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Medicmom2.0 last won the day on April 28 2018

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  1. DH has never told his parents he hates this sort of thing because he knows how they sacrificed and his dad worked overtime to afford the trip every year when they were kids. He will never tell them he’s hated it all along and he’ll be fine on the trip, just complain to me privately about how much he prefers a cabin in the woods. We are going to go. It has just felt like one thing on top of another—$14,000 this summer in out of pocket necessary medical stuff, the wrong dates, the new job. I will have to ask my parents for a loan to go on this trip, but I think it’s important enough.
  2. I would feel selfish too. It’s really important to them. DH will be miserable but he’ll just complain to me.
  3. Myrtle Beach is where FIL always vacationed as a child and where they took their own kids every year. They can’t afford to go every year now so have been waiting until the grandkids were old enough to take a trip and share Myrtle Beach with them. While they can’t afford to pay our entire way, they are helping as much as they can and have saved a long time for this. The condos are rented for a week. Plus two days each way travel. My kids are good travelers though and will be fine on a long car ride. They cannot be partially cancelled.
  4. He wants to suck it up and go. They don’t know he hates this kind of thing. They are very aware of all DS’s issues. They purposefully got condos right on the beach so he could escape to ours as a break when he needed. They have tried to be very thoughtful.
  5. My in laws decided this year they wanted to go on a huge family vacation to Myrtle Beach—them, us, my SIL, BIL and BIL’s parents and sister(they invited my parents but they have elder care issues, and this isn’t their thing). I have never been there, because I always was under the impression it was commercialized and hate that. I enjoy traveling, but my husband and kids do not. We enjoy camping and renting a house on a quiet lake for a week. Emphasis on quiet. DS9 is on the spectrum and hates sun, noise, crowds, and not having his schedule. He doesn’t mind sand and loves to play on quiet beaches(we live in the Fingerlakes so lots of options there). All my kids are good swimmers, but I still can’t relax around water. DH hates everything that’s not quiet, rural and peaceful. In laws have rented condos on the beach. I truly can’t envision what this looks like—a hotel? They paid the deposits but aren’t paying the whole thing, and we can’t really afford it with the medical bills. My parents have offered to help us financially with the trip(they have the means to do so) or to rent a large house on one of the Great Lakes and we can stay for a week, which they’ve done from time to time and we’ve loved. On top of this, DH gave me the wrong dates. He just figured that out today. I just started a new job, and can’t take those particular dates off(I gave them the wrong dates when I was hired, and now I’m stuck due to other people’s approved vacations). I can work remotely but I will still be working and not spending time with my kids and husband. With all of this, would you just try to gracefully bow out? My in laws are terrific people who help us out enormously, and are really, really looking forward to this. They’ve been talking about it for months. I would very much hate to disappoint them. this isn’t a JAWM. You know I don’t want to go. Help me figure out the right thing to do. more info: This was my in laws summer vacation for many years—they took their kids to Myrtle Beach. They’ve looked forward to taking their grandkids someday and my kids are now old enough to appreciate it. They thoughtfully got the condos because they wanted a calm and quiet place for DS9 to escape too when he needed to. DH hated all those vacations and does not want to go, but said yes because it’s very important to his parents.
  6. My uncle died recently, fairly young. The evening before he died his priest came and visited him. My uncle, completely lucid, told his priest he had asked for a vision of Heaven as he was afraid. He said that he then fell asleep and had the most real dream ever, where he saw Heaven and saw two of his friends who recently died, father and son, who said they were waiting for him to come and sing(all three were in their parish choir together for many years). The priest shared this with my aunt, but no one else. Four days later at work I was taking a hospice patient home. The patient was somewhat lucid but really had only hours to live(and did in fact die that night). On the way, he said to me, “I hear singing.” I nodded. This isn’t unusual. The man then looked at me and said “It’s so and so(the men my uncle had seen) and your relative. They’re singing to God, just like they used to, and are waiting for me. They’re happy and healthy, and I will be too.” He didn’t name my uncle, but said your relative. I didn’t have anything with my name on it and have a different last name anyway. There’s no way he could have known. I debated on telling my aunt, because I didn’t want to hurt my aunt more and you never know how it is received. So I asked my mom, who told me my aunt was praying for a sign—a sign her husband was happy and healthy. I was dealing with with a life threatening allergic reaction, but we had no idea to what. It seemed random and the allergist was at a loss. I dreamt of my grandmother, and was discussing it with her in the dream. I told her how afraid I was; I had to be resuscitated and intubated the last time. She told me to ask the doctor to test aronia(it’s a chokeberry). I had never heard of it. Guess what I am allergic too(it’s found in some types of cranberry juice and as a coloring in other things). I don’t know for sure what happens next, but I absolutely believe there is more to this world than we know.
