Well, I’m not doing those things. I’m just being honest that it bugs me not to be more, “in the know.” I am trying to find the right level of, “interest” that doesn’t reach into the realm of, “involvement.” It’s just another reality of how unnecessary I am in ds’s life now. I’m sure the underlying emotion is fear/lack of control.

@lewelma - I did a quick google search for “best forums about PhD programs” and found several sites. One answer on Quora had a detailed list explaining the pluses and minuses of each of them. There was even one that was specific to Physics but apparently more focused on astronomy. Not sure what your ds’s area is. Just like CC, one would hav to weed through what was helpful v what was plain ol’ silliness. The WTM boards have been extremely helpful to me throughout the years - perhaps there is a similar treasure out there among those? Poets & Quants has tons of MBA program info. No message boards, but it has been very helpful for ME as someone watching from the sidelines to understand the process of admissions, how the courses of study are different at each school, etc. All the best to your son as he explores his future options. 🙂

So, a differentiator here is the timing of when one applies. My ds has been out of undergraduate school for over three years now. Most MBA programs want work experience before applying. Can’t speak to law and medicine as those are more frequently (though not always - I worked five years before returning to law school) applied to while still an undergrad. With that said, his company offers support and guidance for applying to MBA programs because if he gets into certain ones (I’m not exactly sure where the cut off for sponsorship is in terms of selectivity of the program), they will sponsor his MBA tuition along with a small stipend (on condition that he return to the firm for two years after - otherwise, he has to reimburse them). So, that is another part of my challenge - the fact that I am totally unnecessary to this process because there is a system in place to assist him.

For MBAs, if one hires a consultant (my ds is NOT doing that), top firms’ fees generally start at $4,500 for applying to ONE business school. Like college, most students apply to more than one. If you scroll to the bottom of this article you can see an entire chart with pricing lists for several top MBA consulting firms and how much they charge based on the number of applications one submits. https://www.mbacrystalball.com/blog/top-mba-admission-consultants/ I know nothing about applying for academic/research/PhD programs, but consultants are definitely being paid to assist with business school applications. I imagine the same is true for law and med school admissions.

Thank you. I know you are all correct that I need to stay out of it unless asked. And, I really am. When he told me he was applying, we had lots of discussion about it, and I DID ask lots of questions then. At the end of that conversation I said, “Okay, I am finished with all my questions and won’t ask you about any more about this unless you bring it up.” And, I have been true to my word on that. We usually talk once a week, and I don’t ask anything/bring it up AT ALL. He sent the essays to both dh and me, and we read them and gave feedback and thanked him for asking for our input. Haven’t said/asked anything since. Which is why I came here to whine and bellyache about it - lol. Thank you for being a sounding board. Yes, @lewelma , “worry” would be the operative word for me as well. I know he wants it, so I want it for him. Which basically boils down to the fact that I can’t stand not being in control. However, even if I WERE involved in the process, I still wouldn’t be in control because I don’t control the admissions process and outcome. Your ds’s process is far different from that of my ds’s. But, we can worry together - lol. Not that it does any good. I’m going to worry whether I’m involved or not.

Hello, all! I don’t post much here anymore, but I am seeking support/advice/experiences for those who have watched their children apply to grad school. While I didn’t homeschool all the way though high school (as many of you did), I was pretty involved in the college application process. At least in terms of keeping ds on track with pacing and reading though essays, etc. Now ds is applying to b-school this cycle, and I find myself back in that same mode of worrying/obsessing/wondering/waiting. Only this time, I am pretty much not involved. Ds did ask me to read through his essays for his two Round 1 schools. I was pretty surprised and flattered. But, I’m trying not to ask any questions about any of it unless he brings it up, and IT’S DRIVING ME CRAZY!!! Maybe this is just a JAWM, vent, or seeking commiseration thread. Just wondering how you all have dealt with any of your kids applying to graduate/professional school but having practically no involvement.

