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busymom

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  1. You have to try sequential spelling! My dd13 and ds11 both started seq spell 1 after trying the sample from online. She was a horrible speller and he wasn't doing a lot better. It teaches by word patterns solely. I can not believe the improvement and they aren't even finished book 1! She has caught on to what she calls the 'tricks' of spelling. When we were discussing using a boxed curriculum to make life a little easier for me this next year both of them begged to at least keep their spelling program. My ds8, has also been trying to do the spelling program when he gets a chance even though he hasn't finished his phonics program yet. He is so excited because he is catching on to words way above his reading books. It is so simple I didn't think it would work, but when I found a used book for $4.. This next year I am buying it on DVD so they can do spelling on their own, and I can spend that time working with the younger ones in other subjects. By the way, since we are starting from the beginning so late we are doing 1 lesson in the morning and one at the end of the day to move us along quicker. They don't mind at all, and often try to sneak in an extra one to get caught up faster than I planned.
  2. I haven't read through many of the post, but I did want to send over an agreeing growl from a reformed bragger! My first child taught herself to read at age 3, and was talking intelligently about planetary rotaion by 4. Then about 4rth grade... mmm, yah. Life got busy and she stopped caring about school so much. My second child a son didn't learn to read well, until he was 9, and at 11 still doesn't read nearly as well as I would like. I now have an adopted son that I'm convinced will not even be able to wipe his own backside for many more years, and he will be 5 next week! He test out as a 7 year old in the intelligence evaluation, but when I show him letter flash cards he may answer with numbers or shapes, or letters, or even directions! I'm sure alot of it is defiance, but there is definitely some other 'learning' elements in there. I tried not to brag, and a lot of what I said was said from shock and fear. How in the world was I going to homeschool this child? I just knew she would be above my intelligence before middle school! just my 2 cents
  3. Everyone thanks so much for the comments. Momofeight, it really helps hearing your story. I'm due to have my 8th and my biggest fear is that they will try taking my others because of him, or because I can't handle him, or even because of a mark I left on him while trying to hold him down during a rage! (The marks have never been bruises, but one time his arms were really red and I just knew someone had to have called the cops to come rescue the child screaming to death!) Misty we did an elimination diet with him when one of my other ones desperately needed it for medical reasons. Gluten doesn't seem to affect him, but sugars and dyes do seem to increase his fidgeting and picking. My husband is furious with me. We have talked quite a bit about what the therapist said, and how I deal with his first signs of losing control. Unfortunately I must have been the only one in the conversation. Again tonight Jay threw a fit over wanting more food. 1) he had had plenty, and 2) He wasn't chewing by the end, and wasn't completely swallowing before adding more. I think I already mentioned he has a stricture due to TEF, so he can choke easier than other children. I had warned him he was going to lose the rest of his food if he didn't pay better attention. He finished the last few bites okay, but not great. Since I felt he had had enough I said no to seconds. The next child to ask was also told no because we were starting to clean up by then anyway! Meltdown. Dad first yells at him to dry it up. When that doesn't work he told him he could get ready for bed because "I wont listen to it"., I said "dry it up", get quiet before you try to talk to me... 30 seconds pass and Jay brings it down noticably, but is still crying, obviously is not ready for bed and now my husband is trying to reason with him. Jay immediately rachets up a few decibles "but DADDY!" Dh.."I said dry it up!" Stupid me butts in and reminds dh that Jay needs to go lay down until he is under control and gets yelled at that he had got it under control. (really?) Finally after a few more minutes of this battle he tells me I need to deal with him before he gets any more frustrated and does something he shouldn't. Keep in mind, my husband considers smacking a childs mouth full fledged abuse, so I am in no way worried. I come in the room and told him to lay down now. He does with some serious death cries. I told him I was going to count to five so I could calm down with him, and if he screamed again he was going to get hot sauce. (We bought a hot sauce that was not hot at all, but taste horrible. It is the best 'mouth wash' I've ever used! Some of my kids don't really care, but the ones that do say they would prefer to be given a taste of soap or dirt! LOL!) He got louder. As soon as I bent he started kicking. Of course he went right for my very prominent belly. Since he had to spin to get there I'm sure it was an aimed attack. My husband is suddenly by my side and in the fray. It took both of us to hold him down, and yes I gave him the sauce. He is somewhat less enthusiastic about the battle and is now screaming ooow it burns... He is determined the bottle holds real fire. I very quietly (uh-oh) told him I expected him to be completely silent. I didn't want to hear one more word until I got back from changing clothes. If he spoke he would get more sauce, if he was queit I would be willing to listen to what he had to say AFTER I had changed and calmed down. I didn't even turn around before he started in with mommmy. I whiped around and grabbed his chin and in my low furious voice told him his next saucing would be way worse than the first and he had pushed me to far. I then turned him toward the wall and told him to stare at that wall and really think about how he wanted his night to end. I know my husband smacked his butt good when I first got kicked, and at