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twoforjoy

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Everything posted by twoforjoy

  1. I'd probably start by taking a deep breath and assessing how bad things really are. I'm having a "My house is a complete disaster!" moment but, realistically, I know that if I spend 5 or 10 minutes in each room, I'll have it in good shape. Certain things, like an unmade bed or a box of toys spilled on the floor, make me feel like the house is a total disaster, even though those things would only take 5 minutes for me to do. If the house were a genuine disaster, I'd first do the things that I know would give me some immediate gratification: making beds, clearing off dressers and tables, doing the dishes, throwing anything on the floor into a basket, maybe scrubbing out the toilet. Then, once I could focus, I'd make a very detailed, room-by-room list of everything that needed to be done. Then I'd start tackling it, starting with the stuff I most dislike doing, and cross each thing off as I went (because I like doing that, and it makes me feel like I'm making progress).
  2. If she was thin and sitting around all day, would that be fine with you? If she was very active but still overweight, would that be okay? I'd leave weight out of the equation and just make this about activity. I don't think it's very unusual for a kid to not want to spend time playing outside alone. I have tried many times to get my (on-the-thin-side-of-average) DS to play outside alone when he's driving me nuts, and he'll last about three minutes. If I go out with him, or he has friends out, he's good, but he does not enjoy hanging out in the yard alone, and I think it's unrealistic of me to expect him to go run around the yard for half an hour when nobody else is out, even if it would be very nice if he would do that. ;) In terms of physical activity, I try to either take the kids out on a walk each day, have them join me when I do an exercise DVD (which usually involves DS and DD dancing and jumping around, rather than following along, which is fine with me), or I let him play Wii Fit. How much activity do you expect her to be doing each day? I'm just wondering, because putting her in school over this seems a bit drastic, especially given that it's very, very unlikely that she'd have a better attitude toward physical activity or even be more active if she were spending her day in school. If you're running her around for hours each night, I can see why that would wear you out (and not be fun for her). But if you're trying to get her 30-60 minutes of vigorous physical activity each day, I think there are ways to do that that wouldn't be a burden for either of you. I'd think about how much activity you'd want/expect her to have if she was thin. If you are wanting to see her engaging in more activity than that because she's overweight, then maybe that's the issue. Again, I really think the most important thing, for both of you, is separating weight from healthy living, because if you make her getting to a "normal" weight the focus, it's very likely you'll both end up exhausted, frustrated, and hating making time for physical activity. If you focus on daily physical activity for the positive benefits (increased energy, better mood, etc.) that come from it no matter what your body size, I think it's much more likely you'll both enjoy it and that your daughter will make it a part of her lifestyle for the long-term.
  3. My DS has a tendency to be a complainer. We add a few things to a gratitude list each morning before we start school. And, when he complains about something (or someone, particularly his little sister), I have him say three things about that thing/person that he appreciates.
  4. I haven't seen it, but I like Malcolm Jamal Warner (I really liked him in Jeremiah), so I'll have to check it out. Would kids like it?
  5. Yoga pants, a t-shirt, and no make-up does make me feel good, though. ;) I have a feeling that my definition of "dressed" is different from FlyLady's. Especially since, makeup-wise, the last time I put on anything more than lip gloss was, I think, my sister's wedding about eight years ago.
  6. I generally start the day in yoga pants or sweats and a t-shirt, sneakers, and a good bra. Then, after I exercise and clean, I shower. I do need shoes and a good bra, though, otherwise I just want to lounge around.
  7. I really don't think stuff like this is, in general, an attempt to "lure" kids. I think it's just people trying to use non-porn-sounding URLs for porn. I don't have any filters on my computer, but pretty much never come across porn. I don't click on links that I'm not pretty sure are legit. If I were looking up info on Justin Bieber, for example, I'd go to the Wikipedia link, rather than something that looked like a fan site. The internet has loads of porn on it. I wouldn't be surprised if porn is most looked-at thing on the internet. So, I assume that, if my search terms could bring up something pornographic, they will. I try to define my search in a way that won't, only use links that I can tell are legitimate, and don't let DS use Google without adult supervision.
