I suggested that to the one talking to me about it, they were reservedly open to it given the others ability to convincingly play the victim card.

Two of my kids have always had a strained relationship. One kid is definitely at fault as everyone can see but them. Therese two kids were both home for the weekend and got into a really big fight. They are in college and come home some weekends and will both be here over the summer. one kid has moved on, the other kid feels like it was the straw that broke the camel’s back and really wants to limit/cut ties. Right now, I am trying to rearrange the house so that the troublesome kid can have their own room for the summer, but other kid has made mumbling about not being able to live together. I am at a loss for what to do. They won’t see each other til Easter. The one kid who is actually talking to me about it is just so hurt and said they would be cordial. The other kid will not engage with me about it. If they both didn’t have to live at home, I would be more inclined to let it play out, but since neither are ready to live independently, I need to broker some kind of peace. Any advice and all prayers welcome. This is one of the things I was asking prayer for but it’s getting worse instead of better.

Can I add that dd19 is home on spring break and is only wearing her hearing aids when she has to to “have a break” and because of this, she is talking so freaking loud all day long. And she missed everyone, so she just talks nonstop ALL DAY. And she is watching tv loud. Listening to music loud. Laughing loud. This morning I finally went into the living room and sweetly told dd19 she was being highly distracting to the two kids trying to do school, can she find something to do. Luckily she was meeting a friend today so was gone a nice chunk. But now she’s back…😆 I have been grossly overstimulated this week coupled with said last nerve and I am struggling you all

I’m in the brain fog “what the heck was I just doing, the two sides of my brain aren’t talking to each other” and the 0-60 rage (usually only when driving and other people are acting dumb). Although for the last two days the “everyone is getting on my LAST nerve” stage is showing it’s face and I even snapped at dh. We never snap at each other. I felt like a jerk Oh, and I’m really thankful for texting right now because I can send cheery sounding texts when really I just want to strangle people

Me too!

Hugs and prayers for you and your family

Aww, that’s tough. As much as I would want to respond, I know the best course of action is to scroll past and roll my eyes. Then I would complain to dh about it. It sounds like your dd handled it well and everyone needs to shake it off and move on. Including the other mother. She may also just be a weirdo that wants the world to know her snowflake is back on the market. 🤷🏼‍♀️

I’m sorry about your brother. We took a couch and love seat from my mom who smoked. She rented an upholstery cleaner and went over it like three times, then we took it. It smelled faintly of smoke for a few months, but the furniture was nice, so we put up with it til it dissipated. Less than 6 months, I would totally try it.

Woo to the Hoo!!!

Oh! The Hardy boys and Nancy drew series from the seventies! 70s Parker Stevenson was my girls first crush 😆 Murdoch Mysteries

My kids love ordering old Alfred Hitchcock movies. We watched “strangers in a train” last night we also like watching Columbo

Mashed potato casserole: casserole dish full of your favorite mashed potatoes, topped with cooked sausage and shredded cheese. Bake to warm everything and melt cheese. My kids love this.

That’s not to say I do t still have visceral knee jerk reactions to her, I almost think even more than I used to. I still have trouble discerning which behaviors are which and how to handle them. I still have a fear reaction to her displeasure (although it is getting better all the time) and I am learning sympathy. But my patience is also at an all time low with her, dh says she has used up her life time allotment of my patience, and it definitely feels like that. The hardest part is that the anxiety behaviors are mixed in with pure jealousness and meanness. Or she goes about expressing her anxiety in an inappropriate way.

