Germany

We stayed at the Premier Inn right next to the London eye. The location was great and I would highly recommend it. We didn't go in the winter but some of the things we did would work any time of the year. I was very impressed with the children's activities at the museums: British Museum (did the Egypt backpack for the kids), Museum of Natural History (did another backpack for younger children but I believe they also have something for bigger kids), Science Museum (awesome interactive show about rockets). Especially my then 5 year old loved the kids audio guides at the National Galleries. The Tower was great as well but that might depend a bit on the weather. Have fun.

I remember. I was living in LA at the time and had just returned from a trip to Europe a day before. Because of the jet lag I was up earlier than usual and the radio was on. I was coming out of the shower when I heard them talking about the plane hitting the tower. At first I thought it was some sort of show but then it seemed real so I turned on the TV. By that time the second plane hit and I watched for a while. Eventually, I decided to go to work as I couldn't quite figure out whether our building was open or not. Of course it had been closed (it was a highrise in downtown and there was concern it might be a target as well) and there was security there, sending everyone home. They kept the office closed for the next day or two and people were supposed to work from home if possible. Once we returned, there was increased security (checking of car trunks etc.). I remember driving down the 405 near LAX and there wasn't a single plane in the air. Even though I didn't know any of the victims personally, I do remember the fear, the despair, the disbelief, and the pure shock.

I am just still quite worried that the situation with Aubrey's mom will not work out. Sure, the house can be fixed up but it seems that mom is NOT cut out for having a bunch of grandchildren living in close quarters. It reads as if she will not enjoy having a crying baby, toddler, or wild play in her home. And as it is her house I am worried that she will either make Aubrey's family leave or make the situation so unpleasant that there is no other way - probably right when the basement has been fixed up and the baby is due. Of course I am a bit of a pessimist and quite possibly I am wrong and everything will work out. Still, my vote would be for helping them find another place to live.

I was rather afraid of that. But would it be very expensive? I believe they sold a lot of their stuff and probably haven't unpacked everything yet. So wouldn't it be mostly the money for gas (and maybe renting a vehicle)? I realize it might be more than Aubrey has anyway but it shouldn't be a huge amount (unless I am missing something here). Maybe mil or a sibling could lend the money for this? It just seems that if it isn't going to work it might be best to cut the losses now before the kids either settle in or are really unhappy and before the baby is born.

As I don't know you or your mother my advice may be way off so just ignore it if you think I am wrong. I realize your position right now is more than difficult. However, in your case I would not invest time/energy/money in getting the house into a better condition. It seems that your mother is all for big families/homeschooling/etc. from a distance but does not care for the reality. Even if she takes her medicine and you get the basement into decent shape, she will not get used to "kids being kids". There is no way you will be able to get along like this (I think). It might well end with her asking you to leave (given your current run of luck probably right when you are having the baby). My first priority would be to move back out. Is the offer of your mother-in-law still good? Moving right back would be a huge pain but might be best in this case. I would probably wait to see how the new job is - if it is a big improvement it might be worth reevaluating. Otherwise I would move back and apply for any aid you could possibly get.

Southern California: Santa Monica or a nice area in LA. I really miss it. New England would be nice as well. I would love London if I could afford it or the Isle of Wight.

:grouphug:Really sorry for what you are going through. My mother suffered from a similar condition (luckily without the health care worries though). It is very frightening.

Sorry it isn't going well! Is there anywhere you can walk to (library/park/etc.) to get out for a bit? How about public transportation? Anyway to get around a bit?

I wouldn't force it but I would slowly try to expand his comfort zone. I would pick one new place to go to at a time and start taking him there (maybe even with a little pressure). I would not try for something as "exciting" as Disneyland though - yes, it is great fun it can be quite a lot for many kids. Maybe a nice playground (preferably during a quiet time when it is not overrun with other children), a smaller children's museum, a nearby park, a nature preserve, etc. Then I would go there regularly, maybe once a week until he feels comfortable. At that point I would add in something new.

