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Posts posted by Greta

  1. On 3/25/2020 at 3:50 PM, Quill said:

    Oh! My! Goooosh! I seriously screamed out loud to see your post, Greta! Oh my sweet merciful heavens! I have tears in my eyes reading a clear, intelligent, living, breathing post from you!!!! 

    You amaze me. You are a light in dark times. May you continue to be blessed! 



    On 3/25/2020 at 4:32 PM, peacelovehomeschooling said:

    And I teared up just reading your reply.

    And I’m crying now, which is lovely because you are all so lovely!  I truly can’t thank you all enough for the kindness, the prayers, and the shared joy!

    • Like 11
  2. Thank you all!  I really do appreciate the warm welcome back.  It's so nice to be here.

    My avatar pic is a quick pencil sketch that my daughter did of me quite a number of years ago now.  Let's all just pretend that I still have the long, thick hair that I did when she drew that, okay?  🤣

    • Like 7
    • Haha 3
  3. I agree with you completely.  We recently lost a very sweet, beloved dog to brain cancer.  They deduced that it was brain cancer based on symptoms (and I saw two different vets for this to be more confident about the diagnosis).  They also offered an MRI to be certain of the diagnosis, and treatment options to extend life.  We decided instead to pass on both the MRI and the cancer treatment, and to put him on prednisone to reduce inflammation and make him as comfortable as possible for the time he had left.  I won't lie, finances were part of that decision.  His treatment was going to cost about what a year of my daughter's college expenses cost, and that was just unreasonable for us.  But it wasn't just that.  It was also a quality of life issue.  We did not want to put him through the trauma of treatment.  He got to spend his last few months at home with his family where he was happy, rather than frightened and uncomfortable in vets' offices.  He passed away peacefully in his sleep here at home.  We have no regrets about our decision.  And the vets who treated him were all supportive and understanding of that decision.  Different vets have different philosophies about this sort of thing, and that is of course understandable.  But your vet needs to respect your decision.  I hope that she will stop pressuring you, but if not, it might be time to look for a different vet.  And a second opinion might put your husband's mind at ease too.  Just a thought.

    • Like 4
  4. 4 minutes ago, Pen said:



     I think energy spent looking for a new home for her makes more sense than trying to fix the problem she has  And if she goes on to a good home probably your dh will feel better than if she goes back to shelter   You too perhaps  

     I suggest also letting the shelter know the situation so if someone comes in to adopt, who would give a single dog (pet) home and wants a dog of the general type the one you are fostering is, they will know she is available. Can she be listed on Petfinder? 

    She sounds like she could be excellent also as an only pet for a somewhat older person perhaps especially woman who walks or jogs and might want a bit of gsd type sense of protection but in a smaller easier to handle size. As well as perhaps an only pet to a family. 


    Oh, I didn't even think about whether the shelter could still "list" her as available even while we still have her.  Great suggestion, I will find out today.  And I'll look into Petfinder too.  Thank you!

  5. It is the city shelter, and it is a kill shelter, but they said they only euthanize in the event of either untreatable medical problems or behavior problems so extreme that adoption is not possible.  Since she would be a *wonderful* dog in a situation where she's the only dog, I don't think she falls into that "adoption is not possible" category at all.  So I think they could find her a better home, and I would certainly be open to the possibility of fostering her in the meantime.  We've been keeping them separated except when supervised by at least two of us, and it seems to be working alright.  (Though it's not something I would want to do for YEARS to come, it would be fine temporarily.)

    To be honest, my husband is such a big softy when it comes to dogs that I don't think he's up to the level of training required here.  He would disagree, but that's my opinion.  It's more like our dogs have him trained to give biscuits on command and do what they want!  And under normal circumstances I would be willing to try (and I'm the one who is home all day, so it could work), but I've developed a medical condition that is probably going to be more ongoing and serious than I originally thought, and it looks like the next few months are going to be full of doctor's appointments and unpleasant outpatient procedures and me being in a generally weakened/distracted/worried state.  Probably not the best time to have adopted any dog, but definitely not one with a behavioral problem.

    And if this is a common breed trait, then that makes me think I'm not up to training it out of her anyway.  It's very hard to train against a dog's nature/instincts.  I'm sure that professionals can do that, but I'm not sure I have either the time or the money that would require right now.

    The shelter said that we have 30 days to return her.  So I could take that time to try to find her a better home.  And I'm going to have to make it clear to my husband that it just isn't worth risking the safety, health, and lives of our other dogs.


