I work in a library, where all the books are at the front edge, even with each other, in order to facilitate reading the catalog numbers at the bottom. I'm rather obsessive about the *library* books lining up with the front edge. HOWEVER... At home, I'm more concerned about safety, so all the books are pushed all the way back (regardless of whether the spines line up), so that the center of mass is as far back as possible, and the bookshelf is more likely to tip back against the wall, and not fall into the room. When my kids were little, I was concerned about bookshelves falling on them, so I got in this habit of pushing the books back. My shelves are strapped to the wall as well, especially if they're sitting on carpeting. My kids are grown now, so that's not as much of a concern. Maybe I'll bring them forward. I hadn't thought about it. ETA: I knew a 3yo little boy who was crushed when a wall unit fell on him. It was so very tragic. That may be why I'm hypervigilent about assuring that the bookcases didn't fall on my kids.

trees, I do believe you have a winner here.

If you give the car to them, you might need to include a special gift affidavit, which must be notarized (that's how it is in New Mexico if you give the car to a person). If you donate to a non-profit organization, it's different. I suggest you look up your state's motor vehicle website to ask about giving a vehicle as a donation, or as a gift, or sell for small fee. If you need to, you can order a replacement title for the car. It'll cost a bit though.

Is it this one? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OidkOqci2RE https://www.google.com/search?client=safari&rls=en&q=song+lyrics+you+you+you+you+you&ie=UTF-8&oe=UTF-8

My brother puffs on an e-cigarette, and it has absolutely no odor.

My mom had an extreme case of dry eye that was only brought under control under the care of an ophthalmologist who specializes in cornea problems. She also has an auto-immune disorder called Sjorgren's Syndrome, which affects all glandular functions in the body (tears, saliva, skin). You might want to look it up to see if your other symptoms fit the profile. Some things that helped my mom. First line of offense were two steroids to help heal her damaged corneas (cells were flaking off the surface of her eye, causing vision problems and intense pain and redness). One steroid was oral, which she took for a short time to help heal the acute problem, another was an eyedrops (Lotemax) that was used longer (several months). I got the impression that the steroids are only used for extreme acute dystrophy of the cornea. Once her eyes had healed, these were stopped. She used Muro eyedrops during this time as well, which help soothe eyes with corneal edema. He placed tiny plugs in her tear ducts, to prevent her tears from draining, allowing them to sit on the eye longer. This was very helpful, but the plugs kept falling out, so he finally cauterized all four ducts shut. This was not painful at all, and proved to be very helpful. The following are to be used daily, for maintenance: He prescribed daily practice of scrubbing the eyelashes with a washcloth (with or without baby shampoo -- he said that the scrubbing action was most important). A warm compress placed on the eyes for five minutes per day (she uses a small rice bag, heated in the microwave). She uses special OTC ointment (Systane Nighttime Lubricant Ointment) in her eyes at night. She puts it inside her lower lids just before going to bed. Her vision is blurred for about 20 minutes after placing the ointment, so going to bed is the best thing to do. She uses special OTC drops several times during the day, 4X/day or as needed, either Retaine, Soothe XP, Systane Complete, Refresh Ultra, Mura, there are many.

I have been loving Mrs. Maisel, and Gilmore Girls is on my list. I highly recommend The Good Place. It's fun and quirky.

How long will your daughter be there? When we hosted a Japanese exchange student (for an entire school year), she brought a lovely box (covered in washi paper), filled with decorated cookies. (the American equivalent might be a tin of toll house cookies). She also brought a lovely photo book of Japanese landmarks (paperback, so not to heavy), and some brochures of places to see in her home prefecture (state). My favorite was a small photo album she created, with pictures of her family, doing things they like to do.

I hope I will remember not to go to the grocery store on Dec. 23rd.

Thanks for the correction. I'm gonna edit that. I do know better.

