This is cross posted from the Gen. Education Board. I I freeking out and shamelessly want as much advice as possible. I am a long time lurker, and in desperate need of advice & hugs. Sorry this is long. We were reported to CPS. I am unclear on the details of the allegations. The lady showed up at our house last Thursday morning. She said they received a report that our children were home in the daytime. She seemed to think it was a administrative error (like a name misspelled in the state homeschoolers data base or something). She was professional, kind, and didn't seem concerned at all. I quickly told her that we are legal homeschoolers. I offered to print off my "affirmation letter" that I receive from the State. She asked me to email it to her. "She asked to "set eyes" on each of the children (including my 3 year old). She talked briefly to my 9 year old. She asked him about what rules we have. He didn't answer, so I helped by saying "what are some things you are not allowed to do?" He then said, "Mom wants me to moderate my electronics use. I play video games all day." (This is because I got upset with him last night about how I always have to kick him off electronics. I wish he wish he would moderate himself. He of course doesn't play video games all day, because I do kick him off). She asked him what other rules we have and he didn't have an answer. She asked him what happens when he breaks a rule, and he said time out. She asked him what his favorite subject was in school, and he didn't have an answer, but they did get around to the fact that he likes to read. I had to wake my 6 year old, and he was grumpy & complaining about how it was cold. So she didn't talk to him, and he went right back inside. She saw the three year old, and he was cute and quickly went back inside. She then asked me if my 9yo was in pull ups. I said no, all my children (including recently the 3yo) are potty trained. But I knew what she was referring to. A few weeks ago 9yo was sick and didn't want to poop his pants. He chose to wear a pull up for about two days, because he didn't want to poop his pants. But How would anyone know that!? And why does that even matter? It isn't illegal/abusive for a 9yo to wear a pull up. She said she needed make an appointment to talk to my husband & left. She didn't ask to see the house, although she did probably see the reasonably clean (but still a bit untidy) living & dinning room as I was going in and out with the various children. I quickly emailed her the affirmation letter regarding my 9 year old, and explained the situation regarding my 6 year old. That for kindergarten you send a letter to the local school board saying that you intend to homeschool your child for first grade. I did send this letter, but I have no proof because I messed up on getting a return receipt from the post office. I also included a link to the state department of ed's FAQ regarding homeschooling to answer any questions she might have about the law. My husband called her that evening to set up a time to talk to her. She wasn't available until Tuesday (tomorrow). She told him that she had received my email and still seemed to think it was an administrative error. My husband noticed that her office was next door to his, and offered to meet her there (by email). She sent the following reply: "Part of my job is to meet with the family in a normal and comfortable setting in the home. Seeing the interactions and where the children live really helps us to get to know the family. I would prefer to meet with both you and your wife at your home. Let me know if that still works for Tuesday!" He replied that the original plan of our house was fine. We have deep cleaned the house and everything. We are freaking out. I don't know what to do. Part of me thinks we should just meet with her tomorrow in our home. She will be a reasonable person, see things as they are and close the case. Then we can put this behind us. The other part of me keeps flashing back to every cps horror story I have ever heard. We are not members of HSLDA, should I peruse legal council. If so how/who? Or wait to see how tomorrow pans out? Concerns: 1. We keep a non-traditional schedule. The children go to bed late & wake up late. They get adequate sleep. When she showed up at 10:00 I was in my pajamas with an old braid and my 9yo's hair was unbrushed. I had to wake my 6 yo. Usually the children go to bed around 11:00, and get up 9:00. I go to bed about 2:00 and wake up when my 3 yo does. 2. I have tons of books & am a homeschool curriculum junkie. But I don't keep records and don't have a lot to prove our work. We do a lot orally, and a lot on white boards. I don't keeps much around. Math Mammoth worksheets immediately become scratch paper, then trash. 3. I share a queen sized bed with my 9 yo, and my 6 yo sleeps in a loft bed in the same room. I have asked the regularly if they would like their own room. They prefer this situation, and I was okay with it. My 3 yo sleeps in the closet of my husband's room. The 3 yo controls the bifold door. It is always open unless he chooses to close it. It is easy to just push it open. He has a toddler bed, board books, stuffed toys & a light. 4. Our house is older with a lot of minor damage. Nothing dangerous or serious, but cracks & small holes in the wall plaster (could easily be patched), cabinet doors that don't close properly. The bathroom while perfectly serviceable does need to be redone. (all fixtures work appropriately). We also have drawing on the walls. 5. We have fruit flies. We set traps and the situation is now minor, but I do notice the occasional fly. 6. I am concerned that we may say or especially the children may say something that is taken out of context and blown out of proportion. 7. We don't know the exact allegations. She seems focused on the legal homeschool paperwork. But is vague when we ask if that is all there is. Our paperwork is in order, surely she has figured that out by now. Why does she want to meet us in our home etc. if that is all there is?  Please help