  6. Thank you all so much for the replies.  I did the psychological work of accepting that we have to take this dog back (couldn't actually do it yet because of some medical issues of my own, but could potentially do it today), and now my husband is fighting me on this, saying that she's trainable and we can't take her back to that place.  ?

  7. 3 hours ago, Pawz4me said:

    I generally advocate for training/desensitizing/trying to work things out, but . . . in this case I"m much more inclined to say return the dog. It's simply not fair to, and perhaps very dangerous for, your elderly dogs.

    Not always, but usually when you bring a newly adopted dog home you have a couple of weeks (give or take a few days) of a honeymoon period where the dog is on her best behavior. Because in theory the dog is a bit subdued and unsure in new surroundings, feeling her way around, trying to figure out her place. That this dog is apparently not doing that (or worse--that this IS her version of best/subdued behavior) concerns me.

    I'd maybe (probably) recommend something different if your dogs, or at least the Whippet, were younger. But they're not and I just don't think it's fair to a very elderly dog to  be traumatized during the months it may take to acceptably acclimate the new dog. If that's even possible.


    Thank you, Pawz4me.  I was hoping that you would reply because, though I don't remember the particulars of your background, I was thinking you had a lot of experience with dogs.  What you said about the "honeymoon period" was something that I had wondered about.  Our little chihuahua mix, for example, can be a bit feisty and ornery at times.  But the first couple of weeks she was here you never would have guessed it!  She was a perfect little angel.  So I was thinking that if this is the new dog's behavior when she's timid and unsure and still trying to learn how things work here, she may end up completely unmanageable when she's more comfortable and confident.  It really is too bad.  I've never had to take a dog to the shelter before for any reason.  It's going to be hard.  

    • Like 1
  8. 11 minutes ago, Pen said:


    I have had a younger dog try to kill an older one and that is really an unhappy situation. I wished I had rehomed younger dog when he had only displayed animosity. 

    Trying to keep dogs separated can also be very hard, and not so happy for any of them. And if there are young children a dog can be dangerous to them if they get in between the rival dogs. 


    Oh, that's just awful.  I'm so sorry that happened, but I do appreciate you being honest with me.  

    Since I last posted, I discovered that the little dog (chihuahua mix), who ironically is the more bold and fearless of our two old girls, was hanging out in the laundry room, looking longingly into the main part of the house like she was afraid to come in.  I've got the new dog confined to the dining room/kitchen right now, so that little dog could come back into the house, but you're right, that's just not do-able for very long.  It's looking increasingly like this situation is just not tenable, and she needs a different home.

    No young children, but you're certainly right that it could be an unsafe situation for them too.  

  9. 22 minutes ago, Pen said:

    It sounds like she could do great as an only dog or maybe with a male other dog. 


    She's really super sweet . . . with people.  I think she would be a wonderful dog for a family where she's the only dog (or perhaps like you said, the only female dog if that's her problem).  It breaks my heart to think about taking her back to the shelter, but it might be necessary for the safety of our dogs, and if the right family adopts her, she might end up happier that way too.  Doesn't mean I won't cry like a big ol' baby, but... my first obligation is to the dogs we already had.

    Thank you ALL for the help!  I'll talk to my hubby about it more tonight, and we'll see how things go for awhile longer before we make a decision, I suspect.

    • Sad 1
  10. 10 minutes ago, Jean in Newcastle said:

    I am very surprised that the shelter didn't set up a meet and greet for the dogs first as a condition of adoption.  I think the dogs can be socialized to each other but it would require positive reinforcement, not the negative reinforcement that you have been giving.  So treat the leashed dog for sitting calmly when the whippet comes into the room.  Do this in small frequent doses and gradually have them together for longer periods of time. 


    Since she had displayed no signs of aggression towards the dogs at the shelter, they didn’t think a meet and greet was necessary. But maybe we should do it next time whether they require it or not.

    Thanks for recommending the positive reinforcement. I think it’s going to be tricky to catch her acting calm when the other dog is in the room, so that I can reward her for it, but I will try!  Maybe my husband can help me set up some scenarios where we can give lots of praise. 

    • Like 2
  11. We adopted a dog from our city shelter two days ago, and I'm trying to decide if this behavioral issue is something that can be worked through, or if she would be better off in another home.  ?

