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Sneezyone

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Posts posted by Sneezyone

  1. I work with so many people who do not understand the purpose or history of government, particularly administrative entities/rules, the true source of authority (the consent of the governed as provided/represented in documents) and act in ways that hurt people and undermine trust because of it. I can only hope folks get away from thinking higher ed is nothing more than job training and show some respect for skills/expertise they don’t have and people who do work they can’t or won’t do.

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  2. 5 minutes ago, TexasProud said:

    Yeah, well I think it is a little unfair if a parent will pay x for a math degree, but not the same amount for a music degree.  But I know parents do it.  Some around here will only pay for college if their student goes to aTm....  🙄

    This. I’ve always thought it better to help them think through how to monetize and/or channel their passions into something that pays the bills. DS wants to be a working/paid artist so he’s looking at animation and graphic design. He still plans to play music on the side, for fun. These things don’t have to be in tension.

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  3. 1 hour ago, Arcadia said:

    Here community colleges are very affordable. For full paying students like my family, we pay $150 per subject per quarter. An associate degree can be gotten for $3k or less due to AP exam credits and/or free dual enrollment. DS18 did not exceed the free two classes per quarter for dual enrollment students and got his associate degree for free while in high school. My school district and other school districts also have students in dual enrollment program so they graduated with a high school diploma and associate degree. 

    So here, there are options to lower the cost of getting a bachelors degree for full paying students willing to go the transfer route. Also it is easier and cheaper to double/triple major and to change major in community college. By the time the students are ready to apply for transfer, they have a better inkling of what they really like. Its also cheaper to be on academic probation in community college than in college freshman year and sometimes sophomore year too.

    Even in state tuition at our local community college is $190/credit hour. Many states don’t subsidize higher ed like CA.

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  4. 1 hour ago, Corraleno said:

    It's possible to tell children that a parent is ill without telling them the specific diagnosis — especially when dealing with a disease that many people find terrifying and which is often fatal. I've had two siblings, a step-sibling, and a BIL who were diagnosed with cancer when their children were quite young, and although their kids obviously knew that mommy or daddy was sick, they were not specifically told it was cancer when they were little. In the two cases where it came back when the kids were teens, they were told at that point.

    Louis is only 5 years old, and Charlotte is 8, William 10. Does a 5 year old really need to be told that mommy was diagnosed with a specific disease that often kills people? And shouldn't that choice be left to the parents, instead of the tabloid press and a baying mob forcing it on them?

    They shouldn't be forced, no. Still, best practice is to treat children with the same respect you'd give others. Sharing the reality of the situation in age appropriate ways. Outcomes aren't always positive and kids shouldn't be blindsided. It sounds like they're doing that.

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  5. 5 hours ago, HomeAgain said:

    Oh, I think you misunderstood!  I absolutely do not mean debate them!  I mean things like,

    "This sounds important to you." And letting the conversation get carried a little more.

    "Where did you hear about this?" And letting them talk some more.

    You start to see motives and who is pushing them to solicit donations, and it gives you more of a chance to talk to your young neighbors, not at them.  Going door to door is hard.  Kindness isn't.  You can absolutely respectfully decline anything you want, but it is worth it to see why they're out there in the first place.

    Honestly, I felt really uncomfy saying much of anything other than ‘it’s wonderful to see you supporting a cause you care about and you've really done well!’ 

    Questions I would ask an adult related to where the money is going (specific local facility or national campaign), how it would be used, other connected entities or parties etc., these two obviously couldn’t answer. 

    The whole pitch was stop abortions and save the babies. That’s it. I, obvs, think it’s a lot more complicated than that. 

    We’ve participated in things like blankets for babies w/out issue but this just made me feel some kind of way.

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  6. My ‘I don’t want to travel’ kid came back from her overseas, school-sponsored trip and wants to apply to study abroad next year! Woot!! DD will be continuing her mathnasium gig this summer. She's also keeping her roomie for next year.

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  7. 1 hour ago, HomeAgain said:

    I'm going with borderline inappropriate.  A safe neighborhood, with an ambitious 10yo leading the direction is different than two kids being sent off meekly to wherever.  This might be the older kid's idea. 