Dh and I are curious about whether it is typical to eat the heel of sandwich bread, or more typical to toss those two end slices to the chickens or into the trash. One of us likes the heels, and the other thinks they're yucky and throws them away. What happens in your family? (Answer as many as are true)

You can buy Select Comfort (Sleep Number) beds online. They have about a dozen different models with various features (plain top, pillow top, foam tops of varying thicknesses, etc) that change the price point. When he moves, he will deflate it, roll it up, and put it back in a box to take with him. They have a 90-day full satisfaction guarantee, and a 20 year prorated warranty. They're perfectly suited to sit on a platform bed. (If bed frame has slats, you'll need a bunky board or plywood over the slats.

I'm headed to Puerto Vallarta, Mexico by myself in February. I am going to a retreat center, and will be a part of a vocal training workshop (with about 20 other people), but there will be about 50% downtime when I can just wander around the beach area, stay in my beautiful room (which is open air, facing the ocean), go on snorkeling excursions, or go to the pool to socialize. There are also spa services (massage, etc) and yoga classes, if I choose. I am excited, but a little nervous because I've never done anything like this before. Do you sing? I think there are still a few spots available. https://www.totalvocalfreedom.com/2020-winter-workshop-retreat/

I have no idea whether you were directing this to me because I stated that I didn't (at first) like my dc's name choice, but I thought I'd reply anyway, because I believe there's more to it than manners. There is a long history, and a relationship (which at times is fragile, but is always precious). Yes, my dc and I have had many conversations about the name change, and why they like their chosen name, and why I felt a bit cringy at first with the particular name they chose. We laughed at my mental image of what a person with that name would look like, and we sat together to google the name, just see what popped up. (There was a French bombshell model/actress in the 70s with the same name! Who knew? I wouldn't have known if I hadn't looked it up). I have a dear Japanese friend with a rhyming name (spelled the same, except for the first letter). Dc didn't know that the name was a short version of a popular Greek male name. We both learned, and we both understand each other better, but only because I DIDN"T keep my thoughts to myself. So yeah, manners matter, but communication and relationships matter more. This isn't a stranger that I'll meet once, shake hands, and never see again. In that scenario, yeah, I'd keep my opinion to myself. But this is my child, my baby who has grown into a fine adult, just launching their own life. I'm going to walk this path with them while I listen to them, and let them know where I'm coming from. That's human connection. It goes way beyond manners.

Both of my adult children have changed their names, for different reasons, and to different degrees. Both changes bring a feeling of uneasiness, like the ground is a bit shaky beneath my feet. I experience a hesitation when I speak because I need to check my words. I find myself hesitating even when I speak about my youngest dc, who is happy with her name, as I assure myself that, "Yes, that is still her name." We named Ds after his great-grandfather, who happened to have the same name as Dh's real life hero (the man who was first to fly over the Atlantic Ocean). I always thought that name too formal, so we have always called ds by one of the many shortened versions. When ds went to college, with all new teachers and friends, he found it easier to just go by his formal, given name. When he finished college, and started his professional life, he kept the formal, given name to give a more professional first impression. His closest friends and his family still call him the shortened version. He's fine with either. I seldom find myself in a situation where I would need to use the formal name, but it still sounds weird to hear others (his roommate, for instance), call him by his formal name. Our other child's name change, however, has been more challenging. Dd was named after the wife of the aviator referenced above. I just loved the name, and still do. Dd, however, found it much too feminine. Dd came out as gender neutral about 1 1/2 years ago, and has changed to a gender-neutral name that is not in the least related to their given name. It's not a name commonly used in the U.S. Dc hasn't made a legal change, but they always introduce themselves using the "gender neutral" name. At least, Dc considers it neutral. I don't have much of a problem with the desire to go by a different name. I just don't really like the name they chose. To me, it doesn't sound gender neutral; it ends with an "o", and brings to my mind a fat, hairy, old Greek man. (Nothing against Greek men, of any body shape, hairiness, or age -- it's just that my dc isn't any of those things). It has been challenging to call my child that name. I wish they had chosen a different gender-neutral name instead, something like Madison or Elliot, one that doesn't sound so masculine to my Western mind. (I have learned that it is not uncommon in Asian countries for girl names to end in "o"). So, yes, this name change has been challenging for us. But, the new name is growing on me. It's been long enough that the pretty name we gave our baby daughter doesn't sound right anymore. It doesn't fit our adult child, and it feels like a betrayal to use it. I've done a bit of research on their chosen name, and found a few other people (of both genders) with the same name who aren't fat, hairy, or old, or even male! Dc is more confident and strong, and appreciates it when I introduce them using their new name. I still revert the old name when I'm talking about the past, or when talking privately to Dh, but he is even starting to try on the new name. It's a transition process. It's hard because 20+ year habits don't die easily, especially when we really liked those habits, and they seem good to us. But, my dc's mental health is way more important than any temporary discomfort I have in occasional conversations (it really doesn't come up all that much any more). Gender-neutral pronouns, on the other hand...

