After my first dd took much, much longer than expected in traditional braces due to baby teeth not coming out , the Orthodontist said he didn't want to see my next one until all her baby teeth were out! That was 15 years old (and 6 months) She was in invisalign for 22 months and cost us around $6K. I do remember that it was the same time frame & only about $500 more than the traditional braces. Everyone's teeth will move if you don't wear your retainer at night, every night. The retainer is very similar to the final set of aligners but sturdier and without the parts that snap onto the little hook things that will no longer be on your teeth that are there for the aligners. My 3rd dd had the new "damon" braces. They look like traditional braces but have less blunting of the roots that can happen with traditional braces as well as the invisalign. I don't even want to type what my ds needs because the estimate is $8K. The invisalign is a great option for the older teen who is very responsible & motivated. That is another reason only one of my 4 kids had them. The other three would be unlikely to wear them 24/7 :) Amber in SJ

I totally agree with this one :) I grew up in a little rural town and everyone was (and still is because my dad & one sister still live there) all up in everyone's business. It is crazy. Now that I live in a city, I would never go back. No way, no how, never. My in-laws live 30 minutes from a small town and a little over an hour to a decent sized city. They have 7 acres of woods, meadows, creeks etc. I enjoy it for a day or two. Any longer & I am hiking the 2 miles of dirt road out to the pavement for internet/ cell phone service so I don't lose my mind. Because I don't drive we walk everywhere; to the library, to the Indian market, to the TKD studio, to the 2 supermarkets, to the pizza place, the sandwich shop, sushi place, ice cream shop, bakery, to one of the 5 neighborhood parks or over to the giant 300 acre park around the corner. If I need to go further than I can walk I can hop on the light rail at the station a few streets down and go downtown to the museums, more parks, or go south to the doctor's office or the really big mall. At the same light rail station my kids can take the shuttle to one of the 5 community colleges. I love my city Amber in SJ

Woke up this morning to discover the McCourtney & Lobos fires are threatening my FIL & BIL's homes. FIL will not leave under any circumstances. 25+ years ago he & MIL built their dream home on Lassen. I was married there. Several years later the house burned to the ground from wildfires. FIL says he can't go through starting over again & he will not leave. His wife (not my MIL, BTW) might have to slip him a mickey & get him out of the house. Amber in SJ

I have never thrown a drop-in shower but I have been to several, and here are some of the ideas from those I have attended Everything is drop in! The food is all out. Even the desserts. The small cake & cupcakes is a perfect example. The presents are drop in. Usually there is a table for people to drop gifts off. Those gifts are opened later similar to a wedding reception. Some people will really want to see the guest of honor open their gift and she can do it right then. Also this works if there is one big group gift like a stroller. The stroller can be at the shower, covered with decorations. A simple basket for gift cards is also appropriate. Drop in showers are also fun for board book themed shower with a basket set out to hold baby's new library. Activities can also be drop in. A guess how many pink or blue diaper pins (or whatever) in the jar where people put their answers in another jar & the winner is notified later & given her prize ($10 gift card to Target, Amazon, Starbucks, etc) Other activities could be guess the baby food with labels removed (write down guesses on a 3 X 5 & put in an envelope, having a little table with a small book for people to write their best wishes & baby advice in and so on. Generally people will arrive, drop off their present, write in the little book, grab a plate and visit with the guest of honor or others for a little bit & then leave. Easy Peasy. People who want to stay for a long visit will & people who can only stay for a few minutes don't feel like they are interrupting anything when they have to leave. Amber in SJ

My Dh does this about his mom. I think it is a defense mechanism. For example he "forgets" she was diagnosed as bipolar & borderline personality disorder. He forgets that she has done violent things (knocked her 80 year old mother down & broke her arm because her mother wanted to go to Sears & MIL didn't want to take her) & then asks why I wouldn't let her babysit the kids overnight when they were little. He forgets all of the times she has told outrageous lies about us to others: "They said I couldn't see the grandkids unless I signed my house over to them." We were buying her house because she was about to be foreclosed on & letting her live there rent-free. "They are selling my house out from under me & kicking me out to pay for their daughter to go to college." Our daughter was 10 at the time. Those are the mild ones. And then when she tell lies about others he believes her even when it is proved she is lying, because why would someone lie about that? I should have known something was hinky when I started dating Dh & she always wanted to take me shopping or we'd go out & she'd tell everyone we met like waiters & salesclerks that she was my big sister & we were out looking for men. She is older than my mom. Then she'd tell Dh when we got home, "Amber is so naughty. She is trying to find me a man everywhere we go." She was married to my FIL at the time. The first time, I thought it was weird, after it happened a second time I refused to go anywhere with her alone. I was 16 at the time. He forgets that the only time she calls is to ask for money that we don't have. She doesn't call for his birthday, her grandkids' birthdays, or anything, but he gets excited when she calls on a random Wednesday until she asks for $$. Then he is disappointed. He forgets how interactions with her went that I was present for. He tells them completely differently to others. I used to not contradict him in front of other people because I assumed he didn't want to speak badly of her or to have other people think she is.......the way she is, but later when I bring things up I realized that he actually remembers the incident in such a way so she doesn't seem so difficult. Now, if it impacts me or our kids, I try to gently remind him of what actually happened and move along. Otherwise I let him live in a world where his mom is not toxic & difficult. Amber in SJ

