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Melissa in Australia

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Posts posted by Melissa in Australia

  1. yes.

     We were taught that budgets don't work as people then spend all their budgeted money. instead you buy minimal and every single cent left over from everything is put into a container and paid off the mortgage faster or put into savings. if you can get something secondhand then get it that way, don't buy new unless there is no other option and it is essential. 

    nothing every borrowed apart from a mortgage. live well below your means and save save save.

     that is how my parents lives, that is how their parents lived, that is how we live and my children are living like that as well.

  2. 1 hour ago, fairfarmhand said:

    That is one of my concerns. From the little reading I've done, it looks like two pigeons could quickly become LOTS of pigeons. I wonder if we gathered the eggs or gave the hens dummy eggs to slow them down...would that work?

    What kind of pigeons do you have?

    Homing pigeons. 


    We started out with 3.  We have over 50 now

    Ds now 16 made a fancy one way door at the top of their pen so he could 6thd release them and they would fly back and go back into their pen.

    Sometimes a falcon would find its way in which always caused great excitement trying to get it out. 

    They make nests with their own poo. We thought having limited pigeon holes would limit them, but they then just make nests all over the ground

    • Sad 1
  3. 1 hour ago, Hunter said:

    I have been yelled at for acting like I don't feel safe, when the person yelling was demanding that I was safe and that I better start acting that way.

    Needless to say, I started acting even more afraid and stressed and did not produce the output being demanded. Output, yeh, I suck at producing the demanded output. I can produce "brilliant" output, but not "easy" output.

    I was horribly disruptive first semester. Professors were actually threatening each other over me, and that made me feel less safe instead of more safe. And I felt sooooo guilty that I was making such waves.

    Those of us who have never known safety, especially as children, don't know what we are missing or that we are missing anything at all. We only know what we know. When people demand things that we don't know, we do not even always know what they are asking for. Or as I said, information is not always accessible if we are dissociating, and our brain is fragmented and compartmentalized. Sometimes I cannot even retrieve the word "shoe" or "cup", the same as a stroke victim.

    I have short-term memory loss when overwhelmed. You can say a word and ask me what it was immediately and I might not remember it. I have found left over take-out food in the fridge and had to call friends to ask how old it was and where it came from. I did not remember going out to eat. 

    What overwhelms me? Loud noises. A scene in a video or book. Weird crap like bagpipe players. That is a tough phobia to have in northeast cities. And Pokemon video game has freaking bagpipes. I piss onlookers off. All. The. Time. I have been yelled at for not paying attention as a funeral march passed by with the bagpipes. And then yelled at again for overreacting to being yelled at. And then for being moody an hour later. And then for walking away.

    I don't mean to be "bad". We are social creatures. We are designed to believe what onlookers say about us, and to try and conform to their expectations. When we cannot conform, we have to come to a conclusion about that. Often be believe that we ARE bad as part of our identity, especially because we know what conforming was impossible. And it reinforces what we were told by our abusers to condone their abuse of us.

    Yup, output: I suck at that. And my teachers got in trouble for that. Which made them dislike me even more. And made me dislike myself even more. A few other professors calling me "brilliant", didn't relieve my guilt.

    Go easy on her and go easy on YOURSELF. You are just human. You are not going to understand. You are going to muck this up, but that doesn't make you bad, just like she isn't bad. We are all human. Human is good. I have lived parts of my life in robot mode and I don't want to be a machine. I want to be real. Real is the goal, even if it hurts. And even if it means we produce less output.

    Thank you so so much. This gives me great insight  into my boys 

    • Like 4
  4. Was he at work when he was injured? 

    Here workers compensation is only for people who are injured at work. 

    If you are injured while not at work then you have about 6 days of  paid sick leave. Workplaces may hold a position opened for you but they don't have to pay you. 


    My DH was injured at work in a work place accident. He was unable to ever go back to work. He is now on a disability pension. We live very frugally. 

  5. I learned in my foster training that A child who is highly stressed and not feeling safe CANNOT learn. They will either withdraw into themselves or fight everything, or from my experiance do both at the same time. 

    She may be safe now, but being safe and feeling safe are 2 quite different things. 

    My twins still have times of feeling not safe. They have been with us 5 years. In fact our whole focus is helping them feel safe and assisting them with self regulation. These are the very essential skills that they will need to function independant from us when adults. 

    I would suggest that she is in a state of mind that may make academic skills just about impossible at the moment. 