People who could vouch for us: 1. We do have a family doctor. My children are vaccinated and have attended well baby/child visits. They are due for another visit, but just by a few months. We have a family dentist and the 9 & 6 yo have visited recently. My 9yo had an optometrist visit in the last year. No medical concerns with any of my children. 2. We have attended homeschool co-op for the last year & a half. 3. My older two children attended preschool and my 3yo is registered for next year. We have an excellent relationship with the preschool. 4. We have been involved with the same music school since my oldest was a toddler. 5. For the last year we have attended homeschool gym class at the YMCA. 6. We have extended family. My mother is coming to provide support.

Oh, I thought of another thing. My 3 yo still breastfeeds. 2x/day first thing in the morning & after nap. I am in the process of weaning him.

I am a long time lurker, and in desperate need of advice & hugs. Sorry this is long. We were reported to CPS. I am unclear on the details of the allegations. The lady showed up at our house last Thursday morning. She said they received a report that our children were home in the daytime. She seemed to think it was a administrative error (like a name misspelled in the state homeschoolers data base or something). She was professional, kind, and didn't seem concerned at all. I quickly told her that we are legal homeschoolers. I offered to print off my "affirmation letter" that I receive from the State. She asked me to email it to her. "She asked to "set eyes" on each of the children (including my 3 year old). She talked briefly to my 9 year old. She asked him about what rules we have. He didn't answer, so I helped by saying "what are some things you are not allowed to do?" He then said, "Mom wants me to moderate my electronics use. I play video games all day." (This is because I got upset with him last night about how I always have to kick him off electronics. I wish he wish he would moderate himself. He of course doesn't play video games all day, because I do kick him off). She asked him what other rules we have and he didn't have an answer. She asked him what happens when he breaks a rule, and he said time out. She asked him what his favorite subject was in school, and he didn't have an answer, but they did get around to the fact that he likes to read. I had to wake my 6 year old, and he was grumpy & complaining about how it was cold. So she didn't talk to him, and he went right back inside. She saw the three year old, and he was cute and quickly went back inside. She then asked me if my 9yo was in pull ups. I said no, all my children (including recently the 3yo) are potty trained. But I knew what she was referring to. A few weeks ago 9yo was sick and didn't want to poop his pants. He chose to wear a pull up for about two days, because he didn't want to poop his pants. But How would anyone know that!? And why does that even matter? It isn't illegal/abusive for a 9yo to wear a pull up. She said she needed make an appointment to talk to my husband & left. She didn't ask to see the house, although she did probably see the reasonably clean (but still a bit untidy) living & dinning room as I was going in and out with the various children. I quickly emailed her the affirmation letter regarding my 9 year old, and explained the situation regarding my 6 year old. That for kindergarten you send a letter to the local school board saying that you intend to homeschool your child for first grade. I did send this letter, but I have no proof because I messed up on getting a return receipt from the post office. I also included a link to the state department of ed's FAQ regarding homeschooling to answer any questions she might have about the law. My husband called her that evening to set up a time to talk to her. She wasn't available until Tuesday (tomorrow). She told him that she had received my email and still seemed to think it was an administrative error. My husband noticed that her office was next door to his, and offered to meet her there (by email). She sent the following reply: "Part of my job is to meet with the family in a normal and comfortable setting in the home. Seeing the interactions and where the children live really helps us to get to know the family. I would prefer to meet with both you and your wife at your home. Let me know if that still works for Tuesday!" He replied that the original plan of our house was fine. We have deep cleaned the house and everything. We are freaking out. I don't know what to do. Part of me thinks we should just meet with her tomorrow in our home. She will be a reasonable person, see things as they are and close the case. Then we can put this behind us. The other part of me keeps flashing back to every cps horror story I have ever heard. We are not members of HSLDA, should I peruse legal council. If so how/who? Or wait to see how tomorrow pans out? Concerns: 1. We keep a non-traditional schedule. The children go to bed late & wake up late. They get adequate sleep. When she showed up at 10:00 I was in my pajamas with an old braid and my 9yo's hair was unbrushed. I had to wake my 6 yo. Usually the children go to bed around 11:00, and get up 9:00. I go to bed about 2:00 and wake up when my 3 yo does. 2. I have tons of books & am a homeschool curriculum junkie. But I don't keep records and don't have a lot to prove our work. We do a lot orally, and a lot on white boards. I don't keeps much around. Math Mammoth worksheets immediately become scratch paper, then trash. 3. I share a queen sized bed with my 9 yo, and my 6 yo sleeps in a loft bed in the same room. I have asked the regularly if they would like their own room. They prefer this situation, and I was okay with it. My 3 yo sleeps in the closet of my husband's room. The 3 yo controls the bifold door. It is always open unless he chooses to close it. It is easy to just push it open. He has a toddler bed, board books, stuffed toys & a light. 4. Our house is older with a lot of minor damage. Nothing dangerous or serious, but cracks & small holes in the wall plaster (could easily be patched), cabinet doors that don't close properly. The bathroom while perfectly serviceable does need to be redone. (all fixtures work appropriately). We also have drawing on the walls. 5. We have fruit flies. We set traps and the situation is now minor, but I do notice the occasional fly. 6. I am concerned that we may say or especially the children may say something that is taken out of context and blown out of proportion. 7. We don't know the exact allegations. She seems focused on the legal homeschool paperwork. But is vague when we ask if that is all there is. Our paperwork is in order, surely she has figured that out by now. Why does she want to meet us in our home etc. if that is all there is? Please help

