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ErinE

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Everything posted by ErinE

  1. No. We’ve had multiple light-colored sofas (not my choice). I do not recommend them.
  2. Exactly! The OP's daughter desire to hold the baby is not the new mom's responsibility right now. It's a conversation that can wait.
  3. How does this conversation go? "Dear sister, I know you're leaking various fluids, and your body feels like it's been run over by a Mack truck, and it hurts to go to the bathroom, and you're juggling a brand new baby, and you're probably not sleeping, but my six-year old daughter really wants to hold your newborn baby, in case you haven't missed it the last four times she asked. Can you give me a timeline so I can tell her?" Not appropriate. I was a pretty laid back mother, but if anyone had approached me at that time in my baby's life, I certainly would have been upset, resentful, and snippy. I told my own child, who at seven wanted to hold my newborn, that she needed to wait, and I would let her know when I felt she was ready to hold the baby. The OP, as the six-year old child's mother, needs to manage her child's expectations. It's not the post-partum mother's responsibility right now. I think two months out is good to have a conversation, three months better, but right now? Absolutely not. Now, when it comes to the sister's behavior towards the six-year old - it does sound like she's tired and snippy with her niece. It's okay and in fact, critical that the OP stands up for her child's normal behavior. I think it's probably time for the OP to put a little distance between her sister and her daughter.
  4. Conversation topics that should be off limits for a three weeks post partum mother: * How tired she looks and how she should sleep more * When is she planning on losing that baby weight * Her parenting methods towards her newborn child when they are perfectly safe I’m surprised at how many people think it’s normal to pull aside a new mother and tell her she needs to let her niece hold the baby. It’s not appropriate at all this early in the baby’s life. I don’t care about “family culture”. If the mom’s not comfortable letting a young child hold her baby, respect her wishes.
  5. I wouldn’t disinvite the sister. It seems a harsh step to take towards someone we can recognize is adjusting to her new reality. It’s only been three weeks! Offer her a room if she needs quiet for the baby. I’ve never been to a family gathering where people where expected to be quiet while the newborn slept, but quiet rooms were always offered to mothers who might need it. As far as your daughter, I’d just ask her to wait to hold the baby. It’s tough with your DD being so young and excited but the mother’s preferences should prevail for a baby so new. If this goes past two months, I’d recommend having a chat with your sister in a neutral area, like a park or a coffee shop. But it’s way too soon to “set boundaries” on your post-partum sister regarding her newborn child.
  6. I think I’ve read most everything Conroy has written. His later writing felt a bit formulaic (mentally fragile woman needing rescue, long-suffering man with white-knight syndrome), but my personal favorites are: * The Lords of Discipline - Set at a school based on the Citadel (Conroy’s alma mater), a student basketball player fights the malicious racism against the school’s first black cadet. * The Great Santini - a young man rages against a controlling, abusive father, a fictional story based on Conroy’s own life. * The Death of Santini - A memoir of Conroy’s father, who mirrors the larger-than-life fighter pilot in The Great Santini, but also shows his considerable charm. Conroy’s struggle to reconcile his father’s mellow old age with his abusive history is quite compelling.
  7. I’m late posting (again). I haven’t been finishing books even though I have several in progress. I’ve been busy looking for a job but I’m sure my employment hiatus due to babies, homeschooling, moves, and health make me a tough candidate. In more positive news, my kids’ cousins have moved nearby, and we’re getting to see more of each other. Two are even attending the same school so I’m keeping my fingers crossed that they’ll be nice to one another out in public (they snipe at each other constantly). I love seeing them together and feel grateful every day for these moments, even those filled with bickering. My oldest is entering 10th grade and my third child, kindergarten. My youngest will be Class of 2032! It seems so far away but if experience is any indication, this time will be gone in a flash. Books finished: The Savage City: Race, Murder, and a Generation on the Edge by T. J. English. History - New York City (50s & 60s). The history of three New Yorkers: a black man falsely accused of murder and rape, a Black Panther convicted of shooting two cops, and a corrupt white police officer with New York City at its grittiest as the background. I thought it a well-done, heart-wrenching history but it was the last section (added after the book was first published) that made this an excellent book. The author conducted interviews with the first two people but wasn't able to contact the cop before initial publication. The officer was caught taking bribes, testified against other cops, and ended up in prison, convicted of a crime he most likely didn't commit. He spent his time imprisoned helping other prisoners navigate the legal system and overturn their convictions. His profane voice and post-prison rehabilitation made this a highly recommended read.
