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    Hive Mind Queen Bee

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  1. Thank you to those who answered the (sincere) question (from a place of true lack of knowledge and wanting to know). I love the ideas. Lots of things I had never considered or heard about at all!
  2. Can anyone share their knowledge? It's on our list πŸ™‚
  3. Aside from the fact that I was sincerely asking a question and not making a point... I agree- every kid should do what feels right to them as long as they are really growing as people and growing towards maturity and independence. I suspect personality and family dynamic has SO MUCH to do with that, that there are many varieties of how that can play out not just two, even. (could go away but stays home, and maybe should stay home but goes away, there are also a thousand other possibilities, such as gap year, Peace Corp, Military, delayed graduation, CC-transfer, etc. etc.) πŸ™‚
  4. I am confused, because I was not making any point. At all. In the OP at least. I was just asking how people go about it, what their ideas and experiences were, how it works for them etc. I am a leader in my local community and people come to me with questions about a variety of topics. It's useful for me to really understand all sides of how things can be done, all the options and how that goes about. As an aside, if something happens to change our situation and my dd were to come home or ds back home, I'd still be glad that I had thought about this topic and have useful answers to people. I was not "making a point" somehow that kids can't stretch their wings at home, or learn to be independent, etc. I just want to understand the ways to do that, and also how to get a chance to do those life changing things that are especially exciting that do not happen in one's hometown. I just don't have a lot of experience with young people staying at home in my own family. Myself, brothers, sisters, step brothers and sisters all of my so far grown nieces and nephews on every side, either went to college, enlisted in the military or (what is becoming less and less frequent nowadays due to higher COL), moved out. My family has always been big on grow up and get out and it's worked pretty well all along, so it was a sincere question. The few that have not pushed their kids to grow up and get out had pretty bad experiences...so that's also there. But that was not the crux of my question. It was equally three part. And by stretched I don't just mean learn independence, I really mean get a chance to do amazing things and not feel left out. That's the question I have. "gets a chance to spread their wings and experience new opportunities " I just don't know how a question ended up being thought of as a statement shaming people ??
  5. I'm sorry for misunderstanding!!! Thanks for clarifying! Puffy heart!
  6. Fuzzy, I usually enjoy your comments and your logical way of viewing the world but I feel like you read something into that that I did not say or ...idk...something seems a little off putting about your last post. My kids are leaders in their personalities, at work, healthy responsible and great decision makers. Well thought of EVERYWHERE they go. At work, at school, at community college, at church... My dd was one of only two 15 year olds on staff with an entire team of college age people, running a big customer service situation and handling up to 5K per day in her till. They loved her there and she had "work friends" who all greeted her warmly.... They are just too cozy at home with us, to branch out into clubs and activities here, and the opportunities are sparse for the types of things we are seeing my son has opportunities for, at a huge university setting (or even a medium one)... Maybe I am just not communicating something or maybe I made the mistake of once again sharing specifically when it would have been better to be silent. I feel like it's a bit rude, for you to insinuate that we are looking at a total train wreck or a false start just because our kids enjoy being at home and therefore do not branch out as much while here. And many kids are super social and all into clubs and activities and also have a total train wreck at college, so I cannot see the correlation there at all. People are ready to launch into the college world when they have the responsibility to make right decisions, make their own schedule, choose friends wisely, prioritize their time, keep to a budget, and a schedule, interact with maturity when in disagreement, communicate with teachers, doctors, staff, registrar's office, etc. .... I am fine with not every 18 year old being equal πŸ™‚ Totally agree!! Really we can only do our best to prepare our kids and make the right decisions, and sometimes even the best laid plans have to be reconfigured. It's part of life! How do you know that someone may not make whatever decision they think is perfect and still waste thousands of dollars? It happens. Not the plan, but it happens. Kids also need the chance to go out and try, and not be held back due to parental fears as well.