For group activities, I would like a brief description of the activity. I do find target age ranges helpful. I don't particularly mind grade levels, I just don't find they convey much information. For homeschool materials, I usually use samples and reviews to determine which level would be appropriate. I think evaluations for special needs can be very helpful. They can help the parent know why their child is different and to chart a path forward. For similar reasons, I think standardized testing for homeschoolers is also helpful. More information is usually better. As far as worrying about out of sync children, I know parents always worry. And by all means pursue evaluations. But ultimately, you have to accept the child you have. Children should be placed where they will thrive, not where the age/grade system says they should be placed. That was part of my point: while there is great variability among 3rd graders, there are always "out of sync" children. When we homeschool we meet our children where they are. So in the case of my child, his delayed impulse and social skills don't impact his academic education more than necessary. By age cut offs he is a 3rd grader, but if I were to plunk him down in a standard third grade classroom it would be an unmitigated disaster. So me telling you he is a third grader really only tells you his age.

We use them, but they are completely unnecessary. I agree that Math Mammoth is pretty open & go. I like that they include links to free online games to reinforce the lesson, but I am sure with some work you could find games yourself. They also include links to teaching videos, but we have never used those.

The app replaces the phonogram tiles. It has all the syllable tags and everything. It is a game changer for our family. My toddlers were always getting into the tiles & losing them. It was a nightmare. It is worth the $20 to us because it made the program successful, but I agree that it is way overpriced.

I completely agree that when you walk into a public school classroom you will see great variability in the students' development. For most students within a couple standard deviations of center the public school system serves them well. Additionally, the various ability groupings & special ed/gifted programs in a good public school adapt the system to another large chunk of children. However, the public school serves the outliers poorly. This is a major strength of homeschooling. We can meet our children where they are in each area. I provide my son with academic content to suit his strengths, weaknesses & interests without worrying about what level he is working at with respect to his peers. Our family does outside activities mostly for social reasons, so I tend to group him with younger children so he can have meaningful friendships and meet the behavior expectations of the group. It would do both him and the others a disservice to place him with his age cohort. This is why grades are poor analogues for developmental readiness. If a person is asking a child's grade level as small talk, then by all means just give them a straight answer. But if they are asking because they want to know where to group your child, then it may be better to consider your specific child and that specific activity.