We just got one, and I am thus far not sold. I have only tried it a couple of times. I would love for someone to tell me how to make chicken breasts in it. I have an IP that I love and use often. We are just the two of us (empty nesters), but I am a fan of leftovers which I really don’t get from the air fryer. Ours is, I believe 7.5 quarts - the basket style. I was on the fence about that v. the toaster-oven style. The recipe I used for chicken wings (which was excellent!) said to have them in a single layer. That meant we only got ten. The need to cook in batches negates any time savings, IMO. We don’t eat a lot of frozen, prepared foods. I spoke with a friend last night who had purchased the Ninja foodie. She didn’t dislike the air fryer capability but thought it was causing her family to eat food that wasn’t so healthy. She said she pretty much only uses the pressure cooker function with that. As I wrote above, I already have an IP that I love. It did make some excellent tater tots. Mostly, I am unhappy with the size/bulk of it. I hate having it on my counter, and it is too tall/big to hide away anywhere unless I store it in a closet that is not in the kitchen. No. I am going to try a few more things in it - some garlic steak bites tonight. It really has to earn its real estate or I am going to get rid of it.

There is a difference between cleaning and tidying. My house is always tidy. I have minimized decor and can’t stand having anything other than the Keurig, fruit bowl, and paper towels & hand soap on my kitchen counters. Which, by the way, is why I am starting to regret the too-large-to-store-in-a-cabinet air fryer I recently bought. I hate that it is on my counter. Hate it. I cannot stand clutter. So, we are always tidy. But, this has only happened since becoming empty nesters and downsizing and minimizing. As for cleaning we have 1,600 sq ft, and I spend around 4.5 - 5.0 hours per week. However, I can’t be a person who cleans a little every day. I want my entire house clean all at the same time. I think this is because I used to have a housekeeper until we downsized, so I was used to its being all done at once. So, I clean our entire condo on Mondays. I don’t like it, but I do it. I started following GoCleanCo on Instagram during the pandemic. I use her entire room approach of doing one room at a time as opposed to doing one task at a time.

You’ve gotten some great ideas here, but I wanted to add a way to gift them (other than altogether at once in a basket). I had a friend who, as her parents aged, would get them 12 small, wrapped gifts per year. I think she maybe gave them to them on their birthdays and put months/dates on them. So, if the birthday was April 8th, she would give them all to them on April 8th, and they would open one that day (that one might have been bigger/a bit “more”), and then on the 8th of each month, they would open another all throughout the year. I thought this was such a sweet gesture as it gave them something to look forward to each month. Now, I don’t know if they ever cheated. That is obviously a risk, but at 90, who cares if they do?!

My ds lives in L.A. and has a very good job, but I look at prices there and can’t imagine how long it will be before he would be able to purchase a home there. Even coming up with a down payment will take a significant amount of time, and he is a good saver. If he married someone with a comparable salary and similar savings mindset to his, then maybe. I do think he wants to own a home at some point and has indicated he doesn’t want something with shared walls. So, a single-family home. Both by necessity and desire, he is in no hurry. He and three friends just rented a 4 BR/3 BA house for $7,500 per month. His share of the rent is equivalent to my gross starting salary in 1986! @HeartString - check out Garvan Woodland Gardens in Hot Springs when you move back to Arkansas. There is also a botanical garden in Fayetteville. No idea where in the state you are moving to. We no longer live in Arkansas but did for MANY years (my dh is from Little Rock) before downsizing and moving to Florida. Crystal Bridges Museum in Bentonville is not to be missed for anyone traveling to Arkansas. We have always been home owners and have owned second homes (small cabin or condo) for a significant portion of our marriage. We are now in a condo (that cost significantly more than any of our previous single-family homes did) on the Gulf Coast. We never made a ton of money on any of our homes, but we never lost any either. I am thankful we bought this place when we did as prices for our units in our building have increased substantially over the last 15 mos.

Can you sear on a grill after? I don’t want to smoke up our place and cause the smoke detector to go off. Seems like cast iron or broiling might cause that to happen.

