Oh, I wish money were no object! :D That's why I asked here first instead of shelling out the cash. I can afford it, but it "hurts" enough that I want to make sure it's justified. :001_smile: I started with barbell only (that thing weighs a ton*!) and didn't add any weight at all for several workouts. Now I'm up to using the smallest plates, 5 and then 10 pounds each, for some, but not all, of the sets. We usually do 5 sets of 10 on the squats, 3 sets of ten on the deadlifts -- my husband picked those numbers. Does this sound reasonable? * ok, it only weighs 45 pounds, but it feels like a ton!

I thought about that, too, Carol. A couple of times, I skipped the squats and deadlifts and instead did machines like leg press, hamstring curls, etc. instead. It's true I didn't get the neck pain later. But I also didn't feel like I got as good a workout. Still, maybe I should do a mix of the two, or alternate the two, types of workouts so that I'm not in pain as often, at least!

Oh, thanks!

I'm a total noob - my first time doing squats/deadlifts with a barbell was May 2. You think there's hope that I won't hurt this much in time?

Thanks, Jenne! Will do.

Good to know -- thank you both! My gym has a number of trainers, so I will try to find out more about their qualifications and background.

I've recently started lifting weights, and I love, love, love it. My two favorite exercises are squats and deadlifts, because they make me feel strong and alive and just generally awesome! :D The problem is, after I do them, I get pain in my upper trapezius (where neck meets shoulder) and neck. I am trying so hard to be careful and use really good form. I am not putting the barbell on my neck at all, but on my upper back. I do have bad posture ("forward head" position) which I am working on generally, and also particularly when I'm exercising: I am very careful to keep my head upright, my chest lifted, my shoulders back and down, etc. I really don't know what I'm doing wrong, but I want to be able to continue doing these exercises. I think they're very important. My husband is my workout buddy and spotter, and he helps me a lot, but he doesn't see anything that I'm doing wrong either. Do you think a personal trainer might be able to help me figure this out?

I'm open to the possibility that I misinterpreted him. I'll reread it. I'm also going to ask my husband to read it, because he's a pretty thoughtful, fair-minded guy (and I'm not biased in that assessment at all ;) )

I think that's an excellent philosophy when it comes to working out! I was a lazy bum and did nothing -- I mean, I had a rest day, yeah, that's it, a rest day! -- on Thursday, cardio at the gym on Friday, weights with husband on Saturday. Today I restarted the "Couch to 5K" running program. I attempted it once before, when a group here was formed to encourage each other. I loved the program, but I eventually "flunked out" because of a hurt ankle. I'm going to try it again, because there's nothing else that's quite like running. I have learned a few things which I hope will help me be more successful this time: 1. I am NOT setting a specific date for the 5K goal. I'm taking my time, because I'd rather run a 5K injury-free a year or even two from now, than set a goal of a few months and then drop out again because of injury. There's no time constraints or pressures here, so I'm giving myself the freedom do do each week of the program for a month or six weeks or however long I need to, in order to make sure my ankles are strong enough. And perhaps that will mean doing the training only twice a week instead of three times, to make sure my body is "up for it" again before the next run. I don't know for sure. I'm just going to play it by ear. 2. When I first feel a twinge of pain, I will BACK OFF so that the twinge doesn't become debilitating. (You'd think this one would be obvious, wouldn't you?) 3. Running forefoot strike rather than heel strike means that you have to take shorter strides, and hit the ground lightly rather than in a pounding, thudding way. I will make a conscious effort to do that, and get that stride perfected before I lengthen the running time. So I did a "Week 2" run this morning, and I really enjoyed it. I know that aerobically I could have handled a more advanced week - in fact aerobically I'm pretty sure I could manage the whole 5K. But my goal is to get my ankles and calves strong enough to do this without hurting, so I chose an easy week.

Oh, good, I'm glad to know this. Thank you Quill!