  8. I used to do a few but stopped because of clutter. I started Sephora Play because the brands are usually well known, high quality, and readily available. Plus I usually get six items but it is more expensive at $16.
  9. Congratulations! (I voted but you might want to bump it once a day as a reminder)
  10. I'm so sorry for your loss. I'll keep your family in my prayers.
  11. Books read last week: Into the Drowning Deep by Mira Grant. Horror. A group of scientists travel to the deepest crevice in the ocean looking for rumored mermaids. A few too many TSTL (too stupid to live) characters - don't go out alone, at night, when you know monsters from the deep attack at night. Good horror read from Seanan Maguire under her Mira Grant pen name. Nomadland: Surviving America in the Twenty-First Century by Jessica Bruder. Social Problems. A reporter follows a group of "vandwellers" who travel the country looking for jobs while living out of mobile housing. I'm working on The Savage City, a history of New York City in the 50s, 60s, and 70s.
  12. It’s 40 (105) in Texas which is why I’m glad we’re visiting friends in North Carolina.
  13. Books finished last week: Cibola Burn (The Expanse#4) by James S. A. Corey. Science Fiction-Space Opera. A space captain finds himself trapped on a planet where the life forms and alien technology are trying to kill the human colonists. Another good addition to the series. I’m slowing working through The Aeneid, a book every few days. I’ve decided I’m going to cull my physical TBR pile by my bed so no more physical books until the pile is much smaller (my e-books tend to be brain candy which help me get ready to sleep). I picked up The Girls of Atomic City which feels like a huge list of names thus far and I started Into the Drowning Deep, a mermaid book written by Seanan Maguire under her horror pen name Mira Grant.
  14. We bought an A-frame several years ago that had undergone “renovation” by the prior owners then been abused by renters for several years. My purchasing tips: If you can, have a general contractor walk through it with you, preferably someone who’s lived in the area and has worked with the same subcontractors a long time. They can point out any concerns they have, like live electrical wires or bedroom windows too small to meet code. We bought the cabin without a GC, but having a GC there would have been nice. Foundation-Do a thorough walk-through both inside and outside. Watch for foundation issues (cracks in masonry, patches in drywall). Look close around the corners of windows and doors as these are more likely to show cracks caused by foundation shifts. Leaks - Discoloration on the ceilings or walls, wet patches on the concrete, fresh patches to drywall Smells-If it smells moldy, there’s mold there. Get an idea by looking at the north facing walls, under sinks and cabinetry, etc. it’s not a deal breaker, but can be an expensive repair, especially if studs need to be treated. Other smells, like pets, may require an enzyme treatment. We nearly ended up treating our exposed foundation, the cat pee smell was so bad, but the smell faded before the drywall went up. Termites-look for any wood touching the foundation, rotted siding, crumbling wood. Another not necessarily a deal-breaker, just adds to the expense. Septic or well - get someone to inspect these before making an offer. Roof - bring binoculars and look for missing or damaged shingles. Climb into the attic and look close. Appliances - look at the dates on AC, water heater, etc. if they’re older than ten years, you might need to replace them. Advice for renovation: Timing - be prepared that it will take longer than you expect. If the GC says 8 months, add another 4; 1 year, expect 1.5 years. If you’re done earlier, you’re pleasantly surprised. We’ve renovated almost every house we’ve owned and the work always took longer than the initial estimate. Expense - Take the GC estimate and add 20%. The GC will likely have a 10% cost overrun, but I’ve found that adding my own “extra cost” helps when the inevitable surprise expense pops up. Be prepared to economize if need be or wait to finish out rooms later. Demolition - to the studs, while expensive, is really the ideal option, if it’s in the budget. We found so many issues when