one point when J did what we call his 'demon' scream and I thought I was about to be bit, dh smacked his mouth.. Uh-oh. Yes you shouldn't, and because of dh's childhood he really believes you shouldn't spank/smack anywhere but the backside. Now he feels awful and he thinks I am to quick to discipline, and that I want him to physically abuse J so he can have the control that I have with him. I DON"T! ! ! I don't think it has anything to do with the physical side of it, I simply know that if he would stop giving warnings, and accept that there is no reasoning with him when he is upset that our lives might be somewhat sane on the weekends! I think the main reason J does so well for me during the week is that he doen't have his daddy audience, and I will tell him one time to get it under control, or send him to bed until he is calm and ready to behave. If he tells me no or starts with that scream face I immediately spank/sauce or put him in a corner. I find I do much better to react quickly before I have time to get mad and before he gets any steam built up. Sorry, I'm really rambling, but I've lain here all night wondering if our 14 year marriage can survive this child. He has been really good for 5 days, enough so that I was beginning to hope with the right therapy and tactics that he may have a chance with us. We don't believe in divorce, but I'm beginning to wonder if he feels so strongly about a seperation. I want to look forward to when he is able to be home, but the last month or two I dread it. The difference in J is amazing. He's not an angel when it is just me, but there haven't been nearly as many rages when dh isn't here. Thanks for listening, even if you just skimmed :). We go back to the therapist in a little over a week, but she is bound and determined he doesn't need institutionalized. Even said violence isn't a core part of who he is. I don't care if it is a core part, violence that isn't core still hurts people! I halfway think I shoud just let him go the next time he attacks me, and after I have few really good bruises get a few pictures. I would prefer it be me than one of the kids who gets hurt, and maybe it would get more attention than just having violence be a 'concern." Night all
  4. I'll pitch in on Phonics Pathways since I've used it to teach 2 and have 3 more using it right now. My first 2 children had no challenges to work through other than one being a stubborn boy who just didn't have any interest. #3 who we thought might be dyslexic has gone fairly slowly through it, but in the last months has gotten things figured out and is now sailing though. We are also sure he isn't dyslexic now. Before we even get going in the book we make very simple flash cards of the letters, and do drills as soon as they are able to identify most of the letters most of the time. I show them the card, and they give me the name. I make a pile of the cards they know and the ones they don't. The goal is simply to make the ones known a bigger pile than the ones they don't. We also used young childs stuffed animal vs. big sis's, and finally I told dd she could help make chocolate pudding for desert if she got every letter right. That really motivated her and in a day or two had those last few tricky ones down. Now we are doing it using their sounds instead of names. The next one up on the totem pole has her own set of flash cards that she has almost wore out playing with. She spells words and alphabetizes them without any direction from me, it is simply a game for her. I decided not to turn it into a lesson because I don't want to somehow take the fun out of it for her. In fact she asked for a second set last week so she can make bigger words! LOL!
  5. Just got off the phone with his Psych dr. She said if we had went through an agency we would have had more support, but because this was a private adoption through an attorney it makes the process a little harder. He has to go to another therapist, and that therapist has to try behavior modification techniques until she is convinced there is nothing left to do for him. Only after she has done all she can and is convinced he is a danger to this house will they consider institutionalized care. I of course asked if one of us had to be seriously injured before they claimed him as a danger. She didn't have an answer to that. She feels bad for us, but said it wasn't going to be a quick fix, and she wishes I had more support during the adoption process as it could have helped me be more prepared. I don't think I ever woud have been prepared. They don't want to mess with his meds until the behaviorist sees him tomorrow and gets her say..no biggie I understand that. They said they will start looking for respite care in case he is aggressive towards the newborn, or if my husband has to leave town again soon after the baby is born. They want me to have time to get my energy back before being the only adult to supervise his behavior. I appreciate that, but feel like that is such a minor bit of help. If I send him to respite it just gets worse afterwards so I hesitate to use it frequently. She said they would be very selective about who got him, and make sure he only went somewhere that understood how manipulative these kids could be. Ugghh I'll have more to report tomorrow I'm sure. Jen
  6. thank you so much! I really needed to have someone understand and not make me feel any more guilty! People around us try to understand, but they keep saying to be more firm, loving, understanding... They keep saying surely it can't be that bad, maybe you just need a break. Yet when I need someone to babysit everyone says they aren't sure they can handle it. Really though I don't want to pass him off because I would feel horrible if he hurt someone, and the time of getting even that he dishes out negates any benefits of a brief break. I tend to do better to suffer through than to try and deal with the ups and downs. That is what has been the hardest in all of this. He can be so wonderful for days on end and then he goes psycho, and I am completely thrown. It takes days for me to start feeling 'loving' towards him, but I get so angry and frustrated at the hint of misbehavior. I know it isn't right, and I try not to let it happen that way, but