Every time I throw away a sandwich bag (don't rinse and reuse), I feel rich (and a little defiant).

Everywhere I turn, I hear about the enneagram (friends, podcasts, Instagram, etc)! I've read a bit (not much) and am having a lot of trouble deciding between two types. I suspect I'm one with a strong wing of the other, I just don't know which way around (the two types are 1 and 2). Anyway, I'm curious if anyone here has delved into this and what you think. I know it's not scientific or accepted by mainstream psychology but it seems pretty interesting and insightful.

Our kids have plans over spring break with grandparents so we thought we'd grab the opportunity to escape somewhere warm to celebrate our 20th (which is in March). Our trip window is 5 days at the end of March-early April. We have airline miles and can go anywhere in US. We thought Florida Keys might be nice... warm, fun water activities (sailing, snorkeling, kayaking). But I am having such a hard time booking a place to stay... I had 7 houses on my airbnb wishlist and 6 are now gone (within 2 days). This makes me think that the Keys are going to be jam packed. We have never been before. When the Keys are "at capacity" is it still peaceful or is it crazy? (We would be near Key Largo or Marathon, NOT Key West.) Should I try to figure out a different destination? If so WHERE??? We want warm and peaceful and fun. Good food is a plus. We don't want to be surrounded by tons of kids (as much as we love ours).

If you have a child/children who don't seem to be college bound (for whatever reason), what kinds of careers are they/you considering? Ds14 isn't super academically strong and at this point says he doesn't want to go to college. I'm fine with this IF there is a path him that suits that leads to a decent career (i.e., can earn a living wage and doesn't require the kind of physical labor that isn't sustainable into middle age and beyond). College has been my paradigm my whole life, so I am curious to hear what the other paths/options might look like. Ds just says he wants a career "with people" because he likes talking with people. He's extremely emotionally intelligent and caring. Connects with children phenomenally well. He's about a C student. Not great with his hands (he has dysgraphia and fine motor skills aren't his strong suit). Interested in science and sports.

Thanks to all who replied. I am aware that it probably seems obvious from the outside that she's unreasonable but when you grow up with this kind of script running (I am always in the wrong somehow, always failing, always at fault) it is SO HARD to see things objectively. The thoughts of those outside the situation are really invaluable. So thanks.

Thanks, for all of this. I'm afraid to draw those boundaries (she has me well trained) but I think I risk my own sanity if I don't start.

Thanks. This post has prompted me to look for a therapist who specializes in personality disorders. My current counselor (who I haven't seen for a while) is good but I really don't think this is her area of expertise and I feel like I need someone with a clear understanding of what I'm dealing with. You describe my mom to a T.