we opened up the walls in the A-frame:, electrical, plumbing, rot, mold, support beam cutouts (!), wall shift. We were able to correct the problems before we put up drywall. The only room we didn’t renovate was the kitchen (it was functional when purchased) and nearly ten years later, there’s wonky electrical and plumbing that concerns us. Layout - take the time to walk through the home while the studs are exposed and really think about its use. Do you want a formal dining room? Does the current kitchen layout make sense? Are the bedrooms sized correctly? Do you like where the electrical plugs are? Do you want pocket doors? Do you like the window placements? Are the hallways a comfortable width? In one part of our home, we kept the original 3-foot wide hall and it feels very narrow. In the basement, we created a 4-foot wide hall and it feels less tight. We used software to create our floor plan. Use painters tape, 2x4s, newspaper, anything, and recreate your layout in the home. Walk through it. In our cabin, we were just getting ready to put in drywall when we walked into the bunk room and I stopped. The window was off-center to the door. We’d originally planned two sets of twin-bunks on either side the room. I measured and realized we could fit full-size bunks on one side with the planned twins on the other if we moved the window. Moving the window made it centered to the door and made the room feel more balanced. But moving the window would be more expense. We hesitated, but ultimately decided to fix our original planning error. That meant doing less elsewhere, but it was the right thing to do. Windows - Consider getting new ones if the windows are original. This was our single biggest expense, and we’ve made that money back in cost savings over the past ten years. Think about balance and proportion. We have one room in the house where we have a closet instead of a window. From the outside it makes the house look slightly odd as every other room on that external wall has two windows. I feel like something’s missing every time I see it. The original house also had a room with a north facing window looking out onto asphalt. We opted to remove it as there were two other windows in the room and the view/light didn’t provide any benefit. We lost a window but gained a wall for a bed. Think safety. There was a window right at the bottom of the basement stairs, which we removed as we could easily see a kid come tumbling down the steps and sticking an arm right through the glass. Electrical - For an older home, I highly recommend running all new electrical. You know it’s done right without any surprises. In our unrenovated kitchen, half the electrical plugs don’t work which does concern me. Our electrician took a cursory glance, but couldn’t make any guarantees since he couldn’t see behind the kitchen walls. Read home renovation blogs to get more tips. My favorite is Young House Love (younghouselove.com). They’ve bought and renovated three homes, plus two beach houses. They willingly share all their setbacks and triumphs. I look forward to their podcast all week. I’m sure I’m missing something. We didn’t have the funds, but how I wish we could have renovated our kitchen at the same time as the rest of the house. Something to plan for in 5-10years.
  15. I have girls and boys and they all play with the Legos, whatever the theme. Don’t knock the pink and purple if you have a child who loves the colors. My daughter picked out several Friends sets, like the ice cream shop and the veterinarian, and she’s played with the Star Wars and Chimera sets. She never requested any of the non-Friends sets, so I didn’t get them for her. She does own multiple light sabers so it’s not like she doesn’t like Star Wars. Everything ends up in two big LEGO bins anyways. When the kids has friends over (even age 15 and 16), they request access to the toy closet so they can dig through the bins.
  16. I loved that book! When he describes looking at maps and reading all the little details, I related. I thought I was the only one who loved doing that. A silly notion, I know, otherwise who would create maps? As part of our sailing course, DS and I read a coastal map. DS found it boring; I thought, “You mean we get to read maps as part of sailing?!?! Yay!”