    • Like 5
  6. 20 hours ago, Michelle Conde said:

    We added our foster girls’ two sisters in August, and the seven-year-old is going through a very difficult time.  After working to get permission to enroll them in my kids’ homeschooling charter rather than doing their unsatisfactory public school’s distance learning, and carefully preparing and planning to be able to manage homeschooling seven kids, I think I basically need to scrap everything for dfd7.  I like fun, interactive, rigorous curricula, but the more interactive the work is, the more opportunity she sees to fight me on it.  She is eating up huge chunks of my schooling time and ruining all the fun parts for the other kids.  And she honestly seems offended when I want her to do anything requiring thought, not just regurgitating words.  This is ridiculous and she shouldn’t just be allowed to regurgitate instead of think, but she is also working through her trauma and her anger in every area of her life right now, and it isn’t fair that the other kids’ learning be interrupted day in and day out because I am spending so much time in battles of wills trying to get her to do basic things like answer questions, hold a pencil the right way, and stop screaming at her sister for answering the question she refused to answer.

    I need something I can give her and walk away so she doesn’t have as much opportunity to try to pit her will against mine over it.  A basic, “here’s your work, you know what to do, you will be welcome to play and do fun stuff with the rest of the kids once it’s complete, and not before” independent curriculum for a second-grader request.  We especially need this for language arts, but really for everything.  Does this even exist for such a young kid?

    I haven't read any responses.

     I would strongly recommend that you gave her work that is at least a year below her level. something she can do easily . then gradually make the work get close to her level. I wouldn't require anything that needs any thought. just get a routine established and her complying. 


     She is new to your house, is doing major adjustments and it will take at least 12 months for her to calm down . Working at grade level in schoolwork would be the least thing to focus on. self regulation, working through trauma, starting to feel safe are all way more essential.

    There is only so much a child can cope with and it will build her confidence if she finds work easy and she can get satisfaction in completing it herself.



    some curriculum suggestions may be something form Critical Thinking co. or Abeka well  below her grade level.

    • Like 10
  7. Sheets and pillowcases every week. we use a top and bottom sheet. The whole point of sheets is to keep blankets cleaner. 

    Wool blankets are washed 2 times a year.( Some of my wool blankets are those grey ones. They were made in 1942,) 

    Patchwork quilts 2 times a year

    Doona covers. Ds 16 weekly, mine every month

    Everyone else uses patchwork quilts

    Cotton blankets, every few weeks


    DH has multiple chemical sensitivities. We have hardwood floors, no floor coverings, minimal stuff in the bedroom and 2 walls of windows. We sleep with windows opened so he has lots of fresh air. 

     We also have a few plants in there as they help with air freshening

    I am hopeless with dusting

    • Like 1
  8. I have vegetable soup every day for lunch. I make a big pot once a week and freeze it in lunch sized portions. 


    2 cups dried  mixed beans and chick peas 

    4 tablespoons (roundabout) dried lentils 

    1 onion

     2 leaks

     1 clove garlic

     large can on tomatoes (home bottled)

     2 tablespoons Italian mixed herbs

    2 carrots grated

     1 turnip

     a bunch of Kale leaves

    half a celery - leaves included

    3 tablespoons tomato paste

     some chicken stock if I have any  saved form last time we had roast chicken

    some pumpkin if I have some left

    some cabbage


    rock salt





    • Like 4
  9. Yes

    ds 26 has made a desk from 2 filing cabinets and a house door. He uses his desk every single day. Especially now as he is in Melbourne with a hard lockdown and is working form his home

    dd20 uses her desk for the majority of the day. She is abck at home at the moment as Uni is all online

    Ds16 has a massive desk in his room. He has his desktop on it

    he uses it every single day

    my twins 9  use a desk for schoolwork




  10. I have used their language, and grammar books on and off over the years for multiple grades

    I am currently using their language and phonics books grade 1 

    the thing I like about them

     they are a write in the workbook. In the younger grades there are lots of colourful pictures . they are open and go. 

     the things I don't like

     very USA eccentric - though that is to be expected. 

    religious - also expected.

    sometimes I have trouble working how they match  some words to specific phonograms  in the phonics book. I really have to stretch my imagination on what the USA pronunciation is to work out why they have some words with some sounds.


     the way I am using them this year is for a book that one twin can do semi independantly while I listen to the other read. it is not our main phonics or language book, but a supplement


    there are various YouTube things of people flipping through the books so you can get an idea what they look like inside

    • Like 1
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