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Greta

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Everything posted by Greta

  1. I can only imagine!!! It's a very difficult job, one that I would never want and that I'm not remotely equipped to handle. I am in awe of those who do it well.
  2. Yeah, I think that the misunderstanding has been on my end! I mean, I think that the cop's article is making ridiculous exaggerations, and he seems to be extrapolating from his experience with rape on one campus (experiences which don't match the statistics at all) to draw general conclusions, and I think he's dead wrong. I've read his email or whatever it was three times now, and it gets worse with each reading. So I stand by my assessment of his article. But when I thought that people here were making similar extrapolations, it may very well have been entirely 100% my misunderstanding. I apologize. And I'm sure this doesn't need to be said, but I feel like saying it. In no way shape or form am I trying to defend binge drinking or hook-up culture! Not even remotely! I'm only trying to defend women from the stereotype that article promotes of the typical rape victim being a drunk girl who had consensual sex and then cried rape later, because I think that is hateful and destructive.
  3. My city is very fortunate to have a homeschooling library. There is a small fee for a lifelong membership (I forget - $10 or $20?) and then you can check out textbooks and other non-consumable homeschooling resources and curriculums for an entire year at a time. I haven't used it in years, so I hope I'm giving information that's still accurate! It's a neat thing. I wish every community could have one.
  4. Thank you for sharing this - these stats are (imo) much more relevant to the conversation. And if they are accurate, then alcohol plays a much bigger role in campus rape than it does in rape overall. That's not terribly surprising I suppose, given that campus life is right when so many young adults are attaining legal drinking age, and when so many young adults are away from home for the first time and engaging in risky behaviors like underage drinking. I don't think anyone is trying to deny that there's any connection between alcohol and sexual assault. I think the point is, well I'm kind of repeating what I just said to Bluegoat so forgive me, but the point is that the cop's article exaggerates to the point of creating a stereotype. He paints the typical rape victim as being someone who was drunk and engaging in casual sex, and the next day is just confused, but wasn't really raped. He admits that he uses a different standard for rape cases than for other crimes, because his sympathy lies with the accused not the accuser. He's very dismissive of the experiences of young women, saying that they're really likely to "flake out" within a week. He also admits that he's been criticized by counselors who help rape victims (gee, I wonder why!). It all adds up to misogyny. I think that a fair and thoughtful conversation about alcohol and rape is possible, and necessary. I don't think this guy is capable of being part of it. ETA: Regarding the part of your post that I bolded, do keep in mind that this evidence is saying that the majority of campus rapes involve alcohol, which is still a different claim from the majority of rapes involve alcohol. Perhaps part of the disagreement in this thread comes down to miscommunication?
  5. Maybe this is what it comes down to. I gather that you see his article as exaggerating to make a point. I see it as exaggeration so extreme that it obscures the truth and creates a stereotype. I am very sorry for what happened to you, Bluegoat. :grouphug:
  6. This article is saying that when a rape victim was incapacitated by a drug, it is most likely that the drug was alcohol. It's not saying that most rape victims were consuming alcohol. That's a very different claim from the one the cop in the original article was making. Most rape victims are overcome by brute force, not by drugs (including alcohol).
  7. I don't know if I can bring myself to read the article, because the summary was gut-wrenching enough. But I thank you for sharing it, because these stories need to be shared. When I was young and naive, I always thought that if I were raped, calling the police would be the absolute first thing I would do, and I didn't understand why the statistics showed that so many women never reported. Now, after a couple of decades of hearing horror stories like this one, I completely understand why most victims chose not to report. :(
  8. Yeah, but that's kind of the point, isn't it? Those kinds of experiences don't often get labelled as rape, and even less often reported as rape. Very, very rarely, and yet he's making it sound like it's the norm, the most common type of rape that get's reported. That's why I'm saying that this "article" is nothing but a misogynistic stereotype. I know that my sampling of the population is biased, but my sampling more closely aligns with what the research shows. He doesn't seem to realize that his sampling is biased (assuming it's not completely imaginary), so he makes ridiculous claims like eliminate binge drinking and "you would eliminate practically all reported sexual assaults in this country. Eighty percent of them at least would disappear because you would eliminate the victim side of the crime triangle." That's a load of crap.