You're probably right. I'd like to give the benefit of the doubt, because I'd really like to think that he wouldn't be that hateful. But... :(

Oh, also, this is not an app, but a podcast. She tells you when to walk and when to run, using the "Couch to 5K" training program, with music. I really like it, because she doesn't break into the music often to offer you encouragement or coaching (not my thing), she just very simply says things like, "okay, it's time for your 90 second running interval. Go!" and gets you right back to the music. http://carlifierce.com/5k-training-downloads/

These are handy for helping you carry small items like keys that you want to take with you when you run: http://sprigs.com/banjees/sport-mesh-banjees/

It used to be that maybe a handful of extremist nut jobs would respond to a tragedy in such a disgusting way. Now it's our elected government officials doing it? Lord have mercy. My heart and my prayers go out to all the victims, the survivors, and their friends and family. I am so sorry. ETA: Apparently that Lt. Governor's office is claiming that the tweet had been scheduled before this tragedy occurred, that it was just part of a regular Sunday morning Bible quote thing that he does. I sincerely hope that's the case and that it wasn't an intentional insult to the victims and their loved ones.

You're right, I shouldn't have said lying. He didn't seem to be saying that they were lying. Just that they were too stupid/drunk/confused to understand what really happened. I realize that cops have a very difficult job to do generally, and with regard to rape particularly. And I would be very interested to hear his insights into the dangers of drinking culture on campus. But any cop who thinks that 80-90% of the cases brought before him have no merit, well it's probably past time for him to retire. That's such an extreme claim that I just don't buy it.

"Probable cause is a pretty low standard. It doesn’t take much proof for me to arrest you, but when it comes to sexual offenses, I’ve always felt I had a duty to make sure I went beyond mere probable cause before I charged. The reason is that even if a suspect ends up beating the charge at trial down the road, all his friends and family members will know that he got arrested for rape for the rest of his life. That’s a stance that’s gotten me in Dutch with rape crisis counselors and the like a time or two over the years." This is why I can't trust the rest of what he claims. He admits that he uses a different standard for rape cases than for other crimes, admits to that bias quite openly. What he doesn't seem to realize is that his bias also most likely came across pretty darn clearly to the women who were reporting rape to him. Maybe some of them really were in scenarios like he described. And maybe some of them weren't. But because he dismissed them and made them feel like it was all in their heads, that it was their fault because they were drunk, then they dropped the charges. Then he felt vindicated, because he "knew" all along that the charge wasn't legitimate, so it strengthened his bias, and it becomes a vicious cycle. I'm not saying that what he described never happens. I'm saying there's no way in hell that I trust his 80% statistic. My take-away from this article was, cops like him are the reason that so many victims don't report, or regret reporting when they do. When you operate on the assumption that the person reporting the crime is lying to you, who exactly is it that you're protecting and serving?

Wait, I'm confused, has this actually been a thing - that someone was trying to give medical care to an unconscious woman and got falsely accused of rape? That's happened?

I never made the assumption that it's a learned reaction. As you pointed out in your first paragraph, I said that rape victims seem to have a natural tendency to feel self-blame. My point is that we have to be very careful and thoughtful in these discussions, because it's so easy to heap more blame on innocent people who are already blaming themselves. I'm also not saying that means we can't talk about it. I'm just trying to say that context and word choice and tone matter. It's an area where it is worth it to take the effort to tread lightly and discuss very carefully and thoughtfully. I have failed to do that before, and unintentionally hurt some people right here on these boards. My intentions were good, but my word choice was bad, and I deeply regret it. I hope that I can do better in the future. Of course I know that no one is *advocating* rubbing it in. But sometimes we do that even when we don't mean to. So I'm urging caution. I absolutely would do my best to listen to and honor anyone who shared such a story like that with me, including honoring her desire to spare others from such a horrifying event. Absolutely. And I would also try to do everything in my power to reassure her that it wasn't her fault. SKL, I am so profoundly sorry that you too have been assaulted. Those of us who have never been through that can only imagine, and so we stumble through these conversations as best we can. Sometimes we make mistakes. I only want to minimize those mistakes.