Once upon a time, I spent 20 minutes on each gift, creating a work of art with ribbons, bows, twigs, stems, berries, etc. They were beautiful. That was a VERY long time ago. I stopped using bows or ribbons when we got the third kid, and nieces and nephews, and there were just too many presents under the tree. I stopped using boxes for soft goods when the stores stopped giving them away for free. I have become quite proficient at wrapping PJ's in paper, and the only time I use ribbon is when I'm wrapping hardcandy-style, and need to tie off the ends. Or, if it's another weird shape and I need a bow to hide the irregular ends of the paper coming together. No guilt.

I didn't answer your poll because there are no options for adult offspring who are not 100% launched, but are well on their way. We have two adult children, one graduated from college at 20, and is now 22 yo. The other, who will be graduating in the spring, and is 23yo. The 22yods finished college at age 20, and is almost fully independent. We pay his health insurance because he is a self-employed/ freelance contractor, and we can keep him on our plan as a "Young Adult" until he is 26. We also have him on our cell phone family plan (costs us about $15/month, but would cost him several times that.) He pays for everything else. The 23yo is still in college, and is fully dependent on us. After graduating in May, things will change, but we have no idea of the details. We will pay health insurance (and cell phone), just as we do for Ds, until Dc turns 26. This child went through a terrible bout of depression and anxiety for a couple years (would have at one time been called a 'nervous breakdown"). Dc is much better now, but changed academic majors, which added two years to the college process. Launching has been more of a slow climb with lots of peaks and valleys. The future is unknown, but Dc is showing a desire to get out on their own, maybe even move to another state, where they will have more opportunities. We shall see what happens.

Wow, Garga. ^THIS^ I wish you could live inside my head. I won't quote the whole thing, but this nails it. sahara, read this post from Garga.

I have read this entire thread, and one word has kept popping into my head: MAGIC It seems, from your description, that your dh loves the magic of Christmas, and that he has remained childlike in his desire for it to just appear around him, recreated every year, just as it was when he was a little boy. I am surmising that your MIL made wonderful Christmas magic happen for your dh. She did everything, and never included him in the planning, cleaning, decorating, shopping. While he may have made some cookies, wrapped a few presents, and helped trim the tree, everything else just *appeared*, as if by magic. He never saw what she put into it, even as he got old enough that he should have been involved in making it all happen. He just loved it as a little boy, and has never let go of that little boy feeling of Christmas. Basically, even though he may be an adult in every other way, he never grew up in his view of Christmas. He didn't want to see what went into creating that magic, and it never occurred to him that he should be part of making it happen. This shopping adventure has been a turning point for him. He's had the glitter and lights pulled back, as a curtain on a stage, and has gotten a glimpse behind the scenes. He may, on his own, come to realize that his expectations have been unreasonable. Perhaps he'll even decide it's time to create a different Christmas play, one that is centered on your nuclear family.

At least 32GB, but 64G wouldn't be a waste.

