I was just looking at some lamps, actually! He likes it dark in the living room when we watch television as a family, but I'm often trying to crochet at the same time, so one of those adjustable lamps would be great.

I agree completely. I would be perfectly happy with purchasing my own gifts.

I recently bought a new purse. Designer purses and me don't get along well. He's bought them for me before, but my purses typically double as a bag for the kids and they end up destroyed by random markers, snacks that escape from the bags, and punctured juice boxes. :P

Oh, wow. Those are really pretty. I want one!

I think he wants something to physically wrap and put under the tree, so I'm not sure a subscription would work. I have wanted to try one of the meal planning services, though, and I'm trying to find one that would match our dietary needs (paleo for me, him, and DD16). If I could find one that did, he might actually go for that, though. I just use Walgreens cosmetics and I use the same Burberry perfume he hooked me on years ago and don't deviate from that. I'm not a fan of massages from strangers, and we have a spa at our gym if I did want one. The tickets are a great idea, though. I'll have to look at our local halls to see what's coming up. I'm not a huge music fan (much to his dismay, since he loves concerts), but I haven't been to a musical since I was a kid. My stepmother used to take us religiously.

I'll have to google the Fitbit Blaze. I don't workout regularly, lol. I do have a gym membership, and I'd like to use it more, but it seems like every time we go, the boys end up sick from the gym childcare :( I'll have to think about the furniture. I hadn't considered it, and we moved a couple years ago to a new home and bought new furniture -- but a nice new chair to read or craft on might be a great idea. Especially one that could go in the bedroom.

He donates pretty regularly and never argues when I want to donate elsewhere, so I think this would fall under something that I would regularly do or buy. I think he really wants something to wrap and put under the tree.

We do have all three :P

DH is out of ideas and he's irritated (not really irritated, just frustrated) :P We DO exchange gifts on Christmas (I know not everyone does, but we do, typically). He wants an idea for a gift, with the following stipulations: 1. It needs to be at least $100 2. Not something he or I would typically buy for myself on a daily basis. I suggested more yarn for my crochet projects and a book, but he's right when he says that these are things I would usually just pop in and buy, or call him at work to ask him to pick up on his way home. MY problem is that there is legitimately zero that I want or need. He loves electronics, so we all already have phones, laptops, and e-readers. Any time I need new clothing, he never has a problem with me buying clothing, etc. I don't wear jewelry, other than my wedding band. I did tell him that I would wear a small necklace, but I'm not being entirely truthful there, because I probably wouldn't. He has bought me jewelry in the past, but it is never really worn. I love Harry Potter -- but he has bought me almost all typical "fan" items in that arena, in years past. I love books -- but we have a ton and he's right when he says that I buy books consistently, and I don't collect special editions or anything. I enjoy crochet -- but he doesn't find yarn to be a suitable gift. I love, love, love coffee -- but we have a keurig and there's a starbucks right up the road that I frequent. I have zero ideas. I don't want him to put him in the position of not having anything to give me -- I've been in that position with him before (not knowing what to give him), and it is discomforting. Any ideas?

I think that what anyone considers "hog wild," with regards to spending, is relative. With that said, I can see why small items are placed in stockings -- even expensive items that are small. Especially things like bath products -- even if they are "luxury." Those very small items can get pretty lost in the mix under the tree. We don't do stockings on Christmas; we do them on St. Nick's Day, and we include candy, religious items (saint necklaces or statues, a rosary or prayer cards, etc.), a pair or two of new pajamas, and typically a small gift or two. If we did stockings on Christmas, I would probably put smaller-size presents in stockings. For example, we got DD a relatively expensive (in my opinion) bottle of perfume that she had mentioned wanting. It's in a box, but not otherwise protected. I'm concerned that this comparably small box is going to get demolished (and the perfume bottle will break) in the chaos with two much younger brothers plowing through the living room on Christmas morning. So, if we did stockings on xmas, I would feel completely justified putting it in there, lol.

