Our beliefs about God say things about us, not God. We don't get to pass responsibility for our words and actions up the chain.

It probably is, actually. It's one more reminder that there is a disconnect between his physical body and his identify. One more reminder that in some people's eyes, he will never be a real man. One more time he feels "other." While the rest of the men will eventually get used to the new normal, and their discomfort with the situation will decrease, his will not. His discomfort will remain constant. It might be hard to imagine, but I see the light go out of my son's eyes over issues like this over and over again. It's like poking a stick at the sore so that it can't ever heal. In many ways, this is analogous to the move to get mentally and physically disabled people out of asylums and into public life. Do they sometimes make others uncomfortable? Sure. Do the rest of us just need to get over it, because our discomfort is not worth withholding the benefit to them? Absolutely. If I knew a man who worked in that building and was bothered by it, I would empathize with his discomfort, but I would also remind him that he has options--using the stall, for example, or going to a different floor. And I'd ask him to consider the women's perspective and his transitioning co-worker's perspective.

As the mother of a transgender child, this response has me stunned. You are either woefully ignorant or horribly cold-hearted. Yes, we all have tendencies toward certain sins. I tend to overeat on sweets, procrastinate, and talk too much at parties. However, I actually feel better about myself when I don't commit these sins. I don't despair, find life meaningless, and kill myself. Do you understand that people who transition are trying to alleviate crushing depression that makes them suicidal? And that transitioning is the course of treatment with the greatest chance of success? What kind of God would "hold them accountable" for that?

1. Tons of places, but I'll name two: Yosemite and Thailand. 2. This one is tough, but I'll say France, especially Provence (all the Roman ruins!) and the Loire Valley. 3. Charlotte or Savannah I also like the look of the Viking River Cruise in Germany and Austria 4. Mexico or Paris 5. Bhutan An African photo-safari

Check out Newport, RI. Tons of historical sites for those who want them. Very walkable town if you pick the right spot. Lots of atmosphere. Seagulls and squirrels everywhere. You can also drive to Breton Point in the early evening for bunny sightings. You will need a car to get there, and to visit the beaches, but there is a lot that's walkable.

Yes. This is me. I work with visual designers, so I'm learning to turn on some visual skills in work contexts, but haven't yet transferred that to my personal life.

Familial fallout issues I completely understand. When we wrote our letters, we included a bit about not wanting any further contact except the letter confirming they had processed the resignation. It took over a year to get that confirmation, but we had zero contact other than that. Well, until a couple of years later when we got an apologetic call from someone asking if we needed help. (I broke my foot two weeks before my youngest was born.) But that was because my BIL had looked up the local church leaders and asked them to help us. They accepted when we said we were fine, and we haven't heard from them since. I know it's just one data point, and it's a very personal decision.

Of course. There is nothing to stop someone who has asked to be put on the Do Not Contact list from contacting the church and indicating a willingness to receive visitors again.

Actually resigning your membership by writing a letter to the church will end those visits, although it won't prevent random visits if they are going door to door. Back when we were still Mormon, DH had a local leader assign people to contact the people on the Do Not Disturb list to see if they still wanted to be on the list. Even as believing Mormons, that had us shaking our heads.

Thinking about you and hoping all is well.

Kathy, I'm so sorry. We went through something very similar with our golden retriever two days before Christmas.

This seems extreme to me. I don't think I've ever done that much reading for trip planning, and I'm generally considered a very successful vacation lander. OP, I highly recommend La Brea Tar Pits.

Hugs. I think of you, Marek, and Zia often.

1. Hanabi. 3. I like many in this category, but my favorite is the Cities and Knights expansion to Settlers of Catan.

I wonder about that too. I especially wonder about In the Beginning by Chaim Potok.* I first read this book when I was 15, and I was fascinated. It was the first time I realized that religious texts and topics could be a field of scholarly study. (I was raised in a religion without trained clergy.) I admired David and his willingness to go where study lead him, even while valuing belief and tradition. I reread the book many times over the next 15 years. And then I was faced with new information about my own denomination and its origins, and the resulting crisis of faith. Did my conviction that truth could bear scrutiny, and if it couldn't, it wasn't truth, come from immersing myself in this book during my formative years? Or was I so drawn to the book because it mirrored my inborn beliefs? I'll never really know, but I'll always wonder. * When people mention Potok, this is never the book they talk about, but even after reading his other books, this remains my favorite.