We are pretty far away, but the haze & smell are thick in the air & my adult onset asthma husband is wheezing in bed with his inhaler. We have friends who have been evacuated & we are sending thoughts & prayers for safety to all of those in the path of this fire. Amber in SJ

If teens want to come in costume and are friendly & polite they are welcome to candy. If teens come without a costume escorting a younger kid they are also welcome to candy because I hope their poor mom or dad is getting a break somewhere. Teens who are not welcome: Ones who push & shove at the door. Ones who who use bad language to my face even if they think they are complimenting my "F-ing lit pumpkins!" (true story) Ones who think I didn't see them crashing through my bushes cutting across from my neighbor's yard even though there is a clearly marked sidewalk. Groups where no one is wearing a costume; literally just jeans & a t-shirt or hoodie Overly sexual, vulgar or awful costumes, for example do not come dressed (not dressed?) as a stripper, do not come as a giant male body part, do not come dressed as a Catholic priest with dolls simulating sex acts. It makes my stomach turn to think anyone's child had to see you on the street. Ones who come to my door after 9:30-ish or after my porch light is off, who ring & knock & ring and knock and so on & so on....... People who come to my door with their infant asleep in the stroller get their choice of a board book from the stack I have collected from the library book sale or something from the bowl of hard candy, palmer's chocolate, candy corn & any other weird-o crap that my kids get. My own kids have 24 hours to choose 10 pieces of candy & the rest gets turned over to me in exchange for something they want. This year it might be $10 Amazon gift cards or graphic novels. Amber in SJ

I have never heard of property taxes on vehicles, ouch! We do, however, pay a pretty penny in sales tax when the vehicle is purchased (9.75%) and our insurance is painfully high because of the area. Annual registration only? Approx $165 for the 2002 MDX, $79 for the 1992 Camry, $69 for the 1990 Corvette, $49 for 2001 H-D, $10 Non-Op for the 1968 Indian, and there are 2 other Non-Op motorcycles that I don't know what they are. Did I mention Dh restores old motorcycles that people give him that aren't running? The running cars have to get an emissions check every other year which costs $35-$50 depending on if it has to go to a special place because they are old, but not old enough to be exempt. Amber in SJ

Around here where there is very little to no affordable housing the city has suddenly drastically reduced the cost of permitting a tiny house if you have room in your backyard. I know people who call them casitas. :huh: Some people are building them larger than my current house with their own address to use as a rental. We are considering building one for dd #2. We have a small, 3/2 home (1160 sq ft) on a large for our area lot. We have plenty of room to build a tiny house in the side yard. We are facing the fact that with this particular child's mental & physical health needs she can't live alone right now. She has been away at college in another state off & on for the last 2 years and almost every semester is a disaster. She ends up in & out of the ER and/ or hospital, so for the time being she is back at home & we are happy to have her. However at 20 she is currently sharing a room with her 12 year old brother. Not the best situation except they are both slobs so they are perfect together. Dh is working on plans to build her a tiny house with a mini bathroom including a shower, a mini kitchen & a bedroom/ living area. There can't be a ladder or steps and many other things will have to be built to accommodate her physical limitations. She says she is not going to live with us forever, so I tell Dh that the tiny house will be mine after he is gone & whichever kid wants to live in our house will just have to deal with Grandma in the back :) Dh's dream is to buy a piece of property somewhere & build a huge house & shop on it. He is a mechanical engineer but one of his hobbies is restoring old motorcycles. I told him I don't want a huge house, he can build a tiny house for the two of us, a second tiny house for the kids to stay in when they visit and he can build as large a shop as he likes, but after this thread I will make sure the tiny house for us has enough headroom in the bedroom area :) Amber in SJ

