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CES2005

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About CES2005

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    Hive Mind Level 2 Worker: Nurse Bee

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  1. CES2005

    Is requiring this "to be fine" reasonable?

    I have a past? idk. I can't say. I mean, I felt that anxiety when we were dating and he went somewhere completely public with a friend and a friend's girlfriend. For me it's been my faith that has helped me feel more secure. Though I still have a hard time figuring out where the line is--that's a whole other topic. But no, he's definitely in the "men and women can't be friends" camp. We had a thread about that here somewhere. He's not willing to be friends with other couples, so that level of protection is off the table.
  2. CES2005

    Is requiring this "to be fine" reasonable?

    Well camping and hiking are the main things I'd like to do that seem to fall through. Most of what else I'd like to do can be done at home. But maybe? If I wanted to go to Atlanta with friends, it would probably be a hard sell. It hasn't come up yet, because that's not the sort of things I really like. I don't know how much is me, though... it was a habit of mine to assume I was wrong if my understanding or opinion differed from others'--for always. He's the "who cares what people think" type. I'm seeing a counselor to figure out how/why I became that way and how to quit. 🙂
  3. CES2005

    HAPPY BIRTHDAY, UNSINKABLE!!!!

    Happy birthday!!!
  4. CES2005

    Is requiring this "to be fine" reasonable?

    Yeah but the initial question is: Are you cool with my going on a yard sale trip? Or, are you going to be ok when I go on my business trip? Likewise, the very first broaching of this topic was: I'd like to take the kids on hiking trips to our various state parks, camping at the ones that are over an hour away. The immediate response: you ought to CC, otherwise I'm not comfortable with the idea. At that time (that was 4ish years ago), I didn't have any self confidence to push back, it was a rough time of my life, etc. Now the conversation is going better and that's where the "want a safety plan" and "camping is too vague" and "let's compromise with pepper spray" is coming in.
  5. CES2005

    Is requiring this "to be fine" reasonable?

    It was originally a "Mommy and me" type trip, but one mom has 6 kids and at that time the youngest was a baby, and her husband was going to come to help out and tow their pop up camper thing. She didn't feel confident towing it, backing, it and all that. I mean, the rest of us could have helped out with babies and toddlers. The fact that he would have been there at all was the source of discomfort.
  6. CES2005

    Is requiring this "to be fine" reasonable?

    I was thinking bear spray could be dual purpose... 🤐 But I like cheap, too, and I'm indeed not worried about bears.
  7. CES2005

    Is requiring this "to be fine" reasonable?

    Oh, and car camping is where you can pull right up to the campsite. Usually there's also a spigot at the site and possible electric hook up. It's really, really not even remotely backwoods.
  8. CES2005

    Is requiring this "to be fine" reasonable?

    That's a good point; I may tend think of these things in a one-sided manner. Though I never got the impression it was against his will, per se. And it wasn't a specific place he thought was dangerous. Part of what he said recently was "camping" is too vague. He wants a detailed plan first, really. But I don't see the point in the effort of fully planning something if the concept itself isn't approved first. It's like, let's get this new product ready to hit the shelves before we know whether we want to develop it or not, kwim? No he's camped before, just not much, and he doesn't like it. He'd also be uncomfortable with a "co-ed" trip--like a friend's husband. He doesn't say don't go...just that he's not comfortable with it and isn't it sort of weird that the guy wants to go? I don't know if that's controlling or not. I've never tried to just go anyway, because of course I wouldn't want that done to me. But, then I grade my comfort levels. See below: Not sure? Social, I think, for sure. And I do, too. I just use it differently. I use it to maintain order or avoid exposing them to content they're not mature enough to handle (lots of profanity or sexual themes, things I know will give the youngest nightmares, etc.). But my personal view on video games is the less the better, and we wouldn't have them at all, or one system at most, if I had my druthers. So I simply identify what I'm really not ok with at a given stage. He does ask me before starting a game run with them, though. I mean, we don't see eye to eye on things like content and what's safe, obviously, so... I guess bear spray isn't a hill to die on, though. I think I'd just hurt myself with a taser, so maybe not that. 😄
  9. CES2005

    Is requiring this "to be fine" reasonable?

