This is a great point. I hadn't thought about how sitting in a big chair might be painful for him. Today my dh was done with work early so he went with us to the K-9 show at the library and he sat on the floor with ds. Ds still was done after about 10 minutes, but I'll keep that in mind about big chairs being uncomfortable for little ones for when we practice again. Dh and I were just discussing that, this kid needs more physical activity and I do want to find him some kind of class for active preschoolers, gymnastics or dancing or something like that. This is another great idea. I'm going to try taking him to the playground behind the library for awhile before the show next time and see if it helps. We'll definitely keep practicing and it does help me to view it as such and not go in with the expectation that we're going to watch much of the show. Today he was done after 10 minutes, but he did sit quietly with dh on the floor for those 10 minutes.

I appreciate your intentions and that you took the time to share it. I did actually hold the chair still and tell him no, which turned into a ridiculous power struggle, and I then just removed him. All the explaining was when we were outside.

This is excelent advice! I tend to overthink everything, and I just breathed a sigh of relief that it can be this simple- focus on him right now and deal with what's happening now, don't have any expectations for things to be a certain way. And I've realized how hands on and active this kid is, so knowing that, I will do my best to set him up for success. This thread has helped me clarify so much, thanks!

Love it, thanks! I expected to like the article a lot more than I did, but once I read it, I feel like it isn't relevant to this at all. I explain to my kid, I don't beg him, I don't repeat it over and over hoping he will behave. There are consequences. I did remove him from the show. I also do not start yelling or hitting. I never hit and yelling is actually rare. The article actually made me feel better about what I've been doing, I'm a perfectionist, and I tend to be hard on myself and focus on all the things I'm doing wrong, but you know what, I'm doing a lot right too. I feel like my biggest issue is focusing on the negative with him too much and he and I seem to be in a power struggle too often, and I need to adjust my expectations a bit, but nothing is happening like in that article.

Yes, I think this is the biggest thing. From his point of view, I can see how it wouldn't be that interesting to listen to a man talk and see an occassional reptile that was kind of far away.

Well, I'm still thinking over the explaining issue and how to be more concise, but when you put it this way, this is what I did. I explained beforehand about being quiet, during the show I did keep it brief, "No talking", or "Sit still". I didn't explain until I had removed him and we were discussing it. But all of my discussing never seems to make a difference. I've tried bribery in the past too, the if you behave you can do this afterwards, it doesn't work with this child.

Now I'm scared because I live in TX. :scared: Please tell me you live out in the country somewhere.

This is something I will definitely be giving some thought to. My explanations are because I do think even little kids understand a lot, and it's been my habit to talk to my kids about everything since birth. I think I thought it would help if he knew why he shouldn't rock his chair or why we have to be quiet during a show. But, I think you've hit on something, that a swift response would get the point across better than all the talking I do. Especially for his personality type, my explanations have not worked. Your point, and something someone else said about telling him what to do instead of what not to do, I think might help a lot. Thank you.

That's exactly what I was thinking about today- that I've been setting him up to fail even though it wasn't conscious, and I worry about how he feels about himself due to that. I need to set him up for success. Thank you for the encouragement! Thank you, thank you, I needed this encouragement tonight. He has such a great imagination and is such an interesting kid. This morning, he had a jump rope and was on our stairs with it wrapped around his waist the best he could get it, pretending he was climbing a mountain. He was acting it out, using so much pretend effort to get up the mountain, telling me he had to get through the mountain pass. His play time is always very active and imaginative, and I love how creative he is. But, he challenges everything, all day long. And some days I'm just tired. Completing a grocery trip with him is hard, taking him to places I'd love to aovid until he's older but can't because it wouldn't be fair to my older kids is hard, and I'm alone with him a lot because my dh travels for work quite often and works long hours when he's home. I know how quickly they grow and change due to my older kids, but it's hard to remember that it's temporary when you're in the trenches.

