mommymilkies
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Posts posted by mommymilkies
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I firmly believe in less intervention. Dh still has his-no problems. Same with most of my family. I had my canines removed for braces (small lower jaw-removing caused my jaw to buckle and a gap on top), and later had an infected impacted wisdom tooth and so they removed them on that side at age 24, but not the other side.
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Whoever says no is obviously not a good influence in your life.
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I think it's nice if some of the offerings are okay for sensitive person. The family I know well always bring foods that are allergy free so they don't have to worry about it. It was always matter of fact with the child. You know, "too bad, so sad but here I made your favorite whatever."
:iagree: But not required for the host to accommodate. My children and I have had allergy and intolerance (and vegetarian lol) issues over the years. I bring food we can eat no matter what. I don't ask people to accommodate our issues. First of all, I wouldn't trust ANYone to know how to properly handle allergy protocol. I had very intelligent healthcare workers even insist things like Reese's don't count with peanut issues and stuffing isn't gluten because she didn't add flour.
One year when one of my kids had a birthday at a family member's house by HER request I did insist on no dairy being served as she was very little and didn't understand what she could eat, would eat food like Cheetos off the floor, and had a really really severe reaction. I was promised yes and we showed up to a house full of dairy. Like, cheese dips left out next to our cheese-free alternatives with dairy filled crackers and cheetos and things set at kid-height and where cross contamination was inevitable. I would have had it elsewhere (like I wanted) if they would have been honest with me. So if you say you'll do something, I think it's respectful to follow through. And yes, we went home with a kid with horrific puking, diarrhea, and a bleeding rash on her birthday despite watching her like a hawk the best we could with family passing her around.
Personally, I always work around guest allergies (except cat, not getting rid of those) to the best of my ability. But I do warn them that I will do my *best* but I'm not perfect, so they're welcome to come watch or help me cook if it's an issue. I've had people not tell me their allergies until afterward. Don't do that. Tell me. Seriously. It's no big deal and it makes me feel terrible if you sat through something that causes you pain.
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While I agree that in every instance the children are morally blameless due to their ignorance and the fact that they could not be expected to overcome that ignorance without adult help--with all due respect, ​it is not honoring American Indians to pretend that they gave everything up and that there wasn't a genocide.
When people used to put on blackface, they didn't think they were being unkind. They thought they were honoring black "negro" culture. They were not bad people. Most of the time they had a good intent. They thought black people didn't mind and had plenty of "yes massa"s to bolster their beliefs.
It was still wrong.
That's not true.
You can't make it happy without mocking. You can't tell a lie without mocking. You cannot whitewash it (pun not intended) without mocking. But you can represent without mocking and indeed people do it all the time.
You can make Schindler's List. You can even make La Vita e Bella.
You can't make The Day the Clown Cried.
http://splitsider.com/2012/05/we-laugh-so-we-dont-cry-the-humor-in-holocaust-films/
What is offensive to me is dress-up because it treats the genocide and ongoing discrimination against people of color as if it didn't happen. Imagine a play about WWII in which Japanese Americans are portrayed as happily tidying up their homes to run off to their new homes! But it never mentions that they're running off to internment camps. They're all happy and are saying to soldiers, "Thank you for protecting us!"
That would be horrible.
That's why Pilgrims and Indians were friends plays are horrible.
Not because it represents Native Americans, but because it's a lie that is perpetuated to gloss over the genocide that literally allowed the colonization of the continent, and which affects the lives of those people to this very day.
:iagree:
There is a culture of outrage because of things that actually happened. Actual killings of hundreds of thousands of people to clear land. Actual genocide of the Jewish people in Europe. Actual genocide of the Kurds in Turkey. Actual movement of Japanese Americans to internment camps. Actual killings of thousands and hundreds of thousands and millions of people. Actual enslavement of millions of Africans by Europeans and colonists.
Why wouldn't anyone be angry about that? I guess if it's like, historical data to you, yeah, you can get over it. But that includes people in my family. Including Germans who walked all the way across Germany to escape the Russian advancing forces which then occupied East Germany for decades.
There are signs all over the former USSR: Nechto zabyto, nikto zabyt. Nothing is forgotten, nobody is forgotten.
It honors the millions of Russians who died when Germany attacked. They aren't leaving their culture of outrage.
This is not a brown-person hating-on-whites thing.
This is what human beings do when they have been harmed especially on a genetic scale, on the scale of a people.
This is not manufactured hurt. It is real. And you are pretending it's about feelings.
It's not about feelings, it's about thousands of dead Indians and not being a jerk about it.
:iagree: :iagree:
Serious question: for those that are horribly offended by this, what percentage of your ancestry is native american?
