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aggie96

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Everything posted by aggie96

  1. I don't have any advice about how to pursue a refund. When we have had substandard work done by lawn guys, we have never successfully been refunded any part of the work. However, I wanted to let you know that the type of "French" drain that was installed sounds like what I call a "Texas French drain". We have had three of these installed in my coastal, swampy, clay-laden yard. I have never found a company that will install a traditional French drain. I have repeatedly been told that in our clay soil, the water will not dissipate through the perforations into the soil as designed. Instead the drain ends up holding water and will not move water away from the swampy area correctly. The "other" style "French" drain involves basically a pipe that just moves water away from the swampy area to another area such as the street or gutter. I have had these installed (stupid expensive) 3 times. The swampy area has a pipe opening in the ground with a landscape grate cover (similar to irrigation covers). The outlet at the street has a pop-up cover just like the pool drain and gutter "French" drains. All of my gutters are tied into the same type of system with gutter attached to a pipe that moves water to street with a pop-up at the terminal end. No landscape fabric, no rock, etc. Not sure if this makes you feel better or worse, but it sounds like you got the "french" drain that is typically installed here. I, too, had a different expectation the first time I contracted to have one installed. After much indignation and talking to anyone who would listen, I learned that no one had a real French drain here. Of course, then I was pissed because I think the install price was way too high for a trench and a pipe, but that was another gripe. 😉
  2. First born was both lip and tongue tied. But I didn't know it until she was 8, and the dentist showed me where it was pulling her teeth apart. We clipped both at that point at the dentist. Only then did I make the connection about our horrific and very short run at breastfeeding when she was a newborn. That is interesting about textures because my son has extreme texture issues, and middle daughter has moderate problems with texture. They have not been diagnosed with ties, but I'll be checking out their mouths today. 🙂 Daughter has already had orthodontics, and it was not noted. Also interesting I have always attributed oldest daughter's very straight teeth without ortho to having clipped her. Her permanent teeth just lined right up as they came in after that.
  3. @Happy Camper I just wanted to thank you for reaching out to ask the question. My dad died a year ago, and we are all still dealing with immense grief. Lately, I have just been so worried about my mom and how she is handling everything. I knew from the wise hive that this was "normal" and that everyone just had to deal with it the best they know how. There is no "right" and no timeline. But I REALLY REALLY needed to hear that again today and almost posted. Instead, you did. Thank you. And thank you so much to everyone who has walked the walk for posting again and again about this. Just...thank you.
  4. My own daughter who starts college in the fall has had her sights on becoming and Ob/Gyn for a few years now. She is in a social group for incoming students interested in pursuing the same thing. About half of them (maybe 20-ish) including her have pivoted away from this type of medicine because of the these laws and problems. She is so disenfranchised with this country at this point. It's more than just doctors bailing on their current locations. There will likely be an extreme shortage of future women's doctors as well.
  5. We have always considered a housecleaning service payment as just part of the mortgage payment. In other words, if we can't afford the cleaning, then we can't afford the house. This declaration came from an ugly battle in early days of cohabitating even before kids came along. It's one of the only things to which I have ever absolutely put my foot down. We have used a regular lawn mowing service off and on through the years. We actually enjoy this work, but when time gets short we hire it out. I personally think of all the services out there this one has the best cost value. It takes us ~6 man-hours weekly or biweekly to tend the yard. Or we can pay $40 for someone else to do it. That's about $6 per man-hour to hire out. Cheap cheap. However, the hired guys never do as good a job as we do, but it is perfectly adequate.