Don't give up hope! My dog got lost once too, years ago. He had just had a bath and I was stupidly letting him dry more before putting his collar back on. He wasn't microchipped. Without tags or anything I thought there was little chance of finding him. We hung up posters everywhere, called shelters, etc. Five days went by and a lady called me late at night saying they had my dog with them all that time. They found him miles away from where he got lost and took him home. Their son loved him and they were going to keep him, but they were out walking him that night and walked a lot further than usual, and took a different route than they usually took. They saw my poster, it had rained and washed some of the ink away, but they were able to make out our number enough to call. We got him back that night, that was 10 years ago, he's 16 now and still with us. I hope you find your dog too, very soon. :grouphug:

No, my 10 year old didn't miss it. I took my 3 year old outside and told my 10 year old to meet us at the car after. Yes, I'm all for those things too. I have parented four other 3 year olds, trust me when I say that this one is much harder than the average 3 year old, and I do work to set firm boundaries. Your example of the doctor's office would have had my 3 yr old running out the door after he stripped.

I opened my July library calendar and saw that they're having big vehicle day, fire trucks, a dump truck, a helicopter, and all kinds of vehicles will be in the parking lot for the kids to explore. This seems so much more appropriate for him, and I'm excited to take him to this. I need to remember to focus on the things that he loves and we can enjoy together, and then look on the other shows as opportunities to practice and keep my expectations very low.

Gosh, I so understand how exhausting this is. My 3 year old is very active and into everything too. He has such a great imagination and I love his curiosity, but it's exhausting being the main caretaker of such a child. :grouphug: :grouphug:

There isn't a suggested age range, they just have these programs during the summer that anyone can come to. My 10 year old wanted to see the reptiles, I wouldn't have attended for my 3 year old alone. Oh, running away. This ds is the king of that. I forgot to mention that he did that in the library when I removed him to another part, and it *is* embrarrassing. But I have to work on separating my pride from what he needs when it comes to dealing with his behavior, because I'm sorry to say that I've dealt with it all wrong many times due to my own embarrassment. I look like a fool regularly when out with him, parenting him has been very humbling. Yes, I'm just now realizing how much I was doing this without realizing it. His next oldest sibling is 10. This child is so completely different from my other kids. You would think after 4 kids I would have a clue as to how to parent him, but no, he's teaching me all new things. I do need to find some new strategies. I've spent many days crying because I feel so out of my league with him, and I know I'm doing a lot wrong with him. I don't think I was talking during the performance, other than to remind him to be quiet, which seems reasonable to me. But, I agree that I'm too used to talking to my older kids and I like what you said about keeping it short and simple. We have done it in the past, but he was always very clingy and not that interested, he often insisted on leaving. This is the kind of thing we should probably revisit before making the leap to something like the reptile show. This is what I used to do, sit away from everyone so we could wander off when he wanted to and not disturb other people. The hard thing is that since all of his siblings are so much older, he very much wants to do what they do. I was taking my 10 year old to see it and 3 year old wanted to sit up front by him. Now I know that he's just not ready for that. Tomorrow there's another show with a police dog, he really wants to see the dog because he loves the book Officer Buckle and Gloria, but I will insist we sit away from things and will repeat about being quiet beforehand. We've been to other shows he did better at, and we sat on the floor for those, I have hip problems that make that painful for me though.

You know, typing that out helped clarify a lot, because it did seem unrealistic, when I read what I had wrote. He was showing me clearly from the beginning that it was just too hard to focus on. I have 4 other kids that are all a lot older than him and I have a feeling that I've been expecting too much from this poor kid for a long time, and that's the cause of a lot of our issues. :( I looked around and it seemed like other little kids were sitting still better than him. They were on the floor though, and he refused to leave me and sit on the floor. I can't sit on the floor due to hip issues. Maybe the other little kids have had more practice at daycare or something. I know I shouldn't compare or let my own pride be a factor in what I'm expecting of him though.