Please don't quote. For background: My mom has NPD tendencies and one of her big things is making others feel guilty. She seems to thrive/feed on it. Really stupid stuff, like the last time she was here she was on my back for not having taken her to a certain place before (because I took her there this time and she really enjoyed it) and not replacing the toilet paper in a public bathroom. She guilts me for something almost every time I talk to her. She asked me if I wanted to Skype sometime before Christmas and then she asked who would be around. I said not dh (working) but probably kids. She never said "let's have a special family sit-down Skype session;" it was (in my mind) a chat with me and maybe my kids would pop on and say "hi." At the end of the call, my 3 youngest kids hadn't appeared (they were downstairs watching Home Alone) so I called them and they came up to say hello. They are boys, 7, 10 and 14. My mom told them to sit down (not hover around standing) and starting asking "yes/no" and binary questions (do you like school? how is basketball?). They answered "yes" and "good" but it was awkward because no one really knew whose turn it was to talk (it was 3 boys on this end, my mom and her husband on her end), my mom is hard of hearing and tends to interrupt, and they just aren't great at taking a binary question and extrapolating. (They do a lot better with "what is your favorite thing about XYZ" or "tell me about XYZ.") She was highly offended. She said, "well, I can tell you're just zoning out and you'd rather watch your movie, so maybe another time" and told them their turn was over. Then I got back on and she said, "I don't know if that was weird for them, it was very weird for us, they seem totally uninterested in speaking to us." The boys were stunned and hurt. They were not trying to be rude; they are boys who aren't extremely skilled at conversation with extended relatives over Skype. There was zero grace and they ended up just feeling like they failed somehow. I was really upset. I told my mom in a text that that it wasn't personal and they were trying their best, but it was unfair/unkind that she made them feel like they had failed. We ended up having an email exchange in which she berated me for not setting the tone and preparing them to talk to her. She said she thought they would be interested in asking their grandparents questions (her and her dh, my stepdad). I kept trying to explain that they do fine when it is casual and there are more open-ended questions, but that the formality and pressure aren't conducive to good communication with them. She ended up begging me to "stop beating up on her." We tabled it and she sent me a merry Christmas email a couple days later to which I say "you too" or something. I'm still hurt over this. I think that she is insecure about people liking/loving her and so a lot of her interaction with others is a kind of "test." She doesn't actually work for deep relationships (with me, she monologues about people I don't know and she rarely asks about my life) but she wants to feel that others love/appreciate her. My boys didn't perform. She's also competitive with other relatives so I think the fact that I said they do fine over Skype if its more casual made her think "oh no, other relatives have better relationships with them than I do" and so it escalated and made her feel "beat up." On the other hand, should I have done better? The Skype time kept changing and I got on with her almost immediately after returning home with groceries, but I *could have* run downstairs and said "hey boys, grandma is calling and I'd like you to get on and make sure you tell her things about your life and ask her questions." We DO prep our kids for social interactions at times. We know that kids aren't born knowing how to converse and we take time to train/help them with this, because we feel it's an important skill to have. But because she was such a jerk about it, I don't feel like considering my part and I feel angry even considering that I'm to blame because the whole thing felt so graceless. When the call ended, I was simultaneously saying "guys I am so sorry she acted like that, but next time, try to talk more..." and my 18yo dd (who overheard everything) looked at me aghast and said to her brothers "YOU DID NOT DO ANYTHING WRONG." I sort of feel like she sees the dynamic more clearly and she is not susceptible to my mom's guilting like I am. But maybe dd is just less mature/selfless and I SHOULD have done better... I guess I am just wanting some objective help here. Do I have something to apologize for? I was so pissed at my mom and I still am. But it is so hard for me not to wonder if I am to blame somehow? Where do I go from here?

Yes, it would bug me. A dinner party is very different from a potluck. I have planned and executed a menu with a lot of thought and care. Now I have a random side dish I didn't want as part of the meal, and my choices are to serve it anyway or potentially offend the bringer. Ugh. ETA: A guest should bring wine, flowers, chocolate, or some other hostess gift. Never an unasked-for dish.

OP here. Thanks, everyone. To answer some questions, he is American and yes, he works for the managing agent. There's a different handyman. This guy and his wife ONLY change the filters and check the smoke detectors and gutters. I think the agent can't be bothered to actually come here. This is small potatoes for her, I guess... she sells houses so that's obviously where she makes her real money. She has set foot on the property ONCE in six years. But she's very responsive via text so that's good. We are never late on rent, so I can't imagine that she'd be concerned about our employment situation. I agree that asking about job is a normal conversation material, but it came immediately asking about how much we pay in rent, so it felt weird, like he was thinking "how do you afford this?" or "are you still affording it?" or even "are you moving up and therefore thinking about moving out and buying a house?" (the latter might have made the most sense because he has often said that he'd like to live here). IDK, the whole line of questioning just struck me as odd. And yes, I guess I am one of those people who feel that asking the cost of something is rude. I would never ask a friend (let alone a business acquaintance) how much they pay/paid for something. That's just intrusive/awkward to me (but that may very well be my upbringing). Plus I was sitting at my laptop doing Christmas shopping and not being very engaging (on purpose, because once you get him talking he won't leave). So it felt like he was really intentionally getting my attention to ask about this. I guess I just feel like if you want to make chit-chat with the lady who rents the place where you change filters there are lots of options besides "how much do you pay for this place anyway?" :huh: My dh doesn't want me to mention it to the agent. He says the guy is just a "harmless extrovert." He put in the wrong size filter and so he just had to come back. He asked me "so, do you have to cut the grass here?" :lol: I'm pretty sure he's wondering if he could be the next renter.

