cave canem
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Posts posted by cave canem
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On 12/14/2018 at 11:59 AM, Arcadia said:
My friend was responsible for half her ex-husband’s debt that he mostly incurred from extramarital relationships. The debt was what finally pushed my friend to give up and file for divorce, no domestic violence in her case, just a guy who treat her as an ATM. That’s in California.
Thank you for mentioning this. I hadn't known this.
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I thought the presence of asbestos was common knowledge. I remember avoiding baby powder for my babies in the 90s for this reason.
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My child’s college friend is from the other side of the globe and has little relationship with family. She married in the US a year ago. She called last night from my child’s dorm room after being thrown out of her apartment by her husband. He withheld her phone, computer, and documents. It has been a very rocky year, and she is asking me for advice. She does not think it is realistic to hope for lasting reconciliation. The situation includes substance abuse and extramarital relationships. He has refused to participate in counseling.
Most of our discussion focused on things she needs to do in the very near term to stay safe and recover essential property. We talked more generally about some intermediate and long term matters.
Since she is a recent college grad with her own job, her own money in her own account, no kids, no real property, many of the concerns for our WTM boardies and their friends are not in play. What are important steps for her? Is it important to take legal action right away?
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I never looked into the requirements of the law, but I have a data point of experience. We have a child that declined insurance offered by her full-time employer and continues to use our insurance.
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22 hours ago, SquirrellyMama said:
I once said something not nice about a person to a friend. I apologized to the person I talked about, and it didn't go well.
I also had a friend apologize to me about something she said about me, and I can't say that I trust her as much as I used to.
I recognize that the fallout from confessing a wrong toward someone can be long lasting, but I don't know what the alternative should be.
The guilty conscience of the person who did the wrong clutters the friendship. Also, there's nothing preventing a third party from spilling the beans. It seems to me that hearing confession/request for forgiveness is more likely to restore trust than hearing second-hand.
Is there just no way to heal a friendship after this sort of transgression?
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I am talking with a teen who lied to friends about some other teens, some who are known to the friends and some who aren't.
She is going to explain to the friends what the lies were.
It is also incumbent on her to tell the lied-about teens what she said?
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The main character in The Book of Fred by Abby Bardi is a teen girl sent to a foster home after growing up in an isolated cult. The story of her adjustment to and effect on her new environment and eventual reuniting with her FOO is handled in a light and humorous way even though the issues are serious and even dark. I really liked it.
No sex scenes that I can remember but there is some creepy grooming or almost-sex with a cult leader.
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Didn't some members have their post counts zeroed at the reboot?
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Make hay while the sun shines.
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1 hour ago, Michelle Conde said:
What does it mean? And how is ‘aight’ pronounced?
Aight sounds like night without the n. Aight bet expresses agreement or insistence. Bet expresses all manner of agreement.
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2 hours ago, mschickie said:
Her "friend" was sitting at a different side of the table and gave dd a stern look and then pointed at the seat next to her
That doesn't sound like a healthy friendship to me.
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aight bet and, more commonly, just bet
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IIRC, the CommonApp recommendation submission includes the step of checking a box that you understand that the letter will go to all of the applicant's schools and that you affirm that you have not tailored the letter to any particular school.
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I am so ignorant that I don't even know what Armor All is. No leather in this van.
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Thanks for the real-time advice. The first screen on the payment tablet was a "choose-your-tip" menu. The person's card identified him as the owner.
More detailing questions:
Now my van pedals are very slippery, and I can see some sort of oily film, even a little pooling, on other non-carpeted floor surfaces. Should I just try to absorb with a towel, or do I need to apply a solvent? I put a text in to the detailer about it.
We can smell residual chemicals in the house, through the attached garage. It is so strong that when my son got into the van his eyes immediately teared up and we had to go with the windows down (25 F here). Is this typical, or would this likely be different with a different company?
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I tip generously when tipping is a customary part of the transaction, but it seems that tipping is claimed as customary for more services than I thought.
Car detailing is not a service I have much experience with. One school of thought I read online is that tipping is in order if the job was done with extra care, especially with attention to the tricky interior crevice yuck. I don't think I will have a chance to evaluate how much care was expended before I pay.
I also feel awkward asking whether the technician owns the business.
Do you tip the car detail person?
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2 hours ago, chiguirre said:
This comment has been haunting me for the last couple hours. I'm sorry that you're so maxed out but you made the choices that led you to this place. Your 7th grader and your 5th grader didn't. It's not fair to them to make chores be about keeping the household afloat instead of being about learning responsibility for completing a task in a low stakes environment. They may not have realized how far out of the main stream their responsibilities were compared to their same age peers until they spent a lot of time comparing notes with them at school. Now that they know that it's not normal for middle class 12 and 10 yos to have to do laundry or make dinner because their adults can't, they may be feeling less certain about their parents' ability to care for them in the same way their peers are cared for. That's got to be a bit traumatic even if it is probably overdramatic.
Childhood chores are a strong predictor of adult success and happiness. When children know that their chores are not mere make-work tasks but contribute vitally to the household, they have a greater sense of their own competence and value.
Children living with their parents' decisions is the normal order of things. When I was thirteen, because of my parents' decision several years earlier to buy a very old house, I lived in a house with a faulty roof. Because of that decision and perhaps also their decisions not to attend college, to have more than one child, and to value family trips, they couldn't afford to hire roofers. My dad handled the roof, and I was his assistant. I did not experience trauma because my parents literally couldn't keep a roof over my head without my help, even though I never met another kid in my town who had even been on the roof of her house, never mind worked installing a roof. I was long past the age when my parents' caring for me meant my work shouldn't be part of the mix.
Our children have less free time than typical kids here because attending religious services is not the norm. Our children have always had chores--sometimes out of necessity and sometimes just for fairness' sake--unlike many of their middle class peers.
I never heard that discovering different folks doing different strokes caused trauma. I don't see that the skills and attitudes of typical middle class children and young adults recommend keeping up with the Joneses in this regard.
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She's in New England..
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Is your student applying as a music major?
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I realize I didn't really answer your question. If you are going to write a course description, that would already be an addendum to the transcript, so I wouldn't put an addendum to that. Include all of the info that you think is relevant in the description. You will need to decide whether you are counting each ensemble session as a separate course or rolling it all together and how much credit you will award and how you will determine the grade, if any.
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Unless your student is desperate for credits, I would not use music performances as a course. Lessons could appear on-transcript with a description including teacher, any theory work, and repertoire mastered with the teachers.
Selective colleges like extracurricular activities. I think they also don't like everything the student ever has done to be translated onto the transcript. If the college isn't selective, it probably doesn't matter how, or even whether, the music activities appear.
My children had heavy music extracurriculars. The ensembles, camps and private lessons appeared as part of the extracurricular portion of the applications. We never listed repertoire or personnel--mainly the instrument, institution name, hours per week; I think we mentioned tours. They did not submit art supplements.
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My child is considering moving to a new college. The application does not require her high school transcript or scores. Everything is top-tier is except for one score that stinks. Also, the school is not homeschool-friendly.
Should she send the info or not?
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So inspiring! Now I am mulling approaching a dropped old friend.
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I am having trouble keeping up with my own threads about my son. The real issue--or what appears to be--keeps shifting.
I am not concerned about an immediate threat to safety, but someone needs to look at him and make sure nothing more than transient teen stuff is happening.
I do not know how to make this happen if he doesn't want to do it.
Is there a way?
another divorce situation
in The Chat Board
Posted
She has a green card. She wants to stay here.