  6. DH and I have run our own business for 16.5 years. In the beginning we did not use QB (the name of the software in 2006 escapes me now, part of our ERP system used for what we sell). After about 6 months in business we started applying for a small business loan/LOC. Our Chase banker (a mid-level manager at the time that handled business relations, super smart guy that moved up their ladder very fast) strongly suggested that we convert everything to QB. He told us that he had seen time and again small businesses struggle to be taken financially seriously using "other" stuff for bookkeeping (even though the reports gave the same data). He told us that the IRS, State Comptroller, and banks are incredibly familiar with QB, and in the end it would be much easier on us. Thus began QB for us. When the pricing went up recently, I did the same thing and started looking around, finding nothing cheap or easy, plus transitioning would suck. So I kept us with QB + payroll. I HATE that they raised the stinkin' prices. 😞 BUT when QB made a mistake in our payroll (software glitch that I didn't catch, they did), they were super helpful to work with to fix it. Also, I have now been through 2 state audits and both times the auditors told me the specific reports and parameters form QB that they wanted. Super easy. We only have 2 employees so the payroll module price is stupid, BUT at least I know it's handled correctly and the government people "trusted" the data. Also, I have not ever had to pay for QB support (although I know you can). I have used the community help in the software when needed or just googled "blah blah QB Online". When I did need to contact them (maybe 5 times in all these years), I did the live chat box (free) and then they had me call a couple of those times. Just food for thought and another perspective. Trash it if not helpful. 🙂
  7. I'm so very sorry for your loss. It is comforting (to me) to know that even in strained relationships, there can be a moment of peace.
  8. I have never cooked a turkey for Thanksgiving or Christmas. We only ever order a Greenberg Turkey. It is so incredibly perfect every time. www.gobblegobble.com Even when my mom has cooked a turkey (she is an excellent cook), everyone still wants and misses the Greenberg Turkey. You can order pretty close to the holiday as well which is nice when people will not commit to showing up. It refreezes, too. Turkey paté is divine. Can thaw on countertop so doesn't take of fridge space. Anyhow, a quickie for the turkey/protein. ETA. I should add that this is a smoked turkey that does not require any oven time. Best served room temp.
  9. I'm so very sorry for your loss. You have my sympathies.
  10. I agree with you. I could see all these possibilities coming into play. It's an interesting idea though simply because I would not question a lender denying a sale based on no toilet. Plus, if properties are not being "upgraded" to indoor plumbing/toilet I suspect that also has to do with complacency. When you get used to it, why spend the money or effort even if you could? I personally would take no indoor plumbing over no indoor water any day. Running indoor water is the bare necessity for me. In fact, I am trying to make the argument to the lender that no central heat/air is common in this area semi-rural Texas. But they told me all the comparables had it. I told them that they may LIST central air but that doesn't mean they have it. Plus, once it breaks, many use a window unit. It really is very common in that area. But I was told tough. They could never resell it should the mortgage default. Total BS. We had to jump on this because these properties are going like hotcakes even in the slowing market. Grrrr. WRT renter...if you are having to hide for any reason, then you definitely are just stuck with what you can get. I would NEVER leave my renters without plumbing. BUT renters have not given a second thought to tearing up my property costing thousands of dollars. But I still wouldn't leave them without a toilet.
  11. I am currently trying to buy 12-acre property with a 1100sqft home on it built in 1957. It does not have central heat/air. It does have 2 window AC units that are operable. The lending company will not fund the loan (even though we are putting down larger-than-typical/required down payment and have almost perfect credit scores) without a central heat and air. Fannie Mae requires that the AC/heat be in accordance with the neighborhood (which it is), though the wording is very vague and left up to interpretation. But the lending company will.not.lend without central heat/air no matter how much we argue that there are other equally acceptable options. More appraisals are being ordered, and there is a very real chance that this house cannot be sold without some updates. All that to say that there seems to be a disconnect. I am very surprised that there would be millions of "houses" without indoor plumbing. It seems that they would have to be very old and never been updated. Plus only ever sold in cash, etc. Plus, renting such a place seems weird because there are lots of zoning and tenant laws to prevent that (although I know things can be ignored). In my world, no indoor plumbing is called "camping". You can camp long term or short term, but you are camping. You can have a tent or a camper, or a converted car, but you are camping. I have family members that choose a nomadic life-style full time...camping in a small suv with an extension tent type thing. They also had a roof tent type thing for a while. Now they have a converted big van complete with shower and toilet and kitchen (a gift from their parents). But they are great at thrifting and finding amenities when needed, going without by choice most of the time. The lifestyle is not for me, but do-able and seems smart for saving money or choosing a non-mainstream lifestyle. My own parents wouldn't think twice about letting their children boondock on their property. Their doors are always open to help however they can or have means.
