maybe if we could at least know what risks we're taking? Good grief.
My thought when I told him I'd load the dishwasher was that it was easier to wash my hands than clean the air.
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3 minutes ago, Farrar said:
So bleeping rude.
Why do people have trouble understanding that the mask is not a magic wand that clears all germs from a space? I encountered this with my family when we had Covid in the house. If you have areas where the well people aren't masking in a space, the sick person has to wear a mask whether they're there or not. If there are areas where the sick person isn't masking, then the well people have to mask to go there even if the sick person isn't in there. Unless it's been awhile, preferably with the windows open. I just... what the heck. This should be so basic.
Yes! But apparently germs on dishes are more dangerous than germs in the air, based on dr. bil's actions. And if sick people aren't in the dining room on a cruise, then it's safe to eat there, regardless of whether or not sick people were in the room moments earlier.
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8 minutes ago, pinball said:
Once you said no, come to our house, *to sick people* you signed up to be Florence Nightingale.
They could have become sick to the point of incapacitation and you would have been providing transport to the ER or calling 911. You opened yourself up to a myriad of “need to care for sick people” scenarios.
as for lightbulbs and career choice discussions…life’s to short to bicker over lightbulbs.
Other than running to the store, they really didn't need anything from us. I think they wanted to be able to visit with us. We were prepared to call 911 and help if it was needed, but most of my frustrations are due to them feeling well enough to come downstairs and expect to socialize.
I agree about light bulbs. But this is an ongoing refrain with him.
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11 minutes ago, Tiberia said:
You have the right to be angry and frustrated.
They seem immature and selfish, but not necessarily toxic. They seem difficult and annoying, but not evil.
But, I'd sure make plans in case this ever happens again: I'd have some big craft ready to set up in the empty rooms in case they want to come again unannounced. "Oh, we're repainting all the bookcases right now, so you'll need to stay at a hotel this time." If that's too indirect, just tell them to stay at a hotel because of what happened last time, and you need your space.
I would try to take the high road, as you have done, unless this becomes a pattern.
The funny thing is that the room they stayed in I'll be turning into an office as soon as they leave. I was waiting for their visit first.
I think a hotel will be good moving forward.
I don't think they're evil. He's just clueless.
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35 minutes ago, perky said:
I would be furious, but I would also recognize that I did allow them to stay at my house, knowing they were sick, even though they offered to stay in a hotel. So partly (but only very slightly) my fault but still annoying and infuriating. I would pledge to myself to draw stronger boundaries next time.
This about sums up what we'll do moving forward. Sil cleaned their room and bathroom, washed their sheets and bedding, and will finish disinfecting before they leave. I appreciate that!
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33 minutes ago, Carol in Cal. said:
PS. I would not have let them stay in the house sick, sorry, but no. I would have helped them a lot at the hotel, probably delivering meals and such, but at a distance.
We shouldn't have let them stay. I expected them to follow what ds did when he had it, which is pretty much what we set out with them. Ds did a great job of following our guidelines and making sure we were ok with him coming out of his room. When they didn't, we either should've clarified or sent them to a hotel.
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36 minutes ago, rebcoola said:
I would have lost my sh*! When I came and found them unmasked. They would have been out of the house so fast. The rational part of me says that a smart person would have nipped this in the bud when they called and invited themselves. I doubt I would have done that though. I probably would have let them stay and been slightly annoyed the whole time.
I don't really talk to them, so it mostly goes through dh. It's the first time they've done this and it caught us of guard.
I have asked myself over and over when something like this happens, why don't I say something? The thought at the time never crosses my mind. I know I'm angry (or whatever feeling), but I don't act on it very often. I'm trying to change that, to say what I think, but for some reason, it's difficult for me.
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6 minutes ago, Lady Florida. said:
Same here. We got it last February even though we were vaccinated and boosted and the cruise line required masks for those who were unvaccinated.
All of us are vaccinated. I have my boosters and I think they do, too. Dh doesn't and wanted to get them this week. I told him to wait for a week or so.
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8 minutes ago, Lady Florida. said:
You're not wrong. From buying plane tickets first before asking if they can come to the light bulb and everything in between would have me frustrated and angry. Is bil always like this or was he frustrated at being sick and unable to do much besides sit around your house? Either way he was in the wrong 100%.
Tell dh they should stay in a hotel next time.
He's always been like this, though I think being sick away from home makes it worse.
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6 minutes ago, Storygirl said:
I'm really sorry. They are insensitive, and I think it would be hard NOT to be annoyed in those circumstances. I think you were very, very nice to offer for them to stay in your house while they have Covid, and I'm sorry that they have not been respectful about it.
For what it's worth, I've been really careful (still mask many places, for example, when no one else does) and have had all my boosters, etc., and the only time I've contracted Covid was after our only vacation of these past few years -- a cruise.
When we found out they were coming after a cruise, we expected them both to get sick. They told us they've been locked down so long, that they need to live, too. I think it doesn't help that he retired a year ago. He's no longer working in the medical field.
