Even though you brought into the conversation the adhd kiddos, reading further into the thread it sounds like the obvious issue is the kid who doesn't want to be there. At least the adhd kids are (according to you) enthusiastic about the class, which makes it a lot easier to deal with their fidgeting and occasional goofing off. It sounds like you are handling it well on your end. I might suggest that the next time you teach a class, make it very clear (prior to parents registering their kids) that the children must want to be there. Period. This isn't a public school classroom, this is a private co-op. It sounds like these kids came right from public school? If so, the child who doesn't want to be there may be generally done with classroom situations right now, kwim? His mother may need to be gently reminded of this, and that it isn't at all uncommon for kids coming out of a brick and mortar school situation.

My ds is different. He's more feral, more off the reservation, more in his own world. I really don't see him following by the rules and going ok this is what I have to play along. I'm really devil may care, but he doesn't even believe in the devil. He literally just writes his own rules and lives his own way, in his own world, with no regard for any of the norms of humanity. He is himself. Feral is a good way to describe DS5 as well :) As is "in his own little world." Like your boy, he is absolutely playing by his own rules, and he isn't hesitant to actually say, "Ma, I literally do not care," lol. Social communication and skills is the category in which DS5 was identified as a Level 2, so I can see why you feel your boy isn't a Level 1. (His Level 3s are in rigidity and repetition, which is what leads to the meltdowns and sensory issues.) If the DSM is accurate, though, some if it is simply personality, though. Because DS8 (who absolutely does care what the devil and anyone else feels) is the polar opposite, but still pulled a Level 2 for social skills and communication. What's funny is that I can see (or just have a feeling; call it instincts and seeing it day in and day out) DS5 at some point functioning better (or "more") as an adult with less hurdles than I can see the same with DS8. I can't quite put my finger on it, but the feeling is there.

ETA: autism runs in the family here. The psych seems to think DH is on the spectrum, but he would fall into the classification of Level 1s, most likely, and almost entirely in the social arena, but definitely dipping into the rigidity as wel. He grew up in a very small, supportive, family-model Catholic school, though, and was able to find his "people" early on. His gifts struggles were supported by the school and family. DH is a college-educated professional (engineer), and I have to say that many in his circle of friends seem to have similar tendencies on some level. DH also has an almost absurdly high IQ, though, so it's hard to see where that may come into play -- as in, I would think it somewhat typical that if his heavy gifts lean almost entirely in one direction, other things (like social skills and the ability to be flexible) would suffer; you only 100% of anything to divide, I mean. So those things noted as ASD tendencies, may just be a compensation deficit. The psych, I think, was remarking about the number of times DH replied, "Well, what's wrong with that -- I did those things, too, and sometimes still do!" when he came to the conclusion session of DS5's evaluations, lol. The psych just looked at him and said, "Well, yes; ASD can run in families." The look on his face was priceless. We believe DH's father was also on the spectrum, but less high functioning. He was pulled out of school in fifth grade (due to illness and, I guess, just being different) -- however, he taught himself how to play several instruments, wrote music, and was a sincerely talented artist. He owned a business (music shop and private music teacher, teaching piano, guitar, drums, and accordion) and raised a family, even after his wife died early, leaving him with an adolescent son and an infant son -- but he didn't do this alone. He had never left his parents' home, where he lived with his sons (and, before her death, his wife), and his mother helped him (substantially) raise the boys. It is my understanding that he was always prone to anxiety and meltdowns, when he was younger, and as an adult. Once Grandma died and he was sincerely living alone, he was miserable, and the tendencies only became worse, until he never left the house, but to across the street to his shop. He had to be talked through every new situation (even just going to the grocery store up the road, accompanied by another person) in much the same way as we script our boys, and this was well into his 70's and 80's. However, he did lead a very productive life. I'm going to delete this later. Please don't quote.

