[ADHD medication shortage]

I have also been able to get my child's Focalin XR by going to two different pharmacies.  I do buy a month ahead.  When I open the new bottle of pills, I order the next bottle.  He also doesn't take meds on weekends, so that also helps me build supply.  I wonder if the reason the psych put my kid on Focalin is because it is easier to get? 

[Dumb things I did today]

I probably have ADHD.  You just described a good day for me.  I get it, it's frustrating.  I agree tomorrow is a new day, the sleep should help.

 

[Dr/Nurse Hive….alternatives to catheter for women]

When my grandpa went on hospice it just meant that he was no longer provided medical treatment to extend his life, just palliative care.  His life in assisted living was unchanged.  He died of a series of strokes over a few days. 

[bathroom problem in child]

I made him a doctor's appointment, so hopefully he can help.  He and I are just so frustrated.  

[bathroom problem in child]

He was using the wrong word.  It is always diarrhea, or at least loose uncomfortable poops.

[bathroom problem in child]

My ds11 has been having poop problems off and on for a year or two.  He has loose uncomfortable poops especially in the morning.  The problem tends to improve over the course of the day.  So his first poop of the day early in the morning tends to be a problem, and by lunchtime he is fine.  He has no nausea, everything is intestinal.  I have the impression that it has gone away for months at a time, and then come back.  Last year he kept telling me he was constipated when he meant he had diarrhea which added to the confusion. 

As far as diet is concerned, he is my best eater.  He eats his fruits and vegetables and what not.  I keep eliminating foods that seem to cause major problems.  Spicy food, fried chicken and taco bell are currently on his never list.   Avoiding problem foods and eating healthy definitely helps, but does not solve the problem.  I am a single mom so don't always do home cooked meals.  I do try.  He eats oatmeal, fruit, frozen waffles, cold cereal or school breakfast.  He eats a school lunch.  Dinner is often a good home cooked meal, but several times a week may be restaurant food, pizza, mac & cheese etc.  Lately I have been giving him probiotics.  

When it is bad I let him take a Imodium.

The other factor is anxiety.  He has always been a child prone to worrying, and being overly sensitive.  He is also my child who doesn't readily tell me when he has a problem. His father died 1 year and a half ago.  We did a family grief support group, I haven't noticed any trouble grieving.  But there is a definite correlation he never had trouble before his father died.  I put him in public school last year.  On the balance he likes it and doesn't seem to have any problems there.  The counselor did a group for children who were stressed, and that seemed to provide him an outlet.  If it weren't for the bathroom problems I would say his anxiety is not needing treatment.  The bathroom problems are causing significant anxiety though.  He worries about pooping his pants, and scheduling his bathroom breaks, and taking too many breaks.  I have contacted his teacher and she has agreed to be liberal with bathroom access.  He has extra pants in his backpack.  There is a correlation between anxiety and bathroom trouble, but I don't know if the anxiety is causing the poop problem.  Or is it just when he is having trouble he is anxious about that.

So do I take him to the doctor with vague symptoms?  Do I try to get him in therapy or anxiety drugs?  I just want him to feel better.

[S/O: How old were you when you purchased your first house?]

I was 22 and married.  My husband had inherited some savings bonds when his grandpa died.  We used them for the down payment.  Now I live in the tiny starter home with 3 kids.  

[Do you have a "wait ... what was that!?" story?]

When I was in 8th Grade I took a high school class 1st period, then a bus driver drove 2 other middle schoolers & I in a minivan to the middle school for the rest of our day.  One day we came out to leave and she was dead.  Like apparently drove to the high school perfectly fine, parked, then just died.  The school was so weird about it, because she could have  been driving us.  

 

[cat vaccine shortage]

My cats had their shots mid-December.  No shortage was mentioned.  (US)

[If you have corelle dishes...]

I like them because they don't chip and barely break.  They are lightweight and store in a small area.  

The con is definitely that when they do break they shatter into a million microscopic shards.  We do occasionally get "dish splinters," no matter how well I clean up.  

I have the standard winter white because it goes with everything and will always be available.  

[Let's talk about modern playground safety]

I think it is very important for children's play areas to be well maintained.  Most of my playground injuries were from sharp or pinchy places on old worn equipment.  I also support the softer playground substrates that are popular now.  But I agree with the general premise: children need to take risks, and problem solve. 

I don't know what to do about parents/adults differing comfort levels with risk.  Like I am not worried about stranger abduction, but I am super careful with car safety.  If I have to grit my teeth when you strap your toddler in wearing a huge snowsuit, you have to keep quiet when I let mine wander around the toy department in Target.  (We had an incident with a worried lady, and my 8 year old last weekend and I'm still salty).  If an adult thinks a child is truly in danger I do want them to protect them.  Stop the toddler from running out in the street, please.  But on the other hand children and their parents are so often chastised when they haven't done anything wrong.  And I do worry about the whole reporting me to CPS angle.  

[If you are a parent with kids in activities, how is the best way to get in touch with you?]