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6 minutes ago, DeainUSA said:
You had me at said they were coming after booking flights and didn't ask first. It's really enough said about them there.
I wasn't sure about being upset about this. In some families, I think it might be normal.
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8 minutes ago, fraidycat said:
You are not being unreasonable in your frustration at all.
They invited themselves.
Stayed longer than planned.
Did not follow your requests.
Were not good conversationalists.
Interrupted your routine.
Caused you unneeded stress.
Of course you're frustrated! Give yourself a a few minutes to really feel angry and frustrated, fully, before you work on letting it go. Release it (maybe pound on a pillow?), don't bury it.
This lays it out very clearly. Thank you.
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14 minutes ago, marbel said:
I would be frustrated too. Even aside from sickness, I dislike people who have to be the smartest person in the room and question my decisions that have nothing to do with them. Arguing with you about your light bulbs and career plans? That's just obnoxious.
I wonder, is bil the older brother? Just asking because my relationship with my older sister is a bit fraught because even though we are very deep into adulthood, she still sometimes talks to me as if I am the little sister who needs advice and guidance.
I'd tell my husband that next time his bil and sil come they will stay in a hotel; he can make plans to spend time with him and you'll meet up when you can/want to.
Maybe if you have a plan for the future, you can let go of anger over this weekend.
Yes, bil is older by about 13 years. The brothers aren't close and dh wasn't excited about their visit.
The hotel route is a good idea. We should have taken them up on their offer this time.
The bolded is very much the case. There's a book sitting by the computer about his pov re: education. I'm sure it's for me as it's a topic that wouldn't interest dh.
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I would appreciate other views on this because I really need to change my attitude.
Bil and sil told dh they had purchased airline tickets and would be visiting over the long weekend, arriving Thursday night, departing Sunday. They didn't let us know ahead of time or confirm it was a good time for them to visit. I didn't communicate with them at all during this time.
They arrived Thursday. We were going to meet at a restaurant before going home. They said bil had a bit of a cough and runny nose, so he wanted to test for Covid before meeting with us. His wife told us in the restaurant he had a fever the night before and they were just getting back from a cruise. He tested positive.
They offered to stay at a hotel, but we said they could stay upstairs like our ds had done when he had Covid. We have 3 bedrooms upstairs, but no one uses them unless the kids are home. We just asked the door stay closed, windows stay open, and that everyone in the house mask. I explain I'm leaving in 2 weeks to help my dd move and am concerned about getting sick and not being able to help her. They decide sil should sleep in a different room to hopefully prevent her from getting sick. We live in south central Texas, so the outside temps are between 55* and 80*. Not unmanageable.
He has cold symptoms, no big deal, feels fine quickly. Has a hard time staying in his room, but does mask. Insists on loading his dishes in the dishwasher because "it's safer that way", despite me telling him I'd load them.
They tell us they won't need to change flights since they were heading home on Tuesday anyway. (We thought they were leaving Sunday.)
On Sunday, she gets sick enough to not keep anything down until Wednesday. He takes care of her. She stays in the room with the door closed. Dh takes time off work on Tuesday, but returns to work for the rest of the week. I continue to work. They all eat outside Wednesday and Thursday nights. I had classes on zoom both nights, so didn't have much to do with them and didn't eat with them.
Friday she's back to normal and cleans her room and vacuums. She's moving back to bil's room.
I come home from work Friday. They're both sitting downstairs, watching TV. No masks and all the windows had been closed. They mask when they see me, so it's clear they aren't masking in the house, but know that I prefer they mask.
They eat upstairs and dh and I eat outside because they thought it was too cold to eat outside. It was about 60*. We play cards, everyone masked. While we're playing cards, they say that don't know how they got Covid. I said I thought it was because they were on a cruise likely without good ventilation. They laugh at me and tell me how careful they were being and all the times they spent outside. They only went to a show and ate inside and there were very few people in the rooms when they were inside. I didn't follow up with asking how well ventilated those rooms were. When they start laughing at me or mocking me, I stop participating in the conversation.
Today I woke up with a backache, headache, some sniffles. The backache and sniffles are normal. I occasionally wake up with a headache, but it's not common. I tested negative and have no fever.
So I'm now isolating at dh's request.
I need perspective. Bil is a doctor who knows everything and pretty much ignores other opinions unless he personal can understand and agree with them. One of four conversations I had with him this visit was about why I'm being certified as a teacher installing of continuing to be a sub. I explained I wanted something a little more fulfilling, that I really enjoyed both the school and class and I have the opportunity to keep the class I'm currently teaching. He asked how much more I'd be making as a teacher (told him about double what I'm making now), then again asked why I'm doing the certification and whether we needed the money. I explained we don't need the money, I'm doing it for personal reasons. I think I repeated personal reasons to his why's two more times before I ended the conversation. Another conversation was about the kitchen light that was flashing like a disco ball. I removed it from the socket and left it on the counter while we were playing cards. After cards, he commented we should use led lights. I told him we'd tried them and didn't like them. He said they were less expensive. I said they were too bright. He said they lasted longer. His wife stepped in at that point and agreed they were bright.
