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Lady Florida.

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Everything posted by Lady Florida.

  1. I second the library option. If your library doesn't have ebooks, for a small fee you can get an out of state card to any of these libraries (I use both my library and the Fairfax Co. VA one). Most of the free books (not from the library) I've seen are for adults. Sadly ds doesn't read for pleasure these days. I'm hoping he gets back to it at some point. When he was reading regularly for pleasure he liked both Kindle and physical books. He prefers physical textbooks or reference books but will go either way for pleasure reading.
  2. Mine also started when I was pregnant but not from anything. It just suddenly started when I was 7 months pregnant. I was told by every professional I sought help from that it was being caused by the weight of the baby and would go away when he was born. They were all wrong - the regular doctor, the chiropractor, the orthopedic specialist, the physical and massage therapists. All of them. Seeing that ds will be 22 in less than 3 months that anniversary of pain is just a few weeks away. I truly don't remember what it feels like to not have back pain. Because I've been dealing with this for so long I've learned a lot. One is that you need a true diagnosis and that can really only come from getting an MRI. Another is you need a really good physical therapist. And probably most important is that there's not usually one thing causing your pain. All of those things you were told are probably not wrong. So much of your body works together. Weak abs, tight hip flexors, protruding discs (i don't officially have any bulging discs), arthritis, disc degeneration, etc. all cause or contribute to back pain. It's likely you do have more than one thing causing your pain. It's important to do exercises that help each of the issues you have (another reason to get a dx so you know exactly what you have wrong). However, exercises for one area can sometimes aggravate another area. That's why a good PT is important. You need one who knows and understands all of your issues and can give you exercises that won't cancel each other out. I sincerely hope you can find some relief. I know what chronic back pain is like.
  3. I had it starting in my late teens and continuing until I had surgery at age 39. It caused debilitating pain during periods. I was diagnosed with unexplained infertility so I don't know if or how much the endo affected my inability to conceive. I had laser surgery at 39 and the doctor said it was much worse than she expected. She also warned me that it could come back. If it has I'm unaware of it as I never again had the kind of discomfort and period pain I had before the surgery. As for whether or not it helped with my fertility issues I can't say but probably not. We continued trying and continued to fail (we knew it was me and not dh). I got pregnant (unexpectedly and the old fashioned way) about a year after we completely gave up trying through medical intervention, and 2-1/2 years after the surgery, which is why I can't say it did or didn't help. For pain relief, I'm very glad I had surgery. For my fertility issues, I don't know if it mattered.
  4. Wasp stings can be really nasty. I haven't had one in years but when I do get stung by a wasp it stays swollen for several days. I second the benedryl suggestion.
  5. I tip 20%, so yeah, $10. However, it's neither unheard of or extravagant to tip 22-25% for extra good service (not just for pedicure but for any service that gets tipped).
  6. He was born in New Jersey but died while living in Delaware with my uncle's family (his brother). Many years ago I had to request a certified copy of my own birth certificate from NJ when I needed to get a passport, but I don't recall the process. I checked and since he was born over 80 years ago (he would have turned 90 next month) I'd have to do it all by mail.
  7. Thanks everyone. It sounds like I should just let it be. It's not that far off and is actually within the same year. His name isn't common afaik, but he was a junior. Still, it should be obvious to anyone searching that the earlier birth year will be the father and the later date the son. All of that is long past. It occurred to me when I read your post though - It apparently didn't cause my mother any trouble when getting his life ins. (left equally to my brother and me) or our SS and VA benefits when we were minors. Thanks. The bolded helps. That's the only reason I can think of why it would matter in the future. I haven't done genealogy so it helps to know how those who do it approach things. I might, out of curiosity, find out the process in Delaware, where he was living when he died, but will probably not pursue it unless it's really easy. I haven't seen his birth certificate anywhere in the papers I have, so it's not likely I can prove it anyway unless they accept the army discharge papers as proof. Although, back then people lied (he didn't) to join the military at a younger age so it might not fly.
