I need to get that old car hauled off but I haven't done it. For years he told me he wanted to 'hang onto in, just in case'. My goodness. So I will try to locate some place that will come here and tow it away. I have been home and homeschooling for such a long time. I haven't worked professionally in 30 years. I do have a degree and teacher's certification but cannot imagine teaching outside my home! I still have 2 daughters not yet finished so I feel I should stay home until they are graduated. Maybe that's a cop-out. Dh is probably insecure, he has lost 2 jobs in the last 8 years that have devastated us financially. We lived off retirement savings and now have just the little envelope of emergency cash I have stashed. He does dip into it regularly but replaces it again, but I never will get ahead that way. That could be of some use but probably wouldn't get me very far from home ha ha. So again, I feel stuck. I can't rent a vehicle without him since the only cc we have is in his name. I am feeling insecure with my homeschooling days nearing completion, and dd21 just announced her engagement, so I do feel I should be taking some positive steps to take care of myself more independently. I sure appreciate the love here! :)

I guess so. :( I tried to locate some kind of Christian counselling nearby and found none. If I brought it up to dh, I am fairly sure he would say there was nothing wrong with *us* or, even better, that we couldn't afford it. Goodness, I guess I really just want to run away this morning! :driving:

That's why I see myself at some sort of crossroads...I have tried through the years to be clear but respectful, and that hasn't gotten us anywhere. He forgets my frustration because I try to make our home a happy place. I don't seem to have the energy for that much anymore. We are certainly getting older and I am losing my patience with his *We'll have to wait on that.* and *We can't afford that* mantras. I try to voice something, his voice will get a little louder, and I will just get quiet and back in my introvert zone. I know that is not healthy. sigh

Wonderful advice, ladies! Such an encouragement. I wish I could give you a more accurate picture, but I probably should not attempt that here. ;) A glimpse: Dh has my former car, long dead, sitting alongside our drive. We live in the middle of the woods so it isn't seen by passers-by, but still. It was a good car, but very old, and now has been sitting there going unused...for 7 years. That's what I mean about things never changing. Instead of becoming a heartless nag, I just let things...time...go by, too.So I see him as the head of our home, but I am beginning to see that if anything out of the regular routine of our days happens, it will be me doing that. We have a grandbaby, over a year old now, that I have not been able to see since he was a newborn. The pain that causes me each time I remind dh that we need to take a trip and he then reminds me of how expensive a trip will be, I cannot express my discouragement. Things will happen, some day. Vacations we have missed, homeschool opportunities we haven't been able to pursue, on and on. My car is a 1997 and I do not trust it to get me farther than the local Walmart. Dh values me and tries as hard as he thinks he can to provide, and I feel like a wretch for even thinking like this. I asked him just Saturday if we could make some family goals, some kind of vision for our future, and he said he didn't have any ideas. Feeling broken today. So sorry for my whining. I just think if I had a dependable car, a new car that would outlast me lol, my attitude would improve.

Thank you. Marriage advice is welcome, too. :) You could describe mine as based on the patriarchal model (unfortunate but true) and I have seen the light just a bit. I promise I am not evil, just so sad at all the time passing without anything ever happening. I really don't know what I am doing at the moment but I do know that the girls and I are dying from slow suffocation. I really need a new car. I think dh would agree to buying one, sometime, when we can afford one, which would be never.

I know you are all correct. I just feel quite *stuck* at the moment. Dh is the kind of person that never wants any change in his life. That includes keeping old cars until their wheels literally fall off. We have had the discussion of getting a new car for a decade and it hasn't happened because my wheels have not quite fallen off yet. :glare: I have places I need to go...to see my mom, for example. I have to do these things on my own and I don't know how.

I have cash for a down payment but I would have to get a loan based on his income. I know it sounds ridiculous.

I may have reached some kind of turning point in my life. Long story. :) I need a new car very badly. My husband does not see the same importance in this need that I do. I have no income of my own. Is this a completely terrible thing to even attempt? Where would I begin without being taken complete advantage of? I think this is extremely out of my comfort zone to make a big decision independently. But I really need a new car.

We've been using Justin TV for several years, and they recently shut it down pending a sale. :( I know this is a long shot, but does anyone know where we can watch the Fox News channel (hopefully for free)? Many thanks.

Interesting! I've also looked at the smaller plan offered at Nourished Kitchen which seems inspiring (I need that, too) but I can't tell if it would actually save me money.

I am working on budgeting and really, really need to cut the food spending. I cook most everything from scratch but can't seem to save anything at the store. Thanks for your insights!

If you don't mind a bit of a drive from the town, Wisteria Lane cabins are wonderful. Very private, welcome baskets, we loved our stays there. I also remember there were Treehouse cottages in the town that looked amazing.

This is an old post. :) I wonder what the OP decided to get??

Thank you all for your support! Update in my original post. :)

Thank you all so much. I have taken quite a few pictures. The cabinets were installed several months ago by some really nice people just down the street. I know they will be heartbroken, too, because it's a family business who cares for their customers. I decided to sweep the other side of the kitchen into the pile I took a picture of, and just leave that there until they come to see it tomorrow. Praying the cabinet stays suspended and does not fall to the floor. If dh was here he could help me remove the glass doors but I don't dare touch them. Tea and chocolate, along with your tender advice, have really helped me. Thank you!

Thank you. I just caught a glimpse of myself in the hall mirror and I look like Bette Davis in a scene from '...Baby Jane'! I made myself stop crying anyway. There is just so much glass. In the hall, over the entire kitchen floor. The sound was just terrifying. I thought we were having an earthquake. My cherished collectibles all in the same place, now all gone. I really miss my dh. Thanks for the support. My dd and I were able to get the couple of remaining crocks off the top, but the glass doors on the cabinet are probably going to shatter when the whole thing falls. I am so, so sad.

