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swellmomma

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Everything posted by swellmomma

  1. Oldest was initially Dx with ODD as a young boy and then it was upped to Conduct disorder (along with adhd and depression). dd17 was Dx with ODD as a young girl but it went away as she grew. DS13 has ODD with adhd, though I actually suspect he has ASD and was misdiagnosed (he has none of the behaviours that ds17 has/had, he disobeys me but generally his issues stem from not behaving socially appropriately not due to disobedience)
  2. I don't know if they work well, but I know lavendar is great for helping fall asleep. I used to just use some in a spray bottle with water and would spritz the pillows. Or would use that lavendar scented baby bath stuff. I have never used an EO diffuser though to give feedback on that.
  3. No clue, wish I did. Oldest was diagnosed very young with conduct disorder (so a step worse than ODD). Now that he is 18, it is likely the label will be switched to BPD or APD, which has similarities to NPD. I have no idea what triggered it. We started seeing signs something wasn't "right" from earlier infancy. Now that said our home was not a pleasant place to be for his first 2.5 years of life due to my exhusband's alcoholism and control issues, son was neglected and possibly abused by his babysitter which resulted in a broken leg at age 23 months. And so there is factors that could have stirred it all up to be worse than it perhaps would have been. I have been trying to get answers and find help his whole life, the system is so effed up that I swear it made things worse (his labels change often depending on who is assessing him, but that one always stays). All I know is his behaviours have created issues for the whole family, have affected the mental health of the other kids, have made my home chaotic always. I do think there is a genetic component in there from his father. His father is pretty close to fitting the Dx of NPD in my opinion, and he is a controlling arsehat that was absent from the kids lives for a decade, then showed back up, treated them like dirt and tried to control every aspect of their being, until oldest decided 4 weeks ago to cut off all contact with him. I do think that he had a predisposition for one of the B disorders and the chaos of his earliest years and the dysfunction triggered it, and from there he created the dysfunction that carries on. He has improved over time to an extent but not enough to lose any B diagnosis.
  4. This. I have found after 10 yrs of homeschooling (prior to that the oldest were in school for a few years) that I have gotten to that point. I am not antihomeschooling over all, I am not of the thought that it is an all or nothing endeavor either and likely should have put some of the kids into brick and mortar school sooner. I am still opposed to institutional education in theory BUT I also know I could have saved a lot of undue stress, dysfunction, damaged relationships etc from happening if I didn't have my own head so far up my butt on this issue.
  5. egads, someone like that would have me getting in trouble with the instructor for failing to not react. Thankfully it was an online class, one in person you may have had to chase your eyes down the hall after rolling them so hard they fell out of your head.
  6. See and that is were perception is everything, because I got to the part about not liking the holier than thou and my first thought was "like you are being right now". Hate internet for lack of tone, because I read this in the tone of someone with that preachy holier than thou attitude that makes me want to punch something. And yet I highly doubt that is the tone you wrote it with based on the words being used in the post. I did not find the OP to be judging the person in the way you think. I found her to be perceiving that something was off about that person for her.
  7. MY first thought was "you mean like the ladies I encountered on motheringdotcom years ago" haha I do know what you mean but I don't see it as fitting a particular "type" of woman. There is always those that put out an image to appear more enlightened than the next guy and yet you know behind closed doors the truth is there. I know a few of those, and some I knew well enough to know what was happening behind closed doors and had a hard time not biting my tongue clean through when they started to spout their crap. I still have a couple on my fb friends list and I take everything they say with a grain of salt. Neither are older or grey haired, though both like to think of themselves as being radical thinkers and hippys. One likes to present herself like the guru of parenting, radical unschooling/world schooling, travelling hippy. The reality is, her kids are uneducated, they all refuse to live with her by age 13 and yes they live in 3rd world countries at times (she has also put her title on blogs as doing ministry but she is a proud atheist, just to get the followers), they live in the slum areas of those countries to afford to be there etc. They are back now (she has to spend at least 6 months in country to keep her child tax benefits coming in, which is the only money she gets). SHe posts bragging about how she discovered this free event or that free meal and how anyone can world school and do that, yet the reality is she is getting these things at the community center that are put on for the families living in poverty in the area, so no, not everyone can access them etc. Another goes on and on about being anti circ, it is mutilation etc, yet 2 of her 3 sons were circ'd, she doesn't tell her anticirc followers that part. She pushed breastfeeding before that, how breast is not just best but the only way and to do extended nursing etc because it was better for the baby, but told me she only breastfeeds as long as she does because with her depression it was the only thing that she felt was doing right as a parent. She was bfing the kids until they were well into kindergarten. She also is one to preach antiviolence, peace, mutual respect, yet will also have no problem slandering you behind your back, calling mothers abusive for doing things differently (like if you formula feed you are committing child abuse by poisoning your baby etc). SHe has a huge following due to the anti circ stuff and puts on a front of being this awesome unschooler. Yet she came to me asking how to make her kids do school because the school board was looking at charging her with educational neglect because she had not taught her then 16 year old anything in a 2 year period with that board (we are highly regulated here, you have to show proof each year). Instead of teaching him and the others they declared him a high school drop out. She also only has the kids for about 12 days of the month, otherwise they are with their father or grandparents. She has a following due to all the protests she attends for anticirc all over north america. She only works part time, and lives in subsidized housing, says she will never work more hours because they would increase her rent from the $125 a month she pays right now. She never pays for what the kids need, they buy their own from their own money or the father buys is. Instead all her money once the rent and utilities are paid is used to drive around to these protests. She is seen as this enlightened mother trying to save innocent babies and being a do gooder etc, yet I know the truth about her. She is as fake as they come. That said those are the only 2 I have ever known to be like that. The rest are authentic and genuine even if flawed. They own their flaws (or are so outright catty they are seen for what they are). They don't try to be someone they aren't (beyond the public image most people put on when meeting someone new for the first time, or on instagram etc). The vast majority of women just are who they are without putting on airs.