My kids are still really little, but I find the grade level thing difficult. It seems to stand in as short hand for several different things. Take my oldest for example. He is 8 and a half. He fits in socially with 4-6 year olds. He is petit and not athletic, so would probably do best with younger children for sports as well. Like many homeschoolers, he is all over the place academically, he reads well enough, is advanced in math, and can't write. When people ask what grade he is in, we just say that he is 8 and homeschooled. People seem fine with that answer. Previous posters mentioned that they never see a parent trying to place a child down into a lower grade group. We do that all the time. Usually I do it by picking an activity that has a wide age range, where he is toward the top of the range. I would totally put him in a class for 4-7 year olds. I would never place him in a class for 8-12 year olds, he would be too disruptive and get into trouble. When we did cub scouts last year, and they really wanted him with his age cohort, we always had a parent attend with him. That worked also. As far as my other kids are concerned . . . Well, my middle is easily a kindergartner. He is 5 and relatively typical; he also just graduated from a brick & mortar preschool. My youngest is 2 (almost 3) so I don't have to cross the grade level bridge with him yet. I anticipate he will be even trickier, then my eldest. On the one hand he is extremely smart and physically capable. I am constantly having to improve my baby proofing game just to keep him safe. He is also (magically) potty trained. On the other hand, he just recently started talking. Picture this, a toddler who knew all the letter sounds before he started talking. I am both excited and anxious to see what his future brings.

2/3 are climbers including my current toddler. Ktgrok's description of toddlers resembles all three of mine though. Childproofing is a just a puzzle to be solved. With my ds2 the current battle is the carseat. He would push the chest clip down & then wiggle his upper body out. Then he rolls down the windows. We had to buy a fancy inescapable chest clip just to keep him safe. You look for advice online, and they say "pull over & tell them the car only drives if they are buckled." You think I didn't try that? I get it though. My other two weren't particularly interested in escaping the carseat and only figured it out when they were old enough to be reasoned with.

I don't have ADHD or anything; I'm just a scatterbrained failure at adulting. But I do stuff like that all the time. For example, I completely filled out our taxes online in February. I didn't file them though, because I needed my driver's licence to e-sign. I keep my driver's licence in the car so I have it when I am driving, and so I don't lose it. So I would have had to go all the way to the garage, file the taxes, then immediately go all the way back to the garage to return the licence (otherwise it would get lost). I procrastinated actually doing it for months. In March. I took my kids to a drop in daycare and to pick them up I had to have ID. So my driver's licence left the car. I shoved the licence in my back pocket while managing getting the kids out of the daycare and into the car and didn't put it back in it's spot. I completely forgot about it, until I took my pants off that evening. Ultimately, it floated around the house & then got lost. I didn't worry about it too much though, because I was sure it would turn up. I am always losing things and they usually turn up. In April, I decide we really need to file our taxes but EEEEK the driver's licence still hasn't turned up. So we deep clean the kitchen, but can't it. I order a new driver's licence from the DMV, but it doesn't come in time. Ultimately, we end up mailing the taxes. A week later the new driver's licence arrives, AND I find the old one right in the kitchen where I knew it was all along. I think people vary greatly in their executive function skills. Some people seem to always have it together and think of disorganization as a character defect. Other people (like me) just keep swimming, hoping it all turns out fine in the end.

I guess my point is: 1. I am unqualified to discuss GLBT issues with my children, because I don't understand them myself. 2. I am struggling to find a way to understand and honor other people's journey in attraction, love, relationships & family. While not devaluing myself and my actual life. 3. I wanted to perhaps have a discussion about innate sexual attraction v. chosen romantic/familial relationships. Unfortunately I have to go be a wife and mommy now. Hopefully the discussion will still be going when I return. Later internet friends.