To clarify, the standards are that they meet the criteria to be institutionalized (or have a life threatening medical condition) -- not that they ever would be institutionalized. I have heard that a lot of ABAs veer off and away from ABA. My issue is that, because it's all called ABA (and they can't, for insurance reasons, call it or talk about it as anything but that), there is no way to differentiate between someone who is "old school ABA" and somebody who is more Floortime, for example. And, after once seeing the actual degree-holding ABA therapist for the initial intakes, you get line therapists -- who are poorly compensated (and for which there is a high turnover in my area), and their training varies depending on the agency. There are typically several line therapists assigned to rotate with each kid (when they are slated to receive as much ABA as our boys are, which us between 30-40 hours weekly, each), and neither of our boys would handle the inconsistency well. Too many variables for us, kwim? Honestly, I do not believe DS8 is higher functioning than DS5. I think a few things played into their level classifications, despite that they were both evaluated by the same private psychologist. One, DS8's evaluations weren't done until about a year ago, so he was considered school age, which means his evaluations required he sit down and somewhat still for much of it, and more closely resembled standardized testing. At one point, as noted in his evaluation paperwork, he simply stated that he was "done talking." Two, DS8's evaluations did not take into consideration his other medical conditions and overall health. He is fatigued frequently, has vision problems (the extent of which we didn't know about at the time of the eval). Whereas, DS5's evaluations were entirely play based, really, because he had his evaluations done prior to him being considered school age. And he was used to the play-based model, having had tons of ST and early interventions. However, a whole lot of it seemed to require he communicate verbally. Well, he was considered non-verbal only months prior to that evaluation :P With that said, I don't really disagree with DS5's level classifications. It is noted in his paperwork that with intensive interventions, his levels will likely change (only a bit, but some). At this point the paperwork for him does go further to note that he is considered severely affected, besides the mixed levels 2 and 3. We will have both boys re-evaluated in another year or two. Technically, DS5's IQ is higher than DS8's, but at certain points in the evaluations, both boys refused to participate further, and she said she had to score it based on that (and they technically couldn't or wouldn't do the rest, which had to be scored as well).