Sorry you are going through such a difficult time! My first guess would have been depression as well (we saw similar behaviour with my son last year and I believe it was caused by depression and exacerbated by general family stress/not enough time on my side). Anyway, if you are sure that is not the cause I would still look closer into the sibling relationship. It seems that he mostly gets irritated with his sister. Is he jealous? Maybe working on this area would help? Not knowing your son I unfortunately can't be of more help. However, sending him to school at this point probably won't help much (unless maybe if he really wants to go) as you will just have an even more stressed out child and you will still have to get him up in the morning, ready for school, out the door in time, make him do homework, etc.

Under/behind the couch/bed? Mixed in with other books or magazines?

I guess I agree with what most others seem to be saying. I believe nurture does play a role. I think "bad" parenting will mess up most kids and "good" parenting will lessen character faults/bring out the best. However, a huge amount seems to be nature and what is "bad" or "good" parenting can really vary a lot from child to child. Before I had kids of my own (or even when I had only one) I did think that nurture was the defining factor, but I have changed my mind. Let's just say that I have been commended on my well-behaved, clearly "well-brought up" child if I am out with younger ds. Unfortunately, that doesn't happen so much with my elder boy (even though I think I did a 'better' job with him when he was little - i.e. more patient and more consistent). There are so many things that are just there from birth: one boy will voluntarily go to bed before 7 pm while the other would stay up until midnight if possible, one refuses to touch milk while the other could live off cereal with milk...

I have been an exchange student myself and we hosted a girl from China for a two week vacation while she spent a year abroad. I would second what others have said: This is a great opportunity but also a great challenge. Depending on the match with host family/families it can be more or less difficult. The Chinese girl staying with us did have to change host families after about seven months as there were too many problems. But she is very close to the second family she stayed with. A lot depends on the language skills at the beginning, the student's (and families') expectations, experience, maturity, and flexibility. I strongly recommend this experience if your child is fairly independent/flexible/mature. But it is important to think it through well before and realize that it isn't all fun. It can be quite a difficult time (but well worth it in my opinion). We visited Barcelona this summer and while it is a neat city it really isn't the best place for learning Spanish. Salamanca or Andalucia would probably be really good choices.

I've got one of those myself. Snuggly, creative, smart, loving, etc. but just difficult. Any little thing can set him off (especially if tired, hungry, etc.). Luckily, we have seen a lot of improvement lately (especially as far as getting along with other children is concerned) so there is hope. I know many here will disagree but really strict discipline does not work for him. Don't get me wrong - he does need rules and I do use consequences/punishments. However, I tried a "stricter parenting style" last year and it backfired badly, making his behaviour infinitely worse. Anyway, I have loosened up a bit. He usually does know when he has misbehaved and will come apologize on his own if I do not overreact. What works best for us is to keep things as harmonious as possible, give him lots of love/attention, try to keep things from deteriorating once they start, keep him from being overly tired/hungry etc. I realize that sounds like he just gets his way but that isn't really the case. He does accept boundaries/rules as long as things are going well in general.

I know! Actually, part of the cost (about $160) was for today's appointment/evaluation. So the glasses were actually closer to $630. The frame wasn't too expensive but each lens was around $225. If they really improve DS's sight I don't mind too much (though it isn't a great time right now for a major expense like this). Just a bit worried in case they get lost/broken or he refuses to wear them. He was all excited at the store but already had a bit of a meltdown at home :001_huh:

Just wanted to post a quick update. We had our appointment with the optometrist today. He was very good with the kids and I do think we got a good evaluation. It seems DS is slightly farsighted and has a hint of astigmatism - apparently he does see letters etc. move constantly. Anyway, we ended up ordering glasses. Hopefully, he will wear them AND I do hope they will help to improve his handwriting/spelling, especially as they are expensive (about 800$!). We'll just have to wait and see.