  7. I have had the zombie dreams starting when I was a child. I used to dream my great grandfather, who died when I was 8, came back and we had to send him back to the grave. I used to be ambivalent about the existence of an afterlife but am not any longer. I have seen too much and been told too much by people who are actively dying. I have also had dream conversations with my beloved grandmother who told me things that I needed to know, but that had not happened yet.
  8. I think if Mom said no, Grandma should follow that. But as a Mom, I wouldn’t say no. As long as it’s not a daily occurrence, I think it’s just part of the magic of Grandma’s. My grandma kept cookies in a 1930s era tin for us. It’s a favorite memory. My mom and mother in law pick up my four year old from preschool often and they both get him a treat afterward. He LOVES it. Neither scenario would even be on my radar. It’s actually weird to me that someone would get upset about either.
  9. It will not stop here in NY either. Some farmer friends of mine posted that they will not have organic sweet corn this year because they have not been able to plant. We had more flooding yesterday. Several of my farmer friends are very worried about their crops. I don’t know if we are in a shifting long term pattern or what, but the last three years have been devastating here as far as crops and flooding.
  10. One of my best friends through high school and young adulthood was from the same Mennonite group, so I have a decent understanding of the culture my sister is now in. While I’m sure they don’t have a TV it’s likely my nieces are watching Daniel Tiger on the computer. My sister actually messaged some more, which surprised me, asking about my kids and telling me my oldest niece asks about me occasionally and named her doll with my name. It’s a start. I am going to stick with some Daniel tiger books and stuffed animals and send them as a present.
  11. I did find out she’s now conservative Mennonite(as her husband’s family is), so I don’t even know if that adds a whole new layer. I just want to be sensitive and loving. I plan to send a small gift to each girl off Amazon with a short note. I want them to know we’re out here and love them, in case they ever want to look for us.
  12. Well—she responded. It’s our first contact in two years. it was super short with only her kid’s names(I didn’t even know my second niece’s name) and birthdates, along with a suggestion that they like Daniel tiger. Its so hard to know with this sister, but I think that’s an invitation to send them a small birthday present?
  13. I have a child with ASD too and we also couldn’t just tell him we weren’t going, even if we never said we were seeing the movie. I get it. I agree with PP. if they want to see Toy Story and not really Lion King, take the money and go see Toy Story. You go and enjoy a night and movie out by yourself when Lion King comes out.
  14. I’ve felt this all along. Two years ago when my poor BIL was so confused another of our siblings had a frank conversation about what things were actually like, good and bad. We just wanted him to know that yes, things weren’t idyllic, but this is what actually happened. She hasn’t read my message, but it’s not unusual for her to not be online for days at a time. She hasn’t blocked me and used my amazon prime again, so I’m hoping that’s a good sign.
  15. At the time, my BIL and other sister felt that it was a this horrible stuff happened to to, break the demonic bonds, spend $799 and buy our full curriculum package to keep working through your hurt and unforgiveness type deal. They were currently attending a church that was big into demons and demonic influences causing physical and emotional problems. I’m Baptist; it’s all strange to me. Then she got involved with a healing center organization and started telling us all our energy and chakras were disturbed. It was very strange and she went from charismatic churchy to new age energy healing within weeks. Then she cut off contact. Truthfully she may have even worked through some of this. It’s been two years now. It’s all a very bizarre situation; and I truthfully am leaving a lot of the most bizarre stuff out because it’s too identifying. This is one reason why I very much want to leave the door open for my nieces should they ever need me or their other aunts.
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