Elixir Boutique Chocolates is a local chocolatier who makes delectable, beautiful chocolates. Each piece is like a tiny work of art, almost too pretty to eat, but eat them. You'll be so glad. https://elixirchocolates.com/varieties/

Well, it's been awhile (Ds was 11 when we did the therapy, and he's 22 now), but I'll remember what I can. Ds had trouble reading and writing. He could actually read words just fine, but not more than three sentences (a short paragraph) at a time. He would get rather exhausted and then angry, and just refuse to do it. The same would happen with writing. He could only write a sentence or two and then he'd just stop. I remember doing the strength test that Dianne Craft has in the Brain Integration Training (BIT) Manual, where you press down on the child's outstretched arm before having them read or write, then do it again after they read or write a short paragraph. My son was quite noticeably weaker just from the effort he was putting into those particular tasks. The Circle-8 crayon activity and the physical, cross-body exercises in the BIT Manual helped with these things. After six months, he no longer complained about writing. He'd just do it. He could read easily as well, though he never really became an avid reader. (He did read all four of the Eragon books!) Ds also had behavioral issues that, in part, may have stemmed from the high dosage, long-duration antibiotics he had when he was little. They left his gut void of good bacteria, and overgrown with yeast. I gave him several supplements recommended by Dianne Craft to promote good bacteria, boost his nervous system, and get rid of yeast (probiotics, fish oil, Vitamin E, Primrose oil, and grapefruit seed extract). He took them every day for several months. I also limited his sugar intake. This, coupled with high protein snacks to even out his blood sugar (he was hypoglycemic), made him more cooperative in general. (I learned about all this from the Biology of Behavior CD's) I hope this answers your questions. I don't think my ds would have been cooperative earlier. He had to be old enough to understand why we were doing it, and how it might help. Like gardenmom5, I also had to set aside some of the academics to make time to focus on the therapy. That may have helped as well to get Ds to cooperate. These fun activities took the place of long reading and writing assignments. We also did 45 minutes of flashcards every day because he was 11 yo and didn't know them yet. Going on in math was going to be impossible without getting those facts under his belt. So, for several months, we did therapy, math facts, read-aloud (taking turns), science experiments, and various un-schooling type activities. I'm so glad we were home and I was able to focus on his needs like that. He's out on his own now, college graduated and self-sufficient. It was uncomfortable to just "stop" doing school for those months, but going on with full academics was impossible. The time we spent doing BIT was time well spent. Note: You may be able to incorporate just some of her ideas into your son's day. Maybe he'd be more cooperative if he read the Manual himself, so he could understand it, and took it on as his own responsibility.

I don't know how old your dudeling is, but I did a bunch of Dianne Craft's exercises/games with my son when he was 11, and it made a HUGE difference in his ability to do just about everything. The exercises are focused on crossing the midline, which requires information to pass through the corpus collosum. It took about six months of daily practice (about 15-20 minutes, 4-5 days a week), and it was worth every second. Some of the activities are done sitting (drawing the alphabet in large format over a sideways figure 8 (infinity symbol) with a crayon, to get tactile experience crossing the midline while saying and writing the letters over and over. Some of the activities are done standing (eg. marching with knees high, touching each knee with the opposite hand while looking at various corners of the room). It's fun and silly, and everyone can do it together, so it's more like a fun game. My son was resistant to practically everything I asked him to do, but he willingly did these activities every day. I also followed the advice she shares in the "Biology of Behavior", which is on audio CD, and gave him supplements and simple diet adjustments to help his mood and coping functions. Visit diannecraft.org (note the double n's in her name). You can read about some of her philosophies on the website (she also offers courses for professional development, etc). But if you click on the "Where do I Start?" tab, you find a document that leads you through check lists that will help you narrow down the type of glitches that are making things hard for dudelling. From there, she lists options and resources specific to his needs. I highly recommend the Brain Integration Manual (even though it's expensive). I have the 2013 version, and I'm happy to share information from that, but I'm sure the 2020 version is more current, and probably easier to navigate. I used several other right-brain learning techniques and resources as well, to help him with math facts and spelling, but not until we got the brain integration and dietary stuff figured out.

Depends on how many drivers there are. I think $50-60 for the semester (or twice that for the year) would be a reasonable amount, but I'd split it among the drivers. $50 per driver seems a bit excessive if there are several drivers.

I'm a big advocate for the Oxford comma, but as others have said, there are times when it just doesn't matter in the grand scheme of things. This is one of those times.