    We get the occasional kid coming by.  Usually a scout or kids looking for school donations. Most of the time I take a few minutes to talk it out with them and see what they know.   Today we had our own weird solicitation.  Dh and I were a little on edge by the black SUV that slowed its roll down our street and checked out our property clearly.  That was followed by a white car 10 minutes later who hung a little bag on our front door.  Inside was a pair of socks and a card from the local realtor, promising if we went with them we'd get rates that would "knock our socks off."

    Ha.

    Ha.Ha.

    Never mind we have no intention to sell.  DS14 is thrilled he has a new pair of bbq grill covered socks, though.

    Mostly, I agree. It is a safe area, broad daylight. It’s just that *this* issue is so fraught. I didn’t think it appropriate or helpful to probe their understanding of the issue/ask. Their pitch was ‘save the babies’ and as soon as I heard it, defaulted to…nope…they’re not prepared for nuance or discussion, nor is it my place to undermine what they’ve been told. Some kids their age might be and I might have even gifted something. It felt manipulative. Mostly, I was outraged that these kids were sent out to shill for adult issues/priorities.

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  8. Just now, Clarita said:

    A few years ago I had kids hit me up for a "donation" to their ski vacation. I was confused an inquired no it's not for school, no they weren't on some ski team, they were just going door to door asking for money for a family vacation. I didn't recognize them as living near me either and mom was in the car  as her kids asked for money to fund their family vacation... I guess in my case at least they understood what they were doing?

    I find having kids go door to door doing these sorts of things inappropriate. I realize some people think these things build character or teaches kids important life lessons, but I don't understand it at all. Yes I do find it weird that we make little girls sell cookies which are made by a large corporation.

    GOOD GRIEF, YES! At least the GS are in public locations nowadays with parent oversight and supervision. Asking or expecting someone the age of a typical BS/GS to explain this issue is absolutely nuts to me.

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  9. My neighbors sent their kids, roughly 10 and 7, ALONE, to solicit donations for Crisis Pregnancy Centers. I saw them in the street when I got back from a meeting but they hit me up about 30 min ago so obvs noted my return. Granted, I live directly across the street and mom may be watching but…?? I praised their advocacy efforts and haul but declined to participate. 

    Listen, people can advocate all they want, but these two babies should not be out, alone, advocating policies and programs that they clearly (based on their pitch) do/did not understand. Is this a thing people still do in your area? How/why is this appropriate?

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  10. Not anymore. Our situation just got too complicated with a rental property, dual and contract income, dependent extended family, and a kid in college. The first year (2 years worth plus some back clean up work) it was $1400 or so. This year it’s $455. Worth every penny. I feel lucky that we got out of that transitional year owing $5k.

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  11. I think that experience (of ignored abuse, heartened and closed off emotion) is more common among children born of obligation/expectation and not a desire to parent regardless of where or how children are schooled. The absence of eyeballs only affects/can change things for those who have people that care enough to intervene in their orbit. Most of these kids don’t.

    Reading your description of your ex was triggering.

  12. I have neglected my garden for MONTHS and am trying to dig myself out of a hole. I haven't even cut back the dead growth on my switchgrass.

    My cabbage never headed (although it looks lovely and big) and now it's bolted b/c our daytime temps are in the 70s. Same for my broccoli and brussels sprouts. My kale, collards, and mustard greens are still ok...for now. Pests are becoming an issue again for the raised beds, not the plants in the ground. I planted some early girl tomatoes and jalapeno peppers already. I put my bush and pole beans in the ground (although no rain in the forecast the soil is still moist). I have volunteer tomato and dill seedlings from things that were left in the beds last year. In the past, I pulled everything out, added compost and mulch but I was lazy. I'm not sure what to expect for yields this year. I've been collecting grounds from Starbucks and will add some additional amendments as top dressing and hope for the best. I tried overwintering eggplant and peppers...we'll see if it works. My lemongrass overwintered, as did my artichoke plant. 'They' say we're are Zone 8a/b but judging from my results last year, I think we're fully Zone 9.

