Bingo! You gotta ask yourself where that hate comes from? I always think two things...personal trauma experienced during childhood or internalized shame for discomfort with their own sexual desires. But, that's probably another discussion entirely. Family-oriented drag should leave out the sexual references. Just as family comedy should leave out profanity and sexual references.

Drag queens are to their local gay communities as Elvis impersonators are to Vegas. Well, kind of. Drag is entertainment. Is it hot, sweaty, painful (those earrings and wigs are superglued), expensive hard work. It takes them hours to put on make up, and many wear layers of padding and garments. If you touch most any part of a drag queen at a show, you will likely not be touching anything but padding. They are not strippers. The opposite, actually. They have try outs and rehearsals like others in the entertainment industry. People who pursue drag have various levels of skill and professionalism. Serious ones compete in pageants/competitions. Every title can earn them more pay. Drag queens are local celebrities within their gay communities. Bars that host drag shows are gatherings places for the community. When LGBT folks go to their local drag shows, they know they are with community and free to be themselves. Some drag queens are trans, but most are not. (Medically enhanced trans women cannot compete in competitions.) Most are gay men. Those who are trans present as women in daily life. Those who aren't, present as men in daily life. Being a drag queen makes every other facet of life more complicated. Dating is difficult, as people have a lot of misconceptions about drag. Just like in other forms of entertainment, people want to date or hang out with the personality, not the person beneath the costume. Then, there's rehearsals and shows to work around. People work in drag for many of the same reasons that people get involved in other forms of entertainment. Many drag queens are fairly shy in person. Just normal people living their lives. Drag is typically gig work...a side hustle to full-time employment elsewhere. During June, it's exhausting, as they are in demand and may do shows every Friday, Saturday, and Sunday. I don't really know about the story time stuff, but no, they aren't sitting there getting their jollies by reading to kids. That insinuates that they are pedophiles. If the part people think they're trying to show off under their dresses to kids isn't tucked tight and unnoticeable, then they're not very good drag queens. It's probably more of an outreach thing. And, many LGBT folks have children these days. Story times may enable these kids to meet others kids who have LGBT parents. People need to stop demonizing the gay community. They have enough of their own problems without the straight community dumping their insecurities on them.

I just thought of a new scenario. His wife didn't know that he "gave" the bike away. Well, she probably discovered it and the cop HAD to get it back. Lol. Or, maybe he wants a new grill for the summer. And, his wife told him he had to sell his bike to fund the new grill. So many possibilities.

Is the cop an alcoholic, by chance? I think that could explain all the confusing behavior. That's about the only thing I can think of in regard to the forgetting. Unless he's under some other significant stress in his life that has him only half checked into the world. It would bug me too. I hate it when I don't understand what's truly going on in situations such as these. Eventually, you'll just have to let it go. Although, I'm sure it will plague you here and there throughout your life. I have one misunderstanding from 15 years ago that I still don't understand that haunts me. If you don't want to confront the person to figure it out, you pretty much have to shrug your shoulders and go on. But yeah, why did the guy say he wanted to take the bike for a ride when he actually planned to sell it? Why not be honest about it? Why not offer it to your husband first? Or, tell him that he's posting it on Facebook, in case he's interested in buying it. (That is, if the guy really believes your DH was only borrowing it.) I guess there are plenty of other scenarios. Maybe the guy did take it for a ride and something broke on it or he suddenly decided to upgrade because he wants to get back into trail riding or whatever. Who knows, but it sure would be nice to understand, eh?

I haven't read it, but I remember wanting to when it was released and was mentioned in an e-mail via the Barnes & Noble mailing list. I wasn't sure whether I wanted to read about the entertainment industry at the time, though. Thanks for the reminder! I've been looking for a new book.

I haven't yet set up an account to register DD for the ACT this coming fall. It seems as though one can simply pick a testing location, pay, and show up. Is this accurate? Or, do I have to contact the desired high school ahead of time and get permission for DD to test there?

What kind of info do they want? What's the game?