    Black bears, yes. I'm not worried about them. I just don't know much about bobcats.
  10. CES2005

    Is requiring this "to be fine" reasonable?

    I have no clue! 😄 But out of all the possible things we could run into in our area, those and venomous snakes are what move my concern-o-meter.
  11. CES2005

    Is requiring this "to be fine" reasonable?

    It's two different conversations...the first one about firearms a few years ago, the AT documentary was cited. "My mom was watching this thing..." The most recent one I asked what his concerns were about me camping with the kids and he said he just wanted us to have a safety plan. Since we're discussing guns, mace, tasers, and abductions leads me to believe it's more person-threat oriented. Whereas I'm more concerned about bobcats. Not as much about bears, but a little. I told him why about firearms and he conceded (in the recent conversation). I did tell him I didn't see the point in the mace and tasers because they're one shot and if I miss I'm screwed anyway. I'm trying to decide if it's worth bringing up again or just going along with it anyway. edit: It's a fair point, though. I won't forget it.
  12. CES2005

    Is requiring this "to be fine" reasonable?

    Right, these are 1-2 mile loops or "go a mile in, then turn around" kind of hikes. I'm not a backpacker or a primitive camper.
  13. CES2005

    Is requiring this "to be fine" reasonable?

    The first conversation about hiking and carrying was several years ago, and I just didn't push back. It was an "I'm not comfortable with that unless..." sort of response. So I dropped it for several years. More recently I suggested camping to go to an event 3 1/2 hours away, he said he wasn't comfortable with it, I didn't think there were hotels around there, and subsequently drove there round trip in a day, creating a dangerous driving situation. His other solution was to just not go to the event. BUT: I should have looked up hotels, and I should have just pulled over and taken a nap and come home at 10:00 at night or something. Really. I made bad decisions. But the shooting down my solution to my problem and then not really offering an alternative that helps effectively achieve my goal is a thing, yes. So I explained all of that and said I want to freaking go camping and hiking and I'm not carrying a gun because kids and lack of training and discomfort (and he agreed). So that's how we got around to pepper spray, bear spray, and tasers. And I did agree I'd look into them and find something, but I really don't see the point of either the measure or the request. I still have bad aim, and those things you get one shot and one shot only. But yeah, I guess still a small price to pay. I will say I'm bad about checking in and punctuality, so that doesn't help his peace of mind, I'm sure. There are no NRA magazines, news stories, or bad experiences. There is a lack of experience even car camping or hiking State Park trails, though. Beyond that...I really don't know. He just says he wants me to have a safety plan.
  14. CES2005

    Is requiring this "to be fine" reasonable?

    I think it's abduction by psychos? And no, this is not expansive wilderness or multi-day hikes. It's like, I want to do car camping and hike a few 1-2 mile trails at the various state parks every other month or so. Or as a cheap lodging option for destinations like the beach. Like if all we were going to do is bum around the beach and eat out, why not find a nearby campground and save the hundreds/night? I'd rather be at the beach in a tent than not go at all. That's how I think. He has said once that he's only looking at the next step/reacting to vague proposals, but still...guns just wouldn't be my first response. And it's not until the last few years I've had the confidence to push back and be like, "I don't want to do that, and I want to go anyway." I'm the sort that will let 20 people through a door before entering myself. I just don't see the point of any of it because it's one-time use and I have little confidence in my aim. 😄 And yes, firearms are not something I want to do. I have to sleep and neither me nor my kids are trained for safe handling. He doesn't like camping and wouldn't take off work, anyway. So while I agree that the easiest way for him to allay his fears is to come with us, the reality is we'd go even less often if we waited for that event.
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