    Last month, I had a crew clean out my backyard beds and hack off a TON (under and over) from my camellias, azaleas, aucuba, euonymus and whatever else was back there. They look like bald headed stumps but they’re super hardy and will grow back just fine (tamed). This weekend, I got all of my decorative pots refreshed (my spike plants overwintered...it was soooo mild!!).  I put in some flag grass, heuchera and sedum in the shadier spots, and next weekend I'll transplant some lenten roses. In the sunnier spots, I put in a couple of rosemary and lavender plants. My marsh marigolds are already in full bloom. I want to add a dwarf citrus tree in that bed too. Some of the liriope I transplanted two years ago are finally growing. Now, of course, I don't want them there, so I need to find them a new home.

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  13. 12 hours ago, Pam in CT said:

    The older I get, the more I believe that knowing when to ask for help, knowing whom to ask for help, cultivating mentors and mentoring others are actually superpowers.  I have one kid who is truly skilled at this. In important ways it really matters.

    This part. These are skills that can be cultivated tho, even in adulthood. People who don't have them, as kids and as adults (varying degrees obvs) are challenging to work and live with. I think 'figure it out' as dogma was traumatic for me. It was a form of parental neglect. Teaching/Modeling how and when to ask for help is how I tweaked it for myself and our kids.

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  14. 5 hours ago, maize said:

    Ah, bringing up the next generation of tradwives properly I see...

    😁

    I remember once we had a contractor at the house doing some work and he had forgotten a type of saw he needed for something.  He asked me "does your husband have a [ ] saw" and I told him my husband doesn't use woodworking tools but I might have one. 

    It annoyed me enough that I remember the interaction years later. I'm not much of a handyman but I'm the only one in this household who does any handyman stuff; I don't care if you ascribe ownership of the tools to me or the household at large, but don't ascribe ownership exclusively to someone who never uses them at all.

    This is hilarious b/c a neighbor once came over and asked DH if he could borrow ‘his’ compound miter saw. DH said no, but I’ll ask my wife if you can borrow *her* saw! DH hasn’t operated anything more powerful than a cordless drill in 27 years, lol.

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  15. 2 minutes ago, maize said:

    I'm 100% with you on this.

    The needs of my kids are not easily addressed by the public school system, and that absolutely limits what options I have careerwise. I currently work 15-25 hours per week with most of those hours being flexible and from home; it's a rare job that allows that much flexibility, and I'm not currently in a position of needing to be a primary breadwinner. 

    I am in the process of positioning myself to take over as primary breadwinner if (really when) my dh's kidney disease or other disabilities force him into disability retirement. Depending on when that happens and whether he is able to take over any of my current parenting load at that point, things could be very complicated.

    Not that they aren't already.

    FTR- I am preparing to take over too, with or without DH. It’s hard on the ego for men conditioned to be ‘the breadwinner’. It’s even harder when you’ve indulged that fantasy too long. Renegotiation in progress.  
     

    Misogyny hurts everyone b/c there certainly are policies that could help.

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  16. 1 hour ago, Faith-manor said:

    I think that if we were talking about the crunchy, earth mom influence, then that is a very valid point. Most of the influencers I have seen do not appear to espousing this at all given the sheer amount of lab/manufactured fibers used in their clothing, decor, etc. 

    and makeup, 😂. I resemble them…NOW.

    For me, the voice was theatrical and cringy but it was the whole package. She’s a U.S. Senator, one of 100 in the entire country, reduced to a ‘housewife’ to appeal to…me? No one I know who’s lived the SAHM life (and many have ample resources) is a shrinking violet with a whispery, plaintive demeanor. When our spouses are deployed, we do all. Those who have means, even ample means, don’t live in homes with subzero fridges with custom panels. Like, maybe your retirement home? Not real…we’re still in the trenches. It was just so…off. Is that really what half the county thinks women want to see and be?

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  17. 2 hours ago, maize said:

    I feel like #tradwife is a different thing entirely from being a traditional full-time parent/homemaker.

    It seems to be *performative* in nature.

    I agree with you 100% that there is immense value to a family in having a parent who dedicates themselves primarily to the work of the home and family; it is not work to be looked down on.

    I would love to see the value of caregiving work taken up as a serious focus within feminist movements.  Whether full-time or in tandem with other labor, caregiving is a huge portion of many women's lives and it hasn't been given the attention, consideration,  or respect it deserves. I don't think it is actually possible to put women on an equal footing in society until we elevate caregiving on equal footing with the competitive kinds of work we currently value most highly. 