I'm dealing with behavioral problems with my 3 1/2 year old son. We're in a negative cycle that I need to break and the first thing I want to do is check my expectations. Today we went to a show at the library that involved a man from the nature center bringing some reptiles and talking about them. It was about 40 minutes long, which I think is a long time for a 3 1/2 year old to sit still, but that wasn't the problem, we left long before that anyway, and I had already figured that we'd go look at books if he grew restless after awhile. The issue was that from the very beginning he was wiggling so much that he was disturbing the people in the seats next to us, he was turning around, grabbing his chair's back and wiggling it back and forth, getting down, getting on my lap, going back to his chair, etc. So he couldn't even sit still for the beginning. We got there about 10 minutes early to get seats at the front, and I grabbed a book to read to him while we waited. He sat still during that time because I was reading to him. The man started the show when I was halfway through the book and I explained to ds that it wasn't good manners to talk while the man was speaking, so we'd finish the book after the show. Maybe that abrupt transition was hard for him. I did talk to him beforehand about being quiet during a show. He was so out of control though, with talking, wiggling, yelling "I hate alligators!" when I told him that the alligator was coming next, and being defiant when I corrected his behavior, that about 15 minutes into the show I had to remove him. He continued making a scene in the library so we went outside while he calmed down and we had a talk about why it's not okay to rock your chair when people are sitting next to you, because it shakes their chair too and disturbs them and they don't like that, and it's not okay to talk loudly during a show and that he must listen to mom. He said he wasn't going to do that anymore and that he would listen, and asked me very nicely if he could go back to the show, and then proceeded to start all over again the minute we sat down, so we just left the library for the day. So, is it unrealistic to expect a 3 year old to sit through at least part of a show like this?

This is what we're using for my dd, we bought it at the piercing place. The piercer said either that or antibacterial soap and regular saline solution. The literature they gave us said "Never use alcohol, hydrogen peroxide, or hand soap because they may damage healthy cells and cause scar tissue."

This is such good advice! I see women who obviously feel uncomfortable in what they're wearing- tugging at their skirt, or adjusting their shirt collar all the time, and you can just tell they don't feel good in those clothes. Confidence counts for a lot, it definitely shows when you feel good about yourself.

Mine would be that fit is everything. Also, it makes an outfit fun to have a juxtaposition of things- like a casual outfit with one dressy element (jeans and a tee and dangly earrings), or a very feminine skirt with a more masculine shirt (like a lace skirt with a denim button up short). I also think texture adds a lot to an outfit- a woven leather belt for instance, or a chunky wooden necklace.

High waisted pants are very popular right now, and they're everywhere, so you're in luck! I'm the same way, low rise never worked on me, I am thin but have always had a lot of junk in my trunk and bigger thighs, so low rise didn't stay up very well. I love high rise pants and get high rise jeggings from American Eagle (I don't care if it's a teen store, these jeans are so comfy and fit me perfect). Gap, Old Navy, Anthroplogie, Express, and a lot of other stores carry high rise pants, shorts, and jeans now too.

I am so sorry Emily. I'm glad he was able to be with his family. Please be very gentle with yourself. :grouphug:

My dh has always had a 45-60 minute or so commute each way, depending on traffic. Traffic is always heavy around here so it's usually around 1 hour each way. I guess we just take for granted that that is normal.

No, you're not the only one. I was reading this feeling concerned for the rat and her babies. I know I'm a weirdo. ETA: I know that wild rats can carry diseases and I wouldn't want them in my car though, so I understand not wanting them in there!

I like shopping, but I shop mostly online, and we have a beautiful outdoor town center that is very pedestrian friendly and just pleasant to walk around in. I avoid malls like the plague. There's nothing wrong with sandwiches for dinner!

Goonies. But I don't know if I ever saw Bill and Ted. I spent a big part of one summer watching Goonies.