I, too, keep a couple freezer bags in the freezer; one with chicken bones, one with beef bones and one with veggie & herb trimmings. The chicken one fills up much faster than the beef one because we rarely have beef. If you are in a hurry for bone broth & want to make your own here's what I would do: Purchase: 1-2 rotisserie chickens (regular or organic) Costco has them relatively inexpensively or they are usually on a $5 Friday sale @ Safeway 1 yellow onion with plenty of the brown papery skin 2 big carrots 1 bundle of celery Pick all the meat off the chickens, do not throw away any weird cartilage or flabby skin or anything else. You want it all. Package all the meat for the freezer or for family meals for the next couple of days (BBQ chicken sliders, chicken taco meat, chickenetti, buffalo chicken sliders) Cut onion in 1/2 remove all the brown papery skin & several (3-4) outer layers of onion. Slice the inner layers to use for other meals Scrub, but don't peel the carrots, slice off the end with the green tops. Cut into several chunks Cut the bottom off the celery remove the leafy heart pieces and chop into chunks. Cut one of the outside stalks into chunks. Put all the veggies & chicken carcasses into your crockpot. If you want add a bay leaf or two. Cover with filtered water and a splash of vinegar (apple cider is my favorite) Cover & cook on low for at least 10-12 hours Strain broth into a tall container. I use a pitcher that fits into my fridge. Cover & refrigerate overnight. After it has refrigerated for 12-24 hours remove the solid fat from the top & discard. Scoop out the "chicken jell-o" as my children call it & place it in 1 C containers. I toss the last of the broth in the bottom of the pitcher because it has all the weird cloudy solids, but that is personal preference. If you use a rotisserie chicken it should be plenty salty, but when you warm it to drink it you can add a pinch of himalayan pink salt or a grind of black pepper. I make different "flavors" of chicken bone broth & put them in the freezer in 1 C containers. Southwestern spicy broth- I remove the carrot & add of one coarsely chopped jalapeno, 1-2 dried New Mexico chiles and saved cilantro stems into the crockpot. This one gets a squeeze of lime when I am ready to drink. Asian style broth- I remove the yellow onion & onion skin and I add cracked garlic cloves, several chunks of peeled fresh ginger, a bunch of green onions chopped in 1/2 and cilantro stems. I add a splash of soy sauce when I drink this one. Cold-buster broth is the same as the basic broth with several cracked cloves of garlic, a chopped jalapeno or dried chile for some spicy & parsley stems. When we drink this one we add 1-2 "hot dots" of sriracha. I make turkey bone broth the same way only I usually have to break the carcass in 1/2 and fit it into 2 crockpots. My kids say it is traumatizing to watch me wrestle the turkey carcass :) If you just want to buy, Pacific Foods has a decent tasting bone broth and it can be found at almost every grocery store. HTH Amber in SJ

Congratulations! Just smile & ignore the rude people if you are the kind person I am sure you are. You know your kids are great and the world needs more great people. If you are snarky (like I can be) just say, "I am trying to outnumber the idiots." Amber in SJ

Our church group does Father/ Son campouts, Daddy/ Daughter campouts, Daddy/ Daughter dances, Mother/ Daughter Brunch, Bro Tuesday movie nights, Family Sock Hops, Family Street Fair (with dancing), Family Luau (more dancing), Family drive-in movie nights (where the kids decorate a cardboard box to look like a car & and sit on the floor of the gym to watch a movie on a big screen) and my favorite; Family Beach Camping :) Many of these things give me a chance to send the kids to an activity with Dh & enjoy some time to myself. We had 3 daughters first but Dh always went on the Father/ Son campout. He would usually share a campsite with some young dad who had several little boys to keep track of to be an extra set of hands. When I was a kid my dad would take my two sisters and I to the daddy/ daughter dance and my uncle, who only had boys, went with us so we could dance as much as we wanted to :) My ds has a friend whose dad was out of the country for more than a year. Dh & ds invited him to all the Father/ Son activities. Dd has done the same for any of her friends that don't have a dad in the picture. I feel like these things are only weird if people make them weird. Make-up for tiny tots, limos, suggestive clothing, purity anything, those are all ways of making something fun into something weird. Amber in SJ

In the category of being once removed from people who have met celebrities.... My mom went on a couple dates with Bill Bixby; after "My Favorite Martian," but before "Courtship of Eddie's Father." Her only comments were, "He was much older than I." He was very nice." and "He was not very tall." :) Amber in SJ

At that same children's bookstore in San Jose as Carol in Cal, I have met Steven Kellogg, Michael Hague, Mem Fox, Chris Van Allsberg, Patricia Polacco & Rosemary Wells (off the top of my head.) I love, love, love that bookstore :) Amber in SJ