I never went to wild parties or got blackout drunk. I never got raped. I can see the temptation to think that those two facts are related. But they are NOT. They are a coincidence that could very easily make me feel good about myself, that I protected myself by making the “right†choices, IF it weren’t for the fact that the women I know who have been raped were not drunk, were not at a wild party, were not out alone late at night, were not in “bad†neighborhoods, were not dressed provocatively or leading him on, were not doing any of the the things that we get told not to do. They were just girls and women who were living their lives, and had the misfortune of being in proximity to a rapist: walking to school, playing with the kids in the neighborhood, going on a first date at the age of 16, accepting the offer of a ride from a coworker, answering the door when a friend of her boyfriend dropped by unexpectedly. They did NOTHING that led to the rape. They did NOTHING to put themselves “at risk†unless you count being female. I understand the desire to protect ourselves and our daughters, because believe me, as the mom of a daughter myself, it scares the crap out of me, knowing how vulnerable she is. Yes, I talk to her about ways she can try to protect herself. I don’t know any parent who doesn’t. But when those kinds of discussions are about rape, they need to be handled with a lot more delicacy and thoughtfulness than when they are about having stuff stolen from your car. Because the stakes are so much higher. There are few things in this world that I can imagine that would be worse than my daughter being raped. But one of those things is, my daughter being raped AND having my careless, blaming words in her head, adding to the self-blame and guilt and shame that all rape victims seem to feel. Have we discussed the dangers of wild parties? Sure! Will we discuss it in the context of this particular case? NO. What’s up for discussion in this case is, why does our culture give athletes more of a pass when it comes to beating and raping women? Why do judges give such light sentences to rapists, while giving harsh sentences for non-violent crimes? Why have so many colleges been in denial about this very serious problem for so long? THOSE are the questions this should bring up. Not “why did she go to that party?†or “why did she get drunk?†That poor young woman was raped for one reason and one reason only: because of a rapist. Her behavior is not up for discussion, at least not in my household. By the way, the girl I mentioned who got raped while playing with friends in the neighborhood was my mom. She was five years old when it happened. And she never told a soul, not even my father, until just a few years ago, because she felt so ashamed and blamed herself for being “so stupid.†Can you imagine? She blamed HERSELF for the fact that a grown man lured an innocent little five year old girl away from her friends so that he could abuse her. THAT is why these discussions of what the victim did or didn’t do to avoid the crime have to stop. They don’t protect us. Yet they do shift the blame to the victim.

I wish that Southwest was an option, because I've had good experiences with them before. But this time, they aren't, because of the weird particulars of me needing to arrive at a certain airport on a certain day (they fly to a different airport in the same city). Appreciate the suggestion, though!

Thanks, Lanny! I do have a dollar amount in mind that I'm willing to pay. Beyond that amount, it just makes more sense to endure the long, unpleasant drive. So if I see it at that price, I'll just go ahead and nab it.

Thanks, everyone, for all the help! I'll need two seats, because my daughter is traveling with me, so that might reduce our odds a bit. It's a simple, direct flight, and I believe that American, at least, has several per day between these two cities. I will check other airlines as well. I was only looking at sites like kayak, I never actually shopped American's own site. So I will do that, and be prepared to make the purchase immediately if their price is within my range, so that they don't gouge me if I delay and go back later. Thanks again!

I can't be very flexible, but "absolute last minute" is fine. So I'm not sure if that will work for this scenario or not. I'll do some browsing around at their website and see what I can see. :)

This. https://www.buzzfeed.com/tomnamako/joe-biden-writes-an-open-letter-to-stanford-survivor?bffbmain&utm_term=.sxJOl9jP0#.gdnDgoOeY

I'm so jealous. Wish we had a parkour gym here! (Oh, not for me, I'm much too chicken for anything like that. But my daughter would love it!)