  8. My father died in 1970. I've had his photo albums and other items for about 20 years, ever since a cousin gave it to me. (Long story about why her family had his stuff for so long, but my parents were separated when he died). I must have never looked closely because last weekend while going through photos with a different cousin, I happened to notice that his birth date is wrong on the death certificate. I know the date we always celebrated is the right one, plus it's correct on his army discharge papers. I don't know who would want or need the correct information down the line. There's just my brother and me, though we do have a lot of cousins on that side. My thought is that someday a descendant of either mine, my brother, or one of my uncles (dad's brothers) might be researching family history and that wrong date could throw a wrench in their research. Is it worth going through the process to have the state correct it? Would you do it if it was your parent even if they had been dead many, many years?
  9. This. I have one friend who allows her groups to mix and that's just how a few of us refer to it. "You know how L is. She lets her worlds collide"
  10. I posted before I read all the responses, or I would have quoted you. As I said in my post, it also allows those of us who were older and think we remember something to learn that we don't know what we think we know.
  11. I haven't watched it. I remember it well because even though I was living here in FL it made national news for weeks on end. I just finished watching HBO's Chernobyl and this is what I learned: If I lived through an event as an adult (or even as an older teen) it's probably nothing like I remember it. It's not a bad idea to revisit such things to learn the real story. So, I do plan to watch it at some point but I have to get myself in the right head place first. I imagine it's going to be difficult to watch.
  12. If he wants to stick with government - Our nephew is a lawyer (one of many) for a nearby county. He said sometimes it's boring work like when someone calls and complains that their neighbor's lawn is 1/2 inch too long. Then he has to look into the current law about grass height. Most times though he finds it interesting and challenging. When the county wants to pass a law it's lawyers on staff who have to make sure they can. Is it constitutional according to both the state and federal government? Is there a possibility of being sued? If so, would the county win and is it worth it? When the county does get sued he's one of an army of lawyers involved in defending them. He used to work for a high powered private law firm and found it way too stressful. He likes this much better. Plus he has more time for his family. If your dh really doesn't want to change jobs, I'd at least suggest he get a regular therapist. It's one thing to come home and vent to your spouse but a professional could help him work through some of the emotional stress in ways you might not think of.
  13. Oh, thanks for the reminder! I read the first one a few years ago. I don't remember if it was free or available for loan from one of the Kindle loan programs (not Unlimited b/c I don't have that). I enjoyed it and always meant to read more but other books got in the way and I completely forgot about the series.
  14. I start singing. Trust me. No one, not even my loving family, likes to hear me sing. 😂
  15. This x1000. My 21 yo with moderate-severe ADHD has a terrible time self regulating. He always has and it will always be a struggle for him. We taught him coping skills and he takes ADHD meds but for the rest of his life he'll need to fight his natural tendencies.
  16. I keep getting that one over and over again. They even leave voicemails when I reject the call. If I block the number they just spoof a different number. It's so frustrating. Dh and I have both occasionally received robo calls that are actually in Chinese, or possibly some other Asian language. I don't know enough about any of the languages to distinguish but from the little I do know I think it's Chinese. ETA: I just decided to search and found this. The weird thing is my area doesn't have much of a Chinese immigrant population, who are the target of these calls. Most immigrants here are Puerto Rican, Cuban, Indian, and a small number of Mexicans. Not many from Asia other than India. Chinese Robocalls Bombarding the U.S. Are Part Of An International Phone Scam
  17. Oh no! So glad the worst you got is a broken arm. Re dogs and seat belts: While we're thankful we didn't need it, we always used one for our Sheltie. We also belt in cat carriers when we take them to the vet. I'm not sure how effective that is but it makes me feel better. Memoirs: I'll add my vote for Born a Crime by Trevor Noah. You don't have to watch/enjoy The Daily Show to find it interesting because it's mainly about him growing up mixed race in South Africa during and just after apartheid. Betty White's If You Ask Me. Other possibilities: The Rosie Project Any of the No. 1 Ladies Detective Agency series
  18. Yes to this. Re the first paragraph: Doctors will usually try to start out with the lowest effective dose and the only way to know if it's effective is to prescribe it. It's not uncommon to change doses at first until hitting on the one that works. It's also not uncommon to try different medications since they are all a bit different and individuals react differently to each type. FWIW, Focalin didn't work at all for ds. As for changing doses once he was settled in to what worked, it happened for ds just as Pinky describes. As he got older (bigger) that's when most of our dose (and sometimes medication) changes came. Mine is 21 now and has been taking Adderall since his late teens. He finished growing a long time ago and his dose hasn't changed since I think he was 16 or 17.