Do you want my genetic DNA? Because FWIW, those tests are inaccurate because of the lack of enough samples from tribal peoples. ;) But yes, I have done my genealogy and DNA and while I have some NA descent (Powhatan Algonkian), it doesn't even matter. It's not ok to characterize an entire living breathing surviving group of a genocide.
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I saw that article and found it encouraging for those of us with a little extra that won't.go.away. Frustrated that this is yet another story that shows that science is never done... but those that question scientific findings, and gov't policy based on those findings, are constantly vilified. (good fat/bad fat, climate change, etc.)
I thought the last sentence was the most telling:
<quote>Maybe the real paradox here lies in our assumptions about what constitutes normal weight.</q>
I hope this positively affects those whose insurance companies charge them higher premiums based on weight and BMI
This. A million times this. When I was underweight (115 lbs soaking wet with ribs poking out at 5'5"), I went to a gym to work on leg strength for my bad knee. The trainer was insistent that I lose more weight since my hips were so big. I'm a pear shape. I have tiny little kid wrists (where they take frame size), a smaller waist, and a big ole bottom even when I'm in starvation mode. It really hurt me to be told that. I was trying to *gain* weight because I felt ill and frail. There is no one size fits all chart.
Of course now I need to drop 30 lbs, so I'd hate to hear what they'd tell me now. I just can not lose it no matter what I do.
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Actually, this these people being late is not inevitable. If you ask around, you will quickly learn which medical people in your area run offices that are routinely on-time (go to those people and be super nice to their front people, because they are the ones who make it happen). Same thing with tradespeople. There is no reason that they need to be routinely late. If you ask around, you can find people with a rep for being on-time. Some of them even give an on-time guarantee. As for kids lessons, if my kids lessons routinely started behind, I would ticked off and talking to the teacher about it. There is just no reason for anyone to be routinely late. Yes, of course things happen. I think everyone understands that. But those who are routinely late are that way by choice, because they believe that their time is more important than everyone else's.
I've even worked in medical offices and never heard of this! I've also never once been called back less than 15 minutes post-appointment despite the fact that I am always early. Always. Delays happen and some professionals are just completely inconsiderate of patient time.
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I always always always leave with at least 10-30 minutes to spare.
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Cytotec has been studied and shown to be quite dangerous. Even with a loss, I would not allow it but opt for ROM and pitocin. I am very very sorry. :(
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Well, I'm not having notifications or anything I *know* I recently wrote and responded to show up in notifications or my content. I feel bad because it makes it look like I'm ignoring people! I have to google it and hope it comes up.
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It entirely depends on the terrain, company (little kids take like 5x the time to walk a distance), and weather. Where we are now, it's a lot steeper terrain, and colder, so 1 mile is far to me. Back in IL we would walk like 5 miles and barely bat an eye.
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Not only did I discover the world misopedia today ( hatred of children ) but apparently the anti-breeder lot are called antinatalists. Who knew ? Not me. Taken to the extreme, there exist antinatalist groups such as the Voluntary Human Extinction movement.
I always wonder why these people don't start with themselves if their prerogative is just extinction. It also makes me wish for stricter gun control laws because if you're pro-extinction, it makes me question how far you'll take that.
I ignore those who carry on about the ecological selfishness of breeders, unless they have made adequate adjustments to their own lifestyles - you know, no o/s flights, no car - that sort of thing. If they haven't, they are hypocrites of the first order. If they have, good luck to them, and maybe they could consider putting all that righteous energy into things that actually work to reduce world birth rates - education for girls, and access to contraception being the most effective.
:iagree: And let's not forget that drastically falling population rates can actually cripple economies and society. The people who want the world to be void of humans seem to forget that they'll need younger populations to wipe their butts and give them prescriptions when they're old or ill. It is just ridiculous to me.
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Anyone want to chat about what they have made/are making? I dabble mostly in 18th century costume making, but I've been wanting to branch out more. Does anyone do this with their kids? My oldest is a dedicated costumer, too. We try to work some into our history studies. :)
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Yeah, I mean morally blameworthy.
I guess I don't see myself as a praiseworthy person. I know just how horrible my impact is on the earth and what the IS is doing.
I know who is suffering due to my eating meat several times a week, which lands are being farmed to dust.
I know who is suffering from oil wars and getting on boats so I can ferry one not child around to chess lessons.
I'm selfish in a bad way.
It is less selfish to live a life of a single person, all else being equal. But if you then spend that on a lavish, fuel-guzzling lifestyle while wars wage in the oil lands and eat more meat And use your wealth to fuel conspicuous consumption of electronics needing rare metals, that's ALSO selfish.
Everybody does it but it's not different because of that.