  8. Also I was just looking at a weight range scale it says for women 5'7" and over 35yrs old the ideal is 134-172 which is higher than what you were going by which was considered to be the healthy range for someone 18-34 yrs. There is a big difference in those lower numbers between the 2 age categories. Maybe finding a middle ground between the 2 would be a healthier option.
  9. It is a hard thing when you have worked hard to lose weight and then others start to make comments about being too thin. I wonder if they are not worried specifically about the weight itself but of the mindset with it. You indicated you are still following the weight watchers method of tracking food and eat about 1200 calories a day. Many small meals instead of 3 large ones are fine. How is you body image perceptions? With tracking food and weighing in often etc it can make those around you worried about hyperfocus on weight. And they don't know how to voice that so they just say too thin. There is a lady in my fit fam, she lost 100 lbs over the course of a year or so, had a tummy tuck last year. She is within her targeted weight range but she drives me bonkers. She is always fretting about what she is eating, not completely happy with her results. She did lose a lot in her face, enough that it is bordering on appearing too thin. She has complained that friends, family and coworkers have commented about her being too thin. But I see a woman who is obsessed with the weight game and paranoid to regain the weight, to the point that the number on the scale and the numbers of tracking food are controlling the decisions she makes in her life. It is funny because it is a group just for those of us we are either customers or coaches within the same upline. It is a group focused on fitness, yet she posted recently she is struggling with the programs that cause an increase in muscle (so over all fitness) because they make her gain weight. She can't see that 5-10lbs of weight gain of muscle is not a bad thing, for your health over all it is actually important. Now all of that and it may not be anything like you. I am just thinking of her situation and being frustrated with the too thin comments, when I see that likely those comments are ill voiced concern for her. As for a sedentary lifestyle. You can be thin and have a heart attack due to poor cardiovascular health. You can be thin and unfit. Thin should never be the goal, fit should be regardless of body size. If your knees hurt from walking start with water based exercise or things like yoga, tai chi etc. Gentle on the joints but still great for the body. If you can only walk 30 minutes, walk that 30 minutes but increase the speed or incline. When it comes to being consistent with exercise you need to find something you love, your soul workout, so to speak. I was the kids that always failed PE in school since 2nd grade. I hated exercise (or so I thought). Turns out I hated feeling like I couldn't do it, after all failing at it all for a decade teaches you, you can't do it. Truth be told I often still don't like it in the moment but I love it afterwards. I found what works for me. Starting with the dvd programs I use, added in some races and other challenges. Started lifting weights. I LOVE weight lifting. Currently my focus is on cardio and core rather than weights, trying to get up to running my races and not just walking. It is hard to build up to a good fitness level whether you are thin or fat. At this point in time I am a fit fat person. I have 100 lbs to lose still but do my workouts, have a 1/2 marathon next weekend (a winter one, so cold), do obstacle course racing, etc. Anyway, back to you. My point is I was the one that hated exercise and PE and now I do something active nearly everyday. To ward off boredom on outside walks load up a good playlist or a podcast or 2 to listen to. Sometimes I don't want to head out for my walk, I hate every step, and have to argue with myself not to just quit and call it good enough. I set a goal of a certain distance or a certain length of time and just keep going one foot in front of the other whether I want to or not. The hardest part is always just getting started. You may find that if you gain some muscle the comments stop because you will have some structure to your body and not merely skin and bones that accompanies someone who is thin but unfit.
  10. Is anyone here a beachbody coach? I just became one (this is not an advertisement, that would be inappropriate here), and just looking to talk to others and see how they made the business work for them. I have a great upline but of course talking to them is not really unbiased ya know. I have used the product for a year and love it and have promoted it all along, but now that I became a coach I feel a little overwhelmed. Did any of you feel this way when you started out?
  11. Once upon a time I did, then I started doing obstacle course races. Now I am the one with bruises and cuts and not due to abuse. It opened my mind to other reasons for the bruises. Even if they are frequently showing up. Though if due to abuse they are usually trying to hide them, if due to other reasons the person tends to not think twice about them.