  8. I have a friend whose mother developed early-onset Alzheimer's when he was in his early teens. His family kept her at home as long as they could, but eventually had to get her into an in-patient facility, because she'd wander off. They did their best--they never left her home alone--but sometimes people have to use the bathroom, sometimes they have to check the oven, sometimes they have to turn their back for a moment, and short of restraining her, they just could not keep her from wandering off. I'm really not inclined to judge, especially since I've never been in that situation. I hope that the family is able to get some help in figuring out how to keep him from taking off.
  9. I think we need a movement to reclaim frumpiness, the way that geekiness has been reclaimed. I'm tired of "frumpy" being this thing that all mothers (or at least all mothers over about 30--and probably all women, mother or not, once they hit middle age) are constantly threatened with being, if they don't conform to certain cultural beauty standards. I think we need to stop calling other women "frumpy" as an insult, stop worrying about whether we look frumpy, and rejoice in the aspects of frumpiness that we enjoy (like wearing "mom jeans" or having last decade's hairstyle or even wearing denim jumpers, if that's what we like). We need to have some "frumpy chic" so that, if somebody does call you frumpy, you can just say, "Yeah. And so?" :tongue_smilie: Nobody has called me frumpy today. Or ever, but I think that's just because I'm not quite old enough. I'm just tired of "frumpy" being held out as the worst thing that a woman can be.
  10. Except then it kind of sounds like you're trying to see if they're up to fathering the next one. :lol: Honestly, though, I think most people are just trying, in a very awkward way, to make conversation, and probably polite conversation. When I was pregnant with the new baby, I got a few "Don't you know how that happens?" comments, probably because DD was still a baby. I would just smile and say something like, "Yeah, they are going to be close in age." Nobody ever followed up with a nasty comment. I'm sure it gets frustrating, but I do think most people mean well. Or are so oblivious that they wouldn't be able to correctly interpret a witty response.
  11. I've heard proponents of veganism say that there are no fat vegans. That is not true. There are fat vegans. I know some. (And they aren't "chips and candy" vegans; they eat healthy, whole-food vegan diets.) Now, I'm not saying they aren't healthy. I don't equate weight and health. They may indeed be extremely healthy. And, thin vegans may be really unhealthy. I don't know. But, veganism isn't a cure for obesity, and the existence of fat vegans proves that.
  12. In general, I think you can come up with 550 words on almost any topic without having to resort to BS. You may need to tweak your argument or wrestle with the topic a bit more, but I'd be hard-pressed to think of a question or topic that it wouldn't be possible to generate 550 good words about.
  13. I'm sorry that happened. I sometimes think I wouldn't mind if somebody stole my identity, assuming my student loans went with it. ;)
  14. That's how you work cultural differences to your advantage. ;)
  15. I do only conditioner, and have for about 2 or 3 years now. I "wash" my hair with conditioner (really scrubbing in into my hair and scalp, then rinsing it out) about twice a week. Other days I just rinse it through with water, then put conditioner on at the end. I have had NO complaints about my hair being gross or smelly (and DH would tell me!) and it's in better shape than it's ever been. I've finally been able to grow it long, which I could never do before. I have extremely, extremely dry hair, though. Even with only using conditioner on it, it still gets dried out pretty easily. If I didn't have such dry hair, I'm not sure if conditioner-only would work nearly as well. I asked about kids' hair the other day, because I'm tempted to go no-poo with my DD, but I'm not sure. She also has very curly, very dry hair, but it's also really fine. Plus, she's 1-1/2, so she's always doing stuff like rubbing food in her hair. Conditioner-only seems to provide enough cleansing for my hair, since it's so dry and I'm not like rubbing peanut butter into it at lunchtime, but I'm not sure if it would be enough for DD. But, yeah, I've had fabulous luck with conditioner-only. My hair looks good, and it's also really cheap, which is a plus. I really like Tresemme conditioners, either the curl moisturizing one or the extra moisturizing one. One bottle lasts me about 3 weeks or so (maybe 4--I don't really keep track). I also use some gel if I'm wearing my hair down. But that's pretty much it. I used to spend a lot more because I'd get anti-frizz stuff to basically try to put back the oil I'd strip away washing it (and it never worked well). The first couple of weeks I did feel a little itchy, but once I got past that, I've had no problems.
  16. I said once a week, although it's probably more like 1-2 times a month. I generally don't have more than one drink. Most of the time I'll have half a glass of wine or half a beer. On occasion I might have two drinks, but two drinks and I'm quite tipsy. I've never had more than two drinks at a sitting. My husband thinks it bizarre that I've never been drunk. I have issues with feeling out of control, though, so being drunk just seems incredibly unappealing and a bit scary to me.
