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LisaKinVA

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Everything posted by LisaKinVA

  1. When I was a kid, I'd do stuff to surprise my folks (clean kitchens, organize pantries...clean bathrooms). Frequently, I got a, "well, it looks good, but I can tell you didn't do it the way I would" kind of comments. Mind you, these weren't my chores, I was doing them to be nice. I had worked hard. Needless to say, I didn't continue the pattern. If my kids voluntarily cleaned my car -- I would genuinely thank them for their hard work, praise whatever I could find, and if there were some obvious spots, maybe say something like, "washing a car can be tricky -- when it's wet it looks clean, you can't really see what got missed until it's dry. And then, I need to be willing to get in there myself with the hose and car wash stuff and make it a teachable moment vs. a critquie. When it's a regular chorre that they've been taught how to do (explained, demonstrated, guided and enabled) -- it would be a bit different.
  2. Okay, I signed up...but I have no idea what to do with it now :p Maybe I'm just too old. haha
  3. My dog likes to bring me birds...I suppose birds are better than rats, right?
  4. As far as I know, the body of research does not show <any> significant health problems for delaying neutering/spaying for cats. There are a lot more health problems from feeding dry kibble to cats.
  5. My men came home...with suitcases full of dirty laundry. Laundry.... Laundry... More stinky camping laundry. My bookcases, however, are all neat and tidy, and four more boxes emptied. Two boxes of stuff to leave the house (not sure where those were hiding!) Making a lasagne. Fudraising stuff (mostly paperwork) School Maybe a nap...because my meeting tonight got canceled (no, that does not bum me out...makes me do the happy dance! I can stay in my jammies)
  6. Not so much trouble that it hasn't been worth it. No leaks, even on my heavy days, though I did empty a bit more often. I do need minor back-up for after empty dribbles. I am experiencing worse than normal cramping. But, while uncomfortable, it was not unbearable. I may try a different cup down the road that is softer. I'm nearly done now. You definitely have to get comfortable with your body, though!
  7. Most peeves are operator error. When our puppy snapped the third heavy-duty one, on our way out (she took off to the door, and the cord just snapped), I was done. Completely unreliable. The first one, the kids left on the ground, and well...puppies chew. The second one, I upgraded to a heavy duty, and it snapped, but because of where it snapped, we assumed the dog had gotten it. This was the first outing with the 3rd one). I now have braided rope leads. I also have a 25 foot training lead, but there is no way I'd walk my dog on it.
  8. We always used hot soapy water. The wax warms up gets soft and a spoon dislodged the warm wax...then just rinse the votive, dry and put in a new candle. My mom worked with Home Interiors in the 70's and 80's. We've cleaned out a lot of votive cups. Never heard of the super glue at the bottom, but if you have that, get the wax out, then maybe try acetone to get the metal tab off?
  9. Thank you everyone...I think the concensus is I may need a different cup, as this one seems to give me cramps. But, I haven't given up. While the cup is definitely different, it is a lot cleaner than sanitary napkins (at least for me thus far). I haven't experienced any leaking (I'm being cautiously optimistic). And, unlike tampons, it doesn't fall out when I cough or sit down to use the toilet. So, overall a win.
  10. I stop most grammar instruction after 8th grade. After this, we are doing MCT's Magic Lens levels as a general quick review -- but our focus is mostly on composition, vocabulary, and use of grammar vs. this is this and that is that. MCT 4-level analysis is a nice warm-up kind of program. It doesn't take long to do. Here is how it looks for my three oldest students (next year's plan): PokeMan (Grade 6) CLE finish level 6, begin level 7 (daily) Caesar's English 1 (daily) Writing with Skill (4x a week) Killgallon for Middle School (1x a week) Oldest two will be doing MCT Magic lens 1 together. PonyGirl (8th) will look like this: MCT Magic Lens (daily) MCT Word within the Word (daily) WWS 4 days/week Killgallon for Middle School (1 day a week) LEGOManiac (10th) will look like this: MCT Magic Lens (daily) MCT Word within the Word (daily) WTM Academy Writing Class Killgallon for High School (1 day a week) Literature is a different subject for us -- although some compositions for the English course may come from readings in history, literature, science or other current events/readings.