Just reading this. Wanted to express my condolences too. I think we'll all be thinking about you and your family. Wishing you comfort in all ways.

She's not a student. Her e-mail signature states "Admissions Evaluator," but I found her in a database of salaries online that says "Student Support Specialist I." I looked it up. It's the lowest position on the job hierarchy scale, aside from student workers. The position is literally to answer these types of questions plus various types of data entry. I guess I'll try e-mailing her tomorrow or this weekend when I'm in a better frame of mind. I'll let you know how it goes.

Yes, exactly! I don't have to remember what was said with e-mail. I can view it as many times as needed. (My brain isn't the best these days. Lol.) The form asked for her high school, so I put "homeschool." Maybe I shouldn't have. I thought it best to be transparent, though. 🤷‍♀️

Yesterday, I filled out a form on my alma mater's website requesting clarification about their admission requirements regarding acceptable coursework. My daughter, who is finishing up 10th grade right now, is strongly considering this university. I had a feeling it was a bit of trap when the form asked for the prospective student's contact info along with the person's info doing the inquiring. So, of course, they totally disregarded my contact info, and e-mailed my daughter. And, of course, they answered none of my very specific questions. They asked my daughter to call them. My daughter is so not calling them. (She doesn't even know what I asked.) And, I have zero desire to call them either...I just want answers via e-mail, hence the reason I used a web form and didn't call them in the first place. This kind of thing is a major pet peeve of mine. What do I do? I don't want DD to get a black mark next to her name, but she's not calling them. I do need the info, as I am mapping out classes for DD's junior year and don't want to make a mistake. Can I just e-mail the person back via my own e-mail and explain that I was asking as DD's teacher/counselor? So frustrated. I seriously just want to say forget it, she can go somewhere else. That's how badly the e-mail rubbed me. I didn't like the wording at all.

Neat!! Our family would love this.

I think they recently/somewhat recently removed several options that I used to use a lot. I know they are trying to cut down on returns. I bet the lack of options deters some people, but it doesn't me. I just choose the closest option and then type the real reason in the space below.

All I can tell you is that we were just there in February. The Cafe du Monde in the French Quarter is now kind of a local joke...like a tourist trap. We took several tours and all of the guides told us the same thing. One of the first things we did in NOLA was buy those beignets. Lol. We were underwhelmed, confused, and disappointed. Then, we discovered why. I can't remember the specifics to why they changed the recipe at the one in the French Quarter. Something to do with profits. Maybe it had to do with Covid. I wish we would have bought some at the City Park location when we went there for comparison, but we didn't. Maybe you can. Lol.

I don't know whether our late pooch was a dream dog. She was quite difficult but full of personality. Her breed isn't particularly common, so we do get overly excited when we see one of her kind out and about.

Yes, this was partly what was bugging me. I had to access information in my head from six years ago when my mom was initially in the hospital and actually had a normal stoma. I had never changed a bag for a normal protruding stoma before last night. I generally know the info but don't have practice with it. What if I cut the hole too small? What if I popped a stitch on her newly created stoma? What if I left a burr on the wafer when I cut the hole for her stoma and it rubs a sore? These people aren't our favorite neighbors, so I was nervous about getting blamed for doing something wrong. Her stoma was pretty active, which made it all that much more difficult. There's no time to do much double checking when a stoma is pooping. You have to take a chance and be quick when there's a pause.

I did check in with my neighbor via text this morning. The bag I put on last night hasn't leaked and her breakdown is no longer stinging, so I'm chilling a bit. Hopefully, it will continue to work for them and I can just jump over and train them how to do it the same way, if a true need arises. I have not offered them anything other than practical advice and a little encouragement.

Oooh...this vacation is on my list. Haven't started researching overly much, though. Hoping to do a lot of hiking. There are the redwoods in northern California that you might be able to squeeze in. There's also Amtrak's popular Coast Starlight route you might check into.