  7. Neat ideas! Yes, that is her first choice major. She will be applying for GD at some schools (the ones we know will produce connections, internships and marketable degrees) and English at a few safeties (to pursue who knows what probably working in a library but not actually a library science degree)
  8. Just adding that if I had kids that were active "joiners" and leaders, with good friends going in the right direction, as well as the degree they were seeking being available and excellent at the CC, and being part of things as mentioned above, I'd be fine with CC
  9. No, my dd does not want to live at home πŸ™‚ At all. Both of my kids did or will spend a lot of time doing CC before graduating, (my son did two entire full years, my dd will start one class and then her whole senior year) and getting to know the ins and outs of community college, driving independently at 16, they both worked all summer starting at age 15, and they both have their own bank accounts, gas cards, budgets and certain expenses for which they are responsible. They both by age 13 ish their own schedule, choices for when to stay up and go to bed, what to eat etc. (with occasional concerns brought up by me if I see something concerning) BUT I feel they are too comfy here, socially. And that in general the living is easy here even with full time community college....Both of them love us, spend time with us, have very little need for outside friend, clubs, interactions, and social activities, etc. My son had two good friends here which he is still in contact with, and volunteered at church every single week. That's it. (and worked all summer)...My dd is pretty much the same way except she only has like one friend and maybe two acquaintances. They play board games with us, watch movies with us, basically read and hang around the house and enjoy most of our interactions as a family which is great, but to be honest it can actually be overwhelming to me, that they consider me their BFF's all. the. time. πŸ™‚ I really was asking hypothetically, because even if my dd did think it was a good option to stay home and commute to local CC I don't think I'd allow it. she really needs to stretch her wings socially more, and it'll never happen when she's so comfy here with her BFF's in-house. πŸ™‚ She is an INFP so she will never have a gaggle of friends but at least being involved with one or two, and joining one or two clubs out of necessity would be better than just being at home with us all the time when she's not at school or work. πŸ™‚ Also she has absolutely zero desire to stay home because she is just ready, for the independence and change. she loves travel πŸ™‚ (As an aside, I don't think I know any young people here other than college graduated high tech engineers) sharing apartments because the COL is so high. A typical 2 bedroom apartment is about 3.5- 4k per month. πŸ™‚ and Gas is 3.88/gal, taxes are 10% state plus Federal...it goes on and on πŸ™‚ )
  10. If you hypothetically had a kid with a situation where they will go to community college, or straight into the workforce at some job where they hope to move up the ranks, or they will commute to your state school....They worked hard in high school, are good achievers, good SAT scores, and COULD have gone away but it's just better financially or logically more feasible (due to whatever factors not just finances), to stay home and save the money and go local. This may sound like a very First World/Spoiled Middle Class American question BUT : How do you ensure that kid does not feel disappointed and more importantly, gets a chance to spread their wings and experience new opportunities and force themselves to grow and stretch.... Other than PeaceCorps, Missionary Trips, Enlisting, or just taking vacations.... what is the possibilities as far as getting to be away from mom and dad, having more independence, seeing and going somewhere different and new, etc.? I just see my son really growing as an independent young man and a person and taking opportunities and being forced to learn and do things he never would have at home. Not only socially but in so many other ways. Even just going to the ER alone πŸ™‚ Sad as it was, he grew as a person in a way that never would have happened at home.
  11. Agree...and good thoughts....Then that goes back to our many other posts here about the fact that pushing college for everyone has not been a smart move for our country, and is getting to be an even worse move as prices continue to skyrocket. If you aren't within driving distance of a CalState, you are still paying 120k for your education. (since it takes an average of 6 years to graduate now, due to impaction/overcrowding) ...Wouldn't so many of these students be better off in a trade or certificate program? What are we all doing as a country and as parents?
  12. And our kids will graduate with no debt. I’m not disagreeing that being financially Responsible is the best choice. I’m just saying sometimes being financially responsible also means not wasting four years β€” and then what?
  13. Here there are two different state schools, the UCs and the CalStates. The UCs require much higher admission stAndards and are respected and well regarded. With the exception of some programs the CalStates have admission averages of 2.0 high school GPA and 900 SAT score. They take hundreds of thousands of students and aside from STEM here where we live the other jobs have more applicants than spaces available. So when I say state school I don’t mean your flagship state U I mean the run of the mill state colleges which take everyone. I don’t know what the solution or answer is, my point is that none of our Choices are Easy especially outside of STEM
  14. The young pharmacist at my Rite Aid, myself and the Pharm tech were chatting the other day and the pharmacist said she had 300K worth of debt upon graduation. I said, "Do you feel it's worth it, I know being a pharmacist pays well" and she said "No are you kidding? My debt is a burden. It's like 1500 per month, and if I had gone to a state school I would have less than half that debt and the same job. Rite Aid hires pharmacists from Ivy League or UC, it doesn't matter." I felt very sad for her.
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