I mindfully spent a lot of money this week. Tickets for the kids and I to spend a week in Ecuador with my husband, who is there for two months. And lingerie. On the plus side, I've been good about cooking real food, so the eating out an convenience food spending is down a lot compared to other times I've solo parented for a long stretch.

I'm an iPad lurker. But I had to jump on the comment on Our Souls at Night. I loved this book. So quiet and yet, as you said, beautifully written. This was my second Haruf novel, and both had a lack of quotation marks.

For light non-fiction, I highly recommend Operation Mincemeat. It's about an Allied attempt to misdirect the Germans at the end of WWII. Reads like a spy novel, except you wouldn't believe some of this if it were in a novel.

I finished Sword this morning, and started Mercy this afternoon.

About 15 years ago, DH and I left the religion we had both been raised in. Our situation was a little different than yours, because we were primarily deconverting from something rather than converting to something. (We attended other churches, and even became members, but we started looking for another church because we knew we were leaving our denomination.) Things were rough at first. Lots of tears were shed. We couldn't attend my husband's sister's wedding. (Their church's rules, not our choice.) Ditto for weddings of nieces and nephews. The denomination tends to view those who leave as either people who got offended and let their feelings get in the way of the truth, or people who left because they were sinning or wanted to sin. There were veiled and not-so-veiled assertions that we were one or the other of those. We were told our marriage wouldn't last. Etc. And on our part, we had some of the convert (or deconvert) zeal. If only everyone would realize the truth like we had! We did not bite our tongues as successfully as we should have. I think it took my husband 10 years before he could get through a vacation with his parents without at least one loud argument about religion with his mother, despite him really trying. However, honestly, for the most part, things are very, very good. People got over things and got used to things. We got less twitchy about things that used to bug us. They adjusted to us being outside the fold. So, my advice would be to not stress too much if things are tough at first. It takes some time to settle into the new normal. What worked best for me was to identify the relationships that were really important to me and then go out of my way to make sure those people knew that. With one friend, especially, that meant calling her slightly more often than usual, and being willing to talk about anything but the elephant in the room. If she brought it up, I'd answer questions, but I wanted to emphasize the things we still had in common. Good luck!

Yes, she is a public figure. However, to be so quick to assume there is a boyfriend involved, and to bring that idea up in multiple posts, has the potential to do real harm. There are women who read this board who are in abusive marriages. They might be working up the courage to leave. And now they read that some people will automatically assume (with no evidence whatsoever) that they are leaving because they have a boyfriend. Why add to their burden. And possibly (but I hope not) there are people reading this board who will now have this idea planted ("oh, most women only leave abusive marriages if they have a boyfriend already lined up") and who will be less supportive of women they meet IRL who are leaving abusive marriages. Setting aside the "whose mind goes there so immediately?" question, comments like these deserve to be challenged. People in abusive marriages need to know that most of us do not make assumptions like that and look askance at those who do.

The Argentinians I know would dispute that. [emoji6]

I think to some extent this depends on whether both partners agreed that one of them would stay home.

I read Four Queens several years ago, as part of my trip-themed reading for a trip to Provence. I enjoyed it, and learned a lot.

The week started out expensively because we were staying at a Westin for a conference. We did reduce our food expenses this year (and increase our health) by bringing some vegetables and fruits from home, and by ordering from the breakfast menu for two days instead of getting the breakfast buffet all three days. I got three pairs of pants for DS10 for $16 total at the thrift shop. Between growing and ripping holes in the knees, he was down to few enough pants that he seemed to always be out. I also spent $16 on bamboo knitting needles and yarn in my renewed pursuit to learn how to knit in a way that won't trigger numbness in my hands. This has inspired DS10 to pick up my old metal needles, so even if it doesn't work for me, I feel I've already gotten my money's worth in entertainment for him. I have an Amazon order that I'll probably click Buy on today: two books I'll be reading all year.