    The book Unifinished Business did a pretty good job of explaining why caregiving needs to be taken more seriously, by everyone and especially by feminists.

    https://www.amazon.com/Unfinished-Business-Women-Work-Family/dp/0812984978#

     

    This. I’ve done both, before and after kids, and left significant $$ on the table in the process. I don’t regret that but it did leave me vulnerable for a long time(not now).

    Watching the ‘tradwife’/porn preference take root among inCels and radicals on BOTH sides of the political spectrum, and now living thru DHs untimely  midlife crisis, is hard. 

    I’m not scared per se (b/c my career is restarted and lively) but terrified for those who have few/no options if their relationships fail.
     

    The disenfranchisement or bust/ ‘die enceinte for the cause’ folks truly scare me. Everyone else is conquerable at my desk or at the polls.

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  18. 6 minutes ago, Pawz4me said:

    Seriously. I do not get it. At all. And FWIW I have two of them on the periphery of my life. One makes a little extra money, the other could probably live on what he makes, although influencing isn't his main job and he doesn't want it to be. But they're both quite normal, everyday people.

     

    The tradwife thing has been written about by various news outlets I read. I suppose because it crosses over into the political realm. I have no idea what #sadbeigechildren means, though.

    As far as Katie Britt--I'd never heard of her until the SOTU rebuttal. But I read somewhere that the entry level model of the fridge in her kitchen starts out at $10k. So that kinda clued me in that she's not exactly representative of Average US Mom.

    The fridge (I’m bougie and I know it) IMMEDIATELY jumped out at me.

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  19. 8 hours ago, JennyD said:

    Me too.  Often when I need a little inspiration I think about Nancy Pelosi, who stayed home with her five kids for many years and only ran for office after the youngest left for college.   And my mom likes to remind me that Sandra Day O'Connor stayed home with her kids, too, although in fairness that was just a few years.

     

     

    My SHEroes, raising *good* kids in obscurity and raising their profile only when their primary/hardest work was done successfully. 

    • Like 6
  20. 11 hours ago, teachermom2834 said:

    I have always rolled my eyes at the parents who felt their kids always needed their phones with them in case of emergency. Yes the kids with medical needs that necessitate it but really I never understood why my kid needed her phone at all times. At my dd’s school they put their phones in pockets at the back of the room. They have specific number pockets so the teacher can glance and see who hasn’t put their phone up. So they have them between classes and at lunch but during class they are to be up in the pockets. I have had no problem with this and thought parents who complained that their child needed constant access to their phones were being dramatic. 
     

    But I was wrong. My dd had a shooting incident at her school about a month ago. It didn’t involve students but someone was shot in the parking lot of her school during the day. School went on hard lockdown and it was chaos. The kids and teachers believed they had a school shooter for about ten minutes. After that time teachers received word it was a community event outside the school and they were safe. They had to stay in lockdown for several hours and it was scary but they knew they didn’t have an active shooter in the school. 
     

    Except for the few students that found themselves in random places during lockdown that they were not with teachers and did not have their phones. Kids that had been in the bathroom, etc. A friend of my dd’s had run an errand for another teacher and was all alone in an empty classroom when the lockdown was called. He threw the lock and followed procedures but he was alone for a long time with no teacher walkie talkie and no phone so no way of getting updates so he had no idea what was happening. Poor kid!

    So yeah maybe kids do need to be allowed to carry their phone on them. I just didn’t see the need until it happened to my kid. She went into hiding without her phone but at least they got updates on the teacher walkie talkie and the teacher had her phone and as soon as it was safe to come out of hiding she let the kids get their phones. Some teachers did not allow their kids to get their phones as soon as my dd was allowed hers. 
     

    So I was totally on board with the no phones during class policy. Now I think they should be able to keep them on their person if they want as long as they aren’t using them. With so many things I wish they would actually deal with the offense/offenders than make blanket policies that don’t work or punish the wrong people.

    This is my stance and EXACTLY what I said to our school board. They can bite me. My kid will have his phone. If he’s on it, bring down the hammer. Otherwise? All the bad words.

    • Like 3
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