Both our younger boys are ASD kiddos. They are 8 and 5 (turning 9 and 6 this spring/early summer). DS8 is, technically (on paper), in third grade; DS5 is, on paper, in kindergarten. All our kiddos are homeschooled, including them. DS8 is classified as Level 2, across the board. DS5 is classified as Levels 2 and 3. We have not done (and do not intend to do) ABA, for personal reasons, so I have nothing to add to some of the conversation, regarding if a Level 2 kiddo would benefit from it. After researching ABA, we decided against it at this time (I understand that people change, so who knows -- maybe we'll revisit it later). I will say that our private insurance covers it at about 80%, and while our state has done away with the waivers, most children who are "strong" level 2s would qualify for Tefra (our state's special needs medicaid, which is not income dependent), I think. Our sons' social worker is pushing me to apply for it, as it would pick up the other 20% for all therapies related to the ASD that private insurance doesn't cover, but honestly... the additional paperwork and evaluations are daunting. We have to prove that they meet "institutionalization standards," essentially. Regardless, we are seeking OT and ST for both, and are trying to find a clinic that could fit them both in on the same day. It's difficult because, while they both need ST and OT, their needs within each are so different that they need different therapists; then we have that DS5 cannot handle doing back to back sessions (OT and ST back to back), while DS8 would be capable of doing both (and would enjoy it). So, we're kind of just shopping around right now :p DS8 (our level 2). For clarification, I will note that he has a number of other medical issues (congenital defects and similar) that have, since birth, affected his physical abilities and appearance. It can be hard to determine where his medical issues end and his ASD begins, and vice versa. -in life-- N didn't potty train (peeing on potty) until about age 5/6. N refused to poop on the toilet until about age 7 -- this was more related to his fear of having a BM than refusal, though. N did recently learn to brush his own teeth, although we have to go back over the teeth after. N is able to get his own snack as long as it doesn't require opening (at which point he needs help). N is capable of doing chores, assuming he has been walked through it several times, and it doesn't involve more than a few steps to carry out. -in social-- N is a highly anxious child, both at home and in social settings. N tends to use "overly formal" (as his psych described it) language at times, which is, apparently, somewhat off-putting with other children. N tends to play more with younger children or with girls his age, as opposed to boys. This is likely because his very best friend is his 5 year old brother, and most of his social settings involve more girls than boys. For example, his dance class is entirely girls, with the exception of N and our other son. Regarding his ability to conform in social settings... it doesn't really exist. N has great difficulty understanding when to speak and when not to; when something is funny and when it isn't, or when something that was funny, no longer is. N is capable of complying to rules very, very well (in fact, N does well with rules in general), but only if they aren't deviated from -- when those rules are deviated from, with the endorsement of a trusted adult, even if only for a moment, N considers them no longer applicable. -in school work--- N requires significant supports with academics, in reading and writing. N requires no supports in maths and content subjects. The only modifications made in his content subjects would be that I try to streamline any narrative for him, because he does have language delays as well. I believe he is also dyslexic, like his much-older sister (and several family members), and currently he is not considered a "reader" (reading level is on -- about -- a kindergarten level); same with writing, due to muscle tone issues. N becomes notably panicked and upset when he feels he isn't "doing something right." -in language-- No funky holes, so to speak. As mentioned above, he does have a tendency to use more formal language. For example, instead of saying, "I want to / wanna go to the park," he is more likely to say, "I would appreciate a trip to the park." His articulation is considered in need of support. Overall, N is our more sensitive child. He self-soothes by talking to himself and saying things like, "I will only do this two more times, then I will stop," etc. to himself. He constantly (as in, after any interaction) follows us to ask if we are "sure" that he or we made the right decision, and he experiences significant anxiety when he needs to make any decision for himself, no matter how trivial it may seem to others -- the red shirt or the white shirt; are you hungry now or do you want to wait to eat; do you need to use the bathroom; etc. His anxiety with decision making is related to worry about "what if I make the wrong decision," no matter how often we reassure him that we would never allow him to make a decision with a sincerely bad outcome. Any decision he does make is always followed by intense questioning about whether or not we believe he made the right decision. N is absolutely our more empathetic and compassionate child. He is always, first and foremost, concerned with how his behavior or words affect others, and how others' behavior and words affect, still, others. This causes him even more anxiety at times, and what puzzles us is that he is so very perceptive with regards to the emotions of others, but is unable to perceive when others are not being kind to him, if that unkindness is at all underhanded or vague (meaning, someone can call him an idiot, but if that someone is simultaneously smiling and interacting with N when they say it, N will continue to smile and interact, and insist they are his best friend). N's very best friends are his brother (below) and his much older sister (DD16). Despite that N appears unable to stick up for himself, he will absolutely break heads over his brother and sister. N and his brother are stuck like glue to each other, 95% of the time (the 5% they aren't is because we force them apart occasionally). DS5 (our levels 2 and 3). Dual dx of an expressive-receptive language delay. Non-verbal until about 3, then minimally verbal until about 4. M prefers to talk to himself and will spend as much time as is allowed talking to himself and sensory seeking (jumping from the stairs, pacing and jumping over and over, throwing his body from couch to love seat for the impact, etc.). Until recently, I slept on a floor with M for years, because he didn't "treat beds appropriately" (read: he used them for trampoline adventures, many of which ended badly, every time we decided to try a bed again, lol). He still, typically, sleeps on our bedroom floor, lest I (again) find him in his jack and jill bathroom, sitting in the sink with his tablet, with the water running, in the middle of the night). M's biggest hurdles are his rigidity, repetitive behaviors, and sensory seeking. These were classified as his Level 3 needs and have caused injuries in the past that needed immediate medical attention. These needs impact every decision made in our household, and every minute of every day for me. M's ability to be soothed when he is having a rather violent meltdown is minimal and when we hear the beginnings of one, everyone's hearts stop for a minute until we can determine that he is in an area where he is safe to "melt," or we hold him until he is able to be more conscious of his surroundings. M rarely makes eye contact. M is very physically affectionate. -in life-- M is not capable of dressing himself or any personal hygiene skills, although he can slide a toothbrush across his teeth, as Sissy taught him to do. He is able to wash his own hands. M wears diapers still. M is capable of using the toddler potty to pee in, but refuses to poop in it, so underwear is difficult, considering his inability to notice when he needs to poop. M is not able to get his own snacks with any regularity. -in social-- M must be supervised at all times in social settings that aren't in our house. M does not appear to have any understanding of dangerous situations that could seriously harm him, or even mildly harm him. Pain is not a deterrent for M. For many children, once they jump from the stairs once and skin their knee, they will not do it again, but M will assume he did it wrong the first time, and that means he just needs to try again, lol. This can apply to pets, structures, and water, so we keep a very close eye on him when we aren't in the house. Because M is very sensitive to sudden noises, no matter how quiet or loud those noises are, he often wears his noise cancelling headphones in social settings. There are co-op days when he sits with his brother and listens to the read aloud for a bit first, but more likely he is hunched over in the corner of whatever room I'm in, with his headphones on, refusing to look at anyone -- typically because of the noises or the potential for noises. In social situations at our own home, however, he is the middle of the chaos at all times, because this is his comfort zone. M does very well in dance class. If he loses his place, his teacher just puts his feet where they belong. His success in this class is, however, largely due to his amazing dance teacher. Music is the one noise that M doesn't mind. -in school work-- M actually requires almost no supports or modifications in this area, other than (relative) modifications made in the way I present new concepts and skills, because of his receptive language delays. M enjoys writing and math, and he is working on grade level in most areas. -in language-- M's expressive language has taken off. He still very much enjoys talking to himself, but he verbally interacts with others now, and regularly. His holes are almost entirely in his receptive language. If we really need M to understand what we are saying (usually for safety reasons), we need to use what his ST called "caveman speak." M tends to "lose" words that are spoken to him, if they are many. For example, if I say, "Don't hit your brother!" M repeats back, "Hit brother." M uses pronouns indiscriminately and incorrectly most of the time.

