I love surprises. It doesn’t matter what the surprise is, I love it. Doing a chore or something I’ve been meaning to do even if it’s not perfect? I love it. I’m An acts of service girl so even poorly hung pictures would make me happy. In a year, I would rearrange the room and move the pictures where I want them. Bought me an ugly green sweater that doesn’t fit because you saw it and remembered my favorite color is green and I once bought a sweater? I will happily wear it. I love to surprise my people too, and no one seems to mind. Although I’ve never thrown a surprise party, so not sure how that would go over.

You’ve got this! I hope it goes smoothly!

I think this is what I’ll say when I call. It’s perfect

((( @Ditto)))

I totally agree with this, it is not about communication at all. We haven’t had a two way conversation probably ever in my whole life. It’s all about her You are right. Her calls do annoy me sometimes/ a lot. But I try to never show it, which is why I wait to call her back if I am not in the mood. I’m insulted that she would lead off with “I promise to never call and bother you again” when I go out of my way to be nice. Yes! If she would have talked to me about her needs instead of calling trying to make a pretend deal which was really a thinly veiled demand and acting like I treat her poorly! Unfortunately she doesn’t have a cell phone or access to any internet. She has also been boycotting the post office for several years now. I absolutely agree that I didn’t handle it well, which is one of the reasons I was up all night kicking myself. You guys are amazing. Thank you so much for understanding. I haven’t gotten the nerve to call her yet. Thanks for helping me have a balanced view, I am so hopelessly left of center when it comes to anything dealing with her.

Of course, when I do call and tell her I don’t like her deal, she’ll find a way to make me the bad guy. “All I asked for was one quick phone call a week and you don’t even want to do that. I’m trying to make it as easy on you as I can! Why are you so mean to me, you just want to argue about everything all the time” I think maybe short and sweet is the right way to deal with this. Just tell her my schedules are very chaotic so I want to keep our communicating the way it is. We check in with each other as we are free. If she starts in, I just need to say, having a set time doesn’t work for me and we should just keep it the same and find a way to hang up.

That’s a good point. Maybe I should also suggest she talk to her doctor if she is feeling a lot of anxiety and worry…

She is definitely trying to control something she lost control of a while ago. When I was much younger, she taught me to answer every time she called by calling the police on me when I didn’t answer. She did it twice. For the next 20 odd years, I answered every time she called. If she called and I wasn’t home and she left a message, I would call her back the second I got the message. The first thing she would say was she thought she was going to have to call the police on me, it’s a good thing I called back. She threatened that recently, it seems I remember writing about it on here and @Rosie_0801 was like let her, then when they show up, explain she’s crazy or something like that. That was a light bulb moment for me. I’m tempted to call her when I get a chance and say, the other day when you called, you didn’t seem to be in the mood to listen to my opinion on your deal. I don’t really like this deal. You don’t inconvenience me when you call. If I can talk, I answer, and if I can’t I don’t. My Sundays are very unpredictable. Sometimes ds24 or dd22 come home for the weekend and need driven back. Sometimes we make plans as a family. It seems like it would be more stressful to have to stick to a time than to just call each other when we are free.

I have one too and I like it. I can plug it up on the deck and keep all that heat outside