  12. Hey all. Hope you all had a great holiday season. Life is back to normal here again, was so busy for a bit. Had some stressful crap happen, became a beachbody coach, met with my advisor at the college about my up coming practicum and got the widow of dates that accreditation will show up during to observe us at work. So normal busy life lol
  13. I still use aspects of flylady. What has worked for me is actually to write it in my bullet journal. So i have my schedules/zones etc all in the frony of my journal. When i make my daily to do lists i include specific tasks from my zones, routines etc. Some how having it in my face with a box to check helps me get it done.
  14. Yummy. I am currently drinking an XL coffee with 1/4 hot chocolate anf a mint chocolate shot. So yummy.
  15. At work, having a picnic with dd17 before i start mu actual shift, enjoying my coffee. Is it a bad sign that when i order my coffee at the tim horton's they know i want a sleeve on it now before i ask? Or that they know me and my work schedule based on my coffee order? I might need to take a break from there for January. I think i might be over doing the coffee buying.
  16. Sounds like my mom ay her annual xmas party every year, it has become a family joke.
  17. Gosh i need coffee. Female children are up....sort of. Oldest male.child has not even gone to bed yet, might have to beat him. Today is another 7 hour day of office work, have to finish so much before i can truly start my 2 week vacation and i need it
  18. All caught up. Had my staff xmas party last night, was good. Going crazy at work. Only 3 more work days left before having 2 weeks off. I still.can't decide if i like my dyed hair. I got a big awesome stack of donations for my daycare today and go pick up more stuff around town tomorrow. My program is going to rock in the new year and accreditation will love it. And my dog hating mom is allowing us to bring both dogs to her house for this weekend because it was that or we weren't coming because while my 3 yr old dog is fine for a weekend (he thinks he is a cat), the 9 week puppy is not. So she invites the dogs along for xmas.
  19. That kind of travel time no. That changes things. When we moved here dd17 had to quit cheer, they had no team here and while in thought the 1.5 hr travel time seems doable, the reality it is really isn't. It's not a feasible option when looking at extreme travel times like that.
  20. That's not what i was saying, i was simply saying the book drive was about more than mindset, but that the information about mindset was in there.
  21. I guess my question is why are you expecting one so young to have so much independence over their work? It sounds like you are setting yourself up to be disappointed. Most 4th graders would find a way to escape a list of chores and school work if given the chance, which you gave him. Clearly he needed to be monitored more than you have been doing. And why ask the question if you already know the answer? If you know that he didn't do it than call him on it rather than presenting him with the chance to lie. Even kids who know they will face more trouble for lying do so when presented with the type of question you did. Ultimately he needs more supervision. My youngest is also 9, I could not imagine expecting her to go through a list without me keeping on eye on her and then asking her if she did it all after knowing full well she hadn't.
  22. My kids have always attended an afterschool program, though truth be told it is because I worked in it (and now run it). If I had access to one that you were outlining, they would most certainly be attending. What a great resource to have access to. Now the ones too old to go to afterschool care go to the youth drop in center which is free and once a week. Basically a place to do their own thing, learn new things etc without me.
  23. Middle 2 are back from their knife making class. They did such a great job. Over the last 2 days they each made a beautiful hunting knife from scratch and a leather sheath. Oldest couldn't make it, he wasn't feeling well. So the people running it offered him a chance to do it at a future date, 1-on-1 class, and they are going to do so free of charge as a xmas gift to me because they know I am a single mom and had already paid for 2 kids to take the class. Awesome blessing. Sometimes living in a rural community gets us the coolest opportunities. They were told their knives would be good for processing at least 4 deer before needing to be sharpened again. I told my mother that and she was appalled they would tell kids that, I had to remind her that most out in these parts hunt. Especially those in the 4H (which is who set this up with the knife making guy) club my kids are in (outdoor survival and recreation, & shooting clubs). All in all a good weekend.
  24. WHile playing ketchup I got an email from the dance school I go to. I have been kicked out of my classes for missing too many practices (5 out of 11), Given that the last several have had the instructor spending 1/2 the time venting, and telling everyone to intentionally damage the floor and studio because she is mad, frankly I don't care. I was enjoying it, but if they can not understand that adults have other things going on in their lives that at times take precedence over dance classes they are insane (things like work meetings, being out of town for appointments, furnace breaking and kids needing me to fix it not take off to dance class etc), everytime they were notified I would be away and why, sometimes a week or more in advance. They kicked dd17 out of her classes too (although they knew at time of registration she was very busy and had signed a contract with her main studio meaning her attention had to be to those classes first and they agreed to it). I am demanding they still give her the costume we purchased, it was a separate cost over and above what we paid for in lesson fees, and it is hers. We go tomorrow to pick up the fundraiser stuff we got, and I told them I expect my other cheques returned to me and her costume. The dance school is failing as it is, I have heard the board talking about it several times, how they don't have enough dancers this year to necessarily keep it afloat next year. And they are kicking 2 more out. This is supposed to be the purely rec level studio. Silliness. Oh well, I already have a busy schedule, so that is 2 fewer evening activities. And I have a new fitness class starting in Jan (just the 4 weeks in Jan for now), that I am looking forward to. Going to miss learning tap though, I liked that one.
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