Just a quick update. I have an appointment for this Wednesday with a developmental optometrist (or at least I think that would be the best description). I will post once I have the results. I will also get the Freed book and take a look at it. As previously mentioned, we are a bit rushed as it is less than a year until the decision regarding school forms has to be made. Hopefully, we can get everything figured out soon.

Thanks again. Www.covd.org didn't list anyone close to us but I think I have found an optometrist close by on the internet that seems to work in this field. I will call next week and see about setting up an appointment. DS wasn't a late talker nor did he have any real issues in that area. It is a bit difficult to tell as bilingual children are often slightly delayed but even so he was still well within the average range. Anyway, the fast talker that made the doctor think of ADS was me. And while I do talk fast I KNOW that I do not have ADS/ADHS - I am a bit of a hypochondriac and it is hard to find a disease/condition that I don't think might apply to me (I don't read those lists anymore :tongue_smilie:) but ADS/ADHS really doesn't fit at all. I will take a look at dysgraphia. The funny thing is that ds can actually spell fairly well orally - it is when he writes it down that things go wrong (that isn't typical for dyslaxia is it?) As far as the Montessori school is concerned, I am not too happy with it. I feel it has moved quite a bit away from the original idea. I do appreciate that there is a lot of social interaction (which is a weak area for ds and I do feel he has improved a lot there) and they do loads of fun stuff (projects, excursions, shows, etc.). On the other hand, there is hardly any time to do regular school work - it seems parents are pretty much expected to ensure the kids learn what they need. In addition, the teacher is not the most involved I have ever seen, nor is she consistent (will often not follow through on what she said, changes rules etc.). This is unfortunately not a good match for my son's personality. They do not seem overly worried about ds's level. I did get a note from the teacher last fall, basically saying to practise reading with ds and that he needed to improve. I do agree with this but really his reading level has steadily improved and it seems the teacher just suddenly noticed the delay even though it had been apparent to me for almost two years. My younger ds will start school in December and I have enrolled him in the local public school, at least in part because I do not feel that the Montessori school provides enough individual teaching for his brother. Not that I expect the public school to do a better job, but it is free and much more convenient.

Thank you so much for all the input - I really appreciate it. OhElizabeth - here some more information: The psychologist did a whole bunch of tests, the dyslexia part was just an add-on (part of the reason I don't much trust the results). He definitely does not have ADS/ADHD as the doctor specialized in that (so I do trust him more in that respect) and had already (before tests) stated he thought that might be the problem (because I talk fast (??)). Tests did not hint on that and actually no teacher etc. has ever even hinted at it (and they are quick to do so around here). The behaviour problems are largely fixed. I think they were the result of several components: basic personality (very sensitive, perfectionistic, emotional, dramatic) as well as some family problems (I was employed part-time and starting my own business at the same time - often working 50 hours a week which of course left me rather stressed). DS also has some difficulty in social situations - this usually just causes problems when he is stressed, tired, hungry, etc. But the main reason for the very disturbing behaviour I believe was seasonal depression. This year I finally realized that my son, who was sweet as can be all summer, started acting up by late October/early November EVERY year. By spring things would improve. This year I bought a special lamp for light therapy and things are MUCH better. Looking at this year's report card and last year's you wouldn't believe it is the same child. Of course it doesn't hurt that I have since quit my job and work from home only. I have been interested in homeschooling for years. But not only would it be difficult as a working single mother (though I think I could probably manage) but we would have to move to another country as it is completely illegal where we live. I would not want to risk prison or losing custody of the children! I am still considering it but at this time it would really be a last resort. DS is very intelligent and has a great memory. There are no problems with spoken language at all. It is only written output that causes concern. In math the handwriting issue is also there and he does make some mistakes because of not reading properly or leaving off part of a number but it isn't a huge issue. He has absolutely no difficulties with mathematical concepts and I would say he is ahead of grade level there. The same is true for analytical skills, general knowledge, etc. I will definitely look into finding a developmental optometrist. The problem is only that I am not even sure what they are called here or where to find one. But I guess that is the next step.