  11. Anyone who uses these...I umm... HEELLP. Please PM me...I'd rather not put this out there. Google isn't of any use. I am either doing something wrong, or not built for what I bought. UGH.
  12. I don't think I said, or implied, that the abuse was the result of his upbringing. I was referring to how he may have perceived everything that occurred afterwards...counseling/non-counseling, repentance, remorse, the timeline... and how we may be judging his current actions without understanding this from the perspective of someone within a different culture/understanding of what would be expected. Even if the Gothard teachings can produce an atmosphere conducive to abuse, that doesn't ever excuse the abuse. Even if JD had been molested himself, that would not absolve him of blame. I was just trying to point out that his reactions and understanding is colored by what he has been conditioned to believe and think. One does not usually just walk away from that...as well as not assuming that because someone does not react the way we think one should react, that they do not have remorse, aren't scared, or otherwise troubled by things they have done or experienced.
  13. Just to be clear -- not every corner of ATI blames infant death/illness on sins of the parents. There are some who do (and yes, it probably would nearly always be the fault of the wife -- who, regardless of how one was raised, or what one did, the woman almost always experiences some feelings of guilt -- which would be a "red flag" to others in the sect, but AFAIK, is a normal part of the process in dealing with the loss of a child). My brother and my SIL may have been driven further into ATI/Gothard because of the death of their first child, but I'm not certain. Mainly because the time-line of their "conversion" to the ATI life came many years later (about 10 years). They had been "fundie" before that (a little bit more than how we had been raised, but not wildly more -- they were really the bit-by-bit conversion). Even if no blame could realy be assigned (overtly), because of how you are taught to think, I most certainly would not find it difficult to believe that Michelle thought it all somehow her fault. Which, in all likelihood, pushed her further into the teachings/lifestyle of ATI.
  14. Big Mental Tasks: Volunteer work (publicity, communications) Calendar Overview for the week School Overview for each child (where are we, where do we need to go) Work a bit more on transcript/course descriptions/syllabi/lesson plans for work in progress and next year. Laundry (load #3 currently in the washer, 2 loads out to dry, two more loads to wash) Kitchen clean Stairs clean Basement areas cleaned off for where new-to-me bookshelves must go (getting four more...and this will be Thursday's and Friday's to-do list to fill them up and get rid of boxes) Including: Camping gear, Swim Gear, Hand-me-down clothing bins, and toy area. Basement floor swept/cleaned up (especially dog areas) The rest of the week...well I'll just take it day-by-day
  15. Praying -- I know today is the day!
  16. When it comes to Josh -- we honestly can't know where he is. We are all guessing or hoping. It is really hard for me to hear other people speak about how a person who is ______________________ SHOULD think or act. What is "normal" or not "normal." Why? Because, my "normal" reactions are usually hidden. When my child was lost, I panicked on the inside. However, my face/body was a picture of calm. This is my NORMAL. It is not normal for me to break down in tears -- especiallly under stress. I don't yell, scream or panic. I am, to all appearances, calm and unphased. Later -- away from it all -- I do fall apart. Please be careful that you are not projecting YOUR normal and assuming everyone reacts the same. They don't. After a very bad car accident, which I walked away from without any major injuries, my parents assumed the accident wasn't very bad -- because I was so calm on the phone. An argument by phone ensued, and my parents were certain I was pretty much making things up so I could justify staying another few days with a boy. Now, when they saw the picture of the accident -- my mangled car held by one sturdy branch from a lake -- the same spot someone else had been killed a week earlier -- they were horrified. My parents apologised to me for the way they talked to me after the accident. We are also expecting him to behave as if this just happened. For him, this was a long time ago. For us, this is fresh and recent. For him, and the way in which he was raised, this is all water under the bridge. It's been dealt with. For US, we are processing everything and expecting him to behave a certain way because that is what WE would do TODAY. For him, leaving home to go work on a farm was probably counseling. In his mind, this could very well be true. I doubt he stayed for 8(?) months away from his family and never had to talk about what he did, and why it was wrong. While, to his mother, she could think of counseling as being something different. There are very few things in my past that still make me emotional. However, they aren't usually things I've done. Things