  17. I failed to post a weekly update last week. I promise I'm working on posting more regularly! We're on our annual trek to Montana to visit family. I keep meaning to find postcards, but we've been traveling to the state (even lived there briefly) for over 15 years. I don't spend much time in shops with touristy items. I'm hoping today I can locate some. Books read: Sailing Made Easy and Coastal Cruising Made Easy from the American Sailing Association (ASA). Nonfiction-Skills. When I was a tween, my family's income stabilized after years of financial hardship so my father would rent a sailboat once a year and cruise the Gulf of Mexico. We were only able to do it a few times, but I've always loved sailing. DS15 is attending a sailing camp in a few weeks so we decided to earn our first two ASA certifications. I'd forgotten everything I ever learned about sailing yet managed to pass the written test. I guess I haven't forgotten my study skills! Abaddon's Gate (The Expanse #3) by James S.A. Corey. Science Fiction - Space Opera. After an alien intelligence forms a mysterious ring around the solar system, a spaceship captain finds himself drawn into political intrigues while a new enemy seeks his destruction. Another satisfying addition to the series. Ilium (Ilium #1) by Dan Simmons. Science Fiction. In the future, humans on Earth discover there's something sinister behind the eternal youth promised through technology while elsewhere human observers travel to the events described in The Iliad and report their observations to the Greek Gods. An interesting mash-up of H.G. Wells The Time Machine, Shakespeare's The Tempest, and the Homeric epics The Illiad and The Odyssey. No verdict yet as like Simmons' Hyperion Cantos, the story spans two books. I plan on reading the second book Olympos. Children of Time by Adrian Tchaikovsky. Science Fiction - Second World. A generation ship and human evolution experiment clash on a distant planet. I'm not doing justice to the book with a one-sentence summary. Humans have created a virus to simulate evolutionary pressure and sent it out in a spaceship filled with monkeys to populate an Earth-like planet. In the initial landing, all the monkeys die so other creatures benefit from the virus. The evolution story parallels a generation ship's struggle to stay alive between the harshness of space travel and the madness of human psychology. A fantastic book if you like science fiction. Isaac's Storm by Erik Larson. History - Weather Catastrophe. In the budding field of weather prediction, a meteorologist finds himself caught up in the deadliest natural disaster in US history. A history of the Galveston Hurricane of 1900, Larson recreates the time period and the experience in an engaging story. It is a very tragic one - best estimates are that 6,000 people died. The book would have benefited from photos and maps since as much as I found the physical descriptions fascinating, I prefer to see the photographs and land myself. On a personal note, I had a relative, visiting friends, who survived the storm and documented her experience in her diary. I'm currently working on the fourth book in The Expanse series plus Robert Fitzgerald's translation of The Aeneid.
  18. I read the book many years ago and wasn't a big fan. As far as the controversy, Bradley's second husband was convicted of child molestation and Bradley indicated she knew about the incidents. Bradley's own daughter accused her of abuse, physical, mental, and s*xual. Here's an article from the Washington Post that contains a brief summary. Warning, the last line is gross.
  19. I grew up in south Texas and when DH and I moved away, I missed those summer thunderstorms. It was so lovely to sit on the porch and enjoy the sound of the rain.
  20. Hi all! I've been terrible about posting, because I stopped reading for awhile. I wasted my time watching television and surfing the Internet, but I was operating in a brain fog and couldn't concentrate on or enjoy any books. I've slowly started reading again so I'm hoping (fingers crossed) that I'll get back to posting regularly. As part of my brain fog, I didn't keep track of my books read so I'll just post what I enjoyed: The Sookie Stackhouse series by Charlaine Harris. Urban Fantasy. A small-town waitress with telepathic powers finds herself immersed in vampire and werewolf intrigues. I've avoided reading this series for years because of the True Blood connection. Back in the day I loved Anne Rice but I stopped reading about vampires as the years passed, especially with the rise of sparkly ones. All that personal history aside, these are fun books. I worried they would descend into Laurell K. Hamilton smut-with-a-side-of-urban-fantasy but Harris does an excellent job writing urban fantasy romance. There's a love triangle (or five), a naive but somehow competent heroine, and fairytale creatures galore. I've made the series my go-to brain candy for the summer. The Expanse series by James S. A. Corey. Science Fiction-Space Opera. After humans discover an ancient alien menace in the outer solar system, the various