DD11 is the most adventurous. I freeze our leftovers in a popsicle form and tell the others they can choose between a fresh smoothie or a popsicle.

Me too! Someone needs to pick up where this guy left off!

It's bad in the summer too. Day Camp groups are worse than PS classes--usually the person who is in charge is a teenager who doesn't want to or know how to supervise a group of rowdy kids. But there aren't as many of them, so they're a little easier to avoid.

I do agree with this....probably not the way the author intended it, though.

I am a conservative Christian, and I've never understood the "focusing on relationships rather than academics" idea. What does that look like? Do they play all day? Do chores all day? Take care of the toddlers while Mom naps? I would love to know. While some would say they have strong relationships *instead of academics*, I would say that we have strong relationships *through academics*. We serve God by doing a good job on our math. We grow closer to each other by doing lessons together (or side-by-side when they're at different levels). As others have said, it isn't an either/or thing. Having work and purpose is good for kids, and having an identity based on something other than their role in the family is important for self-worth. I believe that God is the Author of truth and the Creator of the world, and anything we do to learn and grow in these areas can be an act of worship. Remaining ignorant is not Biblical, nor is laziness. I'm sharing this as an alternative to the idea that Christian homeschoolers can use their faith to justify academic laziness or low standards.

I only read a couple pages, I may go back and read the rest later. Tuition at state colleges in WA is $7-10k. Even if you add in living on campus, it is still cheaper than what some of you are talking about paying after scholarship and financial aid. Is WA an anomaly, or are we turning up our noses at state schools? WA has some excellent state schools, so I guess I should be grateful!

Yes. Starbucks sells them with all kinds of junk in and on them--blueberries, pumpkin, cranberry, etc. with a thick glaze on top...they do taste good, but they wouldn't please the scone purist.

I will say that we have relatives we will stay with and relatives we won't. I'd rather stay in a hotel (or camp or not go) than stay with someone who isn't happy to have us.

I'd be heartbroken if my sister brought her family to town and got a hotel! The last couple times they came, we gave up our room so they could have their own bathroom (her little guy was 7 mo the first time and 17 mo the 2nd time). They ended up having to stay 4 days longer than we'd planned last time because she had an ectopic pregnancy the day she was leaving. We did school in the family room downstairs and gave them the upstairs as much as we could during the day. If the kids were older, my kids would probably fight over which one got to have them in their room. Now, she only has one little guy (for now!), but I wouldn't feel any differently if she had 4. I do like to avoid having people sleep in the living room (it's nice to have at least one room of the house where no one is sleeping), so I would probably displace a couple kids so everyone could be in a bedroom. I don't think there are too many people that would be unwelcome here for that length of time.

We take a week off every month. We clean the house on Saturdays (whatever we don't get to during the week). I require a certain amount of chores from my oldest daughter; my younger two do chores when I tell them to, but they usually only take 2-3 hours on their schoolwork so they have more time for it. I only teach for about that long each day, so I have time to do what needs to get done around here in the afternoon or before we start in the morning. We pay our kids per chore rather than giving them an allowance, so they'll work extra hard if they're saving for something (but are still motivated even if they don't have something specific in mind they're trying to earn). We also all work together after school ends at 5 to pick up everything, and DD11's consequence for not finishing her schoolwork by 5 is extra chores done for free. Even with all of that, things never are as clean as I'd like them to be. We keep the public areas moderately under control, but there are still piles around, the kids' rooms always take a little extra effort on the weekends, and my room never gets clean unless DH is out for the evening and I can do it after the kids go to bed.

Our dance studio does combo ballet/tap classes that teach actual technique for levels 1 & 2, and then the classes are separate from level 3 on. Dancers are placed according to ability. It surprises me that they wouldn't let her move up to a higher level...if they compete at all, they need to support their most talented dancers to be successful! Have you spoken with her current teacher about it? She should be able to recommend an appropriate class and vouch for your DD's getting in.

While I'm not against being evaluated by a professional, it sounds to me like she has a bad attitude toward schoolwork that has gone unchecked, and I wonder how much that plays into it. One of the challenge we as homeschoolers have to overcome is making what we do seem normal to our kids. When they have the "why should I have to do this?" attitude, it often comes from not knowing/seeing anyone who does what they are expected to do. I saw this very clearly with my son who is now in school--the same kid who fought me on everything except the most desirable of lessons accepts that when his teacher tells him to do something he needs to do it. He believes it to be a reasonable expectation because his peers are all doing it. My oldest daughter went through a period of frustration because her workload is so much more substantial than that of her siblings. We did a LOT of talking about what would be expected of her if she went to school, how much time it would take vs. how much time she spent, what I expected of her at their ages, etc. If I was in your shoes, I would consider having her checked out by a professional, but I would also work on her attitude toward school. Our kids should be thanking us every day for sacrificing to give them the best possible education! With that, though, I would probably try to reevaluate my own goals for her--what are her interests? Are our curricula meeting our needs? Can we do certain subjects in a way that would be more enjoyable? What type of career am I preparing her for? Is she college-bound? By 11, she should have some say in what she learns and how she learns it. She should have at least a small sense of what her gifts are and what she wants to do with them. Her attitude about school won't change whether she's on meds or not. Treat the depression if it's there, but also give her a sense of gratitude and purpose.

Because physical abuse is more black and white than verbal/emotional abuse. Is name-calling always abuse? What about glares/angry looks? Shouting? Separate checking accounts? Where do you draw the line? To my knowledge, there is not a legal definition. That makes it harder to recognize from the outside as abuse. Also, there is a lot of middle ground between "get out, get safe", and "stay and wait it out". Getting help, temporary separations, drawing boundaries, etc.