  17. I really don't play much with my kids. I read to them, I joke with them, I'll sometimes blow bubbles or kick a ball around in the yard with them, and when they're old enough, I'll play the occasional board game, but that's about it. With DD, I'll often play for a few minutes to get her started doing something (like play with the blocks with her for a short time so she starts playing with them) but then she's on her own. I used to have tons of guilt about this. I felt like I was doing something wrong because I didn't spend a lot of time playing. It was especially difficult because DS is an incredibly social kid, and was an only child until he was almost 6. He wanted me to play with him all day. I could spend an hour or two playing with him and it wouldn't be enough and he'd still whine and cry for me to play with him more. I was miserable, because I was spending way more time sitting on the floor pushing cars around than made me feel fulfilled or productive, and he was still not happy. At a certain point I realized that it wasn't that abnormal to not spend all day playing, and I started encouraging DS to play alone much more, and it worked out much better for both of us.
  18. I do think it's the norm. I would assume that the majority of people on food stamps who have a nice car or nice clothes either 1) received the item as a gift, 2) bought the item before they fell on hard times, or 3) are poor but may have gotten those items in shady/illegal ways. I would assume that only a tiny minority of those people were actually rich folk perpetrating food stamp fraud. Because, why bother? I mean that quite seriously. Why would somebody who was doing just fine financially go through all the effort of food stamp fraud just to have a couple of hundred dollars of grocery money--which they can only spend on groceries--each month? I qualify for WIC; I don't get it because we don't need it and, quite frankly, it's enough of a hassle that I don't feel like dealing with it. I think that situation is far more likely--that people qualify for FS but don't bother to get them because they are scraping by okay and don't want to deal with the hassle--than people who have enough money to buy new cars and designer clothes scamming the system. Does fraud happen? I'm sure. But, honestly, I don't think food stamp fraud is a widespread problem. I've seen no evidence to indicate that it is. To the extent that it does happen, I honestly don't think it's well-off people illegally getting them; I think it's far more likely misuse of the stamps, and people trading them for cash. I was once approached by a man in the grocery store who offered me a $15 EBT card if I'd give him $10 cash. (I obviously turned him down.) He appeared to be homeless, addicted, and/or mentally ill (very likely all three), and I'm assuming he was trying to sell his food stamps so that he could buy alcohol or drugs. But, I see no reason to assume that he didn't actually qualify for food stamps, and every reason to assume that he did. Misuse of food stamps is probably the larger issue, fraud-wise.
  19. I said once per day, but mostly that's about "lazy." I do have a tendency to be lazy. It's not like I'm thinking "I am a horrible, lazy person" but more "Rather than being lazy and messing around on the computer right now, I really need to get up and do what needs to be done." And I think I'm fat, but that's okay. I don't think fat is a bad thing. More like, I'm tall, I've got brown hair, and I'm fat. Just neutral ways to describe people.
  20. That's a good point, but if I told my kids not to get in the car with somebody who was drinking, I'd more be thinking of peers. When my kids are teens, I will NOT when they driving with a peer who's had even one drink. For one thing, it's illegal, since teens aren't allowed to drink at all. For another, teens are already at a much higher risk while driving and likely have lower alcohol tolerance, so there's a much greater chance of even one drink affecting their driving. But, I would at the same time want them to be respectful of adults and of cultural differences. If they were at a dinner where the adults had a glass of wine with dinner, I would want them to not have a scene about one of those adults driving them home. I'd certainly be okay with them having a scene if one of the adults had several drinks or was obviously drunk, but even though we don't drink regularly here (we'll have a glass of wine or a beer with dinner once or twice a month, at most), I think they should understand that it is common in many cultures and not something to get upset about.
  21. This. I personally don't drink at all when I'm driving. I have very, very low tolerance, and I get tispy after about half a glass. I wouldn't be comfortable driving if I'd had more than a few sips to drink. My husband is 6'5" and has normal tolerance. He can have two drinks and be fine, although he doesn't have more than one drink if he's driving. I have no concerns about him driving when he's had a drink.
  22. Upon reading the thread, I agree it's probably cultural differences at work.
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