For the past couple of years, I have really reduced time I spend with my mom. It has been really good for me. I talk to her at least once every couple of weeks on the phone. When she calls, if I feel like talking, I will answer, if I don’t, I won’t. It took me a long time to get there. I used to answer no matter what. If I didn’t answer she would get mad. One day I stopped caring of she got mad. When I started letting her go to voicemail every so often a couple of years ago, she started calling my house phone first and if no one answered, calling my cell phone. After several calls during the day while I was at work that were not urgent or emergencies, I stopped answering unless I was prepared to spend some time. That means, when I do answer, she has my full attention, I don’t need to rush her off the phone. Well, she didn’t like that. So for the last year or so, she will call, then when I answer go into this whole, “I know you are too busy to talk to me, so I just want to tell you xyz and ask how the kids are doing. Tell everyone I love them, bye” If I try to engage with her on the phone, she just steam rolls over me and hangs up, or continually protests “I know you’re busy, I don’t want to bother you, I just wanted to say xyz and hang up,” and not engage in a conversation with me, even if I try to tell her I’m not busy and have time to talk. If I call her, she will talk for a little while, then say “Well I’m sure you are trying to make dinner (or whatever) so I’ll let you go. Even if I say no, I’ve got plenty of time, she will shove me off the phone when she has exhausted all she wants to tell me about. There are never two way conversations. If I try to talk for more than a couple of minutes about anything, even the kids, she will interrupt and change the subject to something she wants to tell me about. These phone calls are all about her, I know it, and I finally got over it. Today she called my cell phone and I answered it. she starts talking and says “I’ve called to make a deal with you.” I’m like a deal? “Yeah, I will never call you and bother you ever again if you agree to call me every Sunday evening.” At this point I’m taken aback. I try to say mom, you do t bother me, I answer when I can talk and I don’t when I can’t. When we talk you aren’t bothering me. She cuts me off and goes on and on about how she will try to call me or my sister and how we are always busy, my sister is always at work, or a game, or put to dinner with her boyfriend. I tried to interject again that she is not inconveniencing me when she calls but she is not listening. She has already prepared what she has to say and it’s not really up for discussion, it’s her telling me what she has decided. She goes on about how she is home every Sunday evening and she will wait for me to call and she will never call me again. At this point I’m really upset and I say but mom, I don’t want you to stop calling me. She says “are you going to agree to this deal or not?!?” And I try one more time and say but mom and she interrupts me and says no, this is the deal. I want to know you and the kids are ok and hear your voice, that is what good moms do. (Like I’m not a mom myself) so you just call me every Sunday evening and at this point I’m really upset and I just say ok because I realized that she isn’t asking me how I feel about her idea, she is telling me her idea and I have to go along with it. Except it’s not ok. It feels like a trap. She will sit next to her phone and wait for me to call, and if I don’t, we’ll I don’t know what will happen. Now I’m all stressed because what if I get busy? What if I plain forget? I know some people have this kind of arrangement, but don’t they both agree on it? I don’t push her off all the time, occasionally I don’t answer, but we never go longer than two weeks, and that’s rare. If I haven’t heard from her in a week or so, I call her. I feel like I’m being villainized for no reason. And I’m aggravated with myself for not getting myself out of this some how and now I can’t sleep. I have to get up and take dh to work in the morning and then go to my job for a staff meeting before the site opens for the season and I am already stressed about that and it’s own story. Like, it shouldn’t be causing me this much anxiety, just call her real quick every Sunday evening and be done. And I guess if she came at me like hey, I had this idea, here’s why I think it would be a good thing etc and we agreed on it together, that would be one thing. But calling me and going at me about how she can’t talk to me whenever she wants, and I’m too busy to talk to her and how she will promise to never call me and bother me again if I do this, just makes me feel bad. And insulted too. I give her all the time she wants, she’s the one acting like I won’t make time for her. And now, somehow, I am caught in a trap, like I now have this new requirement of my time on top of an already stressful time we’re going through. How do I turn this around?

One of the kids on ds’s bowling team is struggling too. His grandmother was telling me me Saturday that she is rationing some of his pills for school days. I don’t know anything about those medics but that seems like it would be unhealthy for sure. I’m sorry your son is going through that

Have they had any trouble with anything? We’ve never owned anything but Ford Focus and fusions

Did you have any concerns? Dh wants me to test drive one with 145,000 miles on it tomorrow

Mine too 🥰

Us either! Was not even on our radar! Appreciate this doctor taking a different approach!

Bil just replied to my text to them with a very sweet response and she was like, yeah, that. So thankful 🙄😆

This new doctor I guess said to him, there is nothing I can do for your other eye. Attempts at making them work together have been unsuccessful. Let’s try a new approach. I’m not sure exactly what the new approach is, and it’s not perfect, but holy cow is it better!

Yeah, she’s an idiot. Dd20 is picking him up from work and she’s excited to ride around with him 😁

Dp

Ok, so maybe not a miracle, but felt like it at the time. Dh had a follow up appointment with a new regular eye doctor. I was sitting in the waiting room. A little after they called him back, the door opened and new doctor (that has nothing to do with the retina) says “what can you see?” And he says “I can see my wife, and she’s beautiful” You All. I do t know what kind of magic this eye doctor has but I tell you what. He still can’t drive, has no depth perception, but you all, he could see my face in the waiting room. We spent the next two hours driving around crying and looking at the scenery and he read every road sign, restaurant sign, billboard sign out loud. I hated to drop him off at work. He couldn’t wait to walk down the hall and just greet people he walked past. We we’re not expecting this at all today. It’s not perfect, but we will TAKE IT. I cannot praise God enough today. This wasn’t even on our radar for today. We just thought we were going to pick up and pay for yet another pair of glasses that barely helped. We are dealing with a whole lot at the moment and this blessing came just in time.

Don’t have time for details now, but thank you!!! An unexpected miracle has happened and I can’t wait til I have time to share!!!! Thank you so much for all your prayers, good thoughts, we’ll wishes, holding us in the light!!! Still have some things, but you can add a mighty praise!!!

Thanks guys. First hurdle successfully cleared

What are the chances, for real. Glad you all are ok!

Asking for prayers for my family on multiple fronts. Thanks