that were done TO me? Yeah, I still feel it. I am sure the girls still feel it -- they are the ones who LIVED it. As for Josh -- that past, to him, is anceint history. Is he still ashamed? Probably. I am still ashamed of the wrongs I did as a teen. But, at 27 -- even though I never did anything like JD -- I would be hard pressed to create some sort of emotion-filled, remorse-filled plea for some of the very real hurts I'm sure I inflicted. My mom? Heck yeah -- she could. But, she also cries when a cop pulls her over. We are completely different people -- we react and think and process in very different ways. Neither is better than the other -- but because I don't process the way my mom does, people wrongly assume that I'm not sorry enough, or it wasn't THAT bad, or maybe I just don't really care -- when nothing is further from the truth. We cannot forget that JD has been just as brainwashed as any of the girls. JD is behaving and reacting in the manner he has been conditioned to act and behave. Just because he is a man does not mean he can easily depart from the conditioning in which he was raised. He may have an easier time of breaking away than a girl -- but the grip of his whole lifetime is very strong. Men who have only been under this teaching a short time -- and came to it as an adult -- can have a very difficult time breaking away. To come to a point where you can walk away from what has been NORMAL to him -- when, even now, he is probably surrounded by people telling him HE is right, and the rest of the world can't possiblly understand? Not impossible, but extremly difficult. Gothard's and the Pearl's warped teachings are the root of this -- combined with the sinful desires of man, which when warped with bad teachings -- blind those who they purport to be helping from their own sin and guilt, and in fact reinforce the notion of self-righteousness. Most of us here cannot even begin to understand what it is like to live under this teaching -- let alone embrace it. But for the kids, it is the only life they have known. It is the only way they have known. And leaving it will not be easy.
  17. There are many reasons this can happen. IME (unfortunately), Latching onto something that sounds like, "if you do X, your children will be "safe." This can happen rather quickly (some external recent horrible event -- or bit by bit. Growing up, Gothard was just coming into his own. All of my brothers and I attended the conferences. On the surface (one-time through), much of it sounded so comforting. If we would just do these things, stay under our father's umbrella of protection, everything would be fine and we would be blessed. My parents implemented a lot of what he taught -- thankfully they never went to the Advanced Institute (but it wasn't because they didn't want to, it was because it wasn't in a place they could attend). Based upon what I've heard about JB/Michelle, my guess is the grief over the loss of a baby and a desire to understand why God allowed it to happen paired closely with attending a Basics conference gave them the "answer" to the "why" they were longing for. They bought into it hook, line, sinker. Michelle already loved JB. So, anytime anything might have seemed wrong, M. simply remembered her teaching, that she needed to submit. Any fear/questions on her part were part of her sin nature, which she needed to reject. I'm sure she would cry, pray and seek forgiveness for her wrong. Eventually, in order to keep one's sanity, you naturally cut off many ties (at least from a conversational standpoint) with anyone who doesn't see things the way you do (or the way you are supposed to). It's difficult enough to keep oneselve's thoughts/desires in check -- but when you are around even loving family members who question anything, it is almost unbearable. As time progresses, you stop seeing yourself as a person with value/thoughts/feelings independent of your husband. You have become so adept at burying those thoughts and feelings (out of guilt), that you almost don't notice anymore. You turn to your husband for every answer. Your husband controls every aspect of your life...and because of all you have been taught and believe you understand, you no longer have the ability to go against it. You have to trust what you have learned/known -- it is almost as if you have lost the ability to think any differently. The system IS very attractive to men who like control. But, even Michelle was seeking to control the circumstances and outcome in her family's life. That grief...that all-consuming grief...the knawing feeling that it must be something *I* did wrong which caused my baby to die. It is consuming. You think through every morsel you ate, every action you took -- is there anything that you did that might have caused this? Gothard had the answer (for her). Birth Control. They disobeyed God's law, and their baby paid the price. Everything she did after that was an attempt to prevent the loss of another baby. She believed (knew in her heart) that if she just followed these principles, she would have more babies -- and they wouldn't die like J. There but for the grace of God...go I.