Both our younger boys are ASD, and both are "mixed level." DS5 is mixed levels 2 and 3, in three categories, but the majority of those was level 3. DS8 is mixed levels as well, but the majority of those are level 2. I'll come back to this later and write more :)

This. I had a 1 a.m. conversation with our 16 year old DD last night, prompted by this forum discussion. It isn't safe, or fair, to expect a person you barely know, to accurately read your "non-verbal cues." We discussed how even two people who have known each other for years, and intimately, can misjudge the other's non-verbal cues, because how standard those non-verbal cues are is dependent on a number variables; and a person's ability to accurately perceive those non-verbal cues is, likewise, dependent on a number of variables. If you don't want to do something, say it. "No -- I want to leave now," combined with non-verbal cues like actively dressing and leaving, is the safer (and , frankly, fairer) bet. Further, if you give verbal consent, or go on to seemingly willingly participate, don't expect a virtual stranger to be able to accurately perceive your level of enthusiasm, in such a way that it would validate or invalidate your already-given verbal consent. <----- That one really gets me. Confusing sh*t, that right there.

Do you already have a lot of parents who are interested and committed to coming? I ask because a co-op solely for teens, but required parents stay on site, would be a deal breaker for almost every single parent-of-a-teen I know. Most homeschool parents I know, who have teens, also have younger children. And most are looking for something their teen can do that they can drop off for, if it is for than an hour. I have no comments on the behavior contract, just wanted to throw out there that you may want to consider adding a safe free-play space for younger siblings if parents are required to stay on site and the class is a longer one.

I agree with you, to a point, but I'll also point out that in the situations where I know the aggrieved party seriously did have a crap childhood, they aren't typically comfortable venting it loudly to their parents -- the people who created the crap childhood.

