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Danae

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  1. My mother, siblings, and I were all scheduled to have it in 1998, with a very reputable doctor. He was one of the surgeons at the eye clinic where all the local glasses shops refer their problem cases. When I went in for the final measurements he told me I was disqualified because my particular combination of lens thickness and high correction put me at too high a risk for double vision and night blindness. He also told me that if I went to any of the “LASIK shops” that just did corrective surgery they would happily do it and I might get lucky but please don’t do that because eyesight is precious and it’s not worth the risk. So I didn’t. My mom and siblings were delighted with their results. I’m . . . not delighted, but glad that we had an ethical doctor and I still have full use of my eyes with corrective lenses.
  2. Also it doesn’t take perfection to not be a sexual predator. Many non-perfect people are not sexual predators. Pretending that people are asking you to be perfect lets you off the hook for failing, since perfection is an unreasonable expectation. Which defects attention from the fact that what you actually failed at was the much more reasonable expectation that you not use your fame, status, and power to sexually prey on other people.
  3. I hope someday to be as generous a singer as the alto who stands behind me in our church choir. She is one of, if not the, best singers we have, and is next to an older lady who is not as quick as she once was. When the older lady is having trouble J always asks for help on behalf of the whole section. “Could we hear the alto note again?” “The altos are having trouble with the rhythm at measure 45,” etc. I mention this because it sounds from your OP that you are a little frustrated that the whole section is getting blamed for doing things wrong. In my experience that’s how choir directors work, even when they know who the problem is, to avoid calling out specific people. And if you can’t hold your part even with her next to you then maybe running that section once again “for the sopranos” will help you too. Our church choir has an “anyone who wants to sing is welcome” policy, and we also have assigned positions. When I was next to someone who couldn’t carry a tune in a bucket I used the opportunity to work on my own skills of listening for the piano and holding my own note. It actually made me a much better singer.
  4. We opened bank accounts for the kids when they were in pre-school. They are connected to our account now, but will separate after they turn 18.
  5. A better fix would be a radical re-imagining of work and community. Flexible hours, job-sharing, telecommuniting, more paid time off and comp-time. Health insurance separate from full-time employment. If every parent could take off one afternoon a week groups of families could team up and watch each other’s kids after school. If one parent could work 8:30 to 5:30 and another 6:00 to 3:00 two-parent families could manage child-care and single parent families could partner with another single parent family. If jobs paid enough that a parent could take off a day to stay home with a sick child and still be able to pay their bills the next month . . . But all those ideas would require thousands of separate employers to change. The government has more direct control over the schools, so it’s easier to adjust the schools to fit the realities of employment than to change employment to meet the needs of children.
  6. I would go. But a 4.5 hour drive is not a big deal to me. And I (obviously) don’t know how exhausted you’re feeling from the other funerals. If you just can’t manage it right now there’s nothing wrong with that.
  7. My kids really like the house that gives cans of A&W Root Beer. And the popcorn ball house. I think just because it’s something a little bit different.
  8. The church where I was married has a no cameras, including phones, in the sanctuary rule. A designated photographer, paid or not, can shoot from the balcony.
  9. Where are people seeing that he ever attended this pastor’s church? My understanding is that he started calling his weekly singing events “Sunday Service” (and tried to trademark the term, which is a whole ‘nother can of worms) and that the guy told him that it wasn’t a worship service because it didn’t include preaching and sacraments so K invited him to preach at them.
  10. Please don’t ask your sister and nieces to pretend not to be in pain for the sake of your comfort. That’s just gross.
  11. I assume he wants the voucher to waive around dramatically at the meeting.
  12. Quill, when you say parent in th room 100% of the time do you think they really mean don’t take your eyes off of them for a second? Like, is it not okay to go into the kitchen to grab a drink or to step out to use the bathroom? Or are they just saying they don’t want the teens alone in one room while you’re busy with a project or watching a different show somewhere else. I think that’s where I would draw the line between “closer supervision than I would require” and “ridiculous.”
  13. I interpreted Quill saying she lived in the boonies to mean that a walk outside would be more like a walk in the woods than a walk around a neighborhood. And as someone who grew up near a large wooded park and more than once got an eyeful of teen activities in the woods I kind of see the point.
  14. I think the key is to not limit it to chastity. I want my kids to know that if they make choices I disagree with I will still love them. Even if I’m disappointed. Even if I’m mad. I haven’t given them a list of particular things that I hope they won’t do but if they do I’ll love them anyway. I don’t think that works. I have plenty of small opportunities to demonstrate loving behavior when I’m angry or disappointed. I can’t expect them to believe I’ll behave better when I’m disappointed over something bigger than I do now.
  15. It’s not that you’re causing offense! It’s that I’m worried that your sense of “normal” might be skewed by your husband’s shitty behavior and that could affect your decision making. You deserve to be respected in your home and in your family.
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