Why does this embarrass/bother you? Just curious. Words of affirmation must not be your love language. It sure is mine! I’d give my eye teeth for a post like that. For those of you who have parents living who gush over you in FB posts, count your blessings. EDIT: typo

When you go on FB, go directly to her timeline. Underneath the “about” info and “Friends” you will find “photos” and Life Events. Click on photos and you can see a few choices. Photos, uploads, albums, etc. Your best bet is to click on uploads. Most recently posted photos of anything will show up at the top. You don’t have to scroll though her feed at all. N.B. This is on an iPad. Idk how it works on a computer. Nothing wrong with venting, but you can avoid her dumb memes pretty easily. HTH

Do you mean of skinnytaste’s or for cod/fish? I have found Skinnytaste to have consistently good recipes across the board. I don’t have a lot of other recipes for fish - do a stuffed salmon with Boursin and pine nuts, but I don’t think it would be well-suited for cod.

https://www.skinnytaste.com/fish-florentine/ I make this with grouper, but she gives several fish options and indicates she makes it with cod. IMO, you need to double all the spinach/red bell pepper ingredients or you don’t have enough for four servings. Spinach wilts/shrinks a LOT when cooked. This recipe is yummy! Hope it works for you!

When we lived in the UK for a couple of years we became friends with a family from Texas also living as expats. The husband was a rugby trainer. We went back to the states, and they went to Australia. This was 20 years ago now. I sent her a care package with Velveeta, Ro-tel tomatoes, malt-o-meal, Reese’s peanut butter cups, and cornbread mix. I think maybe the Velveeta didn’t make it though because it was labeled “cheese food” (or something like that). Anytime anyone came to see us in the UK, I asked for a couple cans of Ro-tel tomatoes.

Yes, I agree that cohesiveness in one’s application is extremely important. It kind of goes along with that telling v showing idea in essays. Don’t just tell me you are passionate about something - show me that you are by how you have pursued your interests, honed your talents, strived to make a difference, etc.

I went back and looked at that list. My ds has a few things in the Rank 5 category and others beneath that rank as well. So his achievements were also in the bottom half of the list. We aren’t geniuses either!!! If it’s any consolation my ds said about his classmates at Stanford that, “About 15% of them are ‘scary smart’(a term we have used in our household for uber smart folks), and the other 85% are like me.” Which is what I think of as “regular” smart. One can label elite college admissions as “crazy pants” or “scary” if they like. Both might be apt adjectives. However, the goal of a thread such as this, IMO, is to offer a dose of REALITY. Whether that is related to admission chances, funding payment, campus experience, campus cohort - whatever. Providing anecdotal evidence of their relevant experiences through the process. WHY they desired an elite institution - Ivy or otherwise - and how they perceive they were benefitted or harmed by it. All of those things can help others make informed decisions about if an Ivy or similar is something they wish to pursue and how they themselves might go about pursing it.

I think many of the comments are illuminating the vast differences between “then” and “now.” Whether speaking of costs or what it takes to be admitted. “Then”: I think I read in the 80s Stanford’s admit rate was around 40%. Certainly not a gimme, but hardly what it is today. My dh’s in-state public flagship was $30 per credit hour. When I was applying to colleges, I knew one family (Dad Harvard undergrad, Yale medical/mom Radcliffe, and Idk where she got her PhD) who really understood the ins and outs of elite college admissions and who worked to prep their twin daughters for such. Both went to Yale undergrad, and then on to Harvard Medicine and Stanford Law, respectively. A poster had Carnegie Mellon as a “safety.” EDIT: mea culpa. It was the University of Michigan that was listed as a “safety,” and CM as a “match.” Rightly or wrongly, none of those are “now” statements. Admit rates are in low single digits, public flagships are much less affordable, many (though certainly not all) understand much more about navigating elite college admissions, and CM is hardly a “safety.” EDIT: It’s really not even a match for anyone. So, I am not sure how relevant it is to compare our own college experiences and journeys to those of our children.

It is a large list (16 in total, I believe), and they no doubt paid quite a bit in application fees. Our ds applied to 11 schools in the fall of 2013. She has not. She has visited the in-state schools that were allowing on-campus visits, but she did many other tours virtually because of Covid. I think she had also visited Case in person because they have family near there. They had visited P’ton (her top choice) before Covid hit. She is on spring break this week, and they are driving to Rochester since she has not been there, and it is now emerging as “the one.”