I'm sure it's been said, but if she's sincerely in a position, mentally and emotionally, where she is comparable to a teenager, then yes -- it's pretty typical, at least from what I've seen. For a neurotypical, healthy 20-something year old? I'm not sure -- my oldest is a teenager. For a teenager, though, I would say yes.

I've tried to use it several times in the past. It is definitely not a complete curriculum. I mean, you can use the subject recitations as a lead for your core studies, but it would only be the jumping off point regarding what to study more in depth (using other resources), and only within the content areas (religion, history, science) -- and I wouldn't rely on it for even that past the elementary grades. The physical geography may be enough for geography, but that's about it. There are better options, imo, for memory work programs. When I started using it, CCM was the only option for Catholic memory work programs -- but there are other options that I prefer now. The one thing that CCM does that many other do not is to include Great Words (poetry, speeches, etc.). However, that alone isn't hard at all to add to other programs. There is also Catholic Schoolhouse, fyi, in case you haven't dived into it deeper. It's better, imo, than CCM, but I still ditched it. CSH's songs and CDs are a million times better than CCM's, but they focus on the same saint and the same picture study piece for waaaay too long, imo, and the program only goes for, I think, 24 weeks. I believe it was originally intended for co-ops, so much of the "help" for the program is only obtainable if you're involved with a co-op. At their "beginning," they had resources like maps and copy work for free on their website, but now everything has a price tag. Don't get me wrong -- I know people put a lot of work into these resources, but I think they should just include it all on a resource CD or similar instead of charging for every single little thing separately. Things may have changed since I last looked at their website (a few months ago, I think). CSH is only 3 years -- a year for ancient history, a year for medieval through early modern, and then a year of American history. If I recall, CCM has 4? However, if I had to choose between CSH and CCM, for ease of use, I would absolutely go with CSH. Not only are the CDs far superior, the timeline cards are beautiful, and they have science and art application books for each year, and I can easily say that for an early elementary kid, you could turn it into a full program by adding history picture books, an english program, and a math program -- provided you invest in all of their additional resources. So, having said all of that, you know already that I ditched both. At least for now. I may pick back up CSH when my boys have leveled out a bit. I'm pretty happy with my Memoria Press recitations for now -- I add religion and Great Words -- and I just create my own for my high schooler. We're all over the map with ages, special needs, and actual abilities regarding my kids, though, so those circumstances certainly color my opinions a bit.

nm

My parents live in Florida; my mom in one city and my father / stepmother in another city. Two of my younger sisters live in Florida as well. My other younger sister lives in Wisconsin. My husband's family (parents are deceased, but he has close extended family still) live in Pennsylvania. Locally, I have an aunt who lives about an hour from me; he has no family locally. We live in SC.

Until these past two Christmases, we'd typically spent xmas in my husband's home state with FIL, until he passed. We're really struggling to create any new, meaningful traditions here at home, because the days leading up to, the day of, and the days following at FIL's were just filled with this lovely flow of friends, family, food, and quiet traditions. Here, we have no extended family. We DO host a traditional Seven Fishes Dinner on Christmas Eve (this year was the second year). This year it was lovely -- all our friends and our one semi-local family member came, and the house was filled to bust with laughter and food. It was different than being at Dad's, but it was very nice and a tradition we plan to keep. Every year we add to my Christmas village, and that's a nice tradition, but is really only decorating. But Christmas Day? It's really little more than opening gifts. The kids are up so late the night before, with the party going on around them, and so exhausted by the end of it that we can't even fit in reading The Night Before Christmas any more. It's kind of depressing. It's entirely possible that traditions will make themselves and we just need more time getting used to a "normal" that doesn't involve FIL directly, but I thought I'd ask. I miss the Philly holidays something awful this year.

I do want a funeral if I pass, yes. With that said, I pretty firmly believe that the very least the dead deserves is to have their wishes respected with regards to end of life care and ceremonies.