The home health agency was full and told them it would be two weeks before getting her in. I told them that was not acceptable...that she would be all healed up by then, that she need to call the doctor or hospital to find a different company that can come now. I also told them about a wound clinic I know of that was pretty decent when my mom and I first started out. They should be able to help her with her very normal ostomy. I also gave them some samples of some premium ostomy products we use. And, told them they needed to call to be sure that someone actually ordered their ostomy supplies because they only had a few samples left and you can't just buy that stuff at Walmart. There's one place that is semi-local that carries limited options. I told them about it. She has a doctor's appointment today, so hopefully they can get some stuff worked out.

My head is spinning. I spent the end of last week bolstering myself with the hive's encouraging words to get myself into a better headspace and gain confidence in stepping back from caregiving duties with my mom, who you all know has a difficult ostomy, One day after setting up a new schedule with my mom and starting to prepare her for me stepping back the level of help I will provide, I see my neighbor walking down the road in her robe with her husband. She obviously doesn't feel well, so I pull my car over to talk to them. She had nearly the same medical emergency as my mom had six years ago, except her intestines did not perforate. She had an intestinal blockage, had some of her small intestines resected, was diagnosed with color cancer, and was sent home with an ileostomy. My brain started reeling at this news because what's the odds. This is my next door neighbor whose house sits just beyond my font yard. Well yesterday evening, her husband knocked on our door seeking help because they were having leaky bag issues and were at their wit's end. Of course I went to help. I mean, how could I not? I didn't sleep well at all last night. And my anxiety has been through the roof ever since. (Enough to take part of one of my DH's Xanaxes, which I NEVER do.) I don't understand why in the very same days that I'm trying to reduce care to my mother that I'm presented with this new situation. Now, a huge part of me didn't mind helping, but I have no idea whether what I did worked, and my brain has ben replaying the whole thing and trying our other ideas in my head. And while it really doesn't bother me, I saw my neighbor nude. I seriously don't care about the seeing part, but it does sink me into a level of intimacy with this person that I don't want to be in. Why is this stuff following me around? Why is it every time I try to get away, does the cosmos or whatever reel me back in? My brain is blown right now.

New Orleans - The Ruby Slipper on Magazine. Try something new and different. (For anyone going to New Orleans, stay away from Cafe du Monde in the French Quarter. Eat the beignets from one of the Cafe Beignets there. The famous Cafe du Monde in the French Quarter was bought out or changed who runs it or something and the beignet recipe was changed to maximize profits. They just taste like heavy oddly shaped funnel cakes now. The ones from the Cafe de Monde in City Park are still the originals, though.) Chicago - Yolk (South Loop), Eleven City Diner Holland, Michigan - Deboer Bakkerij (loved the orange French toast) Jamaica Plain (outside Boston) - The Haven. It's Scottish food!

It doesn't work like that. In-home health through Medicare is only for a limited time. The goal is to train the patient or someone else within the home to perform services. Once a person is identified, that's that unless a new need (in their eyes) arises. Progress has to be proven to continue services. Just because I no longer want to continue doing a service doesn't qualify as a need. (I tried to get them to be on call for a bag change once while I was trying to plan care so that my family could take a vacation. She was on in-home health at the time for something else...not ostomy care. They said no because that need had been addressed. That's not what the doctor's orders included.) Most healthcare professions are woefully under-skilled in ostomy care. They try to avoid it at all costs. I'm not sure why it's so scary, but it is. Here's what I'm pinning my hopes on. And this is what I'm trying to gain courage and set the stage for. Since my mom's ostomy is so difficult (and her intestines are generally a mess with scar tissue, fistulas and hernias) it has been recommended many times that she have a significant surgery to try to improve her situation. The surgeon will hopefully be able to reconnect and clean it all up, or she'll end up with a better more well-placed stoma. Or, she'll die. It's very high risk. Obviously, she sees living her life as is as better than dying. She was scheduled to have required tests for the surgery this month, but she moved them to July because they are unpleasant and she is scared and is stalling. This surgery needs to happen. And, I am bowing out at this time. I am not taking on any after care. She will have to be ready to live independently when she comes home. If she can't, then the health system will have to figure out what to do with her. This is going to be extremely difficult for me. And, if she dies or is miserable because I refuse to take on any care, that's going to be on my conscious the rest of my life. She will be working against me telling people at the hospital that she does have people to help her. All that it will take is her convincing her live-in companion to come get her. I don't think he will, but who knows. She'll also know my plan and I'll become enemy #1. She may just refuse to get the surgery unless I commit to helping. She'll say that I'm trying to kill her. I'm hoping this will improve both of our lives (and several other people's too). If things don't go so well, then my hope is that the chain will be dissolved and that I can simply be her daughter again...to have the energy to do the thoughtful and joyful things for her that a regular daughter does. Things I don't have the energy for now.

Exactly! She would probably spiral out of control, cry and scream at other people a lot, struggle and stress in trying to figure out how to craft her bags (this takes several different products assembled in a specific way...while not hard, it is not fast), cry more every time her bag leaks or she has to change it, fall into a deep depression, then die months to a year or so later because I wasn't around to make sure she got to a hospital after getting a bowel clog. (She's notorious for not going when she should. She likes to wait until everyone's getting into bed to cause maximum inconvenience. I know that's probably not really it. It's more likely she's afraid of not making through the night, but it sure feels intentional all the time. The hospital is 1.5 hours away.) Having said that, she does have a strong will to live. I honestly have no idea what she would do. Wreak havoc on a lot of other people until she got some kind of life figured out? I realize her health conditions are scary and stressful and that everyone needs support, and I truly make her life so much easier, but if she would quit living in denial and just take ownership of her bag like she should have years ago, I think she would be happier in the end. She wouldn't fear the bag so much if she felt confident enough to deal with it on her own. I've told her this over and over. She will literally sit with a leaking bag all night long (and let it break down her skin) and wait for me to wake up and change it rather than do it herself in the middle of the night. This infuriates me because then we have breakdown issues to deal with, which means more frequent bag changes and leaks.

I just want to thank everyone once again. I appreciate your grounding words of wisdom and encouraging support. I realize that I'm on a slow-moving train toward freedom. These posts help me process, brainstorm, and progress little by little. Please know that what I post here is only the tip of the iceberg. I know that things might see easy enough to solve from the outside, but I can assure you they are not from my vantage point. (Plus, I have an entire other side to figure out in terms of my husband's significant mental health issues, and our marriage, which may be even more complex and draining than the caregiving stuff.) There are also always other lives to consider beyond my own. I didn't mention it in this particular thread (but have in others), but my mom does have a longtime live-in male companion who is 10+ years her senior. There is little love between them. He is depressed, has macular degeneration, incontinence problems, bad knees, back problems, and is overweight and prone to falling. He is also not good with finances. He is unable and refuses to help with most of her care. (And, good for him. He's really not up to the task.) While he's never been the greatest person, my mom has used and abused him too over the years. She's alienated him from his family, and pretty much all of his friends have died. While he wants to escape her too, he has no one else. At some point, I think he will be able to go into a VA home, if there is space available. There's also two dogs and three cats in the house, plus several cats outside. She lives Medicare check to Medicare check and has no assets but her house and car (both paid off). What little she did have was cashed in for a preneed when she had to spend her assets when she was in the hospital for several months to get approved for Medicaid, which she has but isn't using right now due to a large spend down, and she generally doesn't need to use it right now. (I'm worried she may get kicked off soon due to the recent roll backs.) I try to keep her finances tidy so that hopefully there won't be any snags when she does need a Medicaid bed at the local nursing home. It is all really exhausting. Add in school, work (I have two TPT stores), and general day-to-day living...the steam for a slow-moving train is all I've got. No one else is shoveling in coal.

I haven't but am looking for some helpful books. I've read most of Stop Walking on Eggshells and Psychopath Free. I actually picked these up for other reasons, but after reading them, things starting clicking for me in terms of my own relationships. I also wouldn't mind reading a short memoir about someone in a similar situation (or who had similar experiences during childhood) who finally broke free. I've looked a bit at night but end up falling asleep before finding anything. I'm reading Can't We Talk about Something More Pleasant?: A Memoir off and on right now.