colonies must work together to defeat it. I'm up to book 4 in the series and very much enjoying it. It's reminiscent of Heinlein's best science fiction without the strange belief system or female objectification. There's a heavy dose of horror, especially in the first two books so be warned. The October Daye series by Seanan Maguire. Urban Fantasy. A half-human, half-elf changeling searches for lost fae children while avoiding the various enemies who want her dead. I greatly admire Maguire's writing and imagination and plan to read her entire back catalog. I found the first 7 books of the October Daye series in my library's used bookstore so I picked them all up for $3.50. The spines weren't even cracked! All were enjoyable reads. Courses from the Great Courses. History, Literature, Science, etc. How I miss the old Teaching Company name! At least then I wasn't forced into writing awkward sentences where I repeat the word "courses" multiple times. Anyhoo, my favorites from the sale are: Writing Great Fiction: Storytelling Tips and Techniques - good advice but only if it's your first experience with the information The Other Side of History: Daily Life in the Ancient World - great background on everyday life across socio-economic classes but exclusively focused on the Western tradition Great Mythologies of the World - *****, highly recommended, 31 hours of fascinating mythologies from all over the world The Great Ideas of Philosophy - I usually have little interest in heavy philosophical discussions, but the professor made the subject engaging and educational The Story of Human Language - *****, another highly recommended course on the development of language, including explanation and support for the development of pidgins, dialects, and languages. All the courses offered by the lecturer John McWhorter are on my wish list. Food: A Cultural Culinary History - fantastic course on the history of cooking, with recipes. This probably would have worked better as a video series, rather than audio, but I still felt it was well-done and engaging. Forensic History: Crimes, Frauds, and Scandals - if you like crime writing or murder mysteries this might be of interest with a heavy warning: several of the early lectures discuss crimes involving children (which is my personal no-go). I nearly stopped listening, but managed to finish the course. ETA: Space Opera by Catherynne Valente. Science Fiction-Space (but not Space Opera). After aliens make first contact, a washed-up rock star must save humanity by competing in a intergalactic talent competition. A lovely mashup of David Bowie, weird fiction, and Eurovision. It took me several days to finish because the prose is Valente at her verbose, but beautiful best so I could only read it in small sips. I adore this author's voice and imagination so if you're a Valente fan as well (Radiance is my go-to recommend for first-timers), I highly recommend this book! Just as a personal aside, if you ever feel despair and need to talk with someone, PM me. I'm here for you.
  21. @Kareni, thank you for the mention. I’ll need to check out the book. As you know, I’m a fan of economic/finance fiction and non-fiction. Just an update on me, I’m sorry I haven’t posted. Weeks have passed where I didn’t finished a book as life has made it tough to concentrate on reading. Right now, I’m working through Charlaine Harris’s Sookie Stackhouse series and a few audio books. Light reading, that doesn’t require much thought, has helped me make it through some tough times recently. Hugs, prayers, and good thoughts to those who need it.
  22. Ariana Grande, though a beautiful voice, has a mushy style that sounds like she's singing around cotton balls in her mouth. I could hear that in all the videos posted.
  23. As an American who studied German in high school and college and ended up in Italy for a college semester, but found Germans/Austrians/French/Italians often mistook me for a native (by looks alone), let me reassure you: if you try to speak French, someone will make a physical cringe, thank you for attempting French, and then ask if you speak English. I highly, highly recommend you at least try to speak French so learn standard phrases. But the Western European continent has done an excellent job of educating their citizens in English so you have a high likelihood of finding someone who understands you. Learn the phrase: "I'm sorry. Please speak more slowly." in French. I have found reading languages is often easier than hearing; brush up on your reading so you understand the signs. In my experience, the French will often forgive your attempts at speaking French, but feel more charitable towards you because you tried.
  24. This is one of my all-time favorite books (Song of Solomon by Toni Morrison is the other). I hope you enjoy it!
  25. I read The Sparrow and found it a powerful, disturbing book. It explores cultural misunderstandings, the nature of belief and faith, the horror of suffering, and so much more. I cannot say I enjoyed it, but it has stayed with me.
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