I have two dogs, but one is a longer-haired GSD who sheds like crazy. Between that, boy crumbs (because everything they eat seems to create crumbs they trek through the house with), and the flea issue from the summer that I'm still terrified of, I vacuum about daily. I definitely try to hit the rug in the living room daily. The rest of the main level of the house is hardwood, and I try to hit that at least every other day. The second floor is carpet, but the dogs aren't allowed up, so I do that once or twice weekly, typically. When the flea issue was at a head, upstairs was daily, too. Almost 5000 square feet of vacuuming about twice daily during that time in our lives, and it's my understanding that it may be typical for this area in the warmer months, so... bleh.

Right?! I never thought I'd be dancing with joy at the news of a spinal infection... until the alternative is a type of cancer/tumor that left even the doctors grim.

That's a fantastic question. The surgeon said it isn't necessary... but I would really, really prefer he did have a follow-up scan. Unfortunately, if the surgeon says "unnecessary," DH runs with that and isn't likely to push for a follow-up.

That looks like it! His might be irritated if he inherited my "dry winter skin," considering the season. Right now they look much larger and angrier than the pictures, but typically they look exactly like that. Now I feel awful for chasing him down and pinching at a couple. I was worried about the ones he was scratching and darn determined to figure out was was "inside" them. I put some cortisone cream on his upper arms for tonight, to help the itch. I would go GF with him if it weren't for the autism and related sensory issues related to foods. He only eats a handful of foods as it is and only weighs in at around 38 lbs, so I really hesitate to change his diet. He is not a kid who will eat what is served when he's "hungry enough," so I typically give him whatever he's willing to eat. This didn't pop up when I googled. Thank you so much!

We have a dermatology appointment, but it isn't until later in January and, having seen this derm before myself, I'm actually not thrilled with the idea of DS seeing him, so I may make him an appointment at the children's outpatient center instead. Since birth essentially, DS8 has had small white and skin colored bumps on his arms. Only recently have they started also moving to his cheeks and now they itch, which causes them to become red and angry looking. I looked at a couple and pressed on them, and they appear to have some sort of discharge in them -- almost like acne. Not all of them, but the ones that were itching him. I put some triple antibiotic on those that were scratched and/or opened. The bumps become noticeably worse after baths, but I'm already giving him the bare minimum baths weekly because they've always been worse the day or so after a bath. DS5 has the same on his arms, but to a much lesser extent and they don't bother him (much like DS8's bumps at his age, actually). I do try to put lotion on DS8 after his baths, but it doesn't seem to be doing anything helpful. I can recall having similar bumps on my arms as a child, but they went away in early adulthood (or the late teenage years). And mine were, as DS5's are, only on the backs of my upper arms -- with DS8 they are all the way down his arm. He does have a history of medical issues, but this seems more related to some sort of genetic skin condition, as I had it as a child and DS5 has it as well. I can't find anything when googling, really. Most of what pops up are references to things like measles, etc., which doesn't make sense considering the lack of other symptoms, the family history, and the longevity of the bumps. This same DS does seem to be prone also to skin issues. He's almost 9 and still has pretty bad cradle cap.

I agree with this -- but only if the current teacher "situation" allows for the OP to trust the teacher's judgement. If the situation with the teachers is that the teacher is always changing, it can not only be hard on kids in general, but I would question whether behavior is actually an issue (without being there to see it myself). If the rules and expectations change with every teacher, it would be hard for me to insist my young kids behave in, essentially, a different way every time. I'm only answering based on our own experiences with teacher situations that were of the "constantly changing" variety, though, so there's that :P

ETA: my favorite part of the entire debacle, was DH on the benzos. He was still quite "dosed" after the MRI and insisted I take him to his favorite gyro joint immediately following. He proceeded to exclaim about how "THESE FRIES ARE THE BEST THING EEEEVEEERR!" in the middle of the restaurant while sitting. Then I had to help him into the house when we got home (for context, I'm 115 lbs and 5'1"; he's almost 300 lbs and taller than me) -- and he insisted he was fine to walk -- he tripped coming up the stairs to the front door, then the children stopped him to say "hi" and he was completely dazed and almost fell over on them :p He's typically a somewhat crabby and reserved man, so it provided me with giggles.