I have been groped by two "celebrities" One was a professional hockey player. I was at a fan shop, at the tall counter buying a pack of hockey cards to put in my husband's Christmas stocking and all of a sudden a large person stepped up behind me & started crowding me against the counter. The cashier started talking to him over my head. I pushed back to make him realize that he was actually touching me because I thought it must be an accident. Until he actually put a hand on my butt & squeezed. I elbowed him as hard as I could and because he was a very tall person & I am a very short person & I was aiming low I got him in the ...... well, I ducked out as he doubled over and fell against the counter wheezing. I told the friend who was holding my baby outside the store for me and he said, "Did you get his autograph?" The other one happened when I was a 17 year old at Disneyland for Grad Night with the rest of my graduating class. We were allowed to roam the park all night and they had bands (Oingo Boingo) and people in their character costumes. I decided I wanted my picture taken with Tigger. Just as the picture was taken he dropped his hand in that big mitten to my butt and patted me. The look on my face in the picture is pretty funny. Because of my age I just walked away and only told my friends so they would stay away from the creepy guy in the Tigger costume. Oh wait, I have one that doesn't have anything to do with getting sexually harassed. My uncle went to high school with Kathleen Kennedy so when I was a pre-teen and Indiana Jones came out Harrison Ford was doing the publicity tour and Ms. Kennedy needed someone with a cool car to pick up Mr. Ford at the airport. My uncle always had a cool car so she asked him. My dad took us kids (in our not cool burnt orange Datsun) to the airport so we could be there and meet Mr. Ford. It was pretty dreamy meeting Han Solo :) Amber in SJ

We use one of the charters on Arcadia's list and even if your child is not going to go to college/ university there are certainly expectations & requirements for graduation. They are, in fact, the same expectations & requirements as the public schools in California. To graduate from high school the student must have a certain # of credits and most of them are in required areas of language arts, math, science and history including US History, Government & Economics. A student must also pass the California High School Exit Exam to graduate from the charter school. It is true you have much more leeway in structuring your student's classes if you do not opt for the "College-Prep" track. On this track your classes must be what is called A-G and these classes require much more oversight by the charter school. I have graduated two on the non-college prep track where we did the same classes as the college prep with the A-G designation and both have gone to the private college they wanted to (BYU) with no problems. Amber in SJ

I have always had curly hair, but as I get older & my formerly thick hair has begun thinning my hair looks curlier by the day. As the weight is taken off, my curls are getting tighter, Amber in SJ

I forgot to add that one thing my kids love is cold cereal. It tends to be a real treat around here that I only buy for special occasions but in our 72 hour kits I put small boxes/ cups of cold cereal & the single serving cartons of milk from Costco that don't need to be refrigerated. It is something comforting for them. They don't even care that the milk on their cereal is room temperature. They have to finish the milk in one sitting because once it is opened it needs to be refrigerated. Amber in SJ

If there was a way to cook one pot meals like soups, stews or pasta dishes & freeze them solid you could reheat them as they thaw. A solidly frozen block of ziti w/ meatballs in sauce will take several days to thaw in a freezer full of other frozen food. This is what I do for camping. I cook things ahead, freeze them solid and then put them in the cooler. For example; I freeze burrito filling (cooked chicken, mexican rice, peppers, onions, beans) I then freeze it double bagged, in a rectangular shape, usually a rectangle shaped freezer container or even a kids shoebox. The rectangle shape keeps it frozen for longer and I can pack things into the cooler. Once it is frozen solid I can remove the box. When it finally thaws I heat it all up & warm the tortillas on the grill or campfire. The above mentioned ziti gets frozen the same way. I have packaged fried rice w/ teriyaki chicken mixed in this way as well and chicken & chickpeas to go into pitas. Pulled pork, BBQ chicken & shredded beef sandwich filling can all be frozen in a block. Sourdough bread keeps the longest because it doesn't have sugars to spoil, so I get a sourdough baguette to use as sandwich rolls. I slightly undercook pasta & rice if I am going to freeze for camping because it will cook a bit more when it is heated before eating. When I pack my cooler with these frozen blocks of food some of them are still frozen by the end of the 10 days we are camping. Longer than about a week it is time to look at PB & J, canned soup, stews, tuna or chicken. Dry salami & summer sausage doesn't need to be refrigerated until after it is opened and my kids think it is a treat for backpacking. Stay safe, Amber in SJ