    We already had two older female dogs, a purebred whippet who is 14 and a little chihuahua/dachshund/terrier mix who is 10.  Bringing a younger female dog into this pack was probably a mistake.  But my husband's dog passed away, and, well, we just love dogs so much that the home feels "wrong" unless it's full of as many dogs as we can handle, which is 3 (1:1 ratio of dogs to humans ?)  

    The new dog is a 1.5 year old "German Shepherd Mix" - at least, that's what the shelter called her though she's quite small for a GS (shorter, though stockier, than the whippet) so apparently the "mix" part was something much smaller.  I would guess she has some terrier in her.  She was a stray, and the shelter knew nothing about her background.  But I don't think she had been a stray for very long, because she's actually a bit chunky.  And she is house trained and knows how to sit on command.  She's very sweet and affectionate toward my daughter and especially toward me.  She seems to have "chosen" me, and she follows me everywhere I go in the house, and wants to sleep as close to me as possible.  She's a little more shy and timid with my husband.

    The problem is, she hates my poor, sweet, old whippet.  The whippet is a submissive dog by nature, and probably the sweetest, most gentle dog I've ever owned in my life.  I adore that dog so much, and at her age she doesn't have a lot of time left.  I want what's left to be happy and peaceful.  

    The new dog disliked her from the first moment, growled at her as soon as they spotted one another.  I am no expert on dog behavior, so I may have handled it wrong.  I scolded the new dog each time this happened, and ignored her for a time afterward so she would hopefully get the message that I disapproved.  But it has only escalated.  She has now snapped at the whippet several times.  Once, she even got up from her bed and ran across the room to pick a fight, when the only "crime" the whippet had committed was walking hesitantly into the room.  Poor whippet cowered outside for a couple of hours afterward, wouldn't even come back in the house.  She didn't have any injuries that I could find, so I think the new dog was giving a warning bite and not a trying-to-harm bite, but that's still completely unacceptable!

    I've never trained any dog beyond the basics like house-training, sit, and not pulling on the leash, so I'm really in over my head here.  Any advice for me?  Is this the kind of thing that can be dealt with, or is this a sign that this dog needs to be the only dog in the house?

    Thanks for any help!



    • Sad 1
  12. Hi Everyone!  I haven't been around much lately because I had surgery a couple of weeks ago, and had to reprioritize a bit during recovery!  I hope that everyone is doing well.  

    Before my surgery I had a little weekend vacation with my BFF, which was fun.  At one restaurant where we ate, I ordered a veggie burger.  When I tasted it, I almost gagged.  It tasted absolutely like meat to me, and I found it repulsive.  I had my friend try it, and she said "no, that's veggie."  So I tried again, and again it tasted so meaty to me that I didn't want to eat it.  I flagged down the waiter to make sure he'd gotten my order right!  He said he'd had other vegans and vegetarians send it back, because he couldn't convince them that it was 100% plant-based.  He also said that it was another company's version of The Impossible Burger.  I made myself eat it, but I hated it!  

    I think it would probably be great for Flexitarians and people just transitioning to vegan, but wow, I did not realize how completely I had lost my taste for meat until I took a bite of that.  It was awful to me!  And another funny thing about this:  in 12 years of eating low-carb, I NEVER lost my taste for potatoes, bread, or pasta!  ?  

  13. 2 hours ago, Arctic Mama said:

    The ‘blame it on someone else’ thing works great.  Whenever someone criticizes our lifestyle or family choices, I always defer to my husband on the same thing.  “You can take it up with my husband, it’s his decision” takes a lot of heat off me, even when I completely agree with him.  It takes me off the spot. And he is more capable of defending himself and our choices without getting flustered, unlike moi ?




    Yes, forgive me for getting a little off track here, but the part that I bolded is so true.  I've read that women are simply hard-wired to be less confrontational than men, though I realize others would argue that we are simply socialized to be so.  But no matter how much I've tried to re-train myself and tell myself that I have every right to stand my ground, the fact remains that confrontation, even minor confrontations, rattle me in a way that they never do for my husband.  

    And actually, I guess this is relevant to the conversation, because I have a sweet, shy, timid daughter who desperately worries about hurting or offending someone.  I started dating my now-husband when I was quite young, so "I have a boyfriend" was my standard response when another man expressed interest.  I don't have a lot of practice in the art of saying no graciously, and it seems that fewer young men these days know how to accept a gracious no.  It's worrisome.

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