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Pen

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Pen last won the day on June 9

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  1. How nice! That’s not true here, alas. They find their own positions and get themselves there.
  2. No, no! Goodness! Those aren’t jobs in our rural area. Grocery bagger or job at ice rink etc— Those are jobs in the city of Eugene open to kids under age 18! About 45 minutes drive one way! The only regular potential under 18yo jobs in biking distances that Ds could do are the dairy or nursery. And neither has had openings . (ETA— The city of Eugene —about 45 minutes drive— has pretty much anything a typical USA small city has. It also has the University of Oregon so that many jobs will go to older adults or college students before high schoolers will get considered. And for that matter local city high schoolers may be preferred—unless there’s a leg up reason for an outlying kid.)
  3. Not right now. There’s a large dairy in the organic valley group about 10 miles away that sometimes hires. And a nursery about 15 miles away (much worse roads though probably easier work once there) that sometimes does. Keeping an eye on them. They post a sign up when they want someone. They said they don’t keep resumes or applications because wen they need someone people who left a resume are not likely to still be looking. Also the kids have a group email list of the hay bucking type jobs, which are usually just a day or two gigs paid under the table. Part of the area is small farms, usually worked by owner family, which hire short term help at really busy times as with bucking hay. Most of the area for some 40 miles or so at least in (almost) all directions is in vast PNW Douglas Fir forestry holdings of large logging companies, and they don’t hire kids. Don’t hire much at all nowadays. Used to be a ~40K per year straight out of high school job. Now machinery does most of what men used to do. (And increasingly it is taking a college forestry degree from OSU to get into, not just High school) (eta: the main forestry exceptions are that in one direction about 20 miles to near edge is Eugene — and in another about 65 miles away Portland and those 2 cities are where most diverse jobs are— but where driving to get there is needed. A certain amount in Salem or Corvallis, but not common to work there and live here) Not sure Ds would have had the strength or size for logging work anyway, even in its current mechanized version. He’s male figure skater sized / built— not burly logger size/ build. It’s also dangerous work. We have an across the street neighbor who is severely crippled from a logging accident. Farming can be dangerous too—one of Ds’s friends who will be taking over his family farm has already broken his back twice. I thought it was possibly teen show off exaggerating, but, adults verified that, yes, two spinal fractures were real. 2 different times. One he got run over by a tractor. Another of Ds farmer boy friends has badly messed up knees. Ds has a Varsity letter in Cross Country, but several friends are too injured to run. Anyway the main “local” or area job that people go to is still logging industry jobs —which doesn’t hire kids. Some wineries which also don’t (though only a couple are big enough to hire extra labor) except it seems for migrant workers possibly.
  4. I love this! This is really nailing it. I need to get it much shorter or he’ll feel lectured and in my own words.
  5. Yes, He can intern. He needs to be able to drive. And to have wheels. We are working on that. 😉 Recommended is both a basic regular old paid job like bagging groceries, *and* an internship. He can possibly start that this coming spring. Certainly can this next summer if he’s got his DL etc. . Next school year is tentatively looking like he will be able to have just 4 classes to graduate (if he passes everything this year)—so almost half the school day for work / internships . Hopefully he can get all 4 in a block not scattered throughout the day. (This year has a heavy schedule to knock off most of his state graduation requirements in order to allow next year to segue into work.) His Careers teacher was one of the teachers who alas left this year, but already offered herself to him as a reference and recommended that he ask the man he shadowed with last year essentially for an internship (told ds to contact him and offer to help for free in exchange for learning). Ds no longer wants to go into military as of now, but he also already has quite a high ASVAB in case he decides he does after all. Hmm. I am feeling a little better about him not probably going to end up living under a bridge surrounded by moldy paper plates long term after all.
  6. I think it is so very hard to generalize from one place to another! I probably make that error too when responding to threads! I even made that error when I first came here not understanding how different it was from other places I had lived. Under 18 isn’t the major bar for him here. He can probably get a job as a bagger at grocery store at his current age. That’s the main one currently. (Though possibly he could get a job as ice skate rink, but they mainly go to hockey skaters, not figure skaters.) The major current bar is transportation. And that is a reason I was so strongly working with him toward license all summer.
  7. Good. Or, similarly, I can do my own daily check around house, and areas like near work out area I now know are dish magnets... Hah, or add my own little work out routine daily and check plates at same time. since I would like to wash up earlier than he gets home from school, and the morning routine is actually working well and I don’t want to change that now... then paper plates for dinner for now, So reminder is just to throw out the plates. Seems wasteful, but I think is best approach for this season of child raising...
  8. I may do that. They are Corelle and can be heat sterilized. But it may not be worth the time and electricity. Yes. No. And unfortunately it seems to be really hard to work out carpooling and ride shares to city. I have considered getting a rental apartment in town next summer (he’ll be 18 but isn’t ready for something like that on his own) so he can get a launch into world of holding a job. Using bike or bus to commute from town rental to job. One set of neighbors basically did that when their teen was around that age. Sort of moved to town for weekdays and returned to rural home weekends. But her Dad also worked in town so it helped him too. Though most families go the route of cars for teens.