Is he motivated to get caught up? If so, I think a reasonably intelligent kid, working 2-3 hours a day, could probably get to a 6th or 7th grade level from where this boy is now, maybe even higher. Motivation and maturity are huge factors--IF he has both of those going for him I think he'll be ok. Also, it's possible that the school will let him take a lower level of math, or that he can get help after school. I would advise her to consider getting Math U See Gamma, Delta, and Epsilon or some other mastery-based program and provide whatever incentives are necessary to motivate him to work hard. I would not worry about science or history at all. Even with no education in those areas, he will not be far behind his classmates (if at all). If he's a strong reader he'll have no problem falling right into place, based on what I've seen in our district.

It would depend on to what degree his medical condition is effecting his ability to contribute to the marriage. If the situation was reversed and she was having a hard time coming to terms with a medical problem, I don't think most people here would think to kindly of his nagging, using manipulation and ultimatums, etc. I have a weight problem. It hasn't incapacitated me by any means, but long-term it could definitely be a threat to my health and well-being. My husband has made his feelings known many times, and on occasion has been pushier than I would like him to be. I am making progress now, but it was something I needed to get to on my own. Knowing DH wanted me to deal with my issues helped me get to where I am now, but I needed more reasons than that to work on taking care of myself. All that to say, I think it's good that she's letting him know that she's concerned and making him aware of how it effects her. If it is interfering with his parenting, their marriage, or his work, I think she could go to their pastor or someone he respects and hope he'll respond to someone else's input. And of course she should pray for him.

We got a Maltese/Bichon from a rescue 2 years ago. He has not been a good dog. He gets along ok with the kids, but he has severe separation anxiety and refuses to tell us when he needs to go potty--he just poops and pees in the house unless we're fortunate enough to read his mind and send him out. Lately he's been pooping on our deck. :glare: We've tried rewarding him, taking him out way more frequently than necessary, etc. Nothing has worked for us yet. He also has bad teeth. I'm just telling you these things because my understanding is that both breeds can be difficult to train, have bad teeth, and are low energy dogs (which does have its advantages). Getting it as a puppy would probably be a different experience than trying to adopt a rescue, though.

I have not surpassed $100 (yet!), but that idea is partly true for us. However, my kids will walk out with an armload of books and then only actually look at 1/4 of them. :glare: I'm as bad as they are--I'll check out books that I *need* to read and then keep them for months without ever getting to them.

I just paid $55. It's probably at least the 3rd or 4th time it's been that high. I find that I'm pretty good at managing my library books if I only have about 25-40 at a time. When I have over 50 books, I start to lose control of them. Taking books back seems like a huge job, so I put off doing it, or I forget where some of them are, or the kids have them in their room. My library caps fines at $.10/book, so if I have 75 books and I'm 3 days late getting them back, it costs me $22.50. Even with a $3/book cap, it adds up FAST. And I've paid $3 in late fees on readers that I could have bought for far less. :glare: Now that the kids are all reading chapter books, it's easier to limit them to 2-3 at a time...the problem is when I'm also getting non-fiction books, books for co-op classes, books for myself, etc....I'm trying to keep us to 25 at a time again, though. I have taken to buying books used--it is cheaper than using the library (the way I do it, anyway!). We have an extensive home library and I'm trying to direct the kids toward the books we already have.

Honestly? A welcoming attitude and a willingness to help with disputes when necessary (and stay out of things the rest of the time) will go farther than you think. Not having out of control pets helps. Being willing to let them drip water on the kitchen floor if they come in and out multiple times helps. FOOD, as the others have said. Whatever they're excited about, get books from the library or ideas online that stimulate their creativity/imagination. Bring home boxes from Costco and let them decorate them and make cars, robots, etc. Let them play music on Spotify. Give them each a roll of aluminum foil and/or duct tape and see what they can make with it. Staying involved without being overinvolved is the key. When parents are underinvolved, kids get bored or start bickering and need redirection. When parents are overinvolved, it takes the fun out of everything. And kids know when parents are happy to have them around.

I would cut gymnastics and put her in one of the free classes at the Y (you mentioned TKD, PE, etc). But this sounds to me like a control issue, not a money issue. The money is equally yours and his; you need to come up with a reasonable budget *together* based on your income and your family's needs.

We've done it at Claire's 3 times. No problems at all. Just wanted to say that the guns at Claire's are sterile and disposable.

He sounds like a great husband. :)

The way I read it, people were saying it isn't fair for the entire family to have a late start if it impedes their ability to meet their responsibilities on a regular basis. Accommodating two different schedules is different than disregarding the desires of a family members when there is not a reason to do so.

At those ages, you and your DH are their stability. Also, I would have a hard time staying in a community knowing that I'd be leaving in 6 months if I didn't have a reason to be there. Visiting family could be good if you have a good relationship with your family.

In the real world, one's obligations come first. Family is important, and the OP said that her DH is fine with the kids working on things quietly in their rooms in the evening (she mentioned reading, but I would assume writing would also be ok). If she can get her schoolwork done and do an appropriate amount of household chores (enough to contribute to the needs of the family), then yes, she should be able to set her own schedule. My 11yo is going to be participating in elite karate training. She will have to make sacrifices, and I'll probably need to make some adjustments to her workload. But she is part of our family first and a student second before she's an athlete. I think a lot of people are letting their personal distaste for men who have expectations of their wives to meet a certain standard in their homemaking color the OPs situation. The OP has said more than once that she doesn't feel that his expectations are terrible, she just isn't sure she is able to meet them (if I'm reading her posts correctly). I have the expectation that my DH will maintain the house, feed the kids, etc. if I'm gone for the day and he's home, I don't know why it can't work both ways.