We have the game (at least some version of it) and I would think eight to ten would probably be a good age to start. DS started playing it when he was 7 or 8 but I think the official age recommendation is 10(?). I like the game and do think it would be fun for girls as well but it isn't overly girly so it would depend on personal tastes.

Thank you everyone for the replies. Yes, I do think there is something going on with my son other than poor instruction/bilingualism. Actually, the handwriting problems are probably partly due to poor instructions (i.e. he really hasn't been properly taught some of the letters) and learning the sounds for two different languages certainly hasn't made things easier. But most of his problems don't seem to be caused by this. The more I read, the less I think it is a "typical" dyslexia problem. He knows the letter sounds just fine. It seems to be more a vision problem as several of you suggested or there is some misfiring between brain and hand. The strange thing is that he can often spell a word correctly when I ask him to do so aloud but when he writes it there will be parts missing etc. To be honest, his problems aren't that severe. He is probably at least at the lower end for his grade level in reading but he is just not performing as well as I would expect. The reading has improved a lot lately and he does now read quite a bit for pleasure so that I think there isn't a need for intervention there. The spelling is another matter though. Actually, I think he will eventually learn to compensate there too (He is improving). Just consistently reading over what he wrote would probably help to reduce the number of mistakes dramatically. My main problem is that we are under some time pressure. In the middle of next year we will have to choose which school to transfer to for fifth grade. Actually, "choose" is not the right word as the decision is based on tests. If we don't see some major improvements by then, I don't think he will qualify for the top level school (where he definitely belongs based on his interests, cognitive abilities, etc.) and maybe not even for the mid-level school (which is easier as far as classes are concerned but almost as difficult to get into). The only remaining school is not an option for us as it not only has a horrible reputation but would also be a complete misfit with ds's abilities and interests. So I definitely need to get this straightened out in the near future (a definite diagnosis would also help as it would have an impact on the entrance test). I did think of vision problems before and have taken him to an ophtamologist for testing. Not sure if they tested anything other than regular vision though. Anyway, there everything looked fine.

DS is almost 9 and attends a Montessori school. I am increasingly concerned that he has dyslexia or something similar. We did have some testing done which showed that his reading/writing was not as good as would be expected based on his intelligence but the delay was not severe enough to qualify for dyslexia. However, I did not agree with the psychologist - the evaluation was mainly because of behavior problems (which have since mostly gone away) and the doctor specialized in ADS (which DS does not have). The doctor assumed that the delays in reading/writing were due to a) Montessori school b) Family situation (single mother) and c) bilingual environment. While I agree that these factors might worsen the condition, I do think there is something else going on here. DS is VERY intelligent but reading has been quite difficult. He has just recently started reading for pleasure. I feel he is catching up as far as reading is concerned but still makes strange mistakes: - Skipping over words, reading words that do not fit the context at all (but look somewhat similar), very hard for him to sound out new words, loses his place on the page, etc. Even worse is writing/spelling: The handwriting is pretty horrible and hardly legible. He does try but writing doesn't stay on line etc. He isn't the most neat/orderly child which makes it worse (tries to fix mistakes by squeezing in letters etc.). He has a hard time spacing out words too. The worst is spelling though. His sentences often miss whole words and letters. (e.g. writing "the children play the garden" - missing the 'in'). He has absolutely no such problems when speaking though. The really strange thing is that he can often spell a word when I ask him to but writes something else (e.g. spelling horse h-o-r-s-e but writing 'hors" or "hrse" - sometimes in the same text). He makes almost as many mistakes copying as writing on his own unless he concentrates very hard. He does not usually have a problem with concentration though. There is a history of dyslexia in my family so I am not completely surprised. Anyway, what I have read so far about dyslexia is quite confusing. I am wondering if anyone else has children with similar problems and has experience with possible intervention - preferably something we can do ourselves at home.