40 minutes ago, Heartstrings said:

Is that still a thing though?  I can’t remember the last time I saw a phone planned offered that wasn’t unlimited talk and text.   I didn’t think it was even an option anymore.  
I didn’t have unlimited texts for years, but that was more than a decade ago. 

Totally is still a thing.  If I don't text at all in a given month I don't pay for texting at all (that rarely happens any more).  First text of the month I pay $3 for 100 texts. I have never gone over 100 texts in a month.  I get texts for kids activities and usually a few junk texts.  I think it is fair.

 

[Zero or low waste s/o: interesting article]

I feel like I can't tell if clothing is quality before I buy it.  It isn't like spending more ensures quality.   It is my intention to buy things that will last.  I have three boys, so that is how long kids clothes should last.   For myself clothes are something to wear and nothing more.  So spending money for fashion isn't a thing for me.   

I think the thing that annoys me the most is zippers.  We have had winter coats that were perfectly fine to pass down to the younger brothers, except the zipper is broken.  My jeans & hoodies too, it's always the zipper that ends their life.  Why make a good hard-wearing pair of jeans, and put a crappy zipper in it?  

[Most women who are married are going to end up widows]

My big piece of advice is to have all the important conversations now.  We were a morbid couple, so we talked about under what conditions we would want to live or die.   We want to be organ donors, we want to be cremated, save money on the funeral etc.  It was so comforting to have those decisions already made.  I was able to have a simple funeral without regret. 

We also discussed all our thoughts on raising teens, even though we didn't have any yet.  So I can have a better idea what he would have wanted.

The other thing I would say.  Make sure you have a plan for all the online stuff.  My husband used a super secure password manager, and had not turned on the emergency feature (that would have allowed them to give me access when he died).  When we were first in the hospital, and I thought he would be fine, I cracked a joke about how if he died I would be locked out of everything since I didn't have the master password.  He gave it to me, (I can't stress enough how weird that is).  It was a joke, so I didn't write it down or anything, but I was able to remember it when I needed to.  I am so grateful for that in bad taste joke.  

[Most women who are married are going to end up widows]

39 minutes ago, Kimberly in IN said:

What a timely topic. My husband died 7 months ago today. He left on a business trip and passed away in his hotel room. I also had always thought my husband would outlive me. He was a runner, did at least 3 marathons a year, plus some 13.2s, ate a disciplined, healthy diet, exercised in addition to running. In short, he appeared to be on a much healthier track than me. In fact he ran a half marathon 9 days before he died. But, he died of an undiagnosed heart condition.

I, of course, was so unprepared for his loss and life without him. Our youngest was a senior in high school.

I can't agree more with those who have expressed living in the present, enjoying each other, not sweating the little stuff.

And, of course, make sure you have wills, know where important papers are, and life insurance.

I am sorry for your loss too.  What is it with undiagnosed heart conditions?  Yes I agree with enjoying life in the present.

[Most women who are married are going to end up widows]

A topic for me!  I lost my husband unexpectedly May 2022.  I was completely blindsided.  He was 38 and as far as we knew in good health.  He wasn't like a fitness bro or anything.  But he was able to do a day at the zoo and bike to work and everything.  Anyway he died of congestive heart failure.  It was a week between him  being referred to a cardiologist by our GP (he was having trouble sleeping) to me taking him off life support. 

I am so so glad that I married young, we had a blissful 15 year marriage.  But the idea that it might have to sustain me for 50 or more years, terrifies me.  Because I married young, I had never adulted without him.  It is nice to know I can, I had always wondered.  

Then there is the issue of my kids.  My youngest was 6.  You aren't supposed to lose your daddy when you are 6.  I am learning that having a very involved daddy that loved you for six years, is better than having a bad dad or a dad that abandoned you.  So there is that.  

 

[Have you seen Oppenheimer yet (? On bringing kid)]

I saw it last night, I thought it was quite good.  I didn't take my 13 year old, because I needed him to babysit the younger children.  Also I doubt it would have interested him, and movies are expensive.  If he wanted to watch it, I would allow it.  A group of 20 something boys sat in front of me, and talked extensively about how boring it was on the way out.  

 

As far as the sex angle.  I am a super prude and I don't get the big deal.  It is easy to avert your eyes.  I do it all the time for things that squick me out: road kills, eyeball stuff etc.  If the argument is moral: 1. they are acting, the sex isn't real and 2. the adultery is clearly condemned by the movie.

[I didn't need another thing to make my life harder, AKA paperless billing]

For normal (monthly) bills, they just auto debit from our checking account, or charge to our credit card.  I briefly look at the email statements then archive them.  For more irregular bills like property tax & vehicle registration.  I put a "remember to pay" notice on my (online) calendar well in advance to ensure they get paid even if I happen to miss the notice.  I archive those "thank you for your payment" emails as well.  I agree that medical billing is a nightmare.  I don't have a good system for that.  I hate that you can receive bills months after the procedure.  

[When you were nursing did you eat spicy food?]

