Sure, if it’s accurate. Ours isn’t. We paid 20k OOP/with savings and it was fine. We prepared for that. We did not prepare to support another household, the entire housing expense, and that’s what we’re doing. If we received market rent for our rental vs nothing or 60% which is what we (occasionally) get, it’d be fine.

We filled it out for this year but DD just completed her portion last week.

Yes. We’ve been financially supporting two other family members for the better part of three years but haven’t claimed them as dependents. As a result, and because of me going back to work (making that support possible), our SAI went from 17k to 41k. Fortunately, we can and will be using the GI bill next year. DDs school participates in the yellow ribbon program which will limit our financial contribution to the level it was this year AND give us money to pay for her housing. Not all schools do this (guarantee four years of aid regardless of income). We could certainly appeal the SAI based on our circumstances but that, too, is time consuming and messy.

We finally got our SAI for this year and it was…insane…more than 2x what it was the year before. It certainly made clear why we needed to use other means this year and pick a school with guaranteed terms. We’ll have an extra dependent next year so that will help for DSs baseline year.

I haven’t read all the replies, so pls forgive me if what I’m about to say has already been said but I was struck by something this week. I’ve been binge watching ‘the man in the high castle’. Those of you who’ve already seen the series may know where I’m going. I’ve been struck, once again, by the ease with which people convince themselves that they’re doing the right thing in excusing or ignoring or being silent in the face of gross behavior. Sometimes it’s because they’re protecting the people that they care about most, sometimes it’s because they are pursuing, single-mindedly, specific objectives. But often, it’s the people who simply sit back and watch, who observe, who do nothing in the face of violations against other people who do the most harm because it’s not their issue. It’s real easy to think that doing nothing, preserving the peace, is a benign and harmless way to behave, but it’s not. Doing nothing is the easy thing. Doing something is hard. I’m not suggesting everyone take up arms, or be a warrior in any particular cause. I am simply saying that there are trade-offs when you do nothing and that it’s really important to weigh what you can and cannot live with and the impact that has writ large. The things OP described are, largely, things I could not live with. It’s within my own family that I have the MOST influence, not amongst strangers, and so I choose to act accordingly.

The kids in DSs school no longer mask unless ill or immunocompromised.

Yes, this is what I am saying. Establishing a foundation of openness and trust, LONG before the teen years, matters. It always has. It always will. Those of us who’ve been around a long time are likely to know each others’ parenting inclinations and social stressors.

I meant exactly what I said; it was annoying but easily swatted down. Thanks to many adults in this region who prioritize conformity.

What I see is, largely but not always, conservative parents up in arms that their kids are questioning and/or rejecting their dogma/teachings about gender and sexuality.

Answered.

Gotcha. This MATTERS, NO? We’ve been having these convos, in one way or another, for ages. These factors make a difference. Parents have a choice about whether and how they allow social media and how they inoculate (or not) against harmful influences of all kinds. These conversations inevitably presuppose everyone is working with the same inputs. They’re not. Are there trends, sure! Do they impact everyone the same? No. I’ve been watching folks talk about this trans social contagion for years, perplexed the whole time. It’s not my experience, even in a conservative region.

Are they isolated from these trends or nah? Separated from households who perpetuate these views or nah?

This is EXACTLY what I just wrote about. Adults both preemptively decrying and reflexively responding to juvenile attempts at differentiation with unnecessary harshness.

It’s equally telling that folks reporting this totally unusual phenomena (snark) won’t say what their community dynamics are like, what the prevailing sentiment is, because that does matter.

Same. Nothing new under the sun.

It’s politically expedient.

Not good at all. We’d planned to use the GI Bill for DDs final two years but we’re pivoting: one this year, one next year.

My sense is that the social approbation anyone who strays too far from prescribed gender norms experiences (which can happen anywhere but is a predominant sentiment in various locales) forces a dichotomous view of gender and sexuality that is more rigid (and wouldn’t otherwise exist). I don’t think it’s new, remember the hew and cry over Prince’s androgyny? It’s just more vocal, known, and toxic now because adults aren’t pushing back or ignoring it, they’re embracing/doubling down on it, and social media amplifies it. Kids will do what they always do/reject it using whatever means are at their disposal.

And you identify this movement by?? Can anyone (not just you) definitively establish who this movement includes (even a supposition will do)? Nomenclature aside, those espousing this view (of 'a movement' or in my view 'hegemony') identify/classify its adherents/proponents by? WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE insisting that womanhood or girlhood be expressed in stereotypical ways? Your description of YOURSELF also describes MY KID, who put 100+ Marine Corps wanna be's (largely male) to shame, WITHOUT PREP, with her officer PT exam and her dad in attendance. It's not either/or, and every person who espouses the view that it is makes kids like mine, prime candidates for military leadership roles, feel unwelcome and decline. Selfishly, do you know how much money I would have saved if my kid accepted the offer?!?! I'm not mad at her choice, I'm mad at the country that made her feel like there was only one viable option for a 'girl'. Too many hard questions destined to go unanswered. Nuance is HARD. The post and run, strike and retreat is tiresome. If there'e merit in the position, defend it...with fact.

Indeed. My DD told me that rocking shaved sides and/or an undercut as a junior/senior cheerleader was 'a signal' (TM) but I still encouraged/supported her in it because it was authentic to her and she's FREAKING BEAUTIFUL regardless of how she styles her hair. I do not get the sense people reporting 'trans community' hegemony are similarly flexible and supportive of different gender presentations. Open to being corrected if wrong.

We hired an accountant last year and have an appt. scheduled for the first week of March. No regrets, no worries. DD will also be using her GI bennies next year so FAFSA is...blessedly...not an issue. The year after (DS's baseline) we will likely have an extra dependent so not worried about that either. This roll-out is a shit show to be sure. I feel for those hamstrung by it.

You're assumption is that the 'trans movement' advocates people who have pixie cuts identify as trans, "in some cases"? In which cases is this taught? That is antithetical to my/my kid's lived experience. She was certainly never pressured to ID as trans. It's not who she is or how she feels. Being trans is not a black cultural norm or trend (denial/blindness is). My kid has a buzz cut and prefers young 'male' styles of dress. Kids (in general) are channeling their parents' biases IMO. If your community is full of bias, that may color your experience. My perception is that communities (we live in such a region) that prioritize conformity and stereotypical norms have a really hard time with anyone who steps outside those norms, regardless of their sexual preferences. Having never been a stereotypical girly-girl, and not growing up in this region, I was not bound by and never encouraged my child to believe that was the only 'right' way to be a girl/woman. Grungeland was special. I see that only in retrospect and feel sad for those who missed out. I/we didn't define femininity by appearance or mannerisms and I encouraged DD's exploration (in appearance and relationships) without judgment. She is 100% gay, CONFIDENT, and that is OK with us, b/c no dysmorphia involved. Who is in your sphere? What values/messages do they hold or promote? Have you critically explored that aspect?

We were 21/25 and got a push and some help from my dad. I still wish we had that house. It’s worth almost as much as the one we live in now and is 40% smaller.

Major corporate conferences are making the same choices. All of the ones for my calendar this year are in friendly locales, for gender minorities as well as ability ones. Our locale is actually looking to pivot to provide another, more affordable and welcoming option for conferences.

Well, there's this. https://www.huffpost.com/entry/veterans-group-sues-government-to-cover-gender-affirming-surgery-for-veterans_n_65b29d0fe4b074981637280f