^This. I have a girlfriend whose senior daughter has applied to many elite schools. I wouldn’t exactly say that the mom had been totally unrealistic about her daughter’s chances - she is a strong student - but I don’t think her parents truly understood the level of competition out there. The daughter is now only waiting on Ivies but so far: EA at UChicago - deferred ——-> denied University of Denver - accepted Rollins - accepted - merit USF Honors - accepted - tons of merit UCF Honors - accepted - tons of merit UNC-Chapel Hill - accepted (applied Morehead, not invited to interview) UF - accepted, no honors - merit via Bright Futures and Benaquisto Colgate - accepted Case - accepted Lehigh - accepted University of Rochester - accepted with merit Carnegie Mellon - denied Northwestern - denied She is only awaiting HYP at this point. As you can see, they crafted a nice list of safeties, matches, and reaches with a mix of Big State Us, LACs, and mid-sized universities. She is a National Merit Finalist which guarantees her lots of money here in Florida (as long as the legislature keeps Benaquisto as it is). She had a 1500 on her SAT and a 35 on her ACT - each taken one time only. I don’t know her exact GPA and course mix but she has her fair share of rigorous courses. Her interest in Astro-physics. However, to me, what she has done OUTSIDE of the classroom is unremarkable. Covid limited some opportunities, of course, but her extracurricular and service hours, etc. are all pretty generic. I think she is president of the school band. Although the list is balanced, there is no doubt in my mind that her parents are both disappointed and surprised that she was denied at some of these schools. They are high achievers with an Ivy, Duke, and Vanderbilt on their own resumes. There is no doubt in my mind that they want the branding and prestige of an elite university. I am happy she got into Rochester as I think it will suit her nicely. However, Princeton has been her top choice all along. The level and type of competition out there is hard to fathom for most “average-excellent” (as they say on CC) kids. I see her as an “average-excellent” kid. My kid did not get accepted to the one Ivy to which he applied, but he was accepted to four top 20 universities and attended Stanford. I disagree with the various comments about elite schools being for kids from privates but allowing certain geniuses in, about the necessity and use of college admissions counselors and paying for standardized test tutoring, and about the need to have uber high level achievements in order to gain admission. Our experience and the experience of our friends has not indicated that at all. I think if an Ivy/elite is a goal then, yes, there are certain things one needs to have at a minimum to be considered in the mix. Without those, chances are slim. Otherwise, I don’t think there is only one special sauce that gets you there. You can be round, pointy, a lot of different things. I do believe that a cohesiveness in one’s application that aligns coursework, skills, interests, and extracurriculars is important. I also don’t think there is anything wrong with seeking an elite school as an end goal. That can certainly be done without a ton of pressure on a kid. I did not homeschool ds for high school. However, our homeschooling prior to that did allow him to progress at his own pace which allowed him to be quite accelerated in math for his age. That certainly didn’t hurt. He had a total of 11 AP courses in high school. He did well on AP exams (all exams, actually). I don’t think our ds ever felt an undue amount of pressure/anxiety about whether or not he would be admitted. It was something HE wanted, so we worked toward that goal. However, it wasn’t the SOLE goal - that is where trouble creeps in.

And, I bet he also learned to love college football as well!!

I am hoping that I can stay healthy as long as I can. As others have pointed out, we only have so much control over that. I exercise 4-6 times per week and maintain a healthy weight. I am sure I could eat better, but I don’t eat horribly. I do drink alcohol. We should be okay financially. We have always lived below our means. We have no debt. We have done our downsizing/decluttering/purging. Clearing out would be easy for ds if we both dropped dead tomorrow. I think it is tricky to know if and when one should give up one’s home and go to a group type place. I would hope to be proactive about decisions like that rather than being in a crisis spot and I (or someone else) finding themselves in a reactionary mode. We only have one ds. I have told him that I never expect to live with him. However, I will likely want to be near him if I ever go into an AL type place or nursing home so that it will be easier on him to check on me. I want to be willing to go where he is so he can be close by to make sure I am not being mistreated/neglected, etc. I do have a group of girlfriends, and we have it in our heads that we will all outlive our husbands and then we will all live together in a place with Jon Bon Jovi. We haven’t told him yet, though. 😂

I have not read all of the comments, but the President of the United States just used the word, “tribe.”

https://www.amazon.com/Yard-Games-Kubb-Game-Premium/dp/B0089E5Z7C/ref=sr_1_6?crid=P9RQ95CRFVDV&dchild=1&keywords=kubb+yard+game+set&qid=1615339594&sprefix=Kubb%2Caps%2C228&sr=8-6 They’ll initially pretend to be too cool for it, but then they will love it - I promise! Bocce ball is another good choice.