There's an older couple (late 60's maybe) who comes over to the house we rent periodically to change a filter and check smoke detectors. I find the man really difficult. He's very loud and overly familiar. My dog HATES him. He seems to be always looking all around the house (makes me wonder if he is supposed to "inspect it" too) and is constantly saying how much he loves this home, how lucky we are to live here, etc. Today he asked me how much our rent is. Then he went on to ask about my husband's job ("is he still doing XYZ?"). This made me feel SO uncomfortable. I just said "the rent is very reasonable" (did not give him a number). I answered about my dh's job but still felt really strange. I told him about a new job dh is doing and he said "oh he'd be great at that." I don't think he has ever even met dh. :confused1: I don't know what to do. Am I overreacting to feel that asking how much someone pays in rent is overstepping? I have half a mind to tell the managing agent about it. I feel like this is so unprofessional. But maybe I'm just being overly private. Thoughts?

I just put items in my Amazon cart that are Prime. Guaranteed deliver is 12/27. What???? Isn't the whole point of Prime that it's 2-day delivery? My last-minute Christmas shopping plan is coming crashing down.

Wow, I'm another person in the camp of "buried childhood memories." We always did in in elementary school (paddywhack machine) and some teachers would do it too (along with the pinch to grow an inch). However, even more embarrassing was the 7th grade English teacher who would have the class sing Happy Birthday and then he'd say "13 years old and never been kissed!" to which the class would respond based on their knowledge of the birthday person's kissing experience (or lack thereof). As I type this out, I am in disbelief that this happened, but I swear it did!!!

I tried OTC hydrocortisone and it's already feeling better. The Hive for the win!!!

Well, it *is* Christmas and I have relatives who like to give gifts around that price point.

Love this idea! And I love your bag. It IS beautiful.

Yes, I guess it is possible! Did you ask your regular doctor or a dermatologist? I am cringing a bit about my specialist co-pay... maybe I will just try hydrocortisone cream and see if it works.

I use Paula's Choice because of the recommendations of the Hive. I have been very happy. I just use their Resist line and have added in an eye cream. I didn't want to try to put something together on my own. These products complement each other and they are great.

What is a convo?

I get this every winter and sometimes other times. It's really bad right now. It's on either side of my nostrils (on my face, not my nose itself). Flaming red, sensitive, and flaky. :( I have been researching online and some say it's fungal and you need Rx cream. Others suggest everything from apple cider vinegar to dandruff shampoo to crystal deodorant (?). Has anyone successfully treated this?

I want a new bag (purse) but I don't know where to look. I have a Bagallini but it's not me in terms of appearance. I like all the pockets/compartments because I like to keep my stuff organized but I really want something leather. I don't like shiny, structured, lots of hardware, fancy-looking. I like soft, buttery. I carry my laptop in a battered (leather) messenger bag with vintage-looking buckles and that feels more like me. Eager to hear ideas of where to start...

There are 5 lots, all 80 feet wide.

We are thinking of buying land and building. My dh really likes this lot that's a half acre. It's 80 feet wide, so it's narrow and deep. To me, when I look at an 80-foot wide lot, it seems SO narrow (we live on 10 acres right now). But I'm wondering if that's pretty normal. We would build a craftsman-style house that's narrow and deep (to fit the lot), like maybe 30 feet wide, giving us 25 feet on either side. Is that crammed in? How can I get perspective on what this would look/feel like?

This is me too.

Oh my goodness, this is so true! We got a call a couple of months ago from ds(16) who had been pulled over with a broken head light. When they ran his license, it didn't come up that he was licensed! :scared: (It was a clerical error on DMV's part, has been remedied.) So we had to drive out and get him (and drive his car home). We had thought we were in for the night and dh had about 2.5 glasses of wine over a few hours (probably generous pours). He's a big guy and wasn't feeling buzzed or anything but the police officer could smell it on his breath and had him take a breathalyzer! (Ds found this really funny...) He was within legal limits so we could each drive a car home but OH MY GOODNESS, it definitely proved Scarlett's point. Eegads.