  12. Her family and friends have my deepest sympathies. She was a memorable voice on these boards. I felt like I knew her even if only through an online presence. I am so very thankful she had more time than expected and so very sad she had less time than she deserved. May she rest in peace.
  13. Thinking of everyone in the southeast today. The pictures are so scary, and after Harvey (2017) and Ike (2008), I know it's way worse in person. Words aren't enough. If it has to happen, then may it be quick.
  14. I saw this poem. I thought it was particularly nice. “Phillip came to me today, and said it was time to go. I looked at him and smiled, as i whispered that "I know" I then turned and looked behind me, and seen I was asleep. All my Family were around me, and I could hear them weep. I gently touched each shoulder, with Phillip by my side. Then I turned away and walked, with My Angel guide. Phillip held my hand, as he lead the way, to a world where King's and Queens, are Monarch's every day. I was given a crown to wear or a Halo known by some. The difference is up here, they are worn by everyone. I felt a sense of peace, my reign had seen its end. 70 years I had served my Country, as the peoples friend. Thank you for the years, for all your time and love. Now I am one of two again, in our Palace up above.” Poem borrowed from and written by unknown author It’s certainly the end of an era. Feels strange even though I have no connection to this whatsoever. What a life.
  15. Manufacturing Engineer Biomedical Engineer Accountant (bookkeeper --> CFO) Logistics Company Owner Trucking Company Owner
  16. 2005--a bumbo seat for my first child. It was blue because I didn't want to force pink on her just because she was a girl. Lol! She was 4 months old. 🙂
  17. None, I used to have 1 but we physically moved away from each other 9 years ago, and we are extremely busy people running our own businesses. On the very rare occasions (2 in 9 years) that we've physically seen each other, it's like we never missed a day, but it is so infrequent that it does not count for this discussion. Can't talk to DH about much. It always dissolves into confrontation or disappointment or misunderstanding or a fight or a stand-off etc etc. Perfect case in point. We've been up for 2 hours. We have very, very expensive landscape job being completed today. They arrived with plants. I have repeatedly said over past 2 months what the size of the plants would be. First thing said to me was demanding an explanation on why plants were so "small". What are paying these guys for? Why didn't he know about this? We are getting screwed. Etc. I had just walked into his office that was overlooking the operation to tell him how excited I was that after 2 months, we are finally getting to the exciting part and how gorgeous it'll all look by the end of the day. But nope. Just had to be quiet or else it would blow up like a bomb. And I have no one else to confide in because of the cost and scale of the project that anyone in my life thinks is frivolous (even though it's literally my money I worked/saved for this--not even DH's). Just a benign example. You can imagine how "big" topics go down.
  18. aggie96

    TY

    If anyone doesn't mind sharing, what does a trial separation look like? Who leaves the home? Who pays for what? How are assets protected from vengeance? This sounds good in theory but I cannot wrap my head around what it looks like in practice. I think it would just open up a way for me to get screwed. ETA: Does this get done through a lawyer?
  19. aggie96

    TY

    @lauraw4321 I can't offer any advice except to say, "Me too." Just "me too".