I am at the point where I just want him moved before we suffer anymore. I have even begun to wonder if I may be a danger to him! I am not a violent person, but when he started swinging on me, and the next day I came home to find out he attacked my oldest daughter I wanted so bad to return the favor and see if he still thought violence was fun. That is an evil feeling to have, and I'm embarrassed to admit to having it! I have smacked his mouth a couple of times, and had to drag him to a safe location a few other times. The smacking was probably wrong, but at least it wasn't an out of control rage as much as it was a desprate attempt to end a rage using shock value. Imagine being at a friends wedding reception and your 4 year old taking center stage because he couldn't have cake yet. I was so embarrassed. I don't want to be an abusive parent, I don't want my other kid growing up with me being angry and yelling all the time, but I'm afraid that is how it will be if I can't find resolution. We are working on changing his diet. He has been off of sugar completely for a few weeks now, and it has helped him to stop picking and fidgeting so much. There are other things people have suggested I take away from him and I'm willing to try it. I just don't know if I'm up to having him in our home long enough to see complete results. He has had risperdal, ritalin, adderall, and who knows what others. He is seeing a psychologist and she said they have tried every drug that is safe to use at his age, and Abilify has had the best results. I hate the idea of keeping a child in a zombie like state, but it would be better than living like we are. I had to have him follow me to the bathroom and stand at the door today just so I could be reasonably certain that no one would be attacked. I just wanted to say thanks again, for understanding and your prayers. We have a big appointment on Wednesday with a behavior therapist and I am going to be very blunt about what I need to happen. I just want to make sure nothing jepordizes my other kids. I'm scared of what he will say, because he throws blame and will say --- kicked the cat, or --- punched Sami, all stuff he did, but says someone else did. He says it about all of us. The Dr. said it is common in kids like this, but I've been a foster parent, and I've heard enough horror stories about false allegations to be scared. He used to do it at his old home though so I'm hoping everything will be fine. He once told me his other mom threw him down the stairs because he couldn't go pee. Of course that suppossedly happened earlier that day, and I didn't see one bruise on him that weekend. When I told her what was said, she said it was Jayden translation for I punched mom in the back because she told me to go pee, and she fell down 5 stairs. She also had a black eye, and 2 bite marks on her chest that same weekend from him. I'm rambling again. I guess I will sign off and try to get some sleep. I just wanted to let you know how much it really helps to have people out there that care, and don't judge me to be some kind of monster.
  7. It sounds horrible doesn't it? Our adopted 4 year old was originally a foster child. His parents have a list of disorders including bipolar, scizephrenia, oppositional defiance disorder, and who knows what else. He was adopted by another couple, and they failed the adoption because he had become out of control. We were his respite givers for years and hadn't seen the behavior, although I had seen video of his rages, and heard him while I was on the phone with his parents. We decided to take him on with the hope that he would continue to do better in our home. The therapist was guessing that he was better in our home because he wasn't the oldest in our home like he was previously. His current psychologist is in her late 50's and says he is the worst case of ODD that she has ever seen. He is on the absolutely highest dose of Abilify that his weight can support, and he is still having random rages. He has started kicking the animals, and attacking my kids and me. I'm 34 weeks pregnant and am terrified that he will hurt the newborn! He is highly intelligent, though he plays dumb when it suits him. They want me to put him in a theraputic preschool class, but he is so much worse at home during the evening and weekends when he spends his days elsewhere. He gets glowing reports at school, but then it is like he punishes us when he gets home. We haven't even had him a year, and I just want him moved. I don't feel my kids are safe being in a room alone with him. He can be playing perfectly fine, and suddenly go into a violent rage. He knows my 6 year old often has severe tummy pain and that is where he hits her, for me it is my belly, and for his first mom it was her back (she had multiple surgeries on her back so it was her weakest spot), he attacked his previous father at the knees.. again he had bad knees. Scary that someone who is supposedly out of control when in attack mode knows where to attack to make it count most. He had been caught in the act of choking his younger adopted brother twice in the month before they dropped him off on our doorstep. We told everyone we were willing to work with him until the violence started, and then we would be done. All docs and lawyers said that was fine, it would give him another chance and if he did go violent it would be proof that he needed to be put in an institute. Now they are telling me that if the doctors see it is needed they can have him commited for a year. I'm scared it is going to take one of us really getting hurt to make them see the need. Please pray, and if you have experienced anything like this I would love to know. I feel so alone, he can be the most perfect child when he wants to be, and only a select few have actually seen his behavior outside of our home. His pediatrician flat out told me he has seen him since he was a baby and there is nothing else he can do, other than treat common colds. He suggested I find another doctor. He told me he has never seen another child like Jayden and feels completely out of his element when trying to work with him. Thanks for listening to my ramble. Jen, Mom of 7 plus kids
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