  19. When I've seen it, it wasn't a full on smash but rather a bit of cake pushed to the sides of the person's mouth. I agree with the bolded, if both parties really do think it's fun and one doesn't feel pressured. If one person doesn't want it then it should be a no.
  20. Neither of us thought cake smashing was funny and we decided well in advance not to do it. However, I don't think smashing or not smashing is a predictor of marital success. I think some (many?) couples do it because they think it's tradition and they're expected to, not because of some secret meanness and/or desire to embarrass their new spouse. ETA: I've personally known three couples who decided in advance not to smash cake and then one of them ended up "surprising" the other. In two cases it was the husband who did it, in one it was the wife. In all three the other spouse was livid but all three couples are still married 10 - 20 years later. So there's my anecdotal evidence. 😂
  21. As a lifelong pet owner and one time landlord, no. I rented for many years (I didn't marry until I was 38) and always looked for a house or apartment that allowed pets. Yes, I realize how incredibly privileged I was to be able to turn down the places that didn't allow pets but I do still think it's the landlord's choice. It's been 30 years since I rented so I have no idea what it's like now but I would hope a lot of landlords choose to allow them.
  22. Okay, I'm thinking most of your houses are wood frame? That would make sense then to not want stucco. We do have some stucco over wood houses but stucco over block is better. Other types of siding are more of a problem here. Also, since stucco is breathable that makes it desirable in this climate. We build our houses to keep heat out not in. We occasionally hear of a builder getting sued or fined for not applying stucco properly and the homes end up with mold and leaks, but when it's properly (which is the majority of the time) applied it does well here.
  23. We assume we're going to replace the carpet and paint but I'd like it to at least be livable until we can do that. That said, we bought our current house knowing we would completely renovate. The first thing we did was remove the disgusting carpet (we stayed with my mom for a week after closing). I expect an inspection to cover most of what I need to know. Beyond that I'd look for the kitchen layout as well as overall house layout. The kitchen needs to have good counter top space and plenty of cabinets. We're doing the minimum to fix this house and will probably take a hit for the things we don't intend to replace. We have sod being installed in the front yard and part of the back to give it some curb appeal. We'll paint the walls a neutral color. That's pretty much it. At some point as either a buyer or seller you have to draw a line and decide "We won't do anything other than this." or "We won't buy unless this." I'm curious, why no stucco? You'd have a time of it trying to find a house in Central or South Florida. Stucco is the standard here.
  24. For my mother, hate was a strong word that was not allowed in our house. When my brother and I were arguing, hate and stupid were the two words that would get you in trouble if Mom heard you say it. As an adult I just think of it as strong dislike. There's no one in my life I personally hate but there are some public figures (mostly political persons) I hate. Interesting. I was friends with one of Ted Bundy's FSU victims. I thought I would feel something good - relief, closure, even some sort of happiness - when he was executed. I sat in my car the morning he went to the electric chair, and listened to the radio. I was teaching high school but had first period planning and that's how I spent my planning period that day. When it was over I was surprised to feel...nothing. That day started me on examining my belief on the death penalty. Up until then I had been for it, and he was one of the main reasons for my stance. I wanted him dead. When he finally was removed from this world I had none of the feelings I was expecting. Yes, this. Well mostly. Actually I think holding on to anger is worse than holding on to hate. I grew up with someone who held on to anger and it was just as @Mergath said. It harms the person holding it more than the target of their anger.
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