  20. Just to answer, not looking to debate... DH and I reason it like this. At a restaurant, we have a table to ourselves, facing inward to our family, or separated by high-back booths. Almost every restaurant from casual to super fine dining has put more space between tables and raised booth backs, not huge distance or every-other table like when they reopened, but not knocking chairs anymore either. Really the only people outside our family that face us are the servers, usually one except when food is being set down at fine dining. People walking by aren't going face-to-face or even directly angled at us or near us for 1-2 seconds. So we feel OK with this risk. I'm in Texas. Our restaurants were closed for a split second (if at all-I can't remember now), and we ate inside after being vaccinated once. Never got sick. In stores/church/stage-performance we masked. Too many face-to-face interactions, someone facing directly at back of my neck for long periods of time, usually warm/balmy venue, etc. Many times we were scorned, again Texas. In fact one a-hole coughed and coughed on me (seemed on purpose) at a theater performance that we attended to support daughter's bestie (finally got to see each other 12+ months). We were the ONLY people wearing masks in there. And this was when seriously ill numbers were high everywhere. Our masking now is strictly dependent on crowd density, ability to maintain personal space, and what type of crowd/event it is. We no longer mask in stores. DH is vaxxed and boosted. DD's and I are vaxxed. DS is not vaxxed. Obviously, no masks in school, but some kids wear them and seem to be pretty good at putting them on for allergy flare ups and colds (no matter the variety). DS does. My crew has always had personal space issues so we are well-trained to assess crowds long before covid. Just for some more anecdata...7 days after being boosted, DH caught covid. Not sure where because he is the most isolated of us. Then he gave it to me. I was sick to varying degrees for 2 weeks. Stayed in bed 2 days (but could have toughed it out if needed). I've been much sicker with garden-variety colds in the past. And this was no where near as bad as flu. Then DD14 caught it. Very mild. Mostly annoying. She's with us all day homeschooled. Then DS12 caught it. He is only one who ran fever 100.5-101 for 3 days. Lots of snot. Slight cough. Felt tired, but we are all always tired due to our schedules. So it's hard to separate sick-fatigue from ridiculous-school-hours-and-obligation-fatigue. DD16 had a headache. While I was sick, my grandmother dies. We had the funeral graveside. Only 2 elderly couple showed and an elderly pastor. I wore a mask and kept my distance. I was given a really hard time for doing it. Afterwards, I took my mask off because my brother really gave me crap about it. I'm not exactly sorry that he got sick 3 days later. He had high fever and rough lungs (weak lungs already). But he's of the anti-vax crowd. I tried to tell him. I tried to protect him. And my kids did not attend because that meant 4 hours in the car with sick me. Too close for even mask protection. Edited for typos
  21. Yep. Rocking Green products are the stuff of miracles. Saved my washing machine and countless stinky, funky, workout clothes. This stuff handles EVERYTHING! It's not terribly expensive, is found on Amazon, and goes a long way. Now I put a scoop in every load of wash. One bag lasts 2 months. ~85-90 loads of various laundry (delicates, regular, denim, linens, jammies, underthings, etc). It does not build up in the clothes at all. I reduce my concentrated detergent by half also. I use the Rocking Active Wear variety. But they have several on their website for special laundry challenges.
  22. I'm really sorry for all those struggling, too.
  23. Just know you are not alone. I'm in the throws of grief-driven depression that is feeling alot like postpartum depression that I needed medical help to overcome years ago. Only now, I have no medical help, no family (who are all grieving also), more responsibility, an even worse marriage, and kids that can tell (putting lots of pressure on trying to "appear" ok). Plus I need to nurse them through their grief (especially DD16). And my mom through her grief. And my brother through his grief. And take over lots of responsibilities from the deceased. Etc Etc etc etc etc etc... And I finally in desperation reached out to DH an hour ago to just get a hug or sympathy or a reassuring word, or something. Instead I got, we should just hire someone you can supervise to do your job. Great...thanks...not helpful or needed. Through tears (which very out of norm for me) I gently remark that that is not what I meant and I'm left with "wish we could have a grown-up conversation". Yep...I wish we could have a kind one...so here I am. Your post clearly resonated. I'm thankful for that.
  24. Depending on layout, aesthetically pleasing free-standing folding screens could work as a "wall" to screen this room from the other common areas. Or something along that line. Not permanent but separate. Then that becomes a "home office" apart from the common space of the house. The cheap book cases or whatever other organization equipment that DH prefers can be added. You won't need to see it or manage it, and DH has some personal space to do his thing how he needs to. --from someone who has homeschooled and run a DH-co-owned business from home for 16 years in multiple homes with multiple layouts who is currently sitting in her master bedroom at her own desk/office setup that must be carefully curated since she hates clutter but must work and have work-clutter
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