Obviously, I disagree. It isn't like I haven't tried to understand. I'm not stupid, I just don't have that kind of marriage. I have three bio-children, I would love a fourth. I understand the drive to reproduce both intellectually, and personally. It makes sense that a sex drive is of biological value. What doesn't make sense to me, is that people seem to place so much value on what class of people they find "attractive", an intangible quality they rarely act upon. It seems to me, the important thing is who you actually decide to have children with. We look down upon gay men (for example) marrying women and having bio-children. Because people seem to think that to do so violates something about the essence of who they are. But what if that is what he wants. Don't get me wrong I am all for marriage equality. If a gay man wants to marry another man, and form a family that way more power to him. I am apparently asexual (a term I didn't even know a year ago). Does that mean I should have consigned myself to a life of spinsterhood, so I didn't violate "who I really am"? Ridiculous. The life I chose is what is important, not who I am or am not attracted to. I apologize for the bunny trail. But I have been eager to talk about what it means to be straight etc. with a real life person for some time. A thread about explaining such to children seemed an appropriate place to get people to explain.

Responding to previous posters talking about sexual orientation as a mechanism for narrowing down a enormous pool of potential partners: I can only speak for myself, but it wasn't like that. I didn't have a sea of options. I have never been interested in a person I didn't know well. So a good friend and I hit it off and we start dating. One of us decides we aren't compatible and breaks off the relationship. Eventually I date a guy who I start to think about in terms of marriage. He passes the good daddy/good husband metric and we get married. I never dated a woman. We live in a hetero-normative culture and none of my female friends ever asked. I don't know how I would have handled it if they had. I can imagine saying "no, I'm straight", I can imagine it sparking introspection about my sexual orientation, and I can imagine saying "sure, we'll see where this goes". No idea what would have happened, because it didn't. But you hit on something that has been bugging me. I understand finding celebrities interesting. But that isn't what the gay rights movement was about. It wasn't about the right to covet celebrities of the same sex. It was about the right to marry, to have spousal rights, to form a family. Yes? Lets imagine a bisexual woman who has been married to a man for 30 years. They have loved each other, made a life together, raised children together. Isn't that what matters? Now, yes she is still bisexual. She has found noticed the occasional beautiful woman, and fantasized about the occasional celebrity. But why does that matter? Isn't the life she chose more relevant than the one she didn't? Like I said, I don't get it. I can (and probably will) tell my children Tanaqui's explanation about who you want to kiss. It just feel a little disingenuous because it doesn't reflect their parents marriage.

I understand that many people define think of sexual orientation in terms of who people are attracted to. This is a new idea for me. I have listened to a bunch of threads here and googled around, but "attraction" is such an esoteric concept. I certainly couldn't explain it to a young child. How would you? A year ago if you had asked me, lesbians were women who dated other women. I understand romantic relationships. I understand love. Little children understand love. Attraction? Still a mystery. So unfortunately I am unqualified to handle this area of parenting. I am going to be honest here, and I don't mean this as a humble brag. Attractiveness wasn't on my list of attributes for a boyfriend/husband. I chose my husband because he was he was a good boyfriend, and I thought he would be a good husband and father. He has many positive qualities and I love him but, he isn't really attractive. So . . . for me it was always about making a good choice, not affirming my sexual orientation. This new (for me) paradigm is so confusing. It was never about who you choose to love?

My children haven't brought it up. But honestly, this thread (and others) have gotten me thinking that I don't really understand sexual orientation at all. I definitely chose my sexual orientation (by marrying a man) and until recently thought it was that way for everyone. Gay people date/marry the same gender, straight people date/marry the opposite gender. Clearly we choose our romantic partners. Apparently, everyone else views this differently. Every time I try to figure it all out, I get more & more confused. So . . . Long story short, if my kids did ask I would honestly say that I didn't know and refer them to their father.

I remember the phase you are talking about. My son was 4 when his hair was at that awkward length. We used barrettes and little pony tail holders. The little pony tails worked best when we needed it to stay in long term. The barrettes looked better, but needed to be fixed from time to time. If you are going to have a boy with long hair, you can't really worry about what people think. And people are right the awkward phase is just a few months. The problem we have is that if any hair goes in his face, he nibbles it. So most of his hair is in a nice ponytail or braid, but he has wispy bits in the front that are all mouth length. I clip them up along his head, but they are constantly falling out and getting nibbled. Hopefully you won't have that problem.