I'm angry I can't use my house for a second weekend, I'm angry they didn't follow the protocols dh asked them to follow so I wouldn't get sick, I'm angry that the things I perceive as important are laughed at or ignored, mostly by bil. (Regarding the getting sick: I realize I could've picked up something from school. I wasn't masking prior to their visit. I think I'm just frustrated that I couldn't sit and eat or drink anywhere in my house except my bedroom, without masking. Dh goes to bed between 730 and 830, so after he went to bed I either went outside to drink or sat in my car. After 9 hours of work and 3 hours of class, I didn't want to sit and visit. I wanted to drink the water I couldn't during the day because masking, but my home wasn't a safe space.)
Tell me if I'm being unreasonable in my frustration. I really need to let go of my anger as it's not productive. Typing this out has helped.
The good thing is that I don't have to interact with them anymore before they leave tonight.
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I prefer pots without holes because of the leaking potential. I use nursery pots in them.
Can you move your bigger plant into another plastic pot, then use the old plastic pot that fits the pot without holes for the smaller plant? Nurseries frequently sell plastic nursery pots. Usually they're inexpensive.
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Bil and sil came to visit after a cruise this past Thursday. Flew to visit us, then decided to test. Synptoms started the night before with a brief fever. The fever lasted a few hours, then he only had cold symptoms. Tested positive within 24 hours of symptom onset. They don't know when the exposure occurred, but likely on the 5 day cruise.
I'm flying out to help dd move in 2 weeks and doing all I can to avoid getting it!
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20 hours ago, TexasProud said:
In college, he developed social anxiety. Yes, he sees a psych and a counselor and is on meds. He so much happier, but honestly, don't think he is addressing that at all. He is almost 29.
I have a dd who, from what we could see, was doing fine in college. The transition to living on her own in a different state seemed to go well. However, in college, she sought a diagnosis that she didn't tell us about until after she'd graduated and moved. After she moved, she sought help again. She doesn't share these things with us directly, but they sometimes come out in conversation. Six months after she moved, she had one roommate bail on her mid lease, so she had to find another roommate quickly. That generated a lot of stress and anxiety, but she took measures to handle what happened and learned from it. So when it happened again, she knew how to handle it and what she wanted to do this time.
Do I wish she hadn't struggled? Absolutely. However, she learned through her first struggle and came out ahead when the situation repeated itself.
I believe at some point, it's ok as an adult when they stop sharing personal info like this. They know they can fall back to us if they need to, but those struggles are what make them stronger and better able to handle other things that come up.
I wonder if your son is doing more than what you think. Or he knows what path he will take if things happen again.
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I have a 5 year old Bosch I like. As others have mentioned, I really like the flex rack on top. It holds a lot more than just silverware. I like that I can move the second row up or down depending on needs. It's very quiet, so we can watch TV 5 feet away without hearing it.
Things I don't like are the tines on the bottom rack. I took dishes with us when we were looking to replace the dishwasher and my Corelle fit without a problem. When I upgraded my dishes, though, they didn't work as well. The other thing I found was that even filling less than of half of the soap dispenser, I ended up with suds in the bottom after the cycle finished. I did some research and found I wasn't the only one with this problem. Changing the detergent and using rinse agents didn't help. Eventually I tried good ole vinegar. I use a ratio of 1:1 with water and haven't had a problem since.
The main cycle is over 2 hours long. I think that's too long, but it's due to energy saving. I don't think that's an issue specific to my Bosch.
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1 hour ago, MEmama said:
a weighted eye mask
Which one did you get? I have a dd who would be interested.
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Walmart also lost their Tricare contract sometime before November. I didn't know until I asked for the script to be sent to Walmart, hoping to beat the pharmacy closing time. They told me they couldn't use Tricare insurance. I ended up taking it to CVS the next morning.
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We opened one gift, always from an out of town giver, Christmas Eve after dinner and looking at lights.
Christmas morning, the kids had to wait until 6 or 7, depending on what was decided the day before. They always waited at the top of the stairs before coming downstairs to find their stockings and looking at them together. Someone passed out the gifts, then, starting with the youngest, opened them one at a time. If the cinnamon rolls were ready, we paused to eat them hot, then returned to opening gifts.
Growing up, my mom always put the opened gifts under the tree for everyone to enjoy. In dh's family, all the gifts immediately went to the bedrooms. I liked seeing the gifts and watching the kids play with them together.
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My in-laws used to live near the world's largest ball of twine. We used to visit it each time we went to see them.
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Whiny vent not jawm
in The Chat Board
Posted
They just left so we have some breathing space. We talked about what to say if they tell us when they're coming again. Dh said they just told him, so it didn't occur to him to say no. I suggested next time he respond that he'll need to check with me (or the calendar) to make sure it will work.
Though we wouldn't have been happy, if we had known they were coming off a cruise, we would have been mentally prepared. After this experience, I think we would say it won't work out. Prior to this, we prob would have let them come.