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This is excellent advice. And, thank you. I think I'm going to do with this for DD16.

My village :) DH buys me a few more pieces every year. It kind of takes over at Christmas time, lol.

Oh, Golly. Yes! It seems like we're constantly bickering lately -- but it's literally over the only two things we disagree about, like, ever. And the same two things that we have been disagreeing about for years and years. Most notably, his inability to understand that tone of voice DOES matter. And that just because something is true, doesn't mean it's ALWAYS a good idea to speak it. He's firmly in camp, "It's what I say that matters; not how I say it." And, "It isn't wrong to say if it's the truth, even if it's hurtful." Yes, oddly enough, if another person's "tone" is off, it certainly matters to him :p Now, he IS an aspie, and I give some room for that (reading social cues and applying them is a monster task for him, I understand that), so I'll admit that (without telling him) DD16 and I took to scripting and coaching him, on the down-low, like we do with my ASD 5 and 8 year olds, but in my defense it was working, I think... until he realized what I was doing. :D

So wildly improper that I'm seriously surprised it's even being asked. Just because you don't know of any "resolution," doesn't mean the parent hasn't taken steps. And "proper steps" is so relative and the idea of what those proper steps are are going to differ from one parent to the next. I've had a million people ask me if I've found an ABA for my boys. We've decided against ABA and in favor of more targeted therapies (OT, ST, etc.) -- but if they believe ABA is the only way to go for autistic children, then in their minds, we haven't taken proper steps. And development can vary so much in children. I've known children who didn't talk until well after three -- and are now much, much older and have no problems at all. They just weren't there yet. FYI -- when our "disaster OT" decided, after we dismissed her (and tore her a new one, so to speak), to speak to our son's pediatrician, our pediatrician told us about it pretty immediately.

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Thank you

Thank you!

It's hard, but it really can make a difference. My father grew up in a very racially "charged" time and area -- the civil rights movement was at its peak and the area he was living in (as a foster child in that era, no less) was very, very violent with the movement, on both ends. He was one of the first white children bussed to a previously "all black" school, and it wasn't a pleasant experience for him -- he was beaten to a pulp almost daily, until he finally gave up and left school entirely -- he was so scared. When I was growing up, he never treated those of a different race any differently, and always seemed very respectful of them and maintained many friendships with those of other races, but the words out of his mouth made me cringe. "Coloreds." "N*ggers." You get the picture. I never said anything because those friends of his of different races, and similar in age to him, didn't seem to mind in the least and, indeed, had their own colorful names for those of other races, so I never knew whether speaking up would have actually been offensive to them -- iow, would they take offense to me "speaking for them out of turn." I'm glad you did, though. I know it took guts and I applaud you for it.

Family of 5 (2 adults; DD16, DS8, and DS5). Both younger boys are still in booster/car seats, which take up a surprising amount of room. I drive a 2006 Toyota Sequoia Limited, and it's an 8 passenger (you can remove the third row seating, partially or fully). I can easily fit the boys' carseats in the second row, DD takes one seat in the third row, and I leave out the other half of the third row, typically, which makes even more space for the dog, groceries, or extra friends. Even with the third row seat complete installed, though, there is usually plenty of room in the back for the German Shepherd or groceries. DH drives a 2018 BMW X5. It is, technically, an SUV... but it only seats 5, and with the two carseats, DD16 can only barely fit in it. We don't really use it often for outings with all of the Minions -- the kids are typically only in it for one-on-one outings with Dad.