I just cleaned out my attic. We moved in 10 years ago and just left stuff in the attic to deal with later. Later was today!!!! I don't sell anything. I donate nicer stuff: anything in "like new" or "gently used" condition, anything that I honestly believe would be wanted or useful. I just drop it off; I don't worry about anything tax related. I recycle what I can through the regular curbside recycling. If it isn't nice and can't be recycled, then trash without guilt. So clothing, anything requiring any mending, anything with a stain, anything dingy or stretched out, anything faded or pilled: all trash. I was unaware of a recycling option for cloth before this thread, so I will have to research that. For toys, I donate anything fun that is still in good condition. I donate any gifts that we decide not to keep (still in original packaging). Worn toy, lame toy, toy missing pieces, junky plastic trinket: all trash. I am in a season of life where I feel drowning in clutter. I need the stuff to just get out! My problem is tiny things. When I tidy up I put tiny things into a plastic shoe box container. Legos, hair ties, pens, game pieces, nail clippers, math manipulates, pacifiers, money, batteries, usb cables etc. etc. etc. When the shoe box containers get full I dump them into big clear plastic drawers. I have an embarrassing number of small things drawers. I regularly dig through the drawers if I need something likely to be in them, but I never get around to sorting the tiny things. Ugg.

I would be conflicted. I desperately want more children. So I would be happy about that. My husband has ordained that we will have no more children. So I would be hesitant to tell him, but I think he would come around. Pregnancy is tough and I have to get c-sections so uggg. But more kids, yay! I would probably hide it as long as I could to save my husband the stress. In conclusion, I have no idea.

I have have pretty serious dust mite allergies & I have never heard of that product, for what that's worth. The mattress & pillow covers work really well. We have them on all our beds. We also don't have upholstered furniture, carpet or rugs. Instead of a couch, we have a futon with the mattress in a dust mite cover (we then cover that with a fitted sheet). I love this option. We use bed pillows w/ dust mite covers & pillow cases instead of cushions on the futon. What else: good furnace filters changed regularly, hepa filters in bedrooms & vacuum, mask while cleaning. All blankets & comforters are hypo-allergenic, washed frequently.

I have a special blanket. It is a sensory thing, more than a comfort object.

I have a corolla and 3 kids. I know three Radians work very well. Two Radians and an infant seat works well too (we used a Chico Key Fit). I am sure a Radian and two infant seats would work fine too. You need 17" or less to fit three across in a Corolla. We got an 18" wide car seat for older children and it did NOT work with two Radians. Now when I can't put my nearly 8 year old in a Radian any longer I will have to go on a quest of my own. . .

Asexuals can and do marry. I think it is quite common for asexual people to desire romantic relationships and marriage. Although there are those, of course, who don't as well.

I can't help you with the gender flexible part. I have no idea. But as someone who is (probably?) asexual, I don't think it is complicated. It is just the absence of sexual attraction. I like people for many reasons, usually because of their personalities. I find people beautiful, like I find art beautiful. I just don't want to have sexy times with them. Really that's all their is to it. The only part that is a little tricky is that I don't know where everyone else is coming from. Why would celibacy be hard? How do people get carried away in the moment? Does finding a stranger you meet in person "attractive" mean you literally want to have sex with them? I chose my sexuality (heterosexual since I am a female married to a male), which seems to be an uncommon experience. If your daughter doesn't want a sexual or romantic relationship with this new friend, I don't see how it would make any difference in their friendship. Honestly, it would probably be refreshing. A twelve year old isn't going to be into the college dating / hook-up thing, so they can focus on their common interests. Sounds good to me.

1. I am my own authority. 2. When I do what I know is right, I am happy with myself. I feel I am a force for good in the world. When I make bad choices, I feel guilty. 3. Good are things lead to likely positive effects. Bad things are likely to lead to negative effects. I use my brain & my conscience as my guide. I try to trust my instincts. For tricky decisions I might conduct further research or ask for advice from someone whose option I trust. 4. When I am an old lady, I want to look back on my life with pride as a life well lived. I think maturity is doing what is hard because it right.