I am going to jump in even though mine is technically going to community college. My almost 20yo is back at home and going to our local CC for a certificate in health care technology. She will get a certificate in Medical Assisting & this program funnels graduates into our local Kaiser Group (huge health care provider in this area) This is a bit of a swerve for her because she graduated HS & headed off to traditional college 2 years ago, but health issues intervened and she is not able to go that route, so she has been trying to figure out how to work in her desired field ASAP, and this is her plan. It is actually really difficult for her to have all her friends go back to college/ university this Fall, but she has a plan. It has been tough for me as well because I get a little whiff of "Oh she couldn't handle college?" or "She can't actually want to do anything besides go to college." when well meaning people ask me about her plans. And of course there is the less subtle person who told me she has to go back to college even if she doesn't need it for her career because she won't marry a college graduate if she isn't at college. Hoo boy. This same woman later told me I was being smart with choosing Medical Assisting (I didn't) for dd because she has a better chance of "catching a doctor," that way. Amber in SJ

A few years ago an annular eclipse was visible for us on a Sunday afternoon so I bought a classroom pack of 25 pairs of glasses for around $20 & a filter cap to go over our telescope & took the whole shebang to a local park with a field & told all our friends we'd be there. Friends and their families came, played on the playground equipment & grabbed a pair of glasses to look every little bit and talked & visited. It was pretty low key. This year I pulled out the same stuff and plan on doing the same thing. DS will do some writing about the eclipse & will earn a BSA 2017 Eclipse badge. My cousin lives in a small town in the path of totality and her company is hosting an eclipse watching party with an eclipse watching kit. What is in an eclipse watching kit for $45 you ask? 1 pr eclipse glasses 1 moon pie 1 pkg eclipse gum 1 Sunny D drink 1 printed handout from the NASA website about the eclipse If you want to go to the party that is an additional $20 at the local park where you will have a "good view" and a chair (of the folding metal type.) I thought this sounded hilarious until she said they sold more than 150 of the kits and have party reservations for almost that many. Amber in SJ

My rather introverted dd (19) has 2 jobs right now. The current trend here is to hire part time and schedule 8-12 hours/ week. It is obnoxious. Anyway.... The job that she has that would be great for an introvert is at Old Navy. She is on the stocking crew which means she gets there very early in the morning, opens giant boxes of clothes, sorts them, places them on hangers or folds them into stacks to go on display tables. Sometimes she gets to dress the mannequins which involves choosing outfits, steaming those outfits to remove any wrinkles, dressing & posing the mannequins. All of this is done before the store opens. Her other job is at the movie theater. It is pretty introvert friendly if she is cleaning theaters or even at the podium taking tickets, but if she works concessions or box office, she comes home exhausted from dealing with people. On the up side she gets to see movies for free! Amber in SJ

Good for you, for doing your own research. It is hard when you don't get the full story about recovery time. I hope your recovery goes smoothly and that you are able to enjoy your vacation. Amber in SJ

In my mind there's a difference between ready to get married and ready to have kids. I got married almost immediately after my 20th birthday, to the person I had been dating since I was 16. I had been living in my own apartment with roommates, going to college, with my own job and paying all my own bills for two years. DH was the same only a year longer. We didn't have our first child until 4 years later when we had both completed our undergraduate degrees and we had our professional jobs. That time in-between was important for us to be together as a unit before we had kids. I don't know that I would have completed my degree if I hadn't married DH when I did. It was such a grind because I was working so hard paying for everything myself, and I was so far from home. Once we got married we were the support system for each other. Dh might not have finished either because his senior year he was laid off of from his job at the grocery store and for that year I worked full time + overtime so he could focus on his senior project. His project was so impressive it led directly to his first job as a professional engineer. My dd got married a year ago at 21. She had been dating her DH for a year. Next Spring both of them will be graduating from University, and there are no plans to have kids right away. As for the supporting our married children... We have what we call the family university plan. We pay for everything the first year. We pay for tuition & fees the second year and they pay for everything else. After that, they are responsible for their education. Do I wish we could pay for everything? Of course. Does it mean they might end up with educational debt? Yes, but hopefully less than if they needed it for all four years. We pay for random things like keeping them on our health insurance, phone plan, car insurance and Netflix, and I send them a Prime Pantry box of stuff every month. We still have our married daughter on our health insurance & phone plan because she doesn't get insurance at either of her jobs she is working at right now. Amber in SJ

After my mother's passing last year Dh found a thin band that was meant to be a wedding/ anniversary band. It has tiny diamonds and is a little bit wavy instead of going straight across. He got it for me as a reminder that life's journey can be bumpy and not smooth but still sparkle & be beautiful. It doesn't make a person materialistic or a drone bowing to societal pressure to appreciate a physical reminder of an accomplishment. 20+ years of marriage is an accomplishment! I am not a huge jewelry wearer; I don't even have pierced ears. I hope the OP finds something she loves & congratulations on your anniversary and having come through financial trials. Amber in SJ