I guess we will have to disagree on what selfish means. I am raising kids I love and who love and care for the earth and who will hopefully make it a better place. I don't see that as selfish. I see raising kids just to tote them around as accessories to be selfish as you are not thinking about them or the world. I guess if you think the only morally appropriate answer to life is to live a life of stark asceticism, then you should probably not be on the internet using the resources (oil, gas, nuclear, rare minerals). This is the modern world. We can try to do better, but pointing fingers at who is most selfish like it's some sort of competition doesn't help anything. It's some sort of jacked up elitist argumentation.
ETA: The only time I see this argumentation is in some sort of one upmanship about how wrong someone else is because you obviously care for the earth more. It's bull hockey. Totally. Are you out there helping find alternatives and voting with your conscience and doing better or are you posturing yourself as great? We are humans. We are animals. We are of this earth. The earth will be there even when we're gone (for at least a few billion years). It's pretty good at taking care of things that hurt it. I do not see it as selfish to be alive or to have children, but individual actions may be selfish.
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Thanks for the recommendations!
My grandpa used to get the Nat'l Geographic magazines. I've got a small collection of those on my shelf. I don't make those school reading (yet...but I might). The kids enjoy them. It's geography/science/history/anthroplogy all in one. Pre-read them. They are written for an adult audience, and there is nudity and mention of some traumatic things in various articles. You know your kids what they are ready for.
We had a huge collection but had to donate them when we just moved. :(
I was thinking of reading The Book of Marvels aloud with the boy. I don't have modern books to recomend but there is woman that was following his travels and blogging about it. I think her trip has been interrupted but I loved her blog, called Uneven Tenor.
Ohhhh very cool!
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Your dentist sounds great! I had a NURSE do that once when we were at the office. Didn't realize we homeschooled. It was so absurdly inappropriate.
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Leaving aside for the moment every single generation has blamed the degradation of the world on the generation behind them, ignoring the idea that the generation before them accused them of the same thing, the poster suggested a generation and a half has been raised to be somewhat narcissistic and think the world revolves around them. This isn't about delivery of a joke, or about sharing the humor. It's about identifying young people as narcissistic, egotistic, and clueless. Ironically, it's about identifying young adults as being, dare I say, awful. ;-)
I agree. This is *certainly* not a "young person" thing to me. In fact, I get the most of the above sentiment from people my own age or slightly older. I've been around two groups of college aged kids in the past week who were super cool about kids and talking about how they want to homeschool and travel with kids before they even knew I had kids or homeschooled. :thumbup1:
I think it's the delivery. If someone like Chris Rock said it, I might laugh. This guy comes across as, "I'm a socialite and I don't have time for kids. Ick, get them away."
Ok, I actually like Whine About It. That one didn't bug me in the "kids are awful" thing. He's a comedian. That's very different to me than very real outrage about kids being, dare I say, kids. Sometimes we need to laugh at ourselves like that, though I draw the line on things intending to actually hurt feelings or actually put down any part of the population.
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I didn't mean that mothering the dog itself was necessarily absurd (though, I think she takes it a little far sometimes, at one point her house was absolutely FULL of animals). I understand that a lot of infertile women pour out their mothering instinct elsewhere, often into animals and that's fairly natural.
I should have been more specific, that what I find absurd about my sisters situation is that she claims to have no mothering instinct at all, while pouring it into her dog, rather than acknowledging she is using the dog as a substitute for a baby. And when she tells me how much better her dog is than my kids, and expects him to get similar treatment. I have turned that around to my benefit though, she wants him to be treated the same as the children? Then he gets safety-gated out of the kitchen too! lol. Funnily enough, she actually completely accepted that as equal treatment, and now I don't keep tripping over a hyper overly-yappy dog. But then we hit the behaviour issue, her dog is her spoilt-rotten child. So it comes to my house and terrorized my cats. I can't say 'leave the dog home' since it's her baby, and she finds his terrorizing of my cats funny since my cats are just pets and her dog is her baby, so they're on totally different levels to her (remember the "proudly a b****" thing? That's the response I tend to get if I complain about the double standard, some 'authenticity' there). I can't tell her dog off any more than she can tell my children off because he's her baby. And I don't want to stop inviting her as one of the few relatives I have who actually speaks to me. So we have to lock our cats away for their safety, and pray the dog doesn't have fleas that week (fleas are a big issue in my area at the beginning of summer, it's not her fault, but bringing a dog with fleas into a house with crawling babies and indoor-only cats is.). It was worse when the baby was terrified of the big fluffy overexcited 'monster' and would refuse to be put down when he was there.
Yeah, there might be some grudges that contributed to the negative attitude to dog-babies, because when combined with the attitude of being child-free, dog-babies become superior to human-babies in SOME peoples minds, and it gets messy for the human-baby parents. I'm terrified that dog is going to playfully bite one of my little ones one day because it gets worked up and half-psychotic, behaviour my sister views as 'cute'. I kind of view it like the toddler who hits other kids at playgroup with the mother who thinks 'thats just what boys do'.