Our daughter left for a summer in Europe yesterday, we drove 6 hours to the airport to get her there and us back home, so I was already sad and tired. This morning my dh left on a business trip for a week and I was weepy for him to go. This afternoon my beautiful new kitchen cabinets collapsed, throwing literally every beautiful glass jar and special crock I own to the floor. There is more broken glass than I have ever seen. I am crying like a ridiculous 3 year old. I can't seem to figure out what to do. I will call the cabinet shop in the morning, but in the mean time the cabinets are suspended, bending my new Ikea roller cart under the weight on 1 side, cookbooks hanging out over the sea of glass. I am afraid of it falling the rest of the way. Do I leave the mess for the cabinet people to see or keep cleaning it all up? Update: I didn't sleep much last night since I feared the cabinet falling, so I was up and ready early. I called the cabinet shop at 8:00 and told the person what had happened. She said they would get someone out here as quickly as possible. I got a call from the original installer at 8:05, and within 15 minutes there were 3 men here. They got the cabinet down without further damage, cleaned up all the mess, and apologized repeatedly. Before leaving they said the owner will be in touch with me today to discuss all the damages and 'make it right'. New cabinets will be started this morning and hopefully installed this week. I am still quite sad at the loss, but happy with their integrity. I also learned a valuable lesson...never have all your valued things together in one location. :tongue_smilie: Thanks everyone for your support yesterday! It meant so much!

We're using the HOD World Geography program this fall, which includes Integrated Physics & Chemistry with Lab. That's just what it is called in the handy course description section of the manual, so that is what will go on my dd's transcript. :)

Praying for comfort and peace for your family!

Thank you all so much, and blessings to you, too! :)

I've talked it over with dh and now I am going to try and locate some place to take her for an evaluation. I am afraid of depression and all of my attempts at helping haven't been of much use. I appreciate your generous advice everyone!

Thank you so very much! I have been taking notes. I admit that the thought of her being gifted has crossed my mind, but I was afraid I was grasping at straws for my own sake. Her insights flash every day about something. Last night she was talking about the Narnia series (a long-time family favorite) that they had covered in the co-op class this year. She said she really didn't like them at all. I was surprised and asked why, and she said, "They just didn't give me any room, any space to think about things myself". Hmmm. I know she is lonely but 'friendships don't just happen automatically' as she says. I will go back and read this thread again. I have much to consider. Many thanks for sharing your wisdom!

Thank you all. I've worked with her for the past month with some diet changes. She loves to make her own meals if I will let her ;) so I took that back quietly so she will eat less starchy things and more fruit and veggies and meat. I also asked her to stop sneaking the last bits of coffee and drinking all the cups of green tea she was having, in case caffeine was a culprit. I also put her on a strict *no sugar* plan and she admits feeling better, but those changes have helped her feelings of nervousness, but not really helped those I described above. :( I want so much to help her so she will enjoy her life and grow into a beautiful, happy person. I have pondered a visit with a psychologist in the past and will revisit that. Thanks again.

Good morning all. I would love for someone to give me a boost today because I'm feeling rather lost. I hope you can find it in your heart not to judge me because I already blame myself for failing to instill good, positive habits while she was younger. I've homeschooled a long while, and 'technically speaking' I have 4 years remaining before retirement. ;) I will leave out my 3 older dds for this discussion (I never compare them to her, they are wonderful, which makes it seem even worse), since my current struggle is with my youngest (who will be 15 in July). She is extremely bright, deep thinking, opinionated, and quick to learn. I am very thankful for these qualities. But her 'negatives' outweigh her 'positives' by far. She is lazy (wants to sleep till noon, never go anywhere or try something new), sloppy (wants to wear the same clothes days in a row, tornado of a room), abrasive, doing only the bare minimum of everything. She rarely smiles and seems to argue (intelligently, but still) about everything. She usually wants to be alone. I worry that she appears and acts cold and rude to others even though she really doesn't mean to. She doesn't like her time wasted and will not engage in anything she isn't interested in. Oh my, I have failed to help polish her rough edges so she can function civilly in a group and show respect or appreciation to adults. She causes strain in our home, too. This year we joined a very small co-op. Her sister loved it but she despised going and made no effort to conceal that to the teachers and students. On our last day she turned in an assignment that was completely wrong and she just didn't care. Then, as we were having cookies and exchanging gifts, she quietly went through the crowd, out to our car, and sat on the ground to wait. I am very embarrassed at her lack of concern for other's feelings (including mine). I am an introvert, I understand that socializing can be awkward and exhausting, but there are other people's feelings involved, too. I could go on and on but I will spare you. :) The latest struggle is with choosing her high school curriculum. I would *like* to give her something she would be at least a little interested in using. Her opinion is, "Just pick something and I will do it, it doesn't matter to me.". I am seeing serious character issues and I feel as though I've been smiling and keeping the peace for years. So now what. I just want these final years to have a little togetherness and joy, not expecting much, but a little is enough. Any thoughts before I just burn all our books and run screaming for the woods? Thanks for reading this pitiful post.

Y'all have been super helpful and very encouraging! I have taken both pills today, with breakfast and again with supper. I took a probiotic after lunch. I have a system. :) 1 day down, 20 to go! I ordered some of that fancy S Boulardii. I've had a ton of water, have had no sugar or dairy and eaten lots of yummy paleo goodness, and only went outside for 15 minutes to pull a few garden weeds in the shade. I am feeling tired but not queasy. I am trying not to worry, just dealing with my nasty rash and my aggravating mother who is certainly giving me other things to ponder besides my medicine! Thank you all so very much for sharing with me your heartfelt experiences and wonderful advice, and helping me get my balance.