  9. I've posted about this in other threads, but what he's saying doesn't resonate with my experience at all, not even remotely, not even in the ball park. Of all the women that I know who have been raped, and that incidentally is a shockingly high percentage of the women I know overall, alcohol was only involved ONE TIME, and that was half a beer. She had half of a beer, and then regained consciousness in a strange place being raped by the guy who had handed her the beer. Obviously she was drugged, because nobody passes out from half a beer. In all the other cases that I know of, alcohol was not involved at all. And yet they still would not fit the profile of those stranger rapes, which he seems to think are the only true rapes that occur. It was always someone she knew: a neighbor, some older students (yes, plural :ack2: :angry: :crying: ), a coworker, a date, a "friend". They were all raped because the rapists overpowered them with sheer brute force. I have no doubt that getting excessively drunk can make a rapist's task much easier for him if you happen to have the misfortune of being in the vicinity of a rapist when you drink, but this guy's ridiculous claim that 90% of rapes are about alcohol is ABSURD. He's perpetuating a misogynistic stereotype of the typical rape victim as a drunk slut who regretted her choices the next day. It is an insult to all victims, and all women. It didn't occur to me when I first read it that he might not be a cop at all, but I hope the people who have pointed out that possibility are right, because God help us if these are the kinds of cops who handle rape cases.
  10. I was nowhere near responsible enough at that age to handle a sum of money like that. I think it's a rare person who would be. Pay as needed. That will save everyone some heartache later on.
  11. I apologize for my careless wording. I do understand that it's the selective service that we're talking about here. But I also understand that the government has the power to bring back the draft. I'm not optimistic enough to believe that it won't happen again. I think that serving in the military is a deeply honorable calling. But I also think that conscription is . . . ugly. (That's the nicest word I can think of!)
  12. You're obviously not alone in your thinking, but I must respectfully say that I don't understand it. If you believe that the draft is unjust and immoral, as I do, I don't see how it gets any less immoral by expanding it to include more people. And it's not an equal burden, because of the military's well-known problem with sexual assault and harassment. Nothing equal about it. I am disgusted with a government that has repeatedly failed to pass measures to ensure that women get equal pay for their work, but will in all likelihood pass a measure to include women in the draft. We're only "equals" when it suits their needs.
  13. This was my thought exactly. Before we even talk about drafting women, they need to fix the very serious problem of sexual assault of women in the military. But no, we just skipped right past that critical step. Whaaaa?
  14. The paper is thick enough that I never really thought about it (I wasn't bothered by it being too thin) but I'm not sure if that's much help! It's certainly good enough quality for my needs. The cover has a nice book-like feel to it, and it's sturdy, but it's not impervious to marks and scratches. In my feedback to them, I mentioned that they might want to consider offering the option of a nicer leather cover, but again the cover is nice is nice enough for my needs. It seems to be of sturdy construction overall, at least I haven't had any problems whatsoever with mine. Their customer service is great, but I have only placed the one order so far. I made the mistake of doing that in December, when they are absolutely inundated with orders. So it did take longer than the expected time, but that was quite understandable given the timing of my order. This year, I will remember to order my refill in November. I feel like that wasn't much help, but please let me know if I can answer any other questions.
  15. That's the funny thing. On the accurate addresses, it lists a date that the address was reported. But on the address that I've never had, it doesn't list a date. So I have no idea if it got (mistakenly? fraudulently?) reported recently or a long time ago.
  16. I know you're supposed to check your credit report regularly, but I'm just doing it for the first time in my life! I've gotten two out of the three so far. My understanding is that debts or lines of credit, etc. stay on your credit report for 7-10 years. Both of my reports are accurate in this regard. Nothing unexpected there. But what's weird is that one of them shows me as having had an address that I never had. Should I get them to correct that? And the other one is accurate in terms of the addresses that it lists, but it goes all the way back to an apartment that I had for one year in 94/95. That's some pretty old information! Is that still supposed to be on there? It's not that I have an objection to the information being there, just that I was surprised by it.
  17. Good suggestion, but I don't know, I feel like I'm getting plenty of rest. I do my "heavy weight" routine (with the squats and deadlifts and upper body stuff as well) twice a week. Once a week I do a circuit training class that's much lighter weights with more reps (it's only a 40 minute class). Three days a week I do some form of cardio. And the 7th day is a rest day. Does that sound reasonable?
  18. Yes, I'm not sure I can take much more. :crying:
  19. Thank you for the encouragement! :grouphug: I have read and enjoyed a number of the articles (and videos) at GirlsGoneStrong, but I didn't think to look for something that might address this particular issue. That's a great suggestion.
  20. To be honest, it sounds like a lot to me too! :lol: My husband is definitely of a "the more the better" type of mindset when it comes to all things exercise. I'll tell him that I've been advised to cut back to three sets for awhile and see how it goes. I imagine he'll say that I should increase the reps, then, to 12 or 15 instead of 10. I'm guessing you would say otherwise? Oh, and yes I am doing upper body stuff as well. The pain *seems* to be coming from the squats and deadlifts, though I can't be 100% sure.
  21. Ah, I get what you're saying. I did start with bodyweight-only squats, then added some light weights from dumbbells, but I made the jump to the barbell pretty quickly, maybe too quickly. I suppose a personal trainer might be able to help in this regard - help me figure out what kind of weight I really should be lifting.
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