Point is, I suspect that a dog-baby owned by an infertile woman who likes and wanted children will probably be treated differently to a dog-baby owned by a rabidly child-free person who believes their dog is better than any baby, and that's who I was referring to in the absurdity.
I understand what you're saying. Some people also have kids and treat their pets better than their own children. I'm super super duper cat lady but I know the difference between being a loving and responsible pet owner and crossing the line into what may be mental illness. I know one person who crosses the legal and ethical boundaries with their dog child often, even going so far as to try to take it into the CCU in a purse. I think it's less of a misplaced maternal instinct and more into a mental illness realm for some people. :/
And I certainly don't want to judge others for not having kids. It's none of my business. But I do know a disproportionate number of people who came to regret that decision since I worked in hospice and infertility, so I'm not totally ignorant about the long term effects. As the child of someone who definitely never wanted kids, I think that wish should be respected (though I'm glad that failed for one person in my life so I'm here lol), but I still am allowed to be irritated and saddened when someone feels their valid personal choice gives them a right to harass and insult mine.
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I feel like I see some of this. Not on FB because that's not my friend base, but around town. Thank goodness my neighborhood is entering a new wave of gentrification again. For many years, the whole neighborhood was totally taken over by late 20 and early 30-somethings living in condos and group houses and working on the Hill. Ugh. You can't get a more self-righteous bunch. I mean, individually some of them were perfectly fine. There was a house of them next door for a few years - all World Bank people - they were polite and nice and all. But I know they thought we were a totally different species.
I have zero judgement of not having kids. I'm sure it's hard to be told by everyone in your life that you need to have kids soon or you'll miss your chance. I'm sure some of this is a reaction to that. I try to have some sympathy. However, I also think the world should be friendly to kids and families and I hate when we're closed out of places.
My least favorite thing by far is the people who feel their dogs deserve equal footing with kids. It's always childless people (sometimes young, sometimes older). There was an article here and a well publicized case where a dog owner had the dog off leash in a public open green space. A toddler came running by. Dog bit kid. You can probably guess what dog lovers said, which was basically "Why wasn't the KID on a leash?" Gah! NO! :banghead:
I agree with you. As for society being family friendly-no, not really. If it were, we would have paid parental leave, a lower maternal death rate, and less child poverty & starvation in our society. It's biologically natural for many to question the decision to not have children-it's a biological drive to reproduce. But I have yet to see someone lose their job over their choice to be childfree, meanwhile every day women lose their jobs or pay because they lack support in childrearing in our society. When I worked hospice I heard lots of laments on not spending more time with family or having another/any kids. I never heard a regret over the kids they had, unlike what I have seen from people in my age range. I think in the end there will be some gratefulness and clarity of your decisions. I'm pretty strict about not hanging out with vocally anti-child people. I have five kids, I don't like being insulted or treated like I am an ignorant earth killer.
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I fully support choice in child bearing. I would unfriend people like you see, OP, because our values do not match up and I find it extremely rude and disturbing to mark any part of the population in such nasty terms. It's the attitude and rudeness that I can't stand. So if you're child free by choice, at least have the decency not to insult others and hurt people with infertility. KWIM? I used to work in infertility and many of my patients lamented "waiting too long." It's a risk you take. I think doctors and peers convince people that there will always be later and that infertility treatments are so normal that it's no big deal. That's not true and it hurts people with infertility to hear that it should be "so easy."
Now I will warn you to stay away from news articles about population growth or kids in general because the comments on those always make my stomach turn.
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My poor children have a mother who sews 18th century Robe a l'Anglaise and corsets by hand for fun. Most go to my kids, but I swear one of these days they'll bring a friend home to find me surfing the web dressed in an 1880s bustle. Whatever floats your boat.
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The only place I can afford to travel is somewhere I can hitchhike, too. So while I think that is unsafe, I'd totally get on a plane today to Europe without a second thought as to safety and more than any other trip near to home.
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Well, my 11 calls them Yorkshires for some reason. I blame her watching too much British TV.
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We really love Halliburton's Book of Marvels. But now we're looking for more "living" geography books to read for around the world. Does anyone have any favorites that they've used?
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Lukeion: You will need a LOT of time dedicated, including dedicated computer/internet time for required recorded lessons to watch outside of "class." This became an issue when we were moving and didn't have internet for awhile! They're wonderful, but something to keep in mind. :)
Also, your kid will steal your computer at only the times when you really really need it. So have a back up. ;)
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No secrets allowed??
in The Chat Board
Posted
:iagree: The only ones that can't be kept secret are issues of safety or health. And an adult is never allowed to tell them to keep something secret from parents. Ever. I had one person do that to my kids and when I found out about it...you can imagine. It was a seat belt/car seat secret and you can bet that person will never ever again be alone with my kids.