I would let him know that he has two choices (we did similar with FIL): 1. You will call him daily. If he doesn't answer, you will call the police for a well check. or 2. He can agree to hire a local kid, for $5 or $10 a day, to come check on him every day -- just to make sure he hasn't fallen

Having somewhat recently been in a similar situation myself, with FIL, I would suggest you really think long and hard before calling any equivalent of social services. While doing so may ease your anxiety, my FIL's social worker (not affiliated with Adult Protective -- she was his worker through hospice) gently reminded us that this was about his quality of life, at his stage in life, not necessarily about keeping him alive and physically well for as long as possible. FIL's personal quality of life would have declined had he been moved. As in, psychologically. He would have been depressed and absolutely miserable -- and that is no way to live the last years of his life. It's true that he would have lived longer than he did had he been moved, and he would have lived a cleaner and more sanitary life for that time, but when I really sat back and looked at the situation, I realized that merely keeping his body alive and unharmed wasn't the goal I wanted to work toward for him. If the situation had involved any other people (a spouse or similar) we would have had to do things differently -- but I can say that while he lived in conditions certainly less than sanitary, and bordering on what I consider disgusting, his life essentially ended in the place he loved and had always loved, in the place that held his good memories. The day he fell and we had to move him to the hospital signaled the end for him and he didn't really remember anything that happened after, so as far as he knew, he got to spend the last of his days where he wanted. And I don't regret it at all. I thought I would. Some on this board may remember how I struggled with it -- but I'm very glad we didn't call in Protective Services and I'm very glad we bent to his wishes, as opposed to our own.

No clue at all -- and DH is going to get annoyed with me, again, because this is how it goes every year. I'm up-to-date on all of my books, so he can't go with a "real" book; he already bought me an e-reader for the books I have to have right then and don't want to drive to the bookstore for, and I just recently purchased new clothes. I don't have any other actual hobbies, outside of reading, and have no desire to pick any up as I'm busy enough right now. I don't care for sweets or jewelry, I'm not particularly fond of cooking -- and he has a serious kitchen gadget addiction, so I want NO new gadgets in our kitchen (the counters are already too crowded with mixers and air fryers, etc.). At the end of the day, there isn't anything I want or need right now. That's not a bad place to be in, really -- I'm happy with what I already have. Besides, I do sincerely enjoy surprises. He always rolls his eyes and says "No" when I tell him I want generic gift cards. He knows (and rightfully so) that I will use them to buy curriculum that I just want to own -- even though we don't actually need more curriculum :p Because... curriculum junkie.

This is an issue for us, so I know it's a problem. Our children's doctors are all affiliated with different hospitals or are entirely private. We have two kids who have specialists with Shriners and aren't affiliated with any local hospital system; then they have a few other specialists affiliated with the main county hospital and then we have a few that are otherwise private or affiliated with the private hospital. None of them can access our children's records from otherwise affiliated doctors, unless they have have written consent and have to get them directly from the other doctor's offices. There hasn't been a successful merging of databases here, although it's my understanding that they are trying, at least with the two main hospitals (one private and one county). I'm sorry, OP. I would advise you ask the hospital at least for their records and have them moved to the new doctor. My children have been seen by cardiologists, etc. without all of their past records before, and it was enough for the specialist to get things done -- largely because the specialist will have his or her own set of tests they want to perform.

It sounds like the parents in your situation are completely comfortable with your approach, so I can assume it's both effective and not going to set those children "back." Kwim? I will say that you have infinitely more patience than I have. I wouldn't be likely to continue a friendship with a parent who didn't remove their child, if their child continuously hurt other children (physically or emotionally), SNs or NT. If my kids hurt another child, the playdate is over and I leave with my child -- because it isn't okay for him to hurt others, even if it isn't a behavior I can confront with him more directly at that time (iow, it isn't his specific goal at that time, or he isn't cognitively capable of dealing with his frustration without violence -- removing him protects the other children and conveys to my child, in a way I'm comfortable with, that hitting isn't okay; we can safely assume this is something that will be a specific goal later). I've never had a parent shrug off nastiness as a phase either, which is why I suggested cutting off playdates. Either Mom isn't capable of handling the situation, or chooses not to do so -- but I'm not going to put my kid in harm's way just for the sake of continuing a playdate. I know myself well enough to know that I would reach a point where I said something to Mom that would likely mean friendship in the future would be off the table :P