  18. It's low-key -- just a friends house. But, I worked for hours making my own recipe for a fresh sweet and sour sauce (one that didn't rely on canned pineapple and ketchup). It got a HUGE thumbs up from my kids and my husband (said husband usually drowns his spring rolls in soy sauce, but he likes my sweet & sour sauce better). Kids like it better than what comes in the jar. Shout out to Ree (Pioneer Woman), for kicking my recipe off...now to test it out on everyone else! My meatballs came out amazing (just how I wanted them...a good solid recipe that could be used a variety of ways). I now have a freezer full of meatballs -- for those nights when I don't have time to cook. The spring rolls (chicken) are also amazing. I made 100. Keeping 70 for us and 30 for the party today. And the cupcakes? Oh. My. Lord. (yes, we make our cakes and icings from scratch, too). This was my butter cake recipe. My daughter made them -- they are perfection. The icing? If you like chocolate, you will not be dissapointed. I've been working on a recipe that isn't quite as sweet, that has a full chocolate flavor -- we nailed it yesterday. We mixed a dark chocolate with a milk chocolate (about 70/30) ganache, used my dutch process cocoa, and of course some Godiva liqueur). Beautiful consistency and incredible flavor. Rich, but not too sweet. I want one sooo badly -- and I typicallly can take a pass! I hope to come out of today with a few more customers (between Plexus, food and Boy Scout advertising anyhow). (oh, I had left over chicken spring rolls for breakfast...a complete meal -- and stil oh, so yummy!)
  19. This is a difficult topic for me -- but there for the grace of God, go I -- I was raised during the early Gothard years. This kind of thinking is very difficult to break away from -- and I wasn't under it in such a complete and total manner. I have family members who have been under ATI (they aren't any longer...but they are having difficulty and floundering a bit to figure out WHAT they believe and WHY), I have a nephew (different brother, NOT ATI) who went to one of those camps a couple of years ago. I know many families from my years in Arkansas who were ATI families (wonderful families, but I was always put off by a few things). As an FYI, every one of the ATI families I knew -- the kids have all departed that belief system (not Christianity, but the ATI beliefs, yes). I can see how Josh could easily have done what he did, without the full understanding of just how awful it was -- and how he could have felt it was all in the past. And, if he went to the same type of ATI camp my nephew was sent to...let's call it a re-education camp...which sounded pretty abusive (not the hard work part, but the withholding food for not memorizing verses part), I can also feel a bit sad for Josh. I find myself willing to believe that the molestation he visited upon the girls was based partly in curiosity, partly a lack of accountability, partly a "prized first child can do no wrong oldest boy" mentality, and very much influenced by what he saw in how his father treated his mother (something to be used). All of these things can lead to a very warped idea of what is "right and wrong." Although I do believe he had some understanding that what he was doing was wrong -- it wasn't so fully developed that he felt any compunction to not molest a sister in a public setting. That is just NOT normal behavior of someone who has a thorough understanding of what he's doing. I pray that this is the case, but I do not know -- none of us do. I cannot get past how his parents reacted and did virtually nothing for an extended period of time. Frankly, I don't care that it wasn't public knowledge. But, I DO care that they refused to protect their girls when all this cult talks about is PROTECTING the innocence and virtue of their daughters. When it came down to it, they couldn't really be bothered. What Josh was allowed to do was heinous. That they allowed it to continue, and didn't actively prevent it from reoccurring is so far beyond worse than the actual molestation imho. I feel awful for the girls. Both for what happened, and for all of the notoriety now. Their lives have been forever altered in a very public way, forever. I hope they do get the counseling they need. I hope Josh does, too. I pray for them, and my heart aches for them.
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