Yes, I did, for two reasons.  First, it is my understanding that the mother eating spicy food eases the transition to the toddler eating spicy food.  It seemed to work for our three kids.

Second, I had horrible reflux with my pregnancies.  Being able to eat all the wonderful spicy foods I had avoided was irresistible.  I made my husband get me spicy food in the hospital.  My third pregnancy was particularly bleak.  I am vegetarian, had terrible reflux and gestational diabetes.  There was so little I could eat.  I had a planned c-section, and a planned dream lunch of spicy foods and two desserts.

I will say that if I had a baby with digestive troubles or colic, I would probably try avoiding spicy food (and diary and a lot of things) to see if that helped.

[Life without anxiety?!?]

15 minutes ago, Rosie_0801 said:

What does "relive" mean? Didn't the therapist take you through the incident to some sort of resolution?
(See chapters 6-10 of 'The Tao of Trauma' for what I mean, other than the elemental woo stuff, unless you like that sort of thing.)

I mean that normally I deal with stressors as well as I can and then move on to the next stressful thing.  I guess I feel I resolve the situation well on my own.  What I can't do is prevent the anxiety in the first place.  When I was in therapy I would write down all the things that made me anxious throughout the week, and then I would list them off in therapy.  That would make me anxious all over again.  I dreaded therapy and needed my husband to calm me down afterward.  I genuinely found therapy the most anxiety producing thing in an average week.  I am afraid of really stupid everyday kinds of things, phone calls for example.  It isn't like I had any underlying trauma or anything.  (Obviously that has changed).

I appreciate the book recommendation.  I find books actually helpful, because I engage with them on my own terms.

[Life without anxiety?!?]

To those recommending therapy; its not for me.  I tried weekly therapy for about six months earlier this year.  It didn't help for a variety of reasons.  Mainly that instead of dealing with the anxiety & moving on like I normally would, I would catalogue a list of stressors over the week and then relive them all in rapid succession at therapy.  I have good coping mechanisms.  I know the things aren't actually dangerous, I make myself do the scary things.  But I still feel like I am on a roller-coaster the whole time.  It is a physical sensation.  My therapist actually suggested an SSRI in like the second session, but I wouldn't hear of it.

The kids and I are doing a family grief support group this fall, so hopefully that will be helpful.  

Thanks everyone for the condolences.  I am in the "randomly stick it into conversation" stage of grief.  

[s/o covid smack on face - how many "levels" are there and recovery times? UPDATE - faint line only (it's slowly going away!)]

Our family was really mild.  About 24 hours of fever and about a day of pain and general yuck.  Each of the children were back to their normal school, chores, play the next day.  I woke up with flu-like symptoms, took both Tylenol & Advil and went back to bed until about 3:00.  At that point I did school & chores.  I let the drugs start to wear off & felt unwell during dinner.  I took a bath & more Tylenol, but I still felt too unwell to do after dinner chores or the kids' bedtime routine.  The next day I was back to normal though.  I still three days out have a bit of allergy type symptoms, but I feel fine and my activity levels are normal.

[Life without anxiety?!?]

So I have anxiety, so I am anxious about going to the doctor for anxiety meds.  Humor me, what do I say to get a long term non-addictive anxiety med?  I find it difficult to thread the needle between making clear the med is needed on the one hand (so I am significantly impacted), but on the other hand reassuring the doctor that I am still a fit parent.  So what do I say? 

I have always been a bit anxious.  The past few years, like everyone, I started struggling.  I felt like once the problems of the day passed I would be fine again, but it doesn't look like they are going to pass.  Then seven weeks ago my husband died, and the anxiety became severe.  I don't know if the bereavement helps me or hurts me in my quest to get medicated.  

I went to the doctor a few weeks ago, I told him my anxiety was unmanagable about every two weeks for about 3 days.  He gave me Xanax for those times.  I have taken it for one 2-3 day period (half pills) and it worked well.  I am very concerned about addiction though.  What I really want is my baseline to be better, and to be more resilient so that everyday stresses don't turn me into a mess who has to take Xanax. 

[How do you like love to be shown to you?]

I am also a quality time/conversation.  Also acceptance, if I can feel comfortable to be myself.  I don't do well with touch or gifts.  Acts of service have to actually serve, if they actually make my life easier then I really appreciate them. 

 

I also really like people to explicitly tell me what they want or need.  My husband and I found out early on that we didn't want to do gift giving.  I am so glad that we just discussed that while dating and didn't have the stress years of gift giving would have brought us both.  He told me exactly what he wanted and needed, and I never had to doubt if he felt my love.  That has been such a blessing now that he is dead.  

[s/o You can get birth control online]

To bunny-trail back on the topic of the original thread, I wanted to say thank you so much!  I have wanted to be on birth control pills since forever.  But when I explored the possibility in my teens and 20s, I was told the gynecological exam was required.  Since I would rather die horribly than submit to the exam, I suffered for 25 years.  I ordered bc pills the day I saw this post and am giddy with hope that I may never have to suffer "female problems" again.