Hi everyone! I lost my original thread. The "my content" isn't working for me. DH was dosed with benzos and given the open MRI. We weren't able to get in any sooner to get it. I think I posted about our dilemma regarding that -- there are only two open MRI machines in our entire (very large) county, for both the private hospital and the public hospital. He had to wait about 10 days for the open MRI. As much as I was furious that his was a "flagged" need and still we had to wait for the open (he wouldn't have had to wait at all for the regular MRI, considering the initial results), I am so glad we had to wait. In the meantime, DH went to his GP about a nagging cough he'd had for a couple months. A cough I'd tried to get him to go to the doctor for a long time ago. His GP gave him antibiotics and a steroid (bronchitis was the dx, but we'd had other things going around the house as well, so he tacked on antibiotics). This was about a week prior to the open MRI. We saw a surgeon friend of DH's that we'd been able to schedule for the business day following the open MRI. It was not cancer -- or even a tumor. It was a spinal infection that looked like a "mass" on the previous tests. The surgeon could tell because, by the grace of God, the "mass" had mysteriously started shrinking -- which, according to the doctor, means that it was never a true "mass," because steroids don't shrink cancerous tumors. I'm so glad that he'd been on steroids by that point long enough to show what was happening. It appears the bronchial infection that went untreated spread. At least, that is the surgeon's best guess. My God, we were so scared. The ER doctor gave DH "the big talk" about the mass and I noticed DH sliding into a quasi-depression, that was offset by his sudden desire to teach DD16 his special red sauce recipe.

Uh, no. Not at all. I'm honestly surprised at the question. I would feel incredibly uncomfortable not bringing something (a side, a dessert, wine -- just something). We're hosting xmas eve dinner, too. A pretty traditional seven fishes meal that we used to prepare at FIL's and have (for the last couple years) prepared at our home for friends and family. We provide everything, but we learned early on that everyone prefers to bring something and contribute in some way, so now we provide and cook all of the main courses and guests bring sides and desserts. Nobody ever came empty handed, so this way we don't end the night with a carp-ton of food nobody's touched and we have to store or toss out. ETA: the culture that surrounds us now for our dinners is completely different than the culture we were surrounded by at FIL's. Here, it's a small southern town and we are the only Catholics (and the only Italians) at our very Catholic seven fishes dinner party, lol. All of our other friends who come are Jewish, evangelical, or atheist. Up north, when we were at FIL's, it was a dinner attended just by us, but random family and friends would drop by throughout the evening -- and all were of the same culture, faith, and background. However, the one thing that has been consistent is that nobody came with nothing in hand. Even at FIL's when the guests were just "dropping by," they had cookies, homemade wine, or a plate of fish in hand to drop off and/or share. Same deal now that we're actually hosting, in an entirely different culture, state, and setting. Since we do need to be certain none of the dishes contain meat, we just keep track of what are "kid dishes" (we allow the children to eat meat on xmas eve, due to dietary and sensory needs) vs. what are meat-free side dishes. Most of our friends, though, consider this a neat (or at least different than their typical) cultural experience, so they've researched it enough to know not to put meat in the sides, lol.

We don't have anybody local who could stay with the children overnight :( Because of the extent of our younger two boys' special needs, we typically hire a couple teenage guys (DD's friends) just to help DD16 with the boys so we can go out for even a few hours. So, three sitters for two boys. They are actually fantastic with our boys, but I'm not sure they're old enough that I would feel comfortable leaving them overnight with the kids (or that their mom would be comfortable with it -- and she's a great friend, but has five kids of her own, so I won't ask her to stay, lol). We have only one family member that lives within an hour of us (the rest are 10+ hours from us) and she has a farm she takes care of and can't be away from overnight. Trust me, I've thought about it :p