Yeah, all of my moms behaviors can’t be traced solely back to anxiety, so I am working on teasing out which behaviors are (deserving of grace) and which are mean, jealous, spiteful behaviors (need to be dealt with directly). The last few years have been a long journey in my own mind and I have a long way to go. But I have been making progress, with how I handle her internally, how I interact with her, and now I’m getting to the point that the true anger at her treatment of me is moving past and I can start to try to figure out what to do from here. I really have run the gamut of “if she died next week I wouldn’t even go to her funeral “ to this is the mom I got. There were some good times sprinkled in, and how do I want her to live in my brain for the rest of my life. Trying to limit contact and make it as positive as possible is where I am now. And when she’s gone, I will be sad for her and the life she was dealt/chose to live, and sad for me and mine at the missed opportunity. One thing I know for sure though is that I have clawed and fought hard to be a different kind of mother. She did teach us some good things along with the bad and I do have some things to be thankful for. That’s what keeps me still trying, even when she figuratively slaps me in the face.

Could be. I would have no way of knowing. I’m pretty sure she’s always been very anxious in some ways that, looking back, explains a lot of behaviors I didn’t understand at the time. Knowing that she struggles with her mental health is why I haven’t done like my brother and just cut her off completely. It feels cruel to do it knowing there is an element she can’t control. But boy is it been a hard row to hoe

We did! Winners of different games got prizes, and then as the big game each person got five ping pong balls to bounce into cups full of prizes. I thought I made the cup with the $5 the hardest cup to win, but all 6 of them managed to get it!

That’s neat, I’ve never heard of those. She doesn’t have a cell phone though. No cell phone and no internet

I can’t! She’s still boycotting the post office! her birthday is coming up, maybe I’ll get her a nice pad and pen to leave by the phone…

This is kind of what happened to me. I’ve lost all contact with extended family.

I think every time she said I don’t want to bug you and your sister, I wonder if she means “ it bugs me when…”

I am afraid the sigh means she’s taking time to reload. I guess she couldn’t think of anything fast enough so threw out there your aunt is dying, bye and hung up the phone. 🙄

Last year we decide with tween to twenty something, we were done doing baskets and egg hunts and did minute to win it games. It was a blast and everyone wants to do it again this year

Well, I called her. She’s not happy, and tried to lay the guilt on, but in the end I basically said I cannot commit to that. I can call when I’m available and you can call whenever you want. She said I don’t respond to voicemails fast enough and it drives her nuts, it drives her crazy when she can’t talk to me when she wants to, and she’s getting older now and if she can’t tell me something when she thinks of it, she’ll lose it 🙄 so I told her write it down and I promised to try to be more timely returning calls. She kept repeatedly saying I don’t want to bug you and your sister, she said it like five times, so when I could get a word in I said firmly “stop saying that, you do not bug me when you call. If I answer it means I have time to talk. If I don’t, I don’t, but you aren’t bugging me.” That stopped the talking for a hot second, then She changed tactic and started in with you and your sister this, you and your sister that and when I could I said “I have no idea what sisters schedule is like, but I know for me, you can call whenever. I will answer when I can and call you back when I can’t. My schedule right now is crazy and I can’t commit to a certain day and time. I stayed super calm and when she realized I wasn’t backing down she said fine, she will be calling me on Sunday evenings before she goes to bed. I said “Ok, and I’ll answer if I can.” She sighed heavily, paused, and told me she thinks my aunt is dying. And she’s going to do what she can for her. Tell everyone I love them, bye and hung up the phone. So. I guess that’s good. It’s ridiculous that I am a grown woman and still get sick at my stomach when I have to go against her. But, progress? I guess I’ll find out the first Sunday I can’t answer. Not sure what to do with that information about my aunt. I haven’t seen or talked to her in years and years because my mother was the gatekeeper and it’s a long story I didn’t figure out for years.

I’m your mother too. 😆

I love surprises. It doesn’t matter what the surprise is, I love it. Doing a chore or something I’ve been meaning to do even if it’s not perfect? I love it. I’m An acts of service girl so even poorly hung pictures would make me happy. In a year, I would rearrange the room and move the pictures where I want them. Bought me an ugly green sweater that doesn’t fit because you saw it and remembered my favorite color is green and I once bought a sweater? I will happily wear it. I love to surprise my people too, and no one seems to mind. Although I’ve never thrown a surprise party, so not sure how that would go over.