  9. I have a feeling that even though we both live “rural” our situations aren’t comparable. There’s really no outside job — other than rare, occasional (and not in fall) hay bucking — that he can get till he is able to drive. Cabs -- charge~$40 just to come out to where we are. (So round trip by cab his local social event would be around $100) . When he was ice skating and I was not well enough to drive him to an important skating event it was $80 to send him to city by cab. Another person there gave him a ride home. If he had to use a cab round trip to get to a job it would be around double that $160, depending where exactly the job was. Afaik, there’s no work he can do currently that would cover that.
  10. This is my normal dishes etc shelf as I like it. (Almost, the colander was moved because too hard to get to behind the utensils) You want me to ? Box them away ? Lock them up? So, and including things like the knives and utensils and baking sheets and pan lids (possibly beyond the edge of photo) — to cook dinner I would need go to a lock box ? Because anything he uses he leaves until it’s last hour before a special event he wants a ride to? Where should I put them in their lock box? Basement? With chronic illness? Meanwhile I would buy paper plates, paper cups and plastic utensils — and take care of throwing them away as they end up on floor It’s not computing to me that an approach that may be working well for a young adult roommates household is going to help me. Or is going to move the current situation forward, your young adults aren’t trying to raise their roommate to adulthood or teach him. At end of lease they can separate maybe permanently I would like a lifetime relationship with my young person.
  11. I had had already said so. I had also given a warning the day before when there was still plenty of time to do it. The difference was that —and especially in view of the whole dishes thing — I didn’t relent and allow a half assed sprint to do a few things as possible at the last minute to suffice because of feeling that social life is so important for teens. It is. But I reached — No. I’m not actually preventing him having a social life. But I’m feeling done with being chauffeur to any non absolutely required event (going to play rehearsals and performances is required as part of his theater class; medical visits are required...) Maybe I’ll relent ... But, frankly, I feel ready to let the dirty dishes sit where they are as a reminder to myself that I am done. He steps up to plate or not. If he wants to, he can take an hour and bike to where his social event happens . That’s up to him. That’s true. I think a large part of the “hour” daily idea is that I could really use his help with things that are not one person jobs. And one hour per day is really my own maximum that I can handle on that. I can be flexible according to his needs, as I have to be with my own chronic illness. However, there’s nothing bad about an hour after school for helping IMO — just that he doesn’t want to. He wants all the freedom of late teens / early adulthood. No responsibility. Obviously not a unique situation for teens. Yes, good, an alarm for food is something I will implement starting immediately!
  12. That sounds wonderful but I don’t have a way to “send my teen to work” nor do I have a family business for him. I agree in principle. But how? That sounds like a good plan.
  13. What are you thinking I should do with the currently Uncleaned and still strewn around real plates? I am not supposed to be the servant, but should I box them in their dirty state as is? And where should I keep the dirty boxed up dishes? Or should I clean them before I box them? And how does that in any way help me, or him? Throw them out? If Ds should clean them, how do you suggest I achieve getting him to do that? Especially how am I supposed to do that without words?
  14. For the bold: such as? I’m not following how what you are saying in paragraph 2 is not itself a power struggle. He has been getting all sorts of things. He isn’t giving back. He isn’t taking responsibility. He doesn’t care about whether he eats on real plates or not. He’s fine with paper. Paper plates will help as a practical matter not to have ruined real plates. It is not a home feeling I especially like myself, but I can do that till he launches if need be. Whether that’s in 6 months or in 1.5 years. And I probably don’t need to box them. I can probably just say, “Son, you’re eating from paper plates “ and he will. We both do during frequent rural power outages anyway, so it’s something that a switch to isn’t hard. Okay, so assume there will then be paper plates with rotting and molding food lying around instead of real plates. What makes him change? what or how to make that a saving of face versus incentive? And without talking? Isn’t not talking and making the result of what he does/doesn’t do clear in advance then part of the blindsiding issue? And this agreement and wanting to try again is all to be done without any discussion? How? I think all of this really is going to take enough maturity to be ready for some discussion. Especially because it isn’t an area where the showing readiness will necessarily be directly related to the area of what he can then use. Like, when the toddler stops throwing the unbreakable mug on the floor he can start using a real one. But mostly we don’t have that here. He doesn’t care about plates. He doesn’t especially care about nutrition either. He would probably happily eat nothing but crackers from a box and cheese from a package, thus not need a plate at all. But with only those items, he would go downhill in functioning. What would be a clear and logical precursor to getting to go to a pre homecoming activity? That he would understand without any discussion?
  15. I don’t think my Ds would say that, but it seems Somewhat like him. 😏 Mine may make a stubborn, “fine, then I just won’t eat” (or at least not at home) choice. He’s 17 going on 12–though actually he was far more mature seeming at 12. And I also realize that some of